REVIEW: Gerber Graduates For Toddlers Strawberry Yogurt Melts

Thank goodness I don’t have to regress in age to enjoy these Gerber Graduates For Toddlers Strawberry Yogurt Melts, because if did and wasn’t able to return to my normal 32-year-old self, I don’t know who would potty train me, fill my sippy cup, and scold me for my “terrible twos” temper tantrums.

The Yogurt Melts are shaped like little Barbie pink piles of dog poop and consists of 99% real yogurt and fruit in a freeze-dried form, which makes it easy for little ones to chew, swallow, and throw it back at you during one of their temper tantrums that makes you wish for a very slight moment that you had used some form of birth control during that sexual romp in the living room after watching an episode of Talk Sex with Sue Johanson on the Oxygen Network. Like most regular yogurt and multi-ethnic areas, like San Francisco and New York City, these contain a variety of live and active cultures, which help with digestion and overall health.

If you’ve had strawberry yogurt in your life, then you’ll have an idea of what these Yogurt Melts taste like. They also had the same taste and texture as strawberry astronaut freeze-dried ice cream, so you probably won’t need to go to a planetarium or space museum if you’re jonesing for strawberry astronaut ice cream after smoking a fat bowl and watching Harold and Kumar achieve their goal of getting White Castle. I personally enjoyed the taste of the Yogurt Melts and the feeling of them dissolving in my mouth. They’re quite addictive and I’m surprised I didn’t eat the whole bag in one sitting.

One thing I didn’t like about the Strawberry Yogurt Melts is that when I chewed on them, they stuck to the contours on the top of my back teeth, which made it feel like I had foam fillings. I could’ve just let them melt away, but that took too long, so I instead used my fingernails to dislodge the melted freeze-dried snack from my teeth. Another thing I didn’t like about it was its price, which seemed kind of high for something in this size. But I guess if it’s for the future citizens of our planet, whose taxes will help take care of my medical insurance and whose job it will be to change my adult diapers when I’m 106 years old, it’s probably worth it.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/4 cup – 30 calories, 0 g of fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 15 mg of sodium, 50 mg of potassium, 5 g of carbohydrates, 0 g of dietary fiber, 4 g of sugar, 1 g of protein, 0% vitamin C, 0% vitamin A, 0% iron, 4% calcium, and possibly 30 seconds of quiet time with the toddler while they chew on them.)

Item: Gerber Graduates For Toddlers Strawberry Yogurt Melts
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 1 ounce
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Tasted like strawberry yogurt. 99% real yogurt and fruit. Contains live and active cultures. Easy to chew and swallow. Reminded me of strawberry astronaut ice cream. Kind of addictive. Talk Sex with Sue Johanson. I liked the feeling of them dissolving in my mouth.
Cons: Slightly pricey. Doesn’t seem like you get a lot for what you pay for. Gets stuck to teeth. Looked like little Barbie pink piles of poop. The “terrible twos.” An adult eating toddler food.

19 thoughts to “REVIEW: Gerber Graduates For Toddlers Strawberry Yogurt Melts”

  1. Ahahahaha…I made you crave astronaut ice cream. I feel that I’ve made a difference in the world.

  2. I dunno…there’s probably another reason why you like eating these. Is it just ol’ perverted me or do these look like certain anatomical female body parts? Like say, boobs and…well, pink?

  3. I dunno guys, being a girl and all and knowing nothing about boobs, they don’t really look like them to me…

  4. what made you decide to purchase these? i don’t think it would ever occur to me to buy any type of baby/toddler food for my own consumption.

  5. Amy…sometimes we must nourish the child within. Some of us like to eat toddler food. Others like to be treated like a baby. I just like to make boom boom in my underwear, and it’s a sacrifice I have to make since I wear boxers. 🙁

  6. You should try putting the Gerber dried banana bites in your cereal. Delicious! They aren’t hard like normal dried bananas, and it’s so much easier than cutting up your own bananas.

    I think they come in strawberry and apple forms, too.

  7. i love the people who enjoy this website as much as i do. reprobate-your nickname is so perfect and apt for you. i feel like that time in college when i worked at a restaurant and the kitchen staff was sooo, well, reprobate. i loved it and was a bit shocked all at once….:)

  8. Seriously, I would’ve given these at least an 8.5 out of 10. Thank God my sister had a child 11 months ago because without her I would not have gotten to experience the delight that is Gerber’s Graduates Yogurt Melts for who knows how long. The berry ones are my favorite. :-X

    I also like the fruit puffs.

    The Lil Crunchies taste like stale cheeseballs.

  9. @Shannon – I don’t think I’ll ever grow up, because I’m a Toys ‘R Us kid.

    @armauld – Yes, you did. Now I must find actual astronaut ice cream.

    @Chuck – Look for that in 2010 or 2012 or when dogs learn to type.

    @Reprobate – If they’re boobs, they have HUGE nipples.

    @Nevis – You will pick this up and you will enjoy it and you will get them stuck between your teeth.

    @Heidi – I know. I’m looking at mine and they don’t look anything like them.

    @Bryan – Silly. Milk comes from the cow’s ding-a-ling.

  10. @lex – Not as sad as I look with diapers.

    @amy – I am attracted to the word “New.”

    @Lilli – I somewhat enjoy cutting banana, because it’s the only exercise I get.

    @amy – I love the people who visit too. They give me life like blood and vampire.

    @Jen McB – If the packaging was a little bigger and had more in it, I would’ve given it an 8 rating.

    @Neil – Freeze-dried meat? Freeze-dried bacon?

  11. My friend tasted my baby’s food the last time I was at home. He dipped his chip into baby’s chicken vegetable dinner, and said..”yuck”, then, “you won’t try it, but you’ll shove that crap into your baby?”

    But I really like Graduates Finger Foods Banana Puffs. Yum! I can’t wait to try the yogurt thingies.

  12. when my daughter was a baby (she’s 3 and a half now), she wouldn’t touch the gerber freeze-dried strawberries and bananas (or apples), no matter how many times i tried to get her to eat them. she’d just kind of spit them all over the place immediately, and let me tell you, they can get kind of sticky and generally yucky-feeling.

    and it’s really more like the “terrible threes” than “terrible twos”, trust me.

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