REVIEW: Bigelow Eggnogg’n Tea

When I saw this tea, I had a vision that was as horrifying as it was freaky. I envisioned Bam Bam Bigelow was behind this tea company. I imagined him at board meetings in his flaming leotard with a striped blue tie and sipping tea from a dainty ceramic cup with a silver teapot. And God help you if you give Bam Bam any lip or a TPS report missing the new cover. Alas, he’s not the founder of the company.

Eggnog and tea. Oh, dear God. Are we out of possible fruit tea combinations already? Last time I checked, there was lemon, raspberry, and orange zinger. No one has done durian or starfruit or kiwi tea, yet. There’s probably a gold mine in those flavors. Or how about a refreshing garlic tea? But seriously, what were the people behind this tea thinking, bringing together an egg-based beverage and tea?

Here’s an idea, Bigelow Tea.

Roasty Chestnut Tea. It’s as wintery as eggnog and you can have a picture of two chestnuts roasting over the fire on the box. “It’ll warm your chestnuts up in no time at all!” could be its slogan.

All kidding and insanity aside, this tea is actually pretty good. The tea bag pre-teabagging, smells very much like cinnamon oatmeal, but nothing like eggnog. It’s actually quite homely and uplifting. The tea itself, after the steeping process, has a color somewhere between black and green tea which isn’t a surprise since it is made with those two teas. It retains the oatmeal smell, which is quite pleasant since most teas tend to smell musky like, say, Bam Bam Bigelow’s armpit.

The taste of this tea, well, doesn’t exactly live up to its name. There’s nothing rich or custardy about this tea, but it does sort of taste creamy-ish if you consider instant oatmeal creamy. It tastes like tea with a mild cinnamon spice and notes of instant oatmeal. I liked it, but it may not be for everyone. It’s also heavier to most other teas, which definitely makes it a winter tea, but that’s like saying a dog-shaped balloon is heavier than a helium balloon. They’re both still light.

The tea is a little more expensive compared to other teas available on the market, but still a decent product. All in all, it’s a good tea that suffers from a terrible name. Now if only there was a Bam Bam Bigelow Tea that came in a black box covered in flames.

Nutrition Facts – 1 tea bag – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 0 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbs, 0 gram of fiber, 0 grams of sugar, 0 gram of protein, and testicle-free.)

Item: Bigelow Eggnoggin’ Tea
Price: $3.49
Size: 8 ounces
Purchased at: Holiday Market
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Instant Cinnamon Oatmeal smell and flavor. Decent bargain. Bam Bam Bigelow Tea. Bam Bam Bigelow the Executive
Cons: Nothing eggnogg-y about this tea. Bam Bam Bigelow’s armpit. Heavier tea. Stupid name. Garlic tea.

15 thoughts to “REVIEW: Bigelow Eggnogg’n Tea”

  1. Oh my God this sounds disgusting. Just the thing to push a hungover person over the edge and make a mad dash to the porcelain throne to barf. Might be handy on New Year’s Day if you hate your coworkers or roomates and can stay sober the night before.

  2. I don’t think I’ll try this. I love eggnog and I love tea, but not together. This sounds like it would be a poor man’s Chai.

    Love the happy penguins, though.

  3. After Christmas does santa eat rein deer steaks and the wash it down with an after dinner eggnog tea i believe so

  4. This tea was made for milk and honey. It changes the smell AND the taste to a much closer approximation.

    Next, do the Sugar cookie tea. The smell of it steeping will leave you breathless! Your nose will get cavaties!

  5. i might like this. i like bigelow’s “constant comment” tea with sweetened condensed milk. it’s a waist buster, but oh, so tasty!

  6. I hate tea in all forms. There is a quote from one of the Hitchhiker’s books from someone when Arthur is trying to make tea that’s something along the lines of “So you want the taste of dried leaves in boiled water” that’s always stuck with me.

  7. Great review. But I think you may have meant ‘homey’ instead of ‘homely’… unless it’s a particularly unattractive tea.

  8. I seriously think you are incorrect (albeit humorous) in your egg nog tea review. I love it. There I said it. I love this tea. You see, I come from a long line of egg nog sippers of various forms. We’ve even taken to making real egg nog. That being said, I am also a diabetic so egg nog (sugary and aromatic) is not my friend. This tea is. It is very egg noggy and doesn’t raise blood sugar at all. Bravo to Bigelow! I also bought the ginger one and will be trying it soon. I’m also going to share the five boxes of tea this Christmas as stocking stuffers.

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