I’ve never been down into the depths of the deep-sea, so I’m not too sure what’s down there.
Although from watching Finding Nemo, watching various Discovery Channel shows, and reading various issues of National Geographic (the boring issues without sagging topless women from African tribes), I think I might have an idea to what’s down there.
Apparently, there are creepy-looking fish with spikes and frickin’ huge teeth, Davey Jones’ Locker, pirate treasure, the Titanic, and lots and lots of whale and fish poop.
But who would’ve known that the deep-sea would also contain vast amounts of healthy, pure, mineral-rich drinking water. Maybe if I visited, I would’ve known, but I probably wouldn’t have been able to tell anyone since my head would’ve exploded from the pressure of being at that depth.
Recently, I was able to try the Koyo Ma Ha Lo Deep-Sea Water, which is pumped from 2,000 feet below the surface of the ocean and then desalinized, filtered, and bottled on the Kona Coast of the Big Island.
As you can see from the bottle, it’s printed in Japanese, because apparently desalinized deep-sea water is REALLY big in Japan.
According to Koyo, the deep-sea water contains ionized sodium, ionized chlorine, magnesium and calcium, which can help with everything from metabolism to circulation. This means the deep-sea water could help people lose weight and, for us guys, help give us boners.
Now you would think that I would love this deep-sea water because the name Marvo means “sea lover” in some ancient language.
Although, I don’t know whether “sea lover” means that I love the sea platonically, or if I enjoy getting it on with the sea.
I REALLY hope that it doesn’t mean I enjoy getting it on with the sea, because thanks to my near drowning experience while bodyboarding at Hapuna Beach, I now know that the sea likes it rough and kinky, and the sea apparently has some weird sexual asphyxiation fetish.
Sorry, but that’s a little too kinky…even for me.
Anyway, the Koyo Ma Ha Lo Deep-Sea Water has a very, very faint salty taste and it seemed more crisp compared with typical bottled water from mountain springs. However, I don’t know if I would be willing to spend four to six dollars for a 1.5 liter bottle of it, and I highly doubt I would be willing to fly to Japan to pick some up, since it’s only available there.
Although, I am in need of a girlfriend knee pillow.
Item: Koyo Ma Ha Lo Deep-Sea Water
Purchase Price: FREE (Retails for $4 – $6 in Japan for a 1.5 liter bottle)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Crisp and refreshing. Mineral-rich. May help with circulation and metabolism. Girlfriend knee pillow.
Cons: Pricey. Only available in Japan, although it might be available in the United States in the future. The sea likes it rough and kinky. My excessive use of paragraphs that begin with an A-word.