REVIEW: Temptations by Jello (Apple Custard Pie, Double Chocolate Pie, French Silk Pie, Lemon Meringue Pie & Strawberry Cheesecake)

Temptations by Jello

Hey y’all. Lucifer here.

I’m having a really hard time believing these glorified Jello Pudding Snack cups called Temptations by Jello can be considered a temptation. There’s no way a double-layered pudding cup that’s supposed to taste like a pie can equal the power of a seductive come hither. Now some of you might be thinking, who the hell am I to say what’s a temptation and what’s not? Oh, maybe because I’m THE Master of Temptation.

I know. I know. I didn’t get Jesus, but I got Eve to eat a forbidden fruit from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil, and I got dozens of spandex-wearing glam bands from the 1980s and 90s to sell their souls to me for fortune, fame, groupies and one or two hit songs. So I’ll see you soon, Cinderella, Winger, Slaughter, FireHouse, Britny Fox, Danger Danger, Ratt, Stryper, L.A. Guns, White Lion, Europe, Tesla, Mr. Big, Nelson, and Whitesnake.

Also, what’s with the name choice? Temptations by Jello? Is Jello making fragrances now? CKOne by Calvin Klein. Fahrenheit by Christian Dior. Cool Water by Davidoff. Tommy by Tommy Hilfiger. Eternity by Calvin Klein. Yes, I’m taking you back though my 1990s cologne history, because if you think I’m good at tempting people to sell their souls to me, you should see me tempt women in clubs. Women love bad boys, and I am the ultimate bad boy. I’ve got so many notches in my bedpost that I don’t have bedposts anymore. Now I keep track of the women using a database I created in Filemaker Pro.

I tried five of the flavors and I have to say, if you get tempted by Temptations by Jello, you have an extremely weak soul, you should stay away from illegal drugs, and I’ll see you soon.

Temptations by Jello Naked

The Apple Custard Pie is made up of a custard-style vanilla pudding topped with a gelatinous cinnamon apple top that contains a few apple chunks. As you can see in the photo it doesn’t maintain its form as well as the other flavors, but then again it is extremely hot in hell, so melting shouldn’t be a surprise. The whole shebang tastes like cheap apple pie filling. It’s okay, but I don’t think I could get Eve to take a bite from it.

The Lemon Meringue Pie has a pleasant level of tartness, and it’s also pleasant to watch it wiggle on my spoon. Yes, I like playing with food as much as I like tormenting peoples’ souls. If you’re a fan of slightly artificial tasting lemon pudding and eating something called sucrose fatty acid esters, you’ll enjoy it. But, even if you love lemon pudding, I don’t think you’ll give me your soul for it, or the soul of your first born.

The Double Chocolate Pie flavor combines a level of dark chocolate pudding topped with a milk chocolate mousse. You might think I enjoy anything with the word “dark” in it, after all, I am the Prince of Darkness, and you would be absolutely correct. Although, all is not perfect with this flavor. The mousse has a chocolate flavor that’s hard to detect, while the chocolate pudding on the bottom brings the choco-boom-chaka-la-ka, so it’s more like One and a Quarter Chocolate Pie. Actually, it just tastes like plain old chocolate putting that I could have my minions make for me with some milk and a package of pudding mix. Some of you might think it’s too sweet, but it’s not my fault your taste buds can’t handle it.

Strawberry Cheesecake is good and it tastes like strawberry cheesecake, albeit a less decadent, lighter version of cheesecake that doesn’t make my tummy feel like I swallowed the soul of a glutton. The airy cheesecake-flavored pudding is on the bottom, while a strawberry jelly sits on top of it. Just like I love foods that are dark, I love foods that are red, although I prefer the red to come from the blood of the damned.

Of the five flavors I tried, the French Silk Pie was my favorite. Maybe because the vanilla mousse pudding on top represents heaven, while the chocolate pudding bottom represents the darkness of hell, and if you mix the two together, the vanilla gets darker as the rich chocolate pudding slowly swallows the purity of the white pudding, turning everything into darkness. Or maybe because it’s very tasty. The combination of vanilla topping and chocolate pudding equals something sinfully delicious, although it’s slightly less chocolatey than the Double Chocolate Pie.

Temptations are all about getting people to do things that involve a little danger, goes against one’s morals, or gets people to worship me. Look, if you’re going to tempt someone into doing something wrong or naughty, you’re going to need more than these Temptations by Jello, no matter how good some of them are. Also, I’m pretty sure no one is going end up in hell for eating pudding that has anywhere between 100-150 calories. If they did, hell would be a lot more crowded and I’d have a lot more paperwork to do.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 snack – Apple Custard Pie – 130 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 2.5 grams of saturated fat, 125 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 21 grams of sugar, 0 grams of protein. Double Chocolate Pie – 120 calories, 4 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 170 milligrams of sodium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein. French Silk Pie – 140 calories, 5 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 180 milligrams of sodium, 23 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein. Lemon Meringue – 110 calories, 2 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 120 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein. Strawberry Cheesecake – 150 calories, 3 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 150 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 24 grams of sugar, 3 grams of protein.)

Item: Temptations by Jello (Apple Custard Pie, Double Chocolate Pie, French Silk Pie, Lemon Meringue Pie & Strawberry Cheesecake)
Price: $2.49 (on sale; reg. $3.49)
Size: 3 pack
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Apple Custard Pie)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Double Chocolate Pie)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (French Silk Pie)
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Lemon Meringue Pie)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Strawberry Cheesecake)
Pros: French Silk Pie because it’s tasty and it perfectly represents hell’s victory over heaven someday. Strawberry Cheesecake taste like a strawberry cheesecake that doesn’t make me feel like I swallowed the soul of a glutton. If you like chocolate pudding, you’ll like the Double Chocolate Pie. Foods that are colored with the blood of the damned. Filemaker Pro replacing the notches in bedposts. Being the Master of Temptation.
Cons: Glorified pudding snack cups. Doesn’t really deserve to be called Temptations. Apple Custard Pie melts too easily in hell. Lemon Meringue Pie has a slightly weird artificial flavor. Double Chocolate Pie might be too sweet for some and thanks to the weak mousse topping, it’s more like a One and a Quarter Chocolate Pie. Awesome source of sugar.

18 thoughts to “REVIEW: Temptations by Jello (Apple Custard Pie, Double Chocolate Pie, French Silk Pie, Lemon Meringue Pie & Strawberry Cheesecake)”

  1. Well, I think these are fantastic if you’re trying to lose weight or something along those lines…

  2. Found your blog through the Candy Blog and I’m very glad I did!! This post was hilarious!!!

  3. Ambitious review! If anyone is qualified to give an opinion on these, it’s Lucifer himself. Always trust the Devil, that’s my motto.

  4. I was pretty satisfied with my lemon meringue flavor. I think I would generally prefer a real pie, but being one of those unfortunate souls who can’t digest gluten (something I found out recently), this was a good substitute for actual pie.

    (It’s too bad, because crust was often one of my most favorite parts of a pie. Crust, whipped cream, then whatever filling was in it.)

  5. I don’t agree with the commercial with the parents telling the little girl that they are dropping her in a deep dark hole because she took the strawberry cheese cake pudding. a child should NEVER be told they can’t have food it is a bad commerical. My family and friends will no longer buy Jello products.

  6. Your commercials stinks. Will not buy or try as long as you use that form of commercial. It makes me sick to my stomach every time it comes on TV. With all the horror that is happening to kids now days I can’t believe you would even think of making commercials of that nature.

    1. Hello there. Thank you for your comment. I’m 99 percent sure NO ONE at Jello will read it because this website has no affiliation with Jello. I’m mean seriously, this is a review, you think Jello would review their own product and give themselves mediocre scores. I think not.

      Geez, you should learn how the damn internet works.

      I would delete your comments, but I prefer to show the internet how silly you are.

      Also, I watched that commercial you two are complaining about, and I personally think you two are sticks in the mud. IT’S A DAMN COMMERCIAL. If you’re easily offended by that commercial, I’ve got several four-letter words I’d like to fling at you.

  7. If you’re planning to leave a comment about the Temptations by Jello commercial thinking that this blog is the Jello website, please don’t do it here. WE HAVE NO AFFILIATION WITH JELLO. And, if you read this and you still leave a comment complaining about the Temptations by Jello commercials because you think this is a Jello website, I will wish your computer kills itself because it deems that you are not worthy of it.

  8. But Marvo I am so outraged about this commercial why did you write direct and produce such a horrible commercial and also develop and manufacture this Jello product I am boycotting your Jello product that you made forever

  9. Marvo everyone knows that you are the CEO of Jell-O and/or whatever Jell-O’s parent company is. I don’t know who it is because I can’t be bothered to Google correctly so I’m just going to leave this incensed comment about Jell-O commercials right here because this is the appropriate place to be mad at Jell-O.


  10. I find them tempting. Except for the strawberry cheesecake (I cannot stand cheesecake). So I’m 80% going to Hell. 🙂

Comments are closed.