REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies

I remember those days when I was soft and chunky. I would wear husky clothing, be called a geek or dork on a daily basis by girls who could beat me up, and cry when those girls took my lunch money.

Oh, but how I’ve grown.

I’m no longer soft and chunky, instead I’m now sensitive and slightly overweight. I don’t wear husky clothing anymore, it’s now baggy clothing. I’m no longer called a geek or dork on a daily basis by girls who can beat me up, instead I’m called weird or scary on a daily basis by girls who have cans of pepper spray and use them to take my lunch money.

Oh, if only I was a cookie during my soft and chunky days, then I would’ve been just like the Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookies, big cookies with big chocolate chunks.

Oh, I wish I were a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie.
That is what I’d truly like to be.
Cause if I were a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie,
everyone would be in love with me.

But then again, if I was a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie, I would be an ordinary prepackaged cookie, placed into plastic packaging with other cookies like me, and we would placed on top of each other, like we were prisoners posing for pictures at Abu Ghraib prison.

I guess being a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie would suck. Besides, they really weren’t that big. They’re only about three inches in diameter, which to me was still pretty small. Of course, my way of determining if a cookie is big is by seeing if I can stick the whole thing into my mouth.

If the cookie fits into my mouth, it’s not a big cookie. However, if I say the line, “If the cookie doesn’t fit, you must split,” then I consider the cookie to be big.

The cookies may not have been big, but they were bigger than regular Chips Ahoy! and they also had lots of chocolate. Along with the usual chocolate chips, these cookies also had chocolate chunks. So dare I say it had an orgy of chocolate?

I’m such a perv.

Anyway, because of the orgy of chocolate, I liked these better than regular Chips Ahoy!, but despite the the bigger size and the orgy of chocolate, I didn’t think there was anything special about the Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookies.

I just think they’re just plain and ordinary Chips Ahoy! cookies on steroids.

Item: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Bigger and better than normal Chips Ahoy! cookies. An orgy of chocolate.
Cons: Nothing really special about them. Chocolate chips and chunks looked alike. Is the exclamation point at the end of Chips Ahoy! really necessary?

29 thoughts to “REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies”

  1. Just wanted to say that I enjoyed your post. Also, did you notice the exclamation point in the Chips Ahoy! logo looks like a water droplet?

  2. Now, look at the back of the package and email me back with this info:

    1. Serving size (how many cookies in one serving)
    2. Carbohydrates per service
    3. Grams of fat per serving

    I love Chips Ahoy but I’m diabetic, and if I eat them I will get in trouble with my endocrinologist for having too high a A1c (a measure of your blood sugar for the past 3 months).

    I’ll post the information on my website with a link back to you, or better yet, leave a comment at my website!


  3. Valerie – The exclamation point also looks like a baseball bat.

    Candice – Oops, I threw the package away. But they were Chips Ahoy!, so they can’t be good for you.

  4. Okay, here’s the lowdown on the carbs and fat in Chips Ahoy! It’s a drag to have to report to you the following:

    1. Serving size — 3 cookies
    2. Grams fat — 8 grams
    3. Grams carbohydrate — 22 grams

    Altogether a bad food choice. 🙁


  5. Candice – So maybe I shouldn’t have bought those low-cut jeans after eating the package of Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies (damn that exclamation point!).

  6. I remember when I first realized that Chips Ahoy! was a play on Ships Ahoy! …I was a senior in college… I’m dumb.

  7. ernish – I think you just needed to watch more pirate movies and cartoons when you were growing up.

  8. spacemonkey – I ate them so does that make me a software pirate? Although, I have to admit, those days are waaay behind me, FBI.

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