Jack in the Box Root Beer Float

Jack in the Box Root Beer Float

(Editor’s Note: Congratulations to KT, Jobetta, and Darice for being the winners of this month’s prize drawing. KT and Jobetta will each receive a box of Trojan Mint Tingle condoms and Darice will receive a box of Trojan Warm Sensations condoms.

If you want to see a picture of prize drawing entries in a condom, click here (Warning: Possibly NSFW).

Ahh! Summertime.

It’s a time when you can sit on your porch swing at night with a cold, tall glass of homemade lemonade and look at the constellations in the sky, listen to the crickets chirp, and bitch about how frickin’ hot it is.

It’s a time when the mercury in the thermometer rises straight up, like it’s just taken a couple of Viagra. It’s so hot, even Kevin Federline sweats while sitting on the couch and staring at the television all day.

To beat the heat, there are many things we could do.

For example, we could play with a Slip ‘N’ Slide. It’s a great way to cool down, except when you get caught by your neighbors for using their water spigot or when you get chafed nipples from all the sliding.

Another great way to cool down would be to go to the beach or swimming pool, which are crowded this time of year. You can get instant cooling satisfaction by jumping into the water. Of course, this is great until you hit a warm spot in the water, which makes you wonder if it’s warm because of the sun or because all the little kids are peeing in the water.

Perhaps the best way to cool down, without fear of chafed nipples or little kids peeing in the water, is to drink something cold. Fortunately, Jack in the Box has brought out Jack’s Root Beer Float, made with Barq’s Root Beer and “real vanilla ice cream.”

Why is “real vanilla ice cream” in quotes?

You’ll read why later, but it’s sort of like the reason why “straight” is always in quotes when people write about Tom Cruise.

Recently, it’s been getting into the low 90s, and I’ve been feeling the heat. I would’ve brought out the Slip ‘N’ Slide, but my nipples were chafed from (insert your imagination here). Instead, I decided to drive to the nearest Jack in the Box and pick up their Root Beer Float.

I decided to use the drive-thru, because I ain’t steppin’ outside.

When I got to the drive-thru window, I could see them making my Root Beer Float. First, they put in the “real vanilla ice cream,” which unfortunately was the sort of fake, comes-in-a-bag soft-serve vanilla ice cream. It’s the same stuff Jack in the Box uses for their milkshakes, which isn’t very dense, so it melts pretty quickly and it’s smarter than me.

Next they added the root beer, which thankfully was Barq’s Root Beer, one of my favorites.

When I received it, the ice cream remained at the bottom, which, if you’re familiar with root beer floats, was where it shouldn’t have been. After flicking the cup a couple of times, the ice cream quickly rose to the top, proving once again the saying, “Cream always rises to the top, except when the creme is used to get rid of zits or herpes.”

After drinking the Jack in the Box Root Beer Float, I have to say that I wasn’t very impressed with it. It was decent, but anyone could make a better one at home.

Plus, they didn’t even give me a frickin’ spoon.

Item: Jack in the Box Root Beer Float
Purchase Price: $2.29
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Pros: Decent. Barq’s Root Beer. Cup has a red racing stripe.
Cons: Uses soft serve ice cream. No frickin’ spoon. I can make a better one at home.

31 thoughts to “Jack in the Box Root Beer Float”

  1. Marvo, you should just make a Jack-In-The-Box section in the archives. Seems like a good portion of your reviews come from Jacks place 😛

  2. Megan – oh man the orange creamsicles kick ass. my wife bought this shampoo that smells like orange creamsicles… it’s amazing. Yes, I’ll use women’s shampoo. I will have to try make that orange soda ice cream float…

  3. Brandon – I’m surprised there wasn’t an ad for Preparation H.

    Ken – Jack in the Box seems to come out with something new every month, which is much different than McDonald’s and Burger King which only release new products every 4-6 months. If McD’s and BK were to release new items every month they would probably have the same amount of reviews as JITB and my ass would not be able enter any doorway.

    Bryan – Shampoo that smells like orange creamsicles? Which brand is it? I’m curious. I must taste…Ur…Try it out.

  4. The picture reminds me of the scene in the bedroom at the party on American pie with the beer cup. eww!
    Is this a seasonal thing? once when I was a little kid in the early 80’s Mcd’s did basically the same thing but with coke in a coke glass that you kept. never seen them bring this promotion back and I bet the soft serv was the reason

  5. Kent – Here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I think we have that Coke float thing every year for a few months. But I think this JITB Root Beer Float is something new.

  6. ^Aw, Marvo, you got the Coke float thing going on? Yet Hawaii still kind a sucks…. hell, you don’t have a Six Flags…. YET…

  7. First of all, it is over 100 every day where I live!!! I would kill for low-90s! Also, I think you should start reviewing new 7-11 slurpees flavors since its so “hot” and we all know 7-11 cant screw up a slurpee.

  8. Brandon – The day we get a Six Flags here is the day the island sinks into the ocean. The same thing will happen if one more Wal-Mart opens.

    Webmiztris – Yeah, I’ve been jonesing for one too, after drinking this JITB one.

    BooBoo – I would but my neighborhood 7-11 has some really boring flavors, which would probably be really boring reviews.

  9. Well, if you guys don’t want Six Flags, at least build a roller coaster at one of the hotels…. a record breaking roller coaster. I’d go to Hawaii even if it didn’t have a roller coaster, but that’d still be awesome.

    Brandon “I’d go to Hawaii for the body boarding. Own.” McGrody

  10. Brandon – Dude, have you seen the height of our hotels? If one of the hotels were to build a roller coaster, it would be the least scariest roller coaster EVER.

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