REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies

I remember those days when I was soft and chunky. I would wear husky clothing, be called a geek or dork on a daily basis by girls who could beat me up, and cry when those girls took my lunch money.

Oh, but how I’ve grown.

I’m no longer soft and chunky, instead I’m now sensitive and slightly overweight. I don’t wear husky clothing anymore, it’s now baggy clothing. I’m no longer called a geek or dork on a daily basis by girls who can beat me up, instead I’m called weird or scary on a daily basis by girls who have cans of pepper spray and use them to take my lunch money.

Oh, if only I was a cookie during my soft and chunky days, then I would’ve been just like the Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookies, big cookies with big chocolate chunks.

Oh, I wish I were a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie.
That is what I’d truly like to be.
Cause if I were a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie,
everyone would be in love with me.

But then again, if I was a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie, I would be an ordinary prepackaged cookie, placed into plastic packaging with other cookies like me, and we would placed on top of each other, like we were prisoners posing for pictures at Abu Ghraib prison<. I guess being a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie would suck. Besides, they really weren't that big. They're only about three inches in diameter, which to me was still pretty small. Of course, my way of determining if a cookie is big is by seeing if I can stick the whole thing into my mouth. If the cookie fits into my mouth, it's not a big cookie. However, if I say the line, "If the cookie doesn't fit, you must split," then I consider the cookie to be big. The cookies may not have been big, but they were bigger than regular Chips Ahoy! and they also had lots of chocolate. Along with the usual chocolate chips, these cookies also had chocolate chunks. So dare I say it had an orgy of chocolate? I'm such a perv. Anyway, because of the orgy of chocolate, I liked these better than regular Chips Ahoy!, but despite the the bigger size and the orgy of chocolate, I didn't think there was anything special about the Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookies. I just think they're just plain and ordinary Chips Ahoy! cookies on steroids. Item: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Bigger and better than normal Chips Ahoy! cookies. An orgy of chocolate.
Cons: Nothing really special about them. Chocolate chips and chunks looked alike. Is the exclamation point at the end of Chips Ahoy! really necessary?

29 thoughts to “REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies”

  1. I think you should include an “Abu Gharib” cookie photo. That comparison had me laughing out loud. You definitely have a twisted sense of humor, Marvo…that’s why I like this site! 🙂

  2. Hmmmm…I’m looking for a comment on the softness, here. Regualr Chips Ahoy! cookies are of the crunchy variety (still great for dunking in milk, though!). What about these? They say “soft baked,” but are they really?

  3. Were they actually soft? Their “regular” cookies are pretty damn hard, so I wouldn’t be surprised if these were as well…

  4. The word s chips ahoy obviously comes from the words land ahoy, which is shouted for two reasons. First to communicate to other shipmates. Second excitement after an extended time at sea I SEE Land!
    So therefore the exclamation point is to show excitement. I SEE CHIPS!
    Abu Ghraib humor ahoy!

  5. Oh by the way Marvo I almost forgot thanks for the birthday email it was appreciated.

  6. you should try microwaving them for a few seconds before eating them – maybe it would make the chunks all gooey. yum!! i love gooey chunks! wait, that sounds really bad…

  7. That chocolate orgy sounds delicious!

    I wonder if the steroids the chips ahoy are on will affect their career as professional cookies. They may not be allowed to be served at Baseball stadiums if they get found out!

  8. now what kind of orgy were you referring to ? the three, or more ? 😛
    i meant 3 cookies in a stack, what were you thinking ?

  9. Chips Ahoy! is running out of innovations for their cookies. How about just plain old chocolate chips, man?

    Dawn has a good idea about microwaving! YUM!!

  10. I think the bigger question is, are the cookies really “baked” at all.

    And as for the steroids, I’m sure that Chips Ahoy had no idea what was in that “flour” they used… the flour company just sent it, and they used it.

  11. Yum…. cookies. You shoudl try Mrs.Field’s cookies, thier really, really good…

    And why do they put boring, over used things like exclamation points at the end of foods, and not something cool like the shwooshy ‘~’ thingie?

    So basically, chips ahoy (ha! no ‘!’) would be kicked out of majoy league baseball?

  12. Brandon – If I were in advertising, all my ads would have the word orgy in it. An orgy of savings. An orgy of flavor. An orgy of family plan minutes.

    Chuck – A photo would’ve been really NSFW.

    Bottom Feeder – They were soft and I dunked mine in milk. But they weren’t chewy. I guess if they were chewy, they would’ve been called Chips Ahoy! Chewy Soft Baked Chunky Cookies.

    Lucy – In that case, I think they should put an exclamation point after Oreo! See look how cool and exciting that is? Better yet, two exclamation points. A ha ha!

    Lorien – No these were as soft as (insert flaccid penis joke here).

    Kent – Because I’m surrounded by ocean, you would think I would know that. I guess I have to watch more pirate movies.

  13. Webmiztris – I used to do that with regular Chips Ahoy!, but I totally forgot to do them with these. Next time, I’ll remember to microwave the bastards.

    kt – Oh, the fans will forgive them, but I don’t think they deserve to go to the Cookie Hall of Fame.

    Damon – Mmm…More soft cookies.

    SEV – I was thinking much more than that. Can’t have an orgy with just three cookies. That’s just a threesome and doesn’t quality as an orgy.

    nat – Chips Ahoy! has to come out with a chewy, soft baked, chunky cookie that’s dipped in milk chocolate and sprinkled with cocoa powder. Mmm…Chocolaty.

    Moosigal – I think how baked they are depends on how much weed they smoked and who and where they got the weed from.

    ~Moi~ – I’m kind of partial to these: { }.

  14. the soft chips ahoy in the microwave is really good and would be probably better with those orgy cookies you have…and i will now require birthday emails as well…

  15. So your blog is filled with reviews of junk food (among other things). Sign me up! These look yummy. I’ve always liked Chips Ahoy! but they have to be soaked in milk and eaten with a spoon to be really enjoyed properly.

  16. Ken – *Maggie Simpson Voice* *Pacifier sucking sound*

    caitlin – Well then, Happy Belated or Early Birthday!

    Kate – Don’t forget the review of condoms. Anyway, the only cookies I eat with a spoon are Cookie Crisp.

  17. Just wanted to say that I enjoyed your post. Also, did you notice the exclamation point in the Chips Ahoy! logo looks like a water droplet?

  18. Now, look at the back of the package and email me back with this info:

    1. Serving size (how many cookies in one serving)
    2. Carbohydrates per service
    3. Grams of fat per serving

    I love Chips Ahoy but I’m diabetic, and if I eat them I will get in trouble with my endocrinologist for having too high a A1c (a measure of your blood sugar for the past 3 months).

    I’ll post the information on my website with a link back to you, or better yet, leave a comment at my website!


  19. Valerie – The exclamation point also looks like a baseball bat.

    Candice – Oops, I threw the package away. But they were Chips Ahoy!, so they can’t be good for you.

  20. Okay, here’s the lowdown on the carbs and fat in Chips Ahoy! It’s a drag to have to report to you the following:

    1. Serving size — 3 cookies
    2. Grams fat — 8 grams
    3. Grams carbohydrate — 22 grams

    Altogether a bad food choice. 🙁


  21. Candice – So maybe I shouldn’t have bought those low-cut jeans after eating the package of Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies (damn that exclamation point!).

  22. I remember when I first realized that Chips Ahoy! was a play on Ships Ahoy! …I was a senior in college… I’m dumb.

  23. ernish – I think you just needed to watch more pirate movies and cartoons when you were growing up.

  24. spacemonkey – I ate them so does that make me a software pirate? Although, I have to admit, those days are waaay behind me, FBI.

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