REVIEW: McCafe Tuxedo Brownie

The idea of getting a fancy pastry from McDonald’s is like getting your entertainment from MTV, it’s best to have low expectations because of its source, which should’ve stuck to their roots instead of branching out into other areas.

The Golden Arches has been trying to take advantage of Starbucks’ popularity by introducing in some of their McDonald’s restaurants the McCafe, which offers coffees, coffee drinks, fruit smoothies, and pastries, like the McCafe Tuxedo Brownie.

Just like all Mike Myers’ films after “So I Married An Axe Murderer,” I had low expectations for the McCafe Tuxedo Brownie, which consisted of a fudge top, a chewy brownie middle, and a crunchy bottom that seemed to consist of Oreo crumbs and white chocolate.

It reminded me of something I would find in Chili’s or Applebees, except without the obligatory scoop of vanilla ice cream and the boring restaurant decor. The design on top of the Tuxedo Brownie looked like cappuccino art and brought back memories from those times I spent trying to perfect my curly brackets in trigonometry class.

The box it came in was significantly bigger than the pastry itself and it also came in a fancy schmancy McCafe brown paper bag with paper handles, which will be recycled and used as a gift bag filled with dog poop, set on fire, and given to someone I don’t like.

You know who you are.

The Tuxedo Brownie was as dense as the words that come out of Spencer Pratt’s mouth whenever he opens it. As a matter of fact, it was so dense that I couldn’t eat the whole thing in one sitting, but that denseness made it chewy, which is just how I like my brownies.

Unfortunately, it didn’t really taste like a brownie because the fudge top overpowered the rest of it. Overall, it was good, which surprised the hell out of me, although I could probably do a better job with some fudge, brownie mix, chocolate chips, macadamia nuts, an Iron Chef, and a degree from a half-decent French culinary school.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to TIB reader Kylie for recommending the McCafe pastries for review. I think I still feel it in my gut.)

Item: McCafe Tuxedo Brownie
Price: $2.75
Purchased at: McDonald’s McCafe
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Good. Chewy. Seems inexpensive. Looks fancy. Comes in a fancy schmancy brown paper bag with handles. “So I Married An Axe Murderer.” MTV when they played music videos.
Cons: Doesn’t really taste like a brownie. Denseness may turn off some. Comes in huge box. Not available at all McDonald’s. Unknown nutrition facts. Spencer Pratt. Trigonometry. MTV today.

29 thoughts to “REVIEW: McCafe Tuxedo Brownie”

  1. at least it wasn’t as pricey as starbucks food. McCafe service sucked at the beretania mickey-d’s… And the coffee drinks were diluted too much with milk. McDonald’s needs a McBarista if they’re going to try to grab some fivebucks market share.

  2. Good job McSmacks, this sounds tasty as a mofo. I’m sure there’s enough saturated fat in that brick to sustain a village in Zimbabwe. Pair this bad boy up with one of those coffee drinks and you got a treat…

  3. “McCafe”?

    This is blasphemy. Making overpriced snacks that I could make for half the cost at home is Starbucks’ job. >>

  4. that looks goooooood. And it’s nice to see that McDonalds is doing their part in reducing their packaging waste.

  5. Ugh. Frosted brownies. One of the worst sweet things in the world. I likes my brownies unfrosted, thanks very much. Plus I’m diabetic, too.

  6. The mcdonalds head office has a mccafe in their restaurant(well the one in burnaby, bc does) and they get all the new fancy stuff first! I might have to take a drive over.. it looks yummy!

  7. I’ve never liked brownies with any kind of icing. It’s just wrong, somehow. It’s a brownie, not cake, people!

  8. I had a brownie like this the other day minus the frosting shiz and I almost died. And not in a good way.

    That thing would most definitely kill me.

  9. “Woman … woe-man … whoooooooaaah-man. She was a thief, you got to belief, she stole my heart and my cat…”

    Just like McDonald’s stole my love for delicious, gooey brownies.

  10. ehh it looks ok. it looks extremely dense i am not really a fan of brownies, but i have heard that the one good thing from the mcCafe is the ived coffee.

  11. Ah, the McCafe experience…I’m not a coffeehouse snob, but I had to laugh when my McBarista (admittedly one of the managers just filling in) spooned HOT FOAM on to my ICED latte.

  12. It looks better than the old dry out brownies they used to sell at McDonalds. I tried to find locations for McCafe in the US but could only find it for Australia. They dont promote it much in the states.

  13. Looks a lot better than the Bow Tie Brownie I had at Chippendales. Who knew that a dessert could be so homoerotic?

  14. PJS coffee and tea (Southern Coffee chain) has the exact same thing in some locations! So you really weren’t far off with the Starbucks comments

  15. wait.. your rock in the middle of the ocean has a McCafe.. and my overpriced tourist trap home town area does not???.. Oh I am so not happy now!@..%*…

  16. I still haven’t worked up the nerve to order a latte from there.

    To hell with the brownies! I’m a baker and I’ll make my own. Thanks for taking the guy and testing it out for me. I feel this urge to bake you something amazing and send it to you.

  17. Oops! Typing on a blackberry can create odd sentrances sometimes.

    Above was supposed to read “thanks for taking the hit…”. Not sure about the guy part

  18. i wanted to clarify that McCafe has been around in Argentina for some years now. Of course, just last month Starbucks arrived, so there wasn’t competition for McDonald’s. The coffee is better than the regular one, the cakes are amazing, they have muffins and etc. It’s a bit pricey for us, but it’s still cheap against proper coffee shops with real, you know, food.

  19. Where the hell are McCafes??? Is McDonald’s taking over the world?!?? Scary.

    p.s. $2.75 for one brownie actually IS expensive.

  20. April – I think most of the newer McDonald’s have it, I think.

    yawnie – Yeah the service was bad when we went and the drinks weren’t very good, but at least this Tuxedo brownie was good.

    Alex Lifeson – I don’t know if people in Zimbabwe would eat this because it looks like a zebra and I think it zebras are sacred in Zimbabwe.

    Katie – Actually, you should’ve said “WHAT IS THIS McMADNESS.”

    Captain Needa – I think they should taken a Big Mac container and stuck the brownie in that instead.

    Reprobate – I like my brownies with as much chocolate as humanly possible.

    Lex – I wish my McDonald’s had all the latest menu items. But now that I think about it, it might be a bad thing because I would get really fat.

    Chuck – But frosting makes everything better.

    webmiztris – Just wish upon a star and your dream will come true.

    Kendra – I ate most of it and I’m still here, so I think you should be alright if you ate the whole thing. P.S. – We love you too.

    ChrisP – McDonald stole my 30 inch waistline.

    liz – I also tried the Chai drink, which wasn’t very good because it seems like the person who made it did it know what they were doing.

  21. Leanne – The person who made my drink at the McCafe had to look at the instruction manual while making it.

    ie – I think the McCafes can be found in the newer McDonald’s restaurants. So if you have a McDonald’s nearby that’s been refurbished it probably has one inside.

    Reprobate – as long as your teeth don’t fall out.

    Ace – Yes, a banana split is the most painful sounding dessert ever.

    FS – Wow. Is there anyone that McDonald’s won’t copy?

    K.C. – Unfortunate, it’s not warm.

    bikerbabeee – Oh yeah, how you like this rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean now? Booyah!

    Kylie – Meh. Don’t bother ordering a latte from there because most likely you’ll end up with someone who doesn’t know what they’re doing. As for your typing error, at least you didn’t type ” Thanks for taking the guy and testing him out for me.”

    sol – Wow. Who knew that Argentina would be so far ahead of the United States in McDonald’s technology.

    dee – I say you visit all of the McDonald’s in your area. I’m sure you’ll find a McCafe in one of them.

    britmex7 – Sorry no greasy meat flavor or smell. I’m pretty sure that the fry jockeys and the burger betties don’t make this in the back. It’s probably premade.

  22. So I Married An Axe Murderer – a classic. “…oh I hated the Colonel, with his wee beady eyes…”

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