Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt

The new Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt is so greasy that if I wanted to experience puberty all over again and have my face break out into pimples, I would rub my face liberally with this burger.

I know what you’re thinking, pretty much all fast food burgers are greasy, but I felt this limited time only burger was so greasy that if I were in prison and the burger was a bar of soap, I would feel the need to tie a rope around it.

So what makes the Bacon Double Homestyle Melt so greasy?

It’s the Killer Bs: bacon, burger, and butter. It’s got slices of crispy bacon, three slices of Swiss cheese, two flame-broiled hamburger patties, and a creamy garlic cheese sauce all between a buttery flat bun. It was probably the buttery bread that made this burger seem almost as greasy as two used car salesmen in a bikini baby oil wrestling match.

The bread portion of the burger didn’t have enough butter to make Food Network personality Paula Deen cream in her pants, but there’s enough to make my hands just as greasy as the hands of the hairstylist for The Sopranos.

On paper, the Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt looked like a really good burger, but unfortunately the grease from the burger soaked the paper and it fell through.

The burger was small — a little bit bigger than a Whopper Jr. — and I wondered if to compensate for its size, it drove either a Corvette or an Escalade. I thought the creamy garlic cheese sauce would be as artery-hardening good as it sounds, but the garlic was either very faint or non-existent in all of the bites I took, which again wasn’t many, since the burger was Lilliputian in size.

The combination of meat, bacon, and cheese is a great foundation for a burger, which the Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt had, but its weak sauce and buttery bun cracked through that foundation. I thought about risking diabetes, heart disease, and the sight of my penis to try another, but in the end I was all greased out.

(Nutritional Facts – 810 calories, 58 grams of fat, 20 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 135 milligrams of cholesterol, 1370 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbs, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 5 grams of sugar, 39 grams of protein, 10% Vitamin A, 35% Calcium, 25% Iron, and 25 grams of bigassness.)

Item: Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt
Price: $5.49 (Value Meal)
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 2 out of 5
Pros: Lots of protein. Lots of grease…if you love grease. Lots of sodium…if you love heart disease. Meat, cheese, and bacon is a good burger foundation.
Cons: Small burger. Seems extremely greasy. Couldn’t really taste the creamy garlic cheese sauce. Buttery bun made the burger even less enjoyable. Paula Deen creaming in her pants.

36 thoughts to “Burger King Bacon Double Homestyle Melt”

  1. I LOVE your fast food reviews. It’s somehow just as satisfying as eating it, with none of the guilt.

    Also, Paula Deen’s show is the most ridiculous thing ever. I once saw that woman put two bags of confectioner’s sugar into brownie batter, followed by a stick of butter, and then later had a similarly butter-loaded cornbread muffin which she topped off with an inch-thick slice of BUTTER.

    How is that woman not dead?

  2. Does anyone remember the cooking show “Two Fat Ladies”?

    They would have taken several of these melts and stuffed them into a ham then deep fried the whole thing before sprinkling it liberally with icing sugar and serving it to a pack of boy scouts.

    Too bad one of them died, they sure knew how to cook.

  3. I had one of these baby’s a week ago. It is every bit as greasy as described, if not more so. This thing is nuked to melt the cheese which drives even more grease out of the patties. The paper it was wrapped in was transparent because of the grease and the bread was so soggy it came apart right away. Ate half of it and the rest went into the trash bin.

  4. Chuck – I’m desperate. I’ll take any type of buns — flat, fluffy, saggy, round.

    Cheryl – I’d really like greasy buns, because that means I can Slip ‘N Slide whenever I want.

    Drew – That would make the Value Meal less of a value.

    Henry Evil – I think she’s still alive because she’s made out of butter.

    Karen – Hmm…I wonder what she died from.

    meud – I live on a tropical island. No winter for me.

    ultradave – I thought depressed people don’t eat.

    Webmiztris – But would you eat two in one sitting.

    Anonymous – If only I could wring the burger and use the greasy from it to fuel my car.

    Suzanne – Imagine if you ate it. If you do, I suggest dialing 911 on the phone and not pressing send until you know you’ve survived it.

    Lulz – But you have to admit that it is small.

    Kenh – Imagine if they deep fried the whole thing. I think that’s the next trend in fast food.

  5. Actually caved in and tried this the other day while I was at work. …and I could only eat about 2/3 of it. This thing sat heavier in my gut than the Hardee’s Monster Thickburger! That is SERIOUSLY greasy! It was kind of tasty, but not tasty enough to make me forget that I could feel my arteries clogging.

  6. Wow, is this just the better part of Tofu eating California speaking? How can you not like this combination of meat, cheese, sour dough bread, & bacon? I hate to see any of you try the Hardees Frisco, aka “The Best Freaking Burger there is”.

    You only live once, eat food that makes your tummy happy!

Comments are closed.