It seems like every time I wear one of my shirts from Threadless, women want to look at my chest.

They’ll say, “What does your shirt say?” or “I’m just reading your shirt.” But I know that it’s just some excuse to look at my chest. It’s so obvious.

I feel so cheap and dirty. I feel more like an object, than a person.

Hey women, I’m up here, not down there. The last time I checked, my chest can’t hold a conversation.

I guess the least they could do is be a little more secretive when staring at my chest, like wear sunglasses or make strategically placed holes through a newspaper.

I’m not a piece of meat. I’m not their Brad Pitt to ogle and drool over. I have feelings, beliefs, dreams, compassion, intelligence, and a heart in this body of mine. There’s more to me than just my chest.

I wonder how women would like it if I stared at their chests?

Wondering if they’re fake or real?

Wondering if their nipples are pierced?

Wondering if they would like it if I said, “honk, honk,” while squeezing their chest?

Wondering if they like having their nipples twisted like they were radio dials?

I bet women definitely wouldn’t like it if I stared at their chests.

Although I will admit, my chest is probably my best physical feature. If you saw the rest of me, you’d probably agree. I guess doing five pushups a day has really helped. Although, my chest is only my best feature when I have it covered with a shirt. Without a shirt…Well, let’s just say, you really don’t want to see that, especially if you’ve eaten something.

Now some of you maybe thinking that I should stop wearing the Threadless shirts so that women won’t have an excuse to look at my chest, but I like these shirts because some of them are really clever and funny. But it’s not just clever and funny shirts, there are also very cute, artsy, meaningful, and unusual shirts at Threadless. Although, those are usually too hip for me and would probably draw even more attention to my chest.

At Threadless, shirt designs are submitted by talented, mostly unknown designers and artists from all over and Threadless members get to vote for the shirt designs that will be printed. It’s like American Idol, except without Paula Abdul’s weird clapping and Simon Cowell’s asshole-ness.

Shirts cost $15 each, plus shipping, but several times per year Threadless has a $10 sale on all their shirts to get rid of older stock. Speaking of stock, all the shirts that Threadless prints are limited-edition. So if they run out of a particular design, it’s usually gone for good, unless a whole bunch of people ask for another printing of the shirt.

Since I won’t stop wearing Threadless shirts, I guess I’ll let women continue to stare at my chest, but I still don’t approve of it. Hopefully, women will grow to appreciate what’s inside, instead of what’s on the outside.

Purchased Price: $15 per shirt (Except during the $10 sale)
Purchased At: Threadless
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Very original designs, created by some very talented unknown people. Semi annual $10 sale. Appreciating someone for what’s on the inside. My chest with a shirt.
Cons: Some shirts are just too hip for me. Women staring at my chest. Being an object of desire rather than of a person of intelligence. Asshole-ness. My chest without a shirt.

30 thoughts to “”

  1. You’re telling me that after one wearing, and (hopefully) one washing, there is a chance that viable hair samples can be attained from your clothing?

    I don’t know if I should cheer for the possible advancement of forensic technology or boo for the obvious fact that top loading washers just swish the dirt around from one article of clothing to the next.

    Btw, there’s no witches here, it’s all voodoo medicine faith healers!

  2. Judging from the samples in the picture it looks as though they are impulse buying product and printing the packages on the shirts.

  3. nat – Because you said that, I am no longer the hippest dude in the blogosphere. That’s the way trends work. 🙁

    Larry – How’d you get the hole…Oh, nevermind.

    Gia on Guam – Voodoo medicine faith healers? No voodoo doll needle pokers?

    Grins – Oooh, dominatrix-like!!! Where’s my leather leash!?!

    nothipcoolorbuff – Definitely an impulsive buy when there’s a shirt I like.

    Webmiztris – They’re not just awesome, they’re Awesome.

  4. Brian – I thought about doing that, but I was too lazy to change the link. 🙁 But that’s okay, because I don’t mind paying full price for a shirt that I like.

  5. Karen – I would feel so wrong wearing one of those shirts, while chomping on a Big Mac.

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