REVIEW: Nice Look Drink

They did it. I can’t fucking believe it. Someone is selling a canned beverage that has bird spit in it. Is demand really that high? Or was there a choice between a drink based on bird spit or bird balls soup? I guess the Nice Look Drink is a Chinese energy drink or something like it, judging by its cheesy name and the can is the size of a Red Bull. The avian saliva comes from the bird’s nest soup in the beverage, which according to Wikipedia is believed to, “aid digestion, raise libido, improve the voice, alleviate asthma, improve focus, and boost the immune system.”

So basically, it’s a fuck drink. Oh, and the ingredient list is mercifully short too: water, white fungus, bird’s nest, rock sugar, and vanilla. So it’s an organic fuck drink, I stand corrected.

I popped the top open to find myself inhaling a rather unusual smell for a beverage. It smells like a Chinese bakery, a really good one that has fresh baked buns, cakes, and tarts. It’s actually one of my favorite kinds of smells when I was a kid, visiting bakeries in Toronto on the way to see my relatives. Although, it is a bit strange to smell baked goods just before you fuck; nothing like a freshly baked pie before you get your pie!

It gets worse. Although, I’ll admit, how good can a drink based on a soup loaded with bird hock really be? Especially if it looks like the toilet bowl at my work, loaded with piss and toilet paper? Nice Look Drink, my ass. I should have bought the Ass Am Milk Tea instead. At least you get what you pay for, literally.

It feels thicker than water, like sugar syrup, and the fungus/bird’s nest feels pretty gelatinous on the tongue. It’s kind of like a thin egg drop soup, so to speak.

How does it taste? It almost tastes like Yeo’s White Gourd drink (similar smell, too), with a sweet bread/cookie-ish taste to it. That’s not to say it’s good. It’s not. There’s also this floweriness to it that peaks in the aftertaste. And I’ve never been much of a fan of flowers in food. I think it feminizes the food somehow. It’s sort of like dressing Batman up with pink or Scottish plaid external underwear instead of the black underwear. It just doesn’t work.

I wish I was in California, cause then I could recycle this crap and get 5 cents back, which I’d use for a cheap tranny hooker.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 godawful can – 72 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 12 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of dietary fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein, and 400% DV of bird hawk.)

Item: Nice Look Drink
Size: 250 ml
Purchased at: China Mart
Rating: 1 out of 10
Pros: Chinese bakery smell. Fuck drink. Probably organic. Short list of ingredients. Recyclable in California for $0.05. Cheap tranny hookers.
Cons: Sweet bread taste. Flowery-ness. Thin texture. Piss and TP appearance. Bird hawk. Misleading name. Batman without black undies.

14 thoughts to “REVIEW: Nice Look Drink”

  1. To much use of the F word in this review I did not enjoy reading it your to smart to keep swearing like that

  2. Bird’s nest drinks have been around for some time. The one I’ve tried came with the in-your-face name “Bird’s nest drink.” Tasted like (cane) sugar water since that’s pretty much what it was … Only with little slivers of bird loogies at the bottom.

    With this advancement in energy drink tehnology, I look forward to finding tiger ‘nads energy drinks. Or rather, getting Marvo to down such.

  3. I have birds, so I think I won’t invite Marvo or the Lazy Canadian over for Christmas dinner.

  4. I agree with Neil. You don’t need to try to be clever and swear every other sentence to try to win us over. Actual wit would be more appreciated.

  5. D, I agree with your agreeance (wit definitely wins)..although..Neil is either righteous or bipolar..
    Cause on the ‘Nice Look’ drink review he was like…

    “These are chinese. The last chinese I ate was a quart of
    weefuckemyoung with shrimp toast.
    later that night i served up to my wife – cumofsomyoungguy”

  6. Is five “fucks” considered a lot? I personally think the two “fuck drink” references were necessary, since “sex drink” and “gettin’ it on drink” just doesn’t have the same punch. The others could’ve been swapped with something else, but as the one who edits each review I kept them in because I felt they gave each sentence they were used in a lot more emphasis.

    I say Reprobate was channeling his inner Lewis Black, which isn’t a bad thing.

Comments are closed.