REVIEW: Subway Buffalo Chicken

Let’s say you’re a slut or a manwhore (and if you are, congratulations on catching herpes).

Eventually, all the one night stands with those whose names you’ve forgotten become a blur, and you’re unable to tell the differences between who or what you slept with. Sometimes it’s a woman. Sometimes it’s a man. Sometimes it’s a woman and man. Sometimes it’s more men and women than you can count on your hands. Sometimes it’s just a hole in the wall. Sometimes it’s a gearshift. But you don’t remember. For you, there is no walk of shame.

I’m not a manwhore, but I imagine it’s somewhat like watching sitcoms on CBS, since I can’t tell them apart. This is also how I feel about the new Subway Buffalo Chicken sub sandwich.

The limited time only sandwich is made up of chicken glazed with a buffalo sauce, a light ranch dressing and whatever veggies you like to pile into your monster phallic sandwich. The buffalo sauce isn’t very spicy and doesn’t have a strong flavor, but it could be that the light ranch dressing is doing some flavor cockblocking.

Because of its light flavor and because I’ve wrapped my mouth around so many Subway $5 footlongs, the Buffalo Chicken doesn’t stand out and it’s kind of bland. It just becomes part of the blur of meat, honey oat bread, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, pickles, olives, and cucumbers. Sometimes it’s a turkey breast. Sometimes it’s a cold cut combo. Sometimes it’s oven roasted chicken. Sometimes it’s a veggie delight. But to this subwhore, at this point, they all taste the same.

But what about those who don’t suck down Subway footlongs on a regular basis?

If they’re looking for a low-fat meal, a six-inch Buffalo Chicken has just seven grams of fat. But those people better also love sodium and hypertension, because it contains over 1,300 milligrams of sodium. For some, that’s half a day’s worth of sodium. For a slug, it means DOOM.

The Subway Buffalo Chicken was unremarkable because when I think of Buffalo Chicken, I think of strong flavors, but this sandwich lacked it. To me, it’s just another nameless notch in my bedpost.

(Nutrition Facts – 6 inches – 370 calories, 7 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of cholesterol, 1300 milligrams of sodium, 54 grams of carbohydrates, 5 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, 25 grams of protein, 8% vitamin A, 35% vitamin C, 6% calcium and 15% iron.)

Item: Subway Buffalo Chicken
Price: $6.00
Size: Footlong
Purchased at: Subway
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Seven grams of fat in a six-inch sub. Rad source of protein.
Cons: Unremarkable. Weak flavor. Lots of sodium. Not very spicy. Doesn’t have a strong flavor. Light ranch seems to be a flavor cockblocker.

24 thoughts to “REVIEW: Subway Buffalo Chicken”

  1. I love this sub. Thy had it years ago, and I have been ordering it off menu ever since (chicken breast sub, add buffalo sauce and ranch at the end of the line). Admittedly, it is better the off menu way because I like LOTS of buff sauce and a leetle ranch. The best way to eat this is on flatbread because their bread is just overwhelmingly huge and the meat portion is so small (ahem). The buff sauce/ranch combo also works well on the veggie flatbread.

  2. Damn, I was looking forward to the Buffalo Chicken. Now you’ve cockblocked my ability to enjoy this cockblocked sandwich.

  3. @Chuck those dominos commercials make me laugh, sure their sandwichs taste way better then subway but they probably have 10 times the calories!

    I don’t really like subway, when I do go there, I get a tuna sub everytime. Everything else to me, is just kind of yucky.

  4. This cross breeding nonsense has to stop, it’s
    bad enough with people doing it with dogs like pom-terr’s and poodle-chi’s but when it comes to food
    that people eat, it’s gone to far. to think that subway
    spent close to a hundred million dollars to develop a
    buffalo chicken hybrid to sell for $6.00
    makes me sick. What next, a elephant pig ham sandwich? Gorilla turkey cold cut trio?

  5. I usually agree with your reviews but I’m on the other side of the fence this time. I’ve ordered the buffalo chicken sandwich at subway 3 times in the last week. You’re doing it wrong.

    If you pile up the sandwich like every other subway, of course it’s going to taste like every other sandwich on the menu. You need to get it like in the advertising pictures: just the bread, chicken, lettuce, tomato, and ask for only a bit of the light ranch dressing.

    Then it tastes amazing.

  6. I went to Subway last Sunday night to get one of these. They only had three little pieces of chicken in sauce. She said “That’s all we have, I can make you a 6 inch sub.” I said “With those three tiny pieces?” She said “Well, I guess it would be more like half a six-inch sub.” So I left.

  7. I’ve never thought about subway with so many sexual overtones. From now on I’m gonna feel dirty eating one

  8. If you see most of the fudge packers that work at subway
    you would not eat there As far as this sub goes forget it
    its a real boring salt lick.


  9. No thanks, I just don’t like the way they coat it with that sauce, and the way it’s so full of salt I’ll stick with a turkey breast on honey oat

  10. I think you have to get double meat on any subway sandwich to really taste the meat. And any man-whore worth his salt is going to be happier with the prospect of “double meat” anyway.

  11. @Chuck: Bah! Who needs veggies? They would just wilt in between all the fat and oil.

    @messy: I didn’t know they had the buffalo sauce. It’s usually the same old crap like ranch, honey mustard, mayo, Dijon mustard, etc.

    @Ken: There will be times when I’m not around and when I’m not, you can jump all over it.

    @amanda: Maybe you can combine the roast beef and the buffalo chicken. Of course, that would make it extremely unhealthy.

    @snasparilla: It should be slathered using a brush made from Buffalo hair, but that might just be me being a purist.

    @Lex: I think I read somewhere that the tuna sub is one of the unhealthiest sandwiches you can order from Subway. Oh great, I think I just cockblocked you. Sorry.

    @Mr. Comfort Wipe Mmm…elephant.

    @Jay: if I do order it again, I shall try it your way.

    @Justin: I guess the Buffalo Chicken was quite popular that day.

    @Frank O. Yeah, I know it’s not too bad, thanks to medications, but I think it’s more common. When I wrote that line, I thought about using gonorrhea or syphilis but because herpes is more common I used it.

    @J.J. Footlong. Meat.

    @Neil THE HAMMER: That is all.

    @Ms. Spanks: Turkey breast on honey oat. Oooh, now that’s my kind of sandwich.

    @Orchid64: I prefer double buns or extra breasts.

  12. You already know I’m a vegetarian, but this review and picture reminded me of a Guardian (UK) article I read recently about how pictures in ads are so different from reality. The article is here:

    On a totally unrelated note, I heard a rumor that CBS is going to come out with a “Hawaii Five-0” remake. Shoot me now. No one can ever replace Jack Lord and Zulu, bitches, so don’t even try!

  13. @amanda: I agree with you agreeing with me. 🙂

    @Kiki: Yes, I read something about a Hawaii 5-0 remake too. Why does the entertainment industry feel the need to recycle ideas instead of coming up with new ones?

  14. Yeah, there is no creativity in the entertainment industry, unfortunately. Damn them. Why don’t they care about my novel(s)?!?

    :: shakes fist ::

    Hey babe, want to write something with me? I have an English degree!

  15. Well, I’ve co-written a novel with a friend — a kind of whimsical mystery, but we haven’t found an agent. Then I have a novel in the works about a character who works in baseball (imagine that). I’ve done some sports writing, grant writing, business and academic stuff. I also have about a million other fiction ideas, but I’m sure you know how that goes — when you have a paying job, it’s hard to get a lot else done. So…

  16. The concept sounds good, even looks good on TV – but my friends this is the worst sandwich i have ever ordered from Subway. The thing that really ruins the sanwich is the buffalo sauce (spicy??). It tastes like marinara sauce more so than the spicy & hot buffalo sauce that expect from the commercials. Try at your own risk.
    RATE = D-

  17. I agree.. I just finished eating this sub and I was expecting more of a kick? I think their chipotle sauce is hotter then the buffalo they use on the chicken.

    The only spicy part was the jalapenos.

    As for the flavor of the buffalo sauce.. Where did they get this crap? It must be the cheapest worst buffalo sauce they could find. It’s utterly flavorless, has no heat whatsoever. Subway.. If you’re going to release a buffalo sandwich, at least get good buffalo sauce. GET SOME FRANKS!

  18. I was looking forward to trying this sanwhich. I love buffalo chicken. Now i’m curious to know how the Buffalo chicken sanwhich from dominos tastes like… Has anyone tried it? i’d love to see a review of it on here.

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