Edge Energy

For many men, and some women, shaving their facial hair is a chore, but for me I don’t consider every shave an unpleasant task, I think of it as an experience for all five of my senses….oh, except taste because licking shaving blades is unpleasant and doesn’t taste good. Most people just want to get it done and over with. I want to embrace the journey and savor every moment like it’s my very last shave. I want to feel each individual hair being cut at the closest possible point; I want to hear the metal blades gently scrape along my skin; I want to smell the testosterone I release into the air that lets me know I am a man without looking between my legs; and I want to see what I look like if I had a white beard.

To reach that level of excitement, it takes more than a can of shaving cream and a disposable razor. You don’t give Leonardo da Vinci just a brush and expect him to create the Mona Lisa or The Last Supper. He needs oil paints, an easel, and a palette. You don’t give Joe Francis a video camera and assume he will create another Girls Gone Wild video. He needs drunk chicks, really drunk chicks, Girls Gone Wild t-shirts, and permission forms that drunk chicks can easily sign.

All you need to get a great shave is a sharp razor blade, some pre-shave oil, a really good shaving cream that doesn’t foam up a lot, hot water, aftershave balm, and some Jack Johnson music. The razor blade, pre-shave oil, shaving cream, and hot water will help glide the blade across your skin and the contours of your face. The aftershave balm will help soothe your skin. The mellow Jack Johnson music will help relax your facials muscles and pores, but don’t get too into it, or else the soothing sounds of Jack Johnson’s voice and guitar strumming will put you into a coma that can only be broken with death metal.

The new Edge Energy shaving gel is not something I would add to my shaving repertoire. First off, I’m disappointed that despite being called Edge Energy and comes in a green color reminiscent of an energy drink, it doesn’t contain anything that might boost my energy, like caffeine, ginseng, cocaine, green tea, testosterone, coffee, or a Richard Simmons Sweatin’ to the Oldies workout. Instead, Energy is the name of its supposed scent, which consists of cedar, leather, ginger and musk. Secondly, it doesn’t lubricate as well as some of the other products I’ve used from companies like the Art of Shaving and the King of Shaves. They are a little pricy, but if you’re going to have to do something every day or every other day, shouldn’t you use something that feels good to use. Thirdly, Edge Energy doesn’t seem much different than all the other Edge shaving gels. On its can, it brags about more aloe and moisturizers, but I really didn’t notice them.

Overall, the shave I got was average and not as pleasant as my usual shave. If you’re already an Edge shaving gel user, then I could recommend this to you, but if you shave every day, you really should move up to something better.

Item: Edge Energy
Price: $3.99
Purchased at: Wal-Mart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Gelly then foamy. Cool black can. With more aloe and moisturizers, but I didn’t notice them. My shaving experience.
Cons: Average shave. Doesn’t seem much different than all the other Edge shaving gels. Nothing in it that gives a user energy. Energy scent isn’t really noticeable. Joe Francis is a dick.

12 thoughts to “Edge Energy”

  1. Maybe next time you are eating out in public, you can pull the can out and offer an “energizing” dollop to those eating pie. Okay, they must be drunk first so they don’t question why this “Energy-infused” dessert topping smells of musk and causes the urge to shave.

  2. Caffeinated shaving gel…what an intriguing idea. I bet the makers of Shower Shock are hard at work on it right now.

    My favorite Richard Simmons workout video title is “Dance Your Pants Off.” If they ever release that on DVD you’ll have to do a review.

  3. Shaving oil? Really all you need is a good soap free facial wash to clean your face and hair of dirt and oil to allow warm water to saturate the hair follicle. The wetter the hair the easier to shave, so, the closer the shave. Forget the shaving oil, unless it is King of Shaves. Use a good King of Shaves shave gel like the Magna-gel, or Ultra gel. You will get the closest shave of your life.

  4. I like death metal.. great stuff in the morning. better than any of those energy drinks.

  5. Another great review, but now what I really want to know is….what does testosterone smell like?
    Something nice, I hope.

  6. No no no. 5’2″ with a 31″ inseam, shaving is never enjoyable. Even with your eloquent phrasing, caffeine, beer, cookies and George Clooney, I will never enjoy shaving as much as you.

    Okay, maybe if George Clooney is there, it might be okay. But thanks to this review, I won’t be using this cream when that time comes.

    Then again, if George Clooney is around, my legs will have already been shaved and I’ll have other things planned for the evening.

    That was too much information, right?

  7. ooohhh, I spy a recommendation for a review on a Richard Simmons workout tape! I could set that up for you… In the original VHS version!
    Did you know you don’t necessarily need to be doing a Richard Simmons workout video to get energy? You can point and laugh at my mom (clad in bright pink shorts, plastic banana clip and reebok shoes)… Which is what I plan to do for a kick every time she exercises.

  8. “All you need to get a great shave is a sharp razor blade, some pre-shave oil, a really good shaving cream that doesn’t foam up a lot, hot water, aftershave balm, and some Jack Johnson music.”

    You p***y. You don’t need all that crap. A real man just uses a razor and water. In a pinch, the water can go.

  9. Michael – Use it to not shave? I don’t know if you’ve seen how hairy I am. I need shaving cream/gel or else I turn into hunting game.

    Shannon – Go to sleep.

    Chuck – I don’t think any of Richard Simmons videos are on DVD. I guess they figured old people don’t know how to work those fancy pansy contraptions.

    Mark – I do like King of Shaves products and that’s why I recommend it to others.

    Bikerbabeee – Death metal is not great stuff in the morning. Death metal is great all the fucking time. 🙂

    Perkins – I kick it old school when it comes to shaving my face, but kick it new school when I’m shaving my twigs and berries.

    StephanieS – I don’t think it has a smell and it’s a chemical so I don’t it would smell good.

    Kylie – I hear Clooney is single, so he might have time to help you shave and to help you with other things.

    yawnie – Pfff…What’s a VHS?

    Jon – King of Shaves products. Art of Shaving products. Something that’s slick and doesn’t foam too much.

    Reprobate – No. A real man goes hunting for sharks, kills one, makes like a shark dentist and pulls all its teeth out and forges a shaving blade out of them.

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