Growing up my mom gave me the nickname of “The Human Garbage Disposal.”
Oh wait, maybe I shouldn’t have admitted that, because I have a feeling that nickname is going to haunt me in the future.
Anyway, she called me that because during dinner I made sure there weren’t any leftovers, except when dinner was tuna casserole or liver. Of course, this explained the many years of husky clothes, but then again I was a bookworm during those years and my idea of exercise was doing 100 reps of turning the pages of Choose Your Own Adventure books.
Although the nickname didn’t carry on into college, the spirit of The Human Garbage Disposal continued and evolved. In the college cafeteria, where food was served buffet-style, my friends mixed several foods together and dared me to eat it.
Mixed vegetables, marinara sauce, corn chowder, and strawberry ice cream, all mixed into a bowl?
Pepsi, mashed potatoes, apple pie, mustard, and croutons, in a cup?
I’ll drink that!
Puking never happened, but gagging always did.
However, after college, The Human Garbage Disposal almost completely disappeared. There were brief moments when it would appear when I was dared to eat a piece of candy accidentally dropped on the floor or scarf down jalapenos with hot sauce at Mexican restaurants.
Recently, Impulsive Buy reader Damon dared me to eat a can of Olestra-laced Fat Free Pringles. After what happened to me with the Olestra-ted Ruffles Light, I knew this might be something only the Human Garbage Disposal could accomplish.
Fat Free Pringles aren’t a new product. I believe they were one of the first products with Olestra. Ever since they were released, I’ve never really had the urge to try them because they were twice the price of regular Pringles. Thanks to you, Damon, I now had the urge to try them.
The problem with Pringles is the fact that once you pop, you can’t stop. There have been several occasions when I have eaten an entire can of Pringles in one sitting. This time didn’t turn out to be one of those occasions, because I’m now older, wiser, and I thought I was running out of toilet paper.
So while watching VH1’s Remaking: Vanilla Ice, I popped open a can of Fat Free Pringles and began chomping it down chip-by-chip.
I also began to recreate those dance moves Vanilla Ice used to do, like that one move where he would just hump the floor and the other one that involved him shaking his head violently like bobblehead doll, while doing the Running Man.
Before I knew it, I had gone through half the can of Fat Free Pringles and solidified my title as, “Worst Dancer Ever.”
I couldn’t believe I ate half the can, because the Fat Free Pringles didn’t taste very good. It didn’t even come close to tasting like regular Pringles. Heck, it didn’t even come close to tasting like Reduced Fat Pringles.
Despite eating half the can in one sitting and finished up the rest of the Fat Free Pringles the next day, I surprisingly didn’t find myself spending a lot of time on the crapper. Actually, all I experienced was some bad gas.
I don’t know if my time spent digesting the Ruffles Light potato chips made my stomach stronger or if I got a dud can of Fat Free Pringles, but either way that can of Fat Free Pringles was definitely my first AND last can.
Item: Original Fat Free Pringles
Purchase Price: $1.99
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: No exploding anus. Zero grams of fat. Zero milligrams of cholesterol.
Cons: Twice the price of regular Pringles. Doesn’t even come close to tasting like regular Original Pringles. Some gas. My title as, “Worst Dancer Ever.”
18 thoughts to “REVIEW: Original Fat Free Pringles”
Now you are just taunting the anal god. DO NOT TAUNT THE ANAL GOD! You know its possible to actually crap out your internal end-organs? Rare, but possible. You keep taunting the anal god by eating stuff like that and you will have to use a toilet wand to retrieve your plumbing!
Perhaps they could your “Pro” comments as advertising on their cans: “Exploding-anus free!” or something along those lines.
we dont have those here. not that i want to try them or anything. this olestra stuff seems pretty scary. i know – you really just wanted to use your new fancy toilet wand again, didnt you?
“The Human Garbage Disposal”. gas. bad dancing.
all these from pringles ?
i sense a lawsuit.
I am pretty sure $1.99 is way too high for a can of crappy chips!! I guess you will have to find something else to use your toilet wand on!!!
my heart goes out to your poor bum. by the way, when I was young, me and my friends would have dare contests like that – where we’d mix Pepsi and paprika and milk, whatever we had on hand, and make these DISGUSTING concoctions. I’m gagging just THINKING about the crap we drank. blech!
Geez, that Vanilla Ice special is TERRIBLE. Mr. Van Winkle is a stubborn, washed-up fool (but it makes great television fodder).
No exploding anus = no fun at all.
I think you need to push yourself harder next time and get something that will cause some unlimited fun to happen.
kevin – I can crap out my internal end-organs? So I shouldn’t eat an entire can of refried beans?
Chuck – Don’t forget, “NO ANAL LEAKAGE!”
Megan – I always play with my toilet wand. It makes for a great lightsaber when I’m playing Star Wars by myself.
SEV – Just like the IRS, they won’t go after a small fry like me. Knock on wood. Holy crap, I need to find wood to knock on!
Becky – A can of refried beans!!!
Webmiztris – I’m glad I was never dared to drink a mixture of tequila, cocaine, weed, Guinness, and crushed pain killers.
Lauren – It’s fun watching other people suffer, because it makes me feel so much better.
Lord Jezo – A can of refried beans!!!
Man, you are one hell of a trooper… Hm… are we all supposed to dare you to eat a can of refried beans now? =) I don’t know what the protocol is for food-challenging you. Oh, btw i’m still looking for Ketchup Pringles, is that limited ed. gone already?
Cant Believe You even Attempted That!
After Reading You review I Believe You Body Has Built Up Resistance To Olestra And Fat Laced Food.
Now All You Need To Do Is Contact Olean http://www.olean.com/
And Request A 1 Gallon Tub Of The Crap…..And See If It’s True…..
For Science Of Course 🙂
Bryan – Yeah, I don’t think they make Ketchup Pringles anymore, but if you REALLY want them, I’ve got one word for you…eBay.
As for the refried beans, dare me two months from now when, hopefully, my digestive system is normal again.
Damon – Are you crazy? If I want to crap out my internal organs, maybe I’ll request a tub of the stuff. 🙂
I really can’t believe you took that bet, I’ve heard stories about Olestra that make me shudder. If you want something sweet to try, try out the new Dunkin Donuts Iced Latte. Parts of it are kinda watered down, but as you get towards the bottom it gets really good.
As with the majority of the people here, I can’t believe you took the bet Marvo. Your underwear will never be the same again =\
Adam – Sorry, not much of a Latte/coffee drinker. You think Olestra does a number on my stomach, wait until I get some coffee into my system.
Ken – As long as my underwear isn’t white, I’ll be okay.
i think Ken was hoping for a link to pics of your underwear.
Amy in GA – Or, maybe you were hoping for a link to pics of my underwear.
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