REVIEW: Dannon Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake

Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake

(NOTE: Please don’t do this. Thank you.)

Dear YouTubers,

You know what YouTube needs? No, not more cute cat/dog/turtle humping videos.

There needs to be videos of people attempting to eat dozens of containers of Activia consecutively. I’m not talking three or four cups of Activia, I’m talking Sam’s Club-sized cases of the stuff.

Why do we need these videos? Because, currently, there isn’t any video documentation of the effects of someone eating a shit-ton of Activia.

So which one of you daring amateur internet video producers will meet this challenge for a chance at viral video history? No matter how far you get or how many pieces of furniture you might soil, you’ll be internet famous, and could possibly be featured on Web Soup, tosh.0 or the offbeat news section of the USA Today.

Not willing to put your digestive system in harm’s way, you say?

C’mon. Several of you kings and queens of consumption have done it before by trying to either down a gallon of water, chug a gallon of milk, quaff an entire bottle of tequila, guzzle a bottle of pancake syrup or drink a two liter bottle of soda. There are many more but I don’t want to make you chug down YouTube videos of folks chugging down various liquids because I want you to chug a case of Activia.

If one of you attempts this digestive endeavor, might I suggest calling the video: The Activia 14 Minute Challenge. Might I also suggest that if you get tired of eating whatever Activia flavor you end up with from Sam’s Club, you should mix it up with the Activia Desserts Strawberry Cheesecake.

Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake 2

If you thought regular Activia made eating digestive bacteria taste good, then you’re going to really love cups of the Activia Desserts Strawberry Cheesecake yogurt…until you eat about a dozen of them in a row. But for the first couple of containers, you’d probably enjoy their sweet and tangy flavor, along with the smoothness of the yogurt. Although you might be disappointed that the yogurt tastes more like regular strawberry yogurt than strawberry cheesecake flavored yogurt, but it’s quite good for regular strawberry yogurt.

Why is it so good?

Because the yogurt doesn’t contain any artificial sweeteners, has real pieces of strawberries and has more sugar than a Frosted Ice Creme Sandwich Pop-Tart. So the Activia Desserts Strawberry Cheesecake yogurt is good for you because of the digestive bacteria, but it’s also bad for you because it’s like eating candy.

Activia is supposed to help with “slow intestinal transit.” But if one of you takes The Activia 14 Minute Challenge, Activia could help you reach a level of internet celebrity that’s equal or greater than the sneezing baby panda bear…and it could also help you achieve quick and violent intestinal transit.

I look forward to seeing the videos soon.


(NOTE: Again, please don’t do this. Thank you.)

(Nutrition Facts – 1 container/4 ounces – 140 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 100 milligrams of sodium, 240 milligrams of potassium, 20 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 6 grams of protein and 20% calcium.)

Item: Dannon Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake
Price: $3.00 (on sale, $3.50 reg.)
Size: 4 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Good if you like strawberry yogurt. Contains probiotic cultures. Contains pieces of fruit. Smooth yogurt. Good source of calcium. Sneezing baby panda bears.
Cons: Doesn’t really taste like strawberry cheesecake. Great source of sugar. Eating a case of Activia. Slow intestinal transit. Quick and violent intestinal transit.

7 thoughts to “REVIEW: Dannon Activia Dessert Strawberry Cheesecake”

  1. Perhaps they can use Activia products at a competitive eating competition. Just imagine how many cases Joey Chestnut could eat.

    I’ve always thought the post-event digestive process must be kind of scary for those competitors.

  2. amanda: I didn’t know there were probiotic capsules. I’m still waiting for meat capsules.

    @Chuck: I wouldn’t be surprised if competitive eaters have hemorrhoids from trying to squeeze all that food out of their bodies.

    @grinder: Very salty and very sweet, that’s how we roll at TIB.

  3. Please keep us updated on when the YouTube video comes out. Nobody’s going to heed your warnings. That’s not how humanity rolls.

  4. I bought Activia at a supermarket because the flavors they have seemed very tasty, but all it was, was a sour blueberry and sour strawberry taste to their “cheesecake” flavors. I guess to taste the yogurt, it was not too bad to try, but I ate it everyday, and I have constipations that could from 2~3 days to about a week! I could say that eating Activia has not done anything for me. I started a bowel movement from using a laxative after I was bloated for days, and then I felt relief, and it was not from Activia. I do not feel any different after eating it for about 2.5 weeks, and I certainly do not see it working. It only makes me feel full for another 3 hours, which many foods can do for me.

    I eat other Dannon yogurts, such as the Light & Fit, but this one is misleading and expensive. To ‘regulate’ your digestive tract with yogurt by having to eat it everyday probably costs more (especially with this yogurt) than actually buying foods in rich in fiber and less sugary.

    What amuses me more about the commercial is that I saw one, which a woman talks about how she cannot have dessert after a heavy, greasy dinner and eats Activia instead. Well, I am pretty sure if you did not eat a greasy and heavy dinner in the first place, that you would not have to push yourself to intentionally regulate your digestive tract. And out of everything, you eat Activia? Okay, sure.. whatever. And who has time to regulate it? Just eat right and stay away from the greasy foods, and have a little bit of it once in a while, and you should be fine.

    It is also a very small cup with a lot of calories.

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