Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes Gold

If you want your kid to succeed, because you weren’t athletic, talented, pretty, or smart enough to be successful when you were growing up, then Frosted Flakes Gold cereal just might be what your kids need to give you the opportunity to live vicariously through them. According to the box, the crunchy flakes made with whole grain and baked with honey is supposed to provide long-lasting energy, a label usually reserved for energy drinks and wang medications.

With a name like Frosted Flakes Gold, I was hoping that there would be gold in the box, like the gold flakes in Goldschlager. Despite my extensive digging, I couldn’t find any gold, not even with the help of Heather Mills. The only thing shiny about the cereal was the box it came in, which had a foil exterior.

Frosted Flakes Gold cereal smelled like Golden Grahams cereal and it tasted like store-brand lite pancake syrup, which actually isn’t bad compared with this cereal’s predecessor, the shitastic Kellogg’s Tiger Power. After eating a bowl of Frosted Flakes Gold cereal every morning for a week, I have to say that I didn’t feel like it was giving me long-lasting energy. If the high fructose corn syrup it in was replaced with caffeine or meth, it would probably give me two to three hours of lasting energy, followed by some downtime or my mouth wrapped around things it shouldn’t be wrapped around.

I’m not a parent, but what I’ve learned from watching “I Know My Kid’s A Star” is that children don’t need special whole grain cereals that’s promoted by a cartoon tiger in order to be successful. All they need are parents who are crazy enough to stab someone in the back for their child, demanding enough to cause their children to turn to alcohol before they can drive, and shameless enough to have their child be a part of a reality show on VH1 with Danny Bonaduce.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup – 110 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 190 milligrams of sodium, 30 milligrams of potassium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, 14 grams of other carbohydrates, 2 grams of protein, and a whole lot of vitamins and nutrients.)

Item: Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes Gold
Price: $6.59 (16.9-ounces)
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Fancy shiny box. Decent tasting. Tastes like lite pancake syrup. Smells like Golden Grahams. 3 grams of fiber per serving. Better than Tiger Power cereal. Selma Hayek’s va-jay-jay.
Cons: High Fructose Corn Syrup. Doesn’t seem to give me long-lasting energy. The parents on “I Know My Kid’s A Star.” Couldn’t find gold with Heather Mills’ help. Wrapping my mouth around things it shouldn’t be wrapped around.

20 thoughts to “Kellogg’s Frosted Flakes Gold”

  1. See I am disappointed because I thought the “long- lasting energy” mentioned on the box came from caffeine and I was going to buy some so I could be super caffeinated with my big mug o’coffee and a big o’bowl of caffeine saturated frosted flakes. Liars!

  2. What’s great about these, and which I noticed you didn’t mention, is how absolutely awesome these are to eat straight out of the box as a snack.

    I would seriously give an arm or leg to eat some sort of rice krispie treat made of these, but am too lazy to do it on my own

  3. I see the box says “good source of fiber” and the nutritional information says there is only three grams of it per serving. Nothing like truth in advertising.

    Someone needs to catch Tony the Tiger by his toe and break it to teach him a lesson about warping kids’ minds.

  4. I know the first thing I think when I see a bunch of rampant demon-spawn is “Gee, I sure wish children had another source of long-lasting energy.”

  5. You forgot to mention in cons, your mouth wrapped around things it shouldn’t be wrapped around.

    That is just all parts of wrong.

  6. Tony shows off his thumb here, rather than the “eureka!”/prostate exam index finger he usually sticks up.

    Chuck- the BOX is indeed a good source of fiber.

    When you turn the box upside-down, it reads “plog”. Inversibility is important in a breakfast cereal.

    Flakes instantly adhere to wool sweaters of co-workers, given ANY ambient humidity.

  7. Never mind fiber, where are the happy little goldschlager flakes? Are you maybe supposed to rip the shiny bag into bits and sprinkle it on top? Mmm, sprinkles…

  8. i bet the “gold” they are talking about it corn syrup with yellow food coloring. i think ill stick to regular frosted flakes.

  9. OH like kids need MORE energy.. hell I wish I could siphon off some from my kids and bottle it up.. I would make a fortune, and get my product reviewed on TIB!
    How about they come out with espresso frosted flakes for us!

  10. govtdrone – You could put the Frosted Flakes Gold in a bowl with iced coffee. That would give you the caffeine you need.

    jdeuel – OMG! Rice Krispie Treats are like the easiest thing to make, but I too am too lazy to make them…and I don’t have marshmallows.

    Eryn – You know what you need to buy your boyfriend to wake him up? A swift kick to the balls. Oh wait…you don’t have to buy that. It’s free!

    Chuck – I’m afraid to approach Tony the Tiger. He could choke me with that bandanna of his.

    angry bob – Mmm…Ritalin.

    luckinflux – That is a con. It’s been noted.

    Efholdt – Despite it being a thumb, I would still be afraid of it being rammed up my bunghole.

    demondoll – There’s this guy in Waikiki who paints himself gold and considers himself to be a “street performer.” Maybe I could get gold flakes from him.

    liz – Mmm…yellow food coloring. Yellow Number 5.

    Bikerbabeee – A recommendation…do not get your product reviewed on TIB. We are not experts.

  11. Out of this article, the only thing I got was goldschlager and cereal. From there I thought how cool would it be if they had little airplane bottles of liquor in the box instead of kids toys. I’d be all over that and I don’t even like cereal.

    And for your response to demondoll – that guy loses so many points when you see him regularly push his cart home and moving like a normal person. Just gold

  12. kylie – I think I would prefer drunk kids over hyper kids.

    Shannon – I’d like to see a Frosted Flakes cereal that doesn’t have high fructose corn syrup.

  13. That’s some pricey cereal. I found it on clearance at Target for $1.99. It’s that popular.

  14. Reid – Yup, we get slammed up the butt when it comes to cereal at regular prices.

    Danno – We get trends and products late here on this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. Only now we’re into the Macarena.

  15. Good attempt at healthy eating,BUT, how can anyone consider a food to be a “GOOD” source of fiber when Frosted Flakes Gold only contains 3 grams of fiber per serving? Also,the high fructose corn syrup vehemently discourages me! I think I’ll stay with a “BIG” bowl of Alpha Bits!LOL!

  16. Although I LOOOVE the nice,glossy box,lol,I’ll give it another 3 months before you can buy it at your local Big Lots,or other discount store!LOL! This cereal tastes just the same as the “Golden Grahams” cereal!,but,in flake form! You can do just as well, and have the same taste,and nutritional qualities if you just take a cup of milk and smash up some graham crackers in it!LOL! I think Kellogg should stop chasing rainbows and stick to the “Tony The Tiger” that we’ve all grown to love!,Theeere GRRREATEST!!!LOL!

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