At a table in the back is a parent who doesn’t care.
Their child is giving them their spoiled glare.
They whine and swear about how it’s not fair.
“I WANT WHO-CAKES!” is what they blare.
Others in the restaurant hear it, then stop and stare.
So the parent orders IHOP Who-Cakes out of despair.

The impatient kid slams the utensils in a hissy fit.
I mutter a little whit, “Fucking spoiled little shit.”
Loud brat has me thinking vasectomy, I will admit.
This child’s parent is unfit, just like that bitch Brit.
When the Who-Cakes came, I thought it’ll quiet for a bit.
But that little annoying bundle of hell wouldn’t quit.

The Who-Cakes are something no child should eat.
The frosting colors seem unnatural and sweet.
It’s like a volcano spewing M&M’s and clown excrete.
I won’t consider it a meal on its own, it’s more like a treat.
I know having one could make diabetes and me meet.
So I pray for the best, order the Who-Cakes and feel replete.

I can’t believe these IHOP Who-Cakes is what I crave.
There are so many things about it that makes me afraid.
Blue and pink berry frosting made to look like a cascade.
A pink lollipop stabbed through, so no pancake strayed.
Because of this, Dr. Seuss’ body is rolling in its grave.
It also did that after the Cat in the Hat movie was made.

I only ate half of the IHOP Who-Cakes on the plate.
There wasn’t enough of the frosting on it to regulate.
It tasted like pancakes with blueberries that were fake.
M&M’s in breakfast food seems weird to partake.
The bubblegum flavored lollipop was its best trait.
The sugar in this dish will probably add some weight.

Even the noisy, spoiled little punk couldn’t eat it through.
Fortunately, overdosing on sugar caused him to be subdue.
This mountain of hot cakes and candy isn’t worth it to pursue.
I can’t believe IHOP had a movie tie-in for Horton Hears A Who.
Thankfully, once the movie stops playing we will bid it adieu.
So until then, please consider making the Who-Cakes taboo.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to TIB reader Caroline for suggesting the IHOP Who-Cakes and subjecting me to children who were like little bundles of joy, if joy were a swift kick to the head.)

Item: IHOP Who-Cakes
Price: $4.99
Purchased at: IHOP
Rating: 3 out of 10
Pros: Bubblegum flavored lollipop. NKOTB reunion.
Cons: Tastes like artificial blueberry pancakes when eating with unnatural colored frosting. Not a complete breakfast. Not enough frosting crap on it. Candy + pancakes = possible diabetes. Frosting colors don’t occur in nature. No nutritional facts on website.

45 thoughts to “REVIEW: IHOP Who-Cakes”

  1. Brilliant! Six rhymes at a time, not an easy task, especially in an IHOP review. I contend that more reviews should be written this way. Or that more Seussian food should be produced.

  2. Thank you so much for eating these for me. I was afraid to do so myself. Did you have the Beezlenut Splash to go with it? I was frightened to drink that, too, because how do you get jell-o through a straw?

    Great rhymes, too. 🙂

  3. Hawaii has an IHOP???? Please tell me where. Denny’s is giving me an ulcer. It also worries me that all the graveyard shift servers know me by name

  4. Oh my dear sweet lord, that’s a pile of clown vomit. I mean, nice rhyme time, babe, but I can’t believe you actually ate a bite of that…that thing!

    Christ, first news story I see on a 10 year old with hypertension I’m blaming IHOP.

  5. My husband tried them (more than just a a 3 year old at heart apparently). He thought they were great but really sweet.

    Here they used tiny little colored chocolate chips instead of full on M&M’s.

    I tried the Green Eggs and Ham and I actually like it better than my normal meal there. Yay spinach!

  6. Are you serious?

    This product actually exists?

    Is this considered a dessert item or is it on the breakfast side of the menu?

    If it’s the first then fine, if they consider it a meal then any parent who orders this for their child should be shot. No wonder everywhere in this damn country you find fat little kids.

    It’s depressing, really.

  7. Lol. I also loved the rhyming. I cannot believe how disgusting those things look in the promotional shot – my imagination is not creative enough to picture how they must look in real life w/o the “flattering” lighting, etc.
    Talk about taking one for the team, Marvo. Thanks.

  8. angry bob hates rhyming. Also, IHOP, brats, their parents, and overly sweet things. And anybody involved with any movie purported to be related to Dr. Seuss, but not animated by Chuck Jones. Also, bunny rabbits. And baby seals.

  9. I’ve been curious about these for a while. I’m glad you tried them so I didn’t have to. My teeth hurt just reading this.

    Thanks for rhyming.

  10. Kylie – there is an IHOP at the far end of Waikiki. There is a Dennys down there of course, but of to the side in this little trendy area by the Army beach I think I saw one.

    When I went home for spring break we went to an IHOP and I saw some kids eating this. Also, drinking the Beezlenut Splash stuff. *shudder shudder* Yeah, I think the jello is so liquid you can actually drink it through a straw. At least that’s what I saw. Those brats looked like they were going into sugar coma by the time they left.

    And by brats I mean… me and my boyfriend. 🙂

  11. Did I see a TV ad for IHOP Green Eggs and Ham or am I dreaming that part?

    Marvo, you should definitely do a Green Eggs review – they might even be healthy!

  12. The rhymes are delightful- the pile of gooey grossness? Not so much.
    Regarding the Beezlenut Splash, it seems a little early for Denny’s to get them started on shots? I myself only “drink” jello at night. While wearing too many glow stick thingies.

  13. not gonna lie, i tried the hell out of this when some friends and i were at the ihop after a night of alcoholism; maybe it was the residual jack and coke talking but i thought those things were delicious. and i totally screwed up the color scale and added syrup from the table once the unnatural stuff ran out, because there is no point to pancakes without artery-sticking sugary goo, am i right?

    love the rhymes though. suhweet.

  14. I saw these advertised on the ole telly and died a little bit inside, because the memory of Dr. Seuss should not be pimped out to a sub-par corporate giant like IHOP, and what the hell do breakfast foods have to do with Whos anyway?

    Thanks for biting the bullet on this one and diving head first into that mountain of sugary death. Good to know it’s every bit as repulsive as I would have imagined.

    One question though, did you try that gelatinous drink that looks vaguely reminiscent of that gravity defying Orbitz drink? If one of the Whos had the trots, I think it would come out looking very similar.

  15. They are just as shocking-looking in real life. My husband saw them at our local IHOP and said that “they looked like Walt Disney threw up on them”. But you are correct about the subduing effect of the amount of sugar in this monstrosity. The screaming heathen next to us that demanded them lapsed into a diabetic coma within ten minutes. Ah…blessed, blessed sugar.

  16. Annaliese Says:
    “they looked like Walt Disney threw up on them”
    That is pure poety Annaliese!
    Marvo, you brave brave Hawaiian cowboy.. I hope you recover from your diabetic coma. These things should only be legally bought by grandparents spoiling the kiddies, any self-respecting parent would shudder at the thought of that much sugar at breakfast.

  17. I agree with anonymous above.. well put Annaliese!
    Marvo!.. I cant believe you ate that stuff! You are an exceptionally brave soul! I could never give my kids that junk at breakfast, but it might be fun for a night out treat!

  18. Sadly, I cannot take full credit for the Walt Disney comment. My husband is the one who said it, but he did pick it up from me. It’s a phrase I use a lot when something is both extremely colorful AND repulsive in appearance. But thank you both- that made my day!

  19. It’s been 3 days and Marvo hasn’t commented back….Maybe the Who-Cakes put him into a diabetic coma. Or, maybe he’s eating green eggs and ham?

  20. skibs – Yes, I did see other kids eating this. I’m surprised there weren’t kids bouncing off the walls.

    Joel – Hmm…Maybe Ace and I should have a rap battle.

    Chuck – Next week – Liver damage

    Rachel – I tried the Beezlenut Splash. The Jello was really soft so it could easily go up the straw. It was basically glorified Sprite.

    Kylie – I went to the one in Windward Mall, which is next to the Ruby Tuesday. But I also believe there is one in Waikiki…or if you’re really ambitious, there’s one on Maui.

    Domokun – I’ve probably wrapped my mouth around worse.

    Susu – I’m guessing you’re more a Scorpio.

    Gina – Those colorful chocolate chips are what they show in the picture, so I was expecting those, but instead I get M&Ms. I felt I got a Super Sized order or something.

    Tanya – Stuff like this must make you cringe, doctor.

  21. Lord Jezo – It’s breakfast…and at IHOP you can order it at any time of the day.

    SheRa – I take many for the team. I predict my demise in two years, unless I turn this into a vegan product review blog.

    luckinflux – Oh, great. You just gave the Japanese and German an idea for a whole new genre of porn. That I will be purchasing over the internets.

    angry bob – Rubber duckies?

    Dawn – Thanks! Go Kitty Whip!

    jessica yen – My teeth hurt after eating them, so I guess you’re feeling my pain.

    VentureSister – I haven’t been to Denny’s in awhile. Maybe if the line at Eggs & Things gets too long, I’ll go to Denny’s instead.

    StephanieS – I tried them I may. I tried them I say. Spinach, egg, and butter was okay.

    Shannon – I would be so much sweeter if it had a side of Marvo with it. It would shatter teeth. That’s how sweet it would be.

    demondoll – I say start them young. Betty Ford Center for Kids!

  22. My waitress said I was the first adult to order Who-Cakes. I knew that couldn’t be accurate.

    I liked mine. They had plenty of boysenberry and blueberry glaze on them. I ordered the Mayor’s Breakfast and got the green eggs and ham. That made it more of a complete breakfast.

    I only ate half of the whole meal. It was food aplenty.

    I included a link to my photo of the Who-Cakes. Maybe yours would have been better if they had used little candy coated chocolate candy bits instead of large m&ms.

  23. Sass – Yes, I really wanted to do one, but I’ve been too lazy. Maybe I’ll do it this week.

    betsy – I think I just realized the three target audiences for this product. Kids, product reviewers, and drunk people. IHOP marketing people are brilliant. Kids will eat them during the day. Drunk people will eat them at night.

    Erica O. – Once they made the Cat in the Hat movie with Mike Myers, Dr. Seuss’ legacy was all over.

    liz – Total amount of time…It was probably three hours. Here’s a tip for you wannabe hip-hop artists, use to get your phat rhymes.

    Nevis – You think those pancakes are gross on that plate. I bet they looked worse in my belly.

    Annaliese – Hmm…Sugar is the new pacifier. Sure, they’ll be fatter, but at least they’ll be quiet. I should win Parent of the Year for this idea.

    Anonymous – Thank you for your concern. I just woke up from my diabetic coma and I am astounded by what has changed. There are now more hos on Flavor of Love 3 and Destiny got kicked off of Rock of Love 2.

    Bikerbabeee – That is why you are a good parent.

    Harvey_birdman – And you’ll probably give your kid a sweet sixteen party that will be on MTV.

    The Lazy Canadian – Everyone loves clown excrete. If you stab Ronald McDonald, I hear his blood comes in the colors of the rainbow.

    Jessica – Your comment has brought me out of my diabetic coma. How can I ever repay you? Would you like some Who-Cakes as payment?

    Fran – Yes, I also had the Mayor’s Breakfast. Your picture looks a whole lot better than mine.

  24. angry bob – They’re also fun to squeeze.

    dramastically – Or when we’re writing a beer pong table review.

  25. Awh, come on, those things are good. I had to get some tonight before the special ended–diehard Dr. Seuss fan. In my defense, I spend eighty percent of my life dieting so I can live a little every week. So it’s covered in sugar–so what?

  26. angry bob – Shhh!!! I don’t want the other rubber animals to find out I’m squeezing other rubber animals.

    Alexandra – Diehard Dr. Seuss fan, eh? Without looking in the book, recite There’s a Wocket in My Pocket!

    Candy Addict – I guess your daughter is going to be a candy addict too. 🙂

  27. …Who-Cakes are delicious. :[ My friend and I split an order after prom, and we both loved them.
    I’m sure it would have helped if yours would have had the tiny Kissables on them, like ours did.


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