REVIEW: McDonald’s Ranch Snack Wrap

Are your young, hyperactive, and easily-influenced children singing shouting the lyrics to Wiggles songs over and over again like they were drunk at a kiddie karaoke bar?

Is the fellow movie patron sitting behind you with their feet constantly kicking the back of your chair yelling things at the screen, like “Don’t open that door!” or “Run, bitch! Run!”?

Is an obnoxious, loud-mouthed television or radio political pundit attacking you for either your insane conservative beliefs or demented liberal views?

Are you in the same room as Star Jones and she’s looking at you like you’re a juicy, meaty hamburger she’d want to sink her teeth into?

If any of these things are happening to you, I’d suggest you stick a new McDonald’s Snack Wrap in their mouth. Not only will it shut them up for about two minutes, or in Star Jones’ case prevent her from eating you, they’ll also be enjoying a gosh darn tasty snack.

The McDonald’s Snack Wrap consists simply of crispy chicken, cheddar jack cheese, lettuce and ranch sauce wrapped in a soft flour tortilla. The ranch sauce made it pretty tasty and the chicken was surprisingly crispy.

Its cylindrical shape is perfect for stuffing into the mouths of those who won’t shut up. Or it can be used by Britney Spears as Sean Preston’s pacifier when she can’t find her usual pacifier for him…A Taco Bell soft taco.

The McDonald’s Snack Wrap is kind of small, but I think it’s just as filling as a double cheeseburger from the Dollar Menu. Also, at $1.29, it’s inexpensive and I expect a lot of five dollar hookers will take advantage of that cheap price.

Sure, the five dollar hookers could get the cheaper double cheeseburger, but I’m sure they’re tired of having meat in their mouths and would like to have something different.

Being inexpensive can also make up for its lack of size. Obviously, if the McDonald’s Snack Wrap was bigger, it would be awesometastic and be able to shut someone up for a longer amount of time.

However, because it’s so cheap, buying two of them would double the amount of time I could keep Anna Nicole Smith from talking, because no good can come from anything that comes out of her mouth.

So if you buy one McDonald’s Snack Wrap, consider it a snack. Buy two or three, then it’s a meal. Buy four or five, it’s a meal for two. Buy one billion and it’s time to buy some McDonald’s stock.

Item: McDonald’s Snack Wrap
Price: $1.29
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Inexpensive. It’s gosh darn tasty, thanks to the ranch dressing. Great way to shut someone up for about two minutes. Chicken was actually crispy. Great for five dollar hookers who are tired of having meat in their mouths.
Cons: Kind of small, but what do you expect for $1.29. The Wiggles. People yelling at the screen during a movie. Insane political pundits. A hungry Star Jones.

23 thoughts to “REVIEW: McDonald’s Ranch Snack Wrap”

  1. Wow, a 4 out of 5. A good product for a change. But is it just me, or does this particular one look like a joint?

    I almost pity Star Jones. The bypass operation did not work in her favor, IMO. She looks like Michael Jackson when he was in The Wiz. Just terrible. What do you think?

    I may have to head on to McD today and pick one up. I’m hoping this will make up for the disappointing Crunchwrap. Well done, Marvo. 🙂

  2. Maybe their breakfast burritos aren’t selling that well and they need another way to get rid of the tortillas. Now I wonder if they get their tortillas from the same place as other fast food places.

  3. you’re a rediculous human being. How could you even try to compare this burrito to drunk kids singing karaoke?

  4. Funny review, however stuffing snack wraps into the mouths of anyone whether it be a five buck hooker or not, is NOT okay.
    The wrap doesn’t look all that enticing, but since you say it is good, i believe you

  5. “Being inexpensive can also make up for its lack of size.” Do you speak from personal experience as a jigolo here, Marvo? Just kidding. 🙂

    The “tired of having meat in their mouths” line was very funny and had me spewing Diet Dr. Pepper over my monitor.

  6. A tortilla, some chicken, iceberg lettuce shreds, and ranch dressing? I seldom say this, but I could make that for myself at home, better, for even less money–pick up a cheap bunch of pre-made tortillas, microwave some breaded (or faux) chicken patties, throw on the lettuce and dressing and volia–also, you could make it more healthy with whole wheat, veggie chicken, romaine, and low fat dressing.

    Regardless, with just a little more effort, you could make your own snack wrap bigger and more hunger-satisfying at home!

  7. I remember back in the early 1990s (or was it late 1980s?) when McDonald’s introduced their chicken fajitas. Mmm…they were remarkably tasty in a completely inauthentic way.

  8. Ack Marvo it looks horrific! And a bit porn’ish by the way. This does it, I’m taking you for a real meal. Arrive at my house by 6:30 sharp.

  9. Sure you could make it at home cheaper and better. But nobody really considers McDonald’s a dining destination, do they? It’s what you grab on your way to work, or the best choice of all the places on the highway off-ramp.

    I haven’t tried their “new” chicken. Their old McNuggety chicken was mostly poultry armpits and knees, so I’m sort of leery of this latest incarnation. It seems simple enough, though, that you really couldn’t screw it up.

    Usually I order Happy Meals. I don’t need the 55-gallon drum of coke and the bushel of french fries that come with the value meals. Plus I get a toy. Win-win.

  10. Wow thanks for calling when you decided to have this one…as predicted, it’s day 9 and I’ve completely run out of things to do…even getting lost has gotten old.

  11. McDonalds has taken over the world…if i try one of these, ill get addicted…like i did to the damn double cheese..-need more cheesebugers!!!!- o my bad, when into a trance. but ya, if i want to stop the McDonald take over, i cant eat this but i would assume its good 🙂


  12. I like it. It’s like a poor man’s(and believe me, I’m poor) KFC Twister. The chicken is actually real chicken! Sure you could make it at home, but that would actually take some semblance of effort…which would be unacceptable.

  13. Love the hooker/meat comment – it made the review!! But I won’t be rushing out to try this, I can’t eat McDonald’s after Super Size Me. I eat other fast food and pretend it’s not as bad because no one made a movie out of it. 😉

  14. Alright; since you give it a 4 out of 5, I’ll give it a whirl the next time the kids want to go to the McD’s playland. Usually I don’t order anything there, and just swipe some of the kids’ fries while they’re frolicking (shhh; don’t tell).

  15. Ever since McD’s went “healthier” I just don’t know them anymore………..
    Not that I went there that often anyway, I hate clowns.

  16. Brie – It does look like a joint, and if it was, I would need a blowtorch to light it.

    klew – I’ve been meaning to try their breakfast burritos, but the $1 sausage mcmuffin lures me away from them.

    calvin – I am ridiculous…like a fox.

    skibs – It’s definitely not okay to stick them up exhaust pipes.

    Chuck – I’m just a gigolo, everywhere I go, people know the part I’m playing. Paid for every dance. Selling each romance. Every night some heart betraying.

    notricecakesandjelly – I could do that, but I am the laziest person in the world. 🙂

    Jess – I remember those chicken fajitas, but I never tried them.

    Grins – Um…6:30 sharp A.M. or P.M.?

    Wednesday – Mmm…Poultry armpits and knees in hot mustard sauce.

    EnergyGuru – Yeah, I’m surprised by McDonald’s recently. Usually I don’t like their stuff, but with the Asian Salad and now this Snack Wrap, they’re reeling me back in.

  17. Gia on Oahu – There’s always watching every single movie in the theater or playing trivia at D&B.

    B-rad – Damn those $1 double cheeseburgers. If only they weren’t so cheap, I would eat them as much. Mmm…$1 double cheeseburger.

    Ace N. – Being the bad cook that I am, if I did try to make it at home, I would probably mess it up somehow.

    Melanie – I stopped eating McDonald’s for a month after seeing Super Size Me. I think in order for the movie to have a real effect on me, I need to watch it every month to remind me.

    KT – I hope a veggie burger!

    Mellie Helen – Mmm…$1 hot fudge sundae. How can you resist the $1 hot fudge sundae? It’s cheap. It’s hot. It’s cold. It’s fudge. It’s a sundae…with an E.

    Peachy – Oooh, I guess McDonald’s food doesn’t make you fee peachy, Peachy. 🙂

    K – Eyew boo hoo to you. Cuckoo ca choo. 🙂

    Barb – I also hate clown and I hate termites, but I love clown eating termites or termite eating clowns.

  18. I tried this and it was fucking tiny. No wonder they call it a ‘Snack Wrap’ the size of this thing is miniscule.

    A whole tortilla wrapped around one little chicken finger.
    Ronald needs to step up his game because I’m not havin this shit.

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