REVIEW: Listerine Cool Mint PocketMist

Excuse me. Do you like children? You do! Great! So why don’t you, me, and those twins on your chest have a fun family outing back at my place?

Oh, hello there!

I’m just testing out the new Listerine Cool Mint PocketMist. It not only helps freshen my breath, it also helps me as I practice my pick up lines in the mirror. It’s like Binaca, except in a plastic container that looks like a cigar cutter or a tool used for circumcisions.

I’ve also been thinking about adding the Listerine PocketMist to my usual routine when I’m picking up women at a bar or club, which goes something like this:

1. See woman.
2. Spray Listerine Cool Mint PocketMist into my mouth.
3. Walk over the woman.
4. Tap woman on the shoulder.
5. Use AWESOME pickup line.
6. Get napkins to wipe off the drink the woman threw at my face.
7. Pretend she didn’t just kick me in the balls.
8. See another woman.
9. Repeat.

Just a little warning for you guys who plan to use my picking-up-women routine, it works best in a bar or club, but definitely doesn’t work well at coffee shops, because they have better lighting than a bar or club and coffee is really hot. Also, keep away from tea houses as well.

Despite the minty fresh flavor not lasting very long and not producing a nasal-clearing sensation like Listerine PocketPaks, I think the Listerine PocketMist would totally compliment the AWESOME pick up lines I use. For example:

Excuse me. Are you a pirate? No? Well then, what are you doing with that big booty?

Oh yeah! Yahtzee!

Sure I might get a few slaps in the face or a restraining order, but all I need is one “yes.” Hey, it took Colonel Sanders hundreds of times before someone bought his chicken recipe and it also took Thomas Edison hundreds of times before he perfected the light bulb.

My pick-up routine is not only for guys, but women can use it as well. Here’s a great pick up line you women can use on men.

Excuse me, I’m REALLY thirst. Do you mind if I suck on your six-pack abs?

The Listerine PocketMist not only might help you women when picking up men, it might also come in handy to repel men. If you don’t have any pepper spray handy or if you’re tired of kicking guys in the nuts, just spray some of it into the guy’s face and watch them squirm. It will deter guys with extremely greasy hair, too much cologne, missing teeth, or cheesy pick up lines.

Item: Listerine Cool Mint PocketMist
Purchase Price: $2.99 (from
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Gives temporary fresh breath. Also works as a way to repel guys with cheesy pick up lines. Good for 140 sprays or one day of practicing pick up lines in the mirror. My pick up lines.
Cons: Fresh breath feeling lasts only for several minutes. Not as strong as Listerine PocketPaks. Restraining orders. Using pick up lines on women as coffee shops.

15 thoughts to “REVIEW: Listerine Cool Mint PocketMist”

  1. Have you considered trying your lines at Jamba Juice? Given those things cost $63 each, they may think twice before throwing it in your face. And even if they do, tasty smoothie!

  2. The whole time I was reading this review – I couldn’t get the SNL China Club/What is Love skit out of my mind. I don’t know why!!!

  3. Hmmmm…the pocket circumcision tool…a must have for the well-equipped rabbii! Makes a great Chaunakah gift.

    For a fresh breath blast my favorite thing these days is Altoids Cinnamon gum.

  4. These are going to become huge in Jersey. One, for the guidos to try to pick up chicks; two, for the chicks to spray in the guidos’ faces to get them to go away.

  5. I have to call on the Boy Scout training once again (sorry Marvo) on Step #7. Any man who follows “be prepared” will always wear a cup when he leaves the house, because you never know, especially when trying to pick up the ladies. Also, in my research, most women’s twins are “fraternal” rather than “identical.” Ha! Get it? No? Then be thankful you’re still uncorrupted.

  6. “Excuse me. Are you a pirate? No? Well then, what are you doing with that big booty?” – Allow me to give you a piece of advice…DO NOT use that line, unless you are CERTAIN the woman is proud of her big booty. 😉

    Another great review!!!

  7. I’d amend the pirate line to read “gorgeous booty” instead of “big booty”. Flattery will generally get you five more seconds and no kick to the balls. Why is it that things that freshen your breath are nowhere near as powerful as things that stank it up? I have these chocolate coated espresso beans that are amazing but give you the worst coffee breath in the world and it lasts forever. I realize that’s off topic, but I don’t care.

  8. gko – Unfortunately, there’s too much light in Jamba Juice. They’ll walk away before I have a chance to try my lines.

    Sasha_Kitty – You wanna dance? No. Yes. No. Okay.

    Mike J. – Thanks!

    Chuck – I have to remember to pick some of those up. Maybe a walk to 7-11 is in my future?

    Jude – I just did a double shot of PocketMist under my tongue and it stings a little. Ow.

    Mandy – HA! I love multipurpose products.

  9. klew – Yeah, like one nipple will have a really long hair coming out of it and the other one won’t.

    nat – Hmm…That would explain a lot. Must change that.

    Gia on Guam – Oh, I’m sooo going to use that!

    Genny from the Burbs – Thank you for that suggestion. I shall change it to gorgeous.

    Lord Jezo – No, your picture is better because it’s more fun to play with it using Photoshop.

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