Oh, I’m so lonely.
Will you keep me company, Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough The Cone?
Oh thank you, my dear and delicious friend! You’re a wonderful comfort food.
Mmm, your waffle cone filled with vanilla ice cream, cookie dough swirls, and fudge chips not only fills the void in my soul with friendship, kindness, and sunshine, like my Care Bears would, but also fills it with 12 grams of saturated fat.
My heart may not like your extremely high amounts of saturated fat, but I adore you for it. That’s what’s great about our relationship, it’s unconditional.
I maybe homely, clumsy, dorky, geeky, and suck my thumb when I sleep, and you maybe smaller than a Drumstick, but it doesn’t matter. We like each other for who and what we are.
Without you, Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough The Cone, I would probably sit on the couch, eat a can of Pringles, watch Nickelodeon or Home and Garden Television, let my beard grow out, scratch myself, accumulate stray cats, and form a body mold on my couch.
But you can make a hot summer day feel cooler and despite you being filled with cold vanilla ice cream, you can warm my heart.
Although, that could also be the saturated fat.
If only I could live in the freezer with you and we can spend our time throwing frozen broccoli at each other or making ice cream castles with the half gallon of vanilla ice cream I used to eat as comfort food.
Unfortunately, due to size constraints, the limited amount of oxygen in the freezer, and my lack of warm clothing because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, I can’t.
Instead, to remind myself of our friendship, I keep your box outside with me because the picture on the box looks almost exactly like you do in real life, which is a rare thing with food products.
Do you know what the best part about you is?
Your waffle cone is surprisingly really crunchy and tasty, unlike other frozen cone treats I’ve had. Despite the harsh conditions and moisture your waffle cone has had to face, it stays strong, much like our friendship. Also, you don’t drip all over me like some of the other coned ice cream treats that I’ve been burned by, thanks to the chocolate coating inside of your waffle cone.
Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough The Cone, you’re so delicious that you’re like heaven in a cone and I think I would do something crazy without you, like read Dianetics or watch Larry the Cable Guy.
W-w-wait. W-w-where did you go, Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough The Cone?
I ATE HIM!!! NOOOO!!!
Man, he was good. Git-R-Done.
Oh, I’m so lonely.
Oh wait, there’s two more in the box.
Oh, there you are, my dear and delicious friend!
(Editor’s Note: Go read TG’s take on The Cone here at NYCE.)
Item: Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough The Cone
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 5 out of 5
Pros: Damn good. It looks almost exactly like it does on the box. Awesome comfort food. Surprisingly really crunchy waffle cone. No cone dripping. Three cones per box. A dear friend. Care Bears filling my soul with friendship, kindness, and sunshine.
Cons: A little expensive, but what do you expect, it’s Ben & Jerry’s. Smaller than a Drumstick. One cone has 12g of saturated fat. Being lonely.