Jockey Next to Nothing Thong/Wearing a Thong

Thongs…They’re usually worn by women, European male sunbathers, and male strippers.

I think they look totally hot on women, but as for European male sunbathers and male strippers, not so much. You may think I’m a little biased about that because I’m straight, but I have female friends who also think men in thongs aren’t hot at all.

However, I think my female friends who think this way are in the minority, because for some reason, if you stick a bunch of women in a room with lots of alcohol, huge wads of one dollar bills, and tanned, oiled men in thongs, they go unbelievably crazy over the guys in thongs.

I want women to go unbelievably crazy over me and the only way I believe I can do this is to start wearing thongs. Now I’m usually a boxer or boxer brief kind of guy, depending on how much freedom on a particular day I want to give my “cucumber and tomatoes,” but maybe it was time for something different.

So I went to my local Jockey Store and picked up a Jockey Next to Nothing Thong, which is the significantly less fabric consuming, but almost equally priced, cousin of the Jockey Next to Nothing Boxer Brief, which I reviewed last year. When I went to the counter to pay for the thong, I asked the cute saleswoman if she likes guys who wear thongs. She looked at me weird, like I asked her an uncomfortable question, and then said she doesn’t like guys in thongs.

However, I think if you stuck her in a room with a bunch of other women, lots of alcohol, stacks of one dollar bills, and tanned, oiled men in thongs, she would say otherwise while licking whipped cream off of the pierced nipples of one of the thonged men.

Anyway, the first thing I did when I got home with my brand new thong was wash and dry it, just in case some other dude’s sperm kettle was in it.

To be honest, I should be used to having my underwear run up my ass. After all, I received a lot of wedgies growing up, and in those days I wore exclusively tighty-whiteys. If you’ve never experienced a tighty-whitey wedgie, you are either a fast runner or you were probably one of those people who gave kids like me wedgies.

Anyway, when I first put the thong on, it felt kind of good, but the soft microfiber material might’ve had something to do with that. The front felt like a tighty-whitey, while the back felt like I was being preparing for a sumo wrestling match. Also, I suddenly wished I either had a black bow tie around my neck or a fake rip-away policeman or fireman uniform.

As I walked around in the thong, I felt the “crack cover” part of the thong get sucked in by my ass. I kept pulling it out, but I quickly learned if the “crack cover” is getting sucked in between the cheeks, I should not pull it out, because it’s just going to get sucked in again. I should just get used to it.

After about an hour of wearing it, I got used to it and wearing the thong got comfortable, from the “crack cover” to the “taint topper” to the “chestnut roaster.” Even when I went running with them, it didn’t feel uncomfortable.

Despite the comfortable feeling, I don’t think I’ll be wearing a thong on a regular basis. First off, my semi-flat Asian ass doesn’t look very good in a thong. Also, I’m afraid of being caught with a whale tail.

So I guess I’ll have to find another way to get women to go unbelievably crazy over me. Too bad I don’t have a large room with lots of alcohol, stacks of one dollars bills, a tan, and an oily body.

Item: Jockey Next to Nothing Thong/Wearing a Thong
Price: $11.00 (on sale)
Purchased at: Jockey Store
Rating: 3.5 out of 5 (Jockey Next to Nothing Thong)
Rating: 3 out of 5 (Wearing a thong)
Pros: Microfiber is soft. The thong eventually got comfortable. I got used to the “crack cover” getting sucked in by my ass. Good “cucumber and tomatoes” support. Thongs on women.
Cons: Whale tail. My ass does not look good in a thong. Wedgies. Thongs on European male sunbathers.

47 thoughts to “Jockey Next to Nothing Thong/Wearing a Thong”

  1. I honestly do not what to say…

    …Other than thank you oh-so-much for not providing any pictures of your plum smugglers.

  2. On the contrary, I think a picture would better help us understand this product, I think other people will agree with me too! 😉

  3. This weekend, I just bought a few pair of a similar product for ladies (the brand was BarelyThere), except in a “boy short”, rather than a thong (and why the hell are they called boy shorts? I would probably make fun of a man who wore “boy shorts” that look like mine). They are also microfiber, and I am in love. Soooo comfortable! With the boy shorts style, wedgies were minimized, no dreaded VPL, and dang they are cute.

    When I was changing in the dressing room at my taekwondo school the other day, I actually had other ladies demanding to know where I got those underwear.

    You should try wearing your thong while changing in a gym’s dressing room and see if you get similar compliments.

  4. :O great review! and now you know what it feels like to wear one! which is great for feminists like me who think males should try sometimes..

    hm.. i think the thong part on the thong :p is actually a lot wider than a female one. so.. it should be a lot more ‘uncomfortable’ if it’s smaller, like female ones 😡

  5. LOL.. you are, indeed, the intrepid explorer, Marvo. My hat off to you because seriously, I could never even see myself trying out a thong, even if just to see what it feels like. I like them well enough on other girls, but perma-wedgie? Spanks, but no spanks.

  6. I don’t know why, but I actually read this whole review. For something I will definitely never need. Or buy. Nor would I see anyone else needing or buying.


  7. I don’t know if I will ever be able to make another salad with cucumbers and tomatoes without thinking of your cucumbers and tomatoes!

  8. I can’t say that I want to see the pics, but there should be pics.

    AmberLB – I actually have quite a collection of boyshorts underwear – I much prefer them when I wear skirts in the summer to regular bikini cut underwear.

  9. Wow, men should never, ever wear thongs. I didn’t even know they made thongs for men other than the cheap gold lame’ ones you see at novelty underwear stores.

    I think you’ve got something good there with “taint topper”. This could be the next big thing. Gold, I tell you, GOLD!

  10. This post reminds me of the time my family and I went on a cruise, and one night we watched a musical number/dinner theatre type of thing. One of the numbers involved the male dancers wearing nothing but towels around their waists (I think they were supposed to pretend they came out of the shower), but one man was so involved with his dancing that at one point his towel partly came undone, revealing his black thong underneath. Unfortunately my family and I were sitting near the front row and got a great view of that. My sister laughed hysterically while I was just nauseated.

  11. If you’re doing a random survey of femmes’ preference, my vote is Boxers!
    (And not the dogs, tho i like them a lot.)
    Men in boxers, yummy.

    And just so you know, even briefs are far, far preferable to thongs.
    Especially ELEVEN-DOLLAR thongs. Cripes!
    And worse yet: $11 thongs that give you wedgies.

    But waiting for the highly-anticipated Marvo thong-o photo nevertheless.

    “…tanned, oiled men in thongs… while licking whipped cream off of the pierced nipples of one of the thonged men…”


    *runs away*

  12. Great review!! I bet your normal undies feel extra comfy after this one. Thonged strippers..ew! Boxers, yummy. Perhaps, an implementation of Jergens Natural Glow, Jockey thong and dimly lit strip tease might be in order here. If not, will you drink another Sparks?

  13. Pics might be funny, but there should be a video of you thong-jogging. Come on, youtube will make you a superstar…

  14. I laughed. I cried. And then, I hurt myself. I am, however, surprised that you did not mention skid marks. Seems men struggle with this particular issue. Seems like flossing one’s crack would increase the odds of having this problem. Of course, I’m not sure if it’d still be called a skid if it was floss-induced. Hmmm…big questions.

  15. Hey! Not every asian has a semi-flat butt, lol. Marvo, you are hilarious, though. Girls do dig guys with nice juicy ones, or so my consensus says.

  16. I bet if you wore this thong at a Nightclub while drinking a Rockstar Juiced, the women would be going wild. You might have to get some oil and spend a week or two using Jergen’s Natural Glow first to assist in your “tan, oiled, and wearing a thong” look, though.

  17. Hehehehe…I just noticed the little tag on the thongs, and it says, “Next to Nothing”.

    Made me think of that Simpsons episode where Homer and family go skiing and Homer runs into Flanders, who’s wearing this tight skiing bodysuit and explains how much faster he goes down the hill with his outfit.

    The outfit hugs every curve of Flanders’ body and he shakes his sculpted, tight ass towards Homer and says, “It’s like I’m wearing nothing at all” but in Homer’s mind it echoes: “nothing at all!…nothing at all!…nothing at all!” while the camera focuses on his butt. Homer screams, runs away, and says, “Stupid sexy Flanders.”

  18. Leah, that’d be beyond skid marks – it’d be a full on car crash with an oil spil. 😀

  19. How about that, it worked! You said the only way to have girls go nuts over you (bad pun) was to wear a thong.

    So far, you got at least 15 replies by women here (excluding myself). Tsk. that was fast.

  20. what, no pics? I’m going to need photos to fully form a conclusion about these man thongs you speak of… 😉

    I have NEVER heard of a white tail before! I’ve seen it, but I never knew that’s what it was called! Seeing a white tail on a man would DEFINITELY not be hot! gross! stick with the boxers, marvo….

  21. Marv~ major kudos for the “tomatoes” to do this review. But PLEASE PLEASE throw those da@* things out!!!

  22. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that no man looks good a thong, so be glad it’s not one of those things that girls just.. expect.

  23. thongthongthongthongthoooooooooooooooooooooooong men in thongs is a bad idea. always.

  24. Mir – I talked about Whale Tail, but that’s pretty much it. Also, I don’t think I’ll be buying more thongs, unless it’s a gift for my lady-friends.

    Andy – Plum smugglers? You’re being too kind. My balls aren’t even close to being as big as plums. Grapes…Yes. Kumquats…Perhaps. Plums…No.

    Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – If I were to take another picture, I would have to remove the hair on my legs…again.

    Gwen – Talking about my equipment may make you hot, but seeing my equipment probably won’t. 🙁

    Lasadh – Seeing me in a thong = offerings to the porcelain throne

    Derrick – I remember looking through a Fredrick’s of Hollywood catalog and seeing the elephant underwear, except with a shorter trunk.

    AmberLB – Wait…Should I change in the women’s dressing room or the men’s dressing room to get the compliments? Because in either one, I don’t think I would get any compliments. Giggles maybe, but definitely not compliments.

    Rukia is Ichiban – As long as I don’t need to try child birth, I’m cool with trying other feminine things. 🙂

    Alena – Don’t knock it, until you try it. 🙂

    Alex – I want more visitors, not less visitors. 😉

    Robyn – Most people definitely don’t need a male thong. Like I said earlier, only strippers and European male sunbathers.

  25. nat – Death to Smoochy!!

    Sasha_Kitty – There’s always carrots and onions.

    Pel – Who is “we?” Me, myself, and I? 😉

    cybele – You know you want the pics! ::in a seductive tone:: 😉

    Mandy – Not all male strippers like cheap gold thongs. 😉

    Gia on Guam – Unfortunately, it doesn’t whistle.

    Toni – You know you want to get one for your boyfriend. 🙂

    Vn – So you’re into tighty-whiteys?

    Karen – At least it wasn’t a diamond-studded thong, because that would be expensive and it would hurt.

    skibs – I think several Sparks would give me the liquid courage to tan my entire body with Jergens Natural Glow, put on my Jockey thong, and do a dimly lit strip tease.

    Bryan – YouTube will make me into the next Star Wars dancing kid. I don’t want that.

    Runner4069 – Oh really. So that means I just need alcohol to make women think I look good in a thong. Got it.

    Leah – If you have colored or patterned underwear, the skid mark issue is no longer an issue. Skid marks are easy to see on tighty-whiteys.

    jin hamasaki – But not TOO juicy, then it’s too sumo wrestling-ish. 🙂

  26. Chuck – If I were at a nightclub with a thong, women would need lots and lots of alcohol and blindfolds to go wild over me.

    Toni – I remember that episode. Good times. Good times.

    Lord Jezo – I’m not going to spend $11 on a thong AND NOT wear it.

    Sugar – No, you don’t. No, you don’t. No, you don’t. Trust me. No, you don’t.

    Rhawb – I guess the “crack cover” could also be called, the Ass Maxipad. I don’t know if that made sense.

    Peachy – But the other half are dudes. 😉

    Webmiztris – I shall stick with the boxers…and the boxer briefs, because sometimes I need the support. Can’t have the tomatoes flopping around all the time.

    stuporstar – I can’t, because when I do a striptease video for my future girlfriend for Valentine’s Day, I don’t want to go out and have to buy another thong.

    Erin – You know what? It is now my goal to look good in a thong. I don’t know what it will take, but I will make myself look good in a thong. Even if I have to put it on my head.

    laina – You know what? I’m surprised no one has mentioned the Sisqo thong song.

    Karen – Actually, that was one of the last things that popped into my head. Before that it was “toothbrush and contacts case” and “Twix and Peanut M&Ms.”

  27. All you people wanting pictures remember, Marvo is rather hairy.
    (Unless that Fusion razor has been working overtime this past week.)

  28. If I wore a thong, I’d have to wax my ass.

    You may ask yourself, “Is this worth it?”
    And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful house.”
    And you may tell yourself, “This is not my beautiful wife!”

  29. gko – But I’m warm at night.

    NetChick – But VPL…VPL.

    Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down
    Letting the days go by/water flowing underground
    Into the blue again/after the money’s gone
    Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

    Grins – Well I wasn’t haven’t sex before the thong, so I think it’s a wash.

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