Melon Green Tea Slurpee

We’ve all heard about the health benefits of green tea. It’s full of antioxidants that can help lower the risks of cancer and heart disease. Green tea advocates claim that it can help with many other things, like cognition, Alzheimers, arthritis, multiple sclerosis, weight loss, helping you look less fugly, and preventing you from catching anything if you’re around Paris Hilton.

Hmm…Now that I think about, that last one might explain something. If green tea can help with weight loss and be used as prevention from catching anything Paris Hilton is incubating in her, it totally explains what has happened to Nicole Richie.

Despite all the wonderful things green tea can help with, I don’t really think there are any benefit when drinking green tea in Slurpee form, like with the semi-new Melon Green Tea Slurpee.

It’s much like not being able to get potassium from a banana Slurpee or not getting shitfaced from a Pina Colada Slurpee. The only things you can probably get from Slurpees are cool refreshment on a hot day or diabetes — if you drink waaaay too many of them.

Unfortunately, the Melon Green Tea Slurpee might just be the last attempt to regain the spotlight from wildly popular pomegranate.

There was a time when green tea was just a hot beverage at a Japanese restaurant or something you’d find on the shelves at new age, hippie, unshaved armpit natural food stores, but its health benefits soon became known and within a few years it was everywhere like iPods, except significantly less profitable to mug people for.

Today, you can find green tea products in a variety of forms, like green tea chewing gum, green tea ice cream, green tea candy, green tea pills, green tea moisturizers, green tea pet food, green tea energy drinks, and Starbucks Green Tea Frappucinos.

But slowly and surely, pomegranate has been pulling out a number of products from its red, round, juicy ass, like all the popular POM Wonderful drinks and the Starbucks Pomegranate Frappucino.

However, if green tea expects to take back the health-crazed spotlight from pomegranate, the Melon Green Tea Slurpee isn’t the way to do it, unless green tea’s plan is to give pomegranate brain freeze.

The Melon Green Tea Slurpee has a light taste to it and the green tea flavor definitely overpowers the melon. Perhaps 7-Eleven should’ve switched the ingredients and named it the Green Tea Melon Slurpee or the Slurpee People Won’t Buy Ever Again.

The Melon Green Tea Slurpee also left me with a weird dry mouth feeling, like I had a mild case of cotton mouth. Speaking of cotton mouth, if I ever get the munchies, I’m pretty sure the Melon Green Tea Slurpee won’t be on my list of things to buy, along with the Pringles, ice cream sandwiches, beef jerky, peanuts, Twix bars, Cup o Noodles, Mexican food, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Funyuns, Lean Cuisine frozen dinners, Oreo cookies, pizza, Ritz crackers, Doritos, M&M’s, anything from McDonald’s, and Pop-Tarts.

Item: Melon Green Tea Slurpee
Price: $1.49 (40-ounce)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 1 out of 5
Pros: Cool refreshment on a hot summer day. Benefits of green tea. Benefits of pomegranate.
Cons: I don’t think there are health benefits from green tea in Slurpee form. Worst Slurpee EVER. Light flavor. Green tea flavor overpowers the melon. Left me with a weird dry mouth. Nicole Richie’s weight loss. Catching anything Paris Hilton has. Brain freeze.

19 thoughts to “Melon Green Tea Slurpee”

  1. it makes me wonder why they don’t get it over with and rename Slurpees “Brain Freezes” – that would be cool. Green Tea Slurpee? yeah, I think I’ll pass.

  2. Green Tea just does NOT sound like a Slurpee flavor. I mean, where’s the “sweet” in green tea? Kids won’t buy it if it doesn’t have lots of sugar.

    Avoiding habanero jerky when you have the munchies is probably a good idea. Although it might take your mind off of hunger for a bit.

  3. pomegrenate TOTALLY kicks green tea’s ass.

    but when they join forces, as in pomegrenate green tea, it kicks all the asses of any non-adult beverage.

  4. This just sounds gross. Now, strawberry/watermelon slurpee…mmm mmm. Green Tea? Yuck. What the hell were they thinking?

    Sorry to gross anyone out, but the bottom of the cup looks like it came out a toilet. Double eww.

  5. Brie> It looks like something that came up when I unlogged my sink. =P

    Marvo> Oh, how I miss the Slurpie! We don’t have 7-11s in TN, so I have to settle for Icees at the Exxon. Me, my sis, and my dad used to fill up the Big Gulp with some of every flavor they had! But I think we would’ve passed on the green tea.

    Slurpies are supposed to be a guilty pleasure! Why’d they have to go mess it up by trying to make it – yecch! – healthy?

  6. Yeah, there’s not a point to the green tea Slurpee at all. There’s just not. Why bother trying, 711???

  7. Side note: They have something amazingly similar to this at Panera Bread too. Though I wasn’t much impressed either. (Their mango one was delicious though.)

  8. I wonder what demographic they were aiming for in marketing?
    Anyway, sounds gross. Thanks 🙂

  9. Webmiztris – I smell pomegranate Slurpee in my future and pomegranate brain freeze.

    Chuck – Habanero definitely DOESN’T sound like a Slurpee flavor.

    jenn – Actually, green tea doesn’t have much of an ass. It needs to climb stairs or get ass implants.

    Brie – I used to mix the strawberry and banana Slurpees, but it doesn’t turn out so good.

    Angel H. – At least they still have the usual sugary flavors. Also, Icees aren’t that bad. Well, actually I haven’t had one in a long time, so maybe they aren’t that good.

    Melanie – I think 7-11 is running out of ideas. I guarantee there will be a pomegranate Slurpee in the future.

    TheWarden – MANGO!!! That’s the Slurpee flavor that needs to be made! That would rock!

    skibs – I’m thinking they were aiming for old Chinese and Japanese people…and quasi-product review blog editors.

  10. Yeah, why was this Slurpee needed? Some poor 7-11 researcher trying to keep his/her jobby job through sheer product output?

    “Quick! I need a new Slurpee product by Monday or I’m toast–doesn’t have to be good…ummmmm, uhhh, Ranch Dressing Salad Slurpee? Pizza Burger Slurpee? Pumpkin?”

    I’m with you, Marvo. There are some things that shouldn’t be Slurpeed. Just stick with the basics is my motto. And that other one–Purple Vanilla whatever that was. Man, that was tits.

  11. I like green tea flavored stuff and all, but in a Slurpee? I think I’ll pass.

    Speaking of green tea, ever tried matcha? It’s the thicker, ceremonial green tea. Now matcha flavored stuff I really like. Matcha flavored ice cream- yum! My favorites were the matcha flavored chocolates stores sold during Valentine’s Day in Japan.

    The stupid thing is that, being Japan, on Valentine’s Day the WOMEN are supposed to get the men presents. And not just their boyfriends- ALL men. They have to give all their male co-workers chocolates, which I always found to be stupid. Valentine’s Day is for romance, not for getting your co-workers stuff! What’s even more insulting is that they then created a stupid, extra holiday called White Day (Mar. 14) for women. They get nasty white chocolate instead. What a gyp.

  12. Becoming a Slurpee flavor is Green Tea last ditch effort before becoming an official hasbeen. Sort of like infomercials for celebrities, flavors have the Slurpee.

  13. Luck O’ the Irish – A whole Twix is soooo good. Actually, I miss the Cookie and Creme Twix. Those were soooo good.

    Domokun – It was total tits. Too bad it was around for a limited time, but so is this one.

    Toni – OH GOD!!! Green tea ceremony tea!!! Blech! That stuff was nasty!!! It’s bitter, like a elderly virgin woman.

    Barb – I’m soooo waiting for a Carrot Top infomercial. I think it would be the best infomercial EVER!

  14. Wow! I can’t get behind your reaction to matcha. Served hot, it is great for keeping you awake during long boring meetings. And it is definitely a good icecream flavour.

    7-11s don’t have slurpees in Tokyo. I miss slurpees. I would even try this one if they would just carry slurpees.

  15. Melbatoast – Matcha no fomu wa totemo warui desu. Nihongo mo warui desu.

    dramastically – It was bad. Not Foley scandal bad, but bad.

  16. 🙂 BTW, I loved reading your About Us page ! Now about my experice of Green Tea – goodeen tea as the Japanese call it. I remember going to the long drawn tea ceremony in Japan and waited to taste the delicacy…only to taste the most disgusting tepid tea !

    Anyway, my newest experience with goodeen tea – my husband bought this green tea chocolate…. hmmmm i am not even going to try it ! sorry greaan tea lovers. I will stick to my Indian Chai !

    Great blog btw. I enjoy reading your reviews. Looking for the next one !

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