Jack in the Box Pita Snacks

First off, if you’re reading this review in the morning, I apologize for the rude awakening the picture above of the new Jack in the Box Pita Snacks has given you. If you’re reading this review in the evening, I would like to say I’m sorry for the nightmares the photo on top are about to give you. I know the picture above looks as scary as a photo of the Doodlebops. Oh crap! If you just clicked that link for pictures of the Doodlebops, I apologize for the possible nightmare orgy of Pita Snacks and brightly dressed children’s television show characters, which could eventually lead to a rainbow orgy in your mind of Yo Gabba Gabba!, Doodlebops, and Teletubbies.

If you love chomping down on animals, the Jack in the Box pretty much has most of your meats covered with their Pita Snacks, offering it in chicken (center), beef (right), and fish (left). The chicken one comes with either the deliciously unhealthy crispy chicken or the slightly less daring grilled chicken, the beef version consists of strips of marinated sirloin steak, while the fish one has a breaded fish fillet. All Pita Snacks also feature shredded cheddar cheese, shredded lettuce, and a chipotle sauce wrapped in a pita made with whole grain.

I was pleasantly surprised by the Jack in the Box Pita Snacks in size and taste. Despite have the word “Snack” in its name, they were remarkably well-sized. I was afraid its size was going to be disappointing like the KFC Snacker or a male Asian porn star, but they were as big as a Taco Bell Chalupa, except with less farting.

I tried the grilled chicken, sirloin, and fish versions in one sitting and pretty much enjoyed them all, thanks to the chipotle sauce, which gave the Pita Snacks a nice heat and flavor, but didn’t overwhelming the meat in them. Without the sauce, each Pita Snack would be the equivalent of a telenovela without the steamy love triangle and excessive face slaps. The grilled chicken and sirloin were tender and the breaded fish had a nice crunchy coating, although that crunch coating probably caused the fish version to be unhealthier than the other two.

The iceberg lettuce didn’t add much to the pita package, which really wasn’t surprising since iceberg lettuce has never made a significant contribution to any dish. As for the cheddar cheese, it also didn’t add anything to the Pita Snacks, but its radioactive orange color might make it easier for your subconscious mind to stick the Jack in the Box Pita Snacks into your nightmare orgy of fuzzy children’s television characters.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pita snack – Fish – 380 calories, 19 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of cholesterol, 780 milligrams of sodium, 170 milligrams of potassium, 39 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 13 grams of protein. Grilled Chicken – 310 calories, 13 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 50 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 210 milligrams of potassium, 31 grams of carbs, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 17 grams of protein, Sirloin Steak – 350 calories, 16 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, 3 grams of dietary fiber, 2 grams of sugar, 19 grams of protein.)

Item: Jack in the Box Pita Snacks
Price: $2.99 ($1.99 in most other places)
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Grilled chicken)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Sirloin steak)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Fish)
Pros: Chipotle sauce was tasty and spicy, but not too spicy. Pita made with whole grain, but what isn’t made out of whole grain nowadays. Bigger than I thought they would be. Tender grilled chicken and sirloin. Less farting than a Taco Bell Chalupa. Reasonably priced at $1.99.
Cons: Eating three in one sitting. Use of iceberg lettuce. Messy to eat. Fish had 2 grams of trans fat and was the unhealthiest of the three. Lettuce and cheese didn’t add much. A rainbow orgy of fuzzy children’s television characters haunting your dreams. Having to pay $2.99 for each, instead of the more reasonably priced $1.99.

30 thoughts to “Jack in the Box Pita Snacks”

  1. Marvo…you totally are screwing with me again. I don’t have a Jack in the Box! Ugh! Being on the east coast sucks. I would try this if I was in California in the hot heat or in Washington state in rain…lots of rain.

  2. Those sound tasty and look…well they sound tasty. My inner nutritionist is screaming at something with 300+ calories and at least 13 grams of fat being called a snack, but I think I’m going to have to ignore that bitch and try one of these for lunch. Chipotle sauce does make everything delicious, after all.

    Also: I’m suddenly very damn glad I do not have any small television watching children right now.

  3. Those Pitas bring back bad memorys of my honeymoon night and my wife parting her legs. Picture that one of the chicken pita with 4 or 5 brunette colored brillo pads for hair.
    Wow I think Im getting sick now……..

  4. The Doodlebops remind me of the horny aliens in Earth Girls are Easy. And quite frankly, those pita snacks look like something a bird would feed its child. (Vomit, basically. Isn’t nature science a good old hootenanny?)

  5. They look like grosser versions (the pictures anyway) of Quizno’s Sammies. You should try the Sammies. Do they have Quizno’s in Hawaii? Well, if they do, Sammies are pretty tasty too.

  6. I tried to figure out what those – erm, ingredients? – were in the photo before I read the review. I managed to identify lettuce.

  7. They don’t look that bad.. I have eaten their tacos before and the amount of grease was sickening…
    Geez Marvo, you are on a Jack in the Box kick right now!!

  8. I’m starting an Impulsive Buy Southeast Version blog. I’m tired of these Jack in the Box reviews. I’ll put Krystal and Chick-fil-A reviews in there instead.

  9. Gross-looking! They all look like the toppings are chewed up and barfed back onto the pitas for ease in eating. Or worse.

  10. I love that you know Yo Gabba Gabba. I thought only inattentive parents that let their babies watch tv (spitting in the face of the American Academy of Pediatrics) know about that. And the wonderful, sanity-saving, secret world of Noggin. Please, please go watch Maggie and the Ferocious Beast so I may welcome you to my world.

  11. Those look pretty bad. If the nutritional info is right, that photo represents a close to 900 calorie snack?

    A few more JITB reviews and a crew from The Maury Povich Show is going to have to come and hack a wall down to get you out of your house.

  12. You are terrible at math, Anonymous. No wonder you wanted to hide your name. It’s a 1040 calorie snack, not a close to 900 calorie snack.

    And Marvo, thank YOU for exposing your body to Jack in the Box for us so we don’t have to. When you die of a heart attack (eventually), I’ll salute you and have a 21-item binge.


    hahaha , Beezy

  14. Wow, Marvo. You sure your body can take all this Jack In the Box? That shit can be pretty nasty! These looked like they were hit by the same ugly stick that hit the breakfast bowl thing.

  15. My dear reprobate: Marvo’s entry was amended; the nutritional information was added later, A$$.

  16. Marvo, thank you for the pics, now I will not have to run down to try these revolting creations. JB is normally my default when I cannot find an In-N-Out. JB is getting really out there with some of the stuff they are creating lately. Hopefully, the testers will stop smoking the Mary J. BEFORE they create something and make something new and actually appetizing next time.
    At least they taste better than they look.. I will take your word for it.

  17. @Shannon – I apologize for the downpour of JITB reviews, but if it makes you feel any better, everyday I yearn for a fresh White Castle Slider and I would have to fly over 5,000 miles to get one. With airfares the way they are now, my chances of getting one are slim. So go to a White Castle and eat a dozen of those little burgers and say to yourself, “Yeah, how do you like me now, Marvo! Beeyatch!

    @Laurafizz – My inner nutritionist has given up on me and just mumbles things like, “Oh, do whatever you want, you fucking slob.”

    @Neil – I thought all women get a Brazilian wax before their wedding. Or maybe that’s just in my perfect world where no one has pubic hair.

    @Reprobate – Earth Girls are Easy? Wait…are you talking about the mainstream film or the porn? There’s a difference, ya know.

    @Chuck – Hmm…There are worse pictures I could show than my armpit, but someone would add it to their shrine. I’m not gonna say who, but you know.

    @Heidi – Yup, we have Quiznos in Hawaii, but I haven’t gone to one since the prime rib incident of 2006.

    @SheRa – I’ve been told that I’m the opposite of what you typed.

    @Tiggy – If it has the word pita in it, it’s probably going to have lettuce according to the Book of Jack in the Box.

    @armauld – I’d really like to try a crunchy lettuce taco. That would be impressive.

    @Lex – Sadly, I am and my gut is telling me that I should stop.

    @Natalie – You should, but don’t call it theimpulsivebuysoutheastversion.com because it’s too long of a name.

  18. @Molly – Oh, that’s why they were tender. That explains everything.

    @dramastically – I believe I deleted Noggin from my TV after spending an afternoon watching it and realizing that I was acting like a 1-year-old. How did I know I was acting like a 1-year-old? I was drooling…a lot.

    @Anonymous – If Maury Povich brings Connie Chung I’ll knock down any wall to get next her her. GROWL!!! COUGAR ALERT!!!

    @Kendra – Neil just needs a number to a salon.

    @Reprobate – Hey. I totally suck at math too. 5+7=Paris’ IQ. So when I die of a heart attack and you salute me with a 21-item binge, can I pick the 21 items? It’s a simple list. 21 pitchers of Stoli Blueberry vodka because that will probably kill you and then you can join me in hell and we can play pattycake with each other.

    @stephanie – I think I will try it this weekend, but that taco shell freaks me out.

    @bebebeezyi had to write in all lowercase and small to compensate for your use of the caps lock button

    @Luna – Sadly, my body can handle Jack in the Box, but it can’t handle tickling.

    @bikerbabeee – If there was a bridge from this rock to the closest In-N-Out, I would drive there. Although, I would probably run out of gas a tenth of the way there.

  19. My kids LOVE LOVE LOVE Yo Gabba Gabba- it’s like a bad acid trip. Not that I would know.

    Anyway, that food looks disgusting- like someone vomited into pita bread. At least it tasted better than it looks.

  20. @Alisha – Anything with that much color in it will always be a bad acid trip.

    @Luna – I don’t know if I could handle that.

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