REVIEW: Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal

Cookie Crisp has always had the potential to be THE GREATEST CEREAL THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN. All General Mills, the maker of Cookie Crisp, has to do to make this happen is to turn to the dark side, but they haven’t done it, yet, with their new Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal.

When I say “dark side,” I’m not talking about the one filled with anger and hate that turned Anakin Skywalker into the heartless and powerful Darth Vader. Instead, I’m talking about the one that’s filled with greed and gluttony and has the ability to turn an ordinary couch potato into the heart-diseased and easily winded Girth Vider.

This dark side also has the ability to turn Trix into something you would want to eat with a condom on, preferably on your tongue, unless you pay extra to fuck it.

If General Mills did turn to the dark side and wanted Cookie Crisp to be THE GREATEST CEREAL THE WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN, the cereal would be made up of actual mini cookies, and none of these unsatisfying cookie-shaped pieces.

These cookies would be made with enough milk to make a cow’s udder spew dust, enough flour to make it look like one just came from a 1980s cocaine party, enough eggs to make PETA protest, enough butter to make Paula Deen weep, enough sugar to rot one’s teeth instantly and enough love to make one file a restraining order.

Unfortunately, the Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal maintains the status quo with its vanilla-flavored cereal with colorful sprinkles on top. It has a flavor that’s similar to regular Cookie Crisp, except without the slight chocolate chip flavor, proving the sprinkles are just there to distract from the fact that the cereal has no personality, like silicone breast implants do for most female reality show contestants.

I prefer regular Cookie Crisp over Sprinkles Cookie Crisp, but that’s just me, because I tend to prefer chocolately cereals. So if Cookie Crisp decided to go to the dark side and sell a box that contains nothing but Mini Oreos or Mini Chips Ahoy, I would purchase that in a heartbeat and then wait for that heartbeat to quicken as I turn into Girth Vider.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 cup with skim milk – 140 calories, 1 gram of fat, less than 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 240 milligrams of potassium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 16 grams of sugar, 12 grams of other carbohydrates, 5 grams of protein and a whole lot of vitamins and minerals.)

(Note: Here’s an old review I did for Peanut Butter Cookie Crisp. I’m not sure if it still exists.)

Item: Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal
Price: $5.49
Size: 12.2 ounces
Purchased at: Foodland
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Like regular Cookie Crisp, except without the light chocolate chip flavor. Sprinkles give the cereal some color. Going to the dark side, if you’re a cereal company. A cereal made up of Mini Oreos or Mini Chips Ahoy.
Cons: Not better than regular Cookie Crisp. Kind of boring. Not made up of actual cookies. Turning into Girth Vider. Going to the dark side, if you’re a Jedi. Most reality show contestants. Eating Trix that has turned to the dark side.

17 thoughts to “REVIEW: Sprinkles Cookie Crisp Cereal”

  1. I had forgotten that Cookie Crisp existed! I loved that cereal when I was a kid and could nearly eat a whole box at one sitting. Now that I remember it, I’m glad it’s not sold in Japan or I’d be joining you in the expanding borders league.

  2. @Orchid64: Cookie Crisp isn’t as good as it was when we were growing up. I think it’s the whole grains they use. I miss really sugary cereals. 🙁

  3. @Marvo – It seems like all the kids’ cereals from back in the day taste different (& mostly nasty). Honey Combs is like that too. Is it them or did our taste buds morph into sophistication?

  4. So wait, Cookie Crisp cereal isn’t actually made of real cookies? I always kind of assumed it was (from the commercials back in the day, it certainly looked like just a big bowl of cookies). I never had it, but always thought the idea of just eating a bowl of cookies for breakfast was awesome. Kind of disappointing to learn they’re just cookie-shaped/flavored bits of cereal. Oh well, at least I know there’s real smack in my Honey Smacks.

  5. I am in cookie heaven with cookie crisp cereal. Unfortunely my current diet doesn’t allow this food in my presence. If it comes within reach I literally turn into the cookie monster.

  6. @Yum Yucky: They say as one grows older, their taste buds change and lose some flavor. I think I read that in Reader’s Digest, which proves I am old or spend a lot of time in dentist’s offices.

    @Erin Brooks: You can always be young on the inside.

    @Chuck: You should pick up a box and give them a try. Now that you’re an adult, you can eat them during any time of day.

    @TomHandy: I also wish there were real jacks in Apple Jacks.

    @amanda: Rationalize it. Cookie Crisp is still better than a bowl of actual cookies. It has whole grains. It’s fortified with vitamins and minerals. Doesn’t that make it sound better? Now go enjoy.

  7. As our family usually cooks through about a box of cereal per day, I’m sure I’ll see this come through the rotation in between C. toast crunch and Honeycomb.

    New Coke didn’t work (Darryl Strawberry excluded)….so why do the cereal companies want to keep throwing out cereals that look like candy bars—-ah yes….my kids will throw 2 boxes in the grocery cart.

  8. @Review Spew: Yup, it’s the kids who help make the decisions and the it’s the parents who agree, after constant nagging. That’s how I was and if I wasn’t like that I would’ve never known the greatness that is Count Chocula.

  9. @tomhandy – hahahahhahaa.

    i actually prefer this verison of cookie crisp over the original one. it leaves better tasting residual milk 🙂

  10. Cookie Crisp was the biggest disappointment of my childhood. I finally convinced my parents to buy me a box and it sucked and wasn’t just a bunch of cookies like I hoped.

    Why are my parents a constant theme in my TIB comments? Should I bring this up to a therapist?

  11. @boxsquat: I hope they make a chocolate Cookie Crisp because I think that would make a much better residual milk.

    @Natalie: No need for a therapist. Tell us about your parents. Don’t worry, this conversation will only be between you, me and the thousands of TIB readers. 😉

    @Woodenhand: It’s not wrong to hate the ugly wolf on the box, especially if it ate your Cookie Crisp or your grandma.

  12. You know, Marvo, General Mills should come out with a chocolate cookie with white chocolate chips cookie crisp, that would be awesome, and chocolate cookie cookie crisp sounds good as well. Now if they were to come out with a lemon flavored cookie crisp, that one I would never eat lol lemons and milk just don’t go well.

  13. Long time reader, first time commenter.

    I live in Canada where we have no Cookie Crisp. I had to have my brother pick me up a box of this (and reg Cookie Crisp) so I could try – and it is pretty decent.


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