Wendy’s just overtook Burger King to become the second largest burger chain in the US in terms of sales. So no longer can Burger King say, “First is the worst, second is the best, and third is the nerd with the hairy chest.”
However, Burger King can now say, “Number one tastes like piss, number two tastes like poop, and number three tastes like paradise.” Although, if humans evolve and we end up producing a third human waste, Burger King might want to drop down to number four.
What caused Burger King to lose their place as the distant runner-up to McDonald’s in the burger world? I’m no business analyst, but it might’ve been their advertising, which included the cold plastic eyes of The King. Or it could’ve been their chicken fries.
To turn their fortunes around and become a distant second to McDonald’s again, Burger King has introduced a number of McDonald’s-like products, such as their new fruit smoothies.
These smoothies are made using real fruit, low-fat yogurt, and ice, and come in two flavors, Strawberry Banana and Tropical Mango.
I didn’t get a chance to see how the smoothies were made, but I assume it’s the same process McDonald’s uses, which involves shooting ice and a smoothie mix that consists mostly of fruit puree into a blender, and then letting the blender’s blades do their magic.
If you’re curious to know what those smoothie mixes are made out of, continue reading this paragraph. If not, I would suggest skipping it, and continue reading after the “BOOYAH!” The strawberry banana smoothie mix is made up of banana puree, strawberry puree, sugar syrup, strawberry puree concentrate, water, concentrated grape juice, natural flavors, concentrated carrot juice, xanthan gum, pectin, guar gum, and CMC gum. The tropical mango smoothie mix consists of water, sugar syrup, concentrated grape juice, apple puree concentrate, concentrated pear juice, mango puree concentrate, concentrated pineapple juice, concentrated orange juice, concentrated apple juice, concentrated passion fruit juice, natural & artificial flavors, xanthan gum, pectin, guar gum, cellulose gum, beta carotene, and citric acid.
In order to help me prepare for when I have multiple children, I will pick a favorite between the two Burger King Smoothie flavors and then shower it with love and praise.
If you don’t have the bladder capacity to consume both smoothies in one sitting, I’d suggest purchasing the Tropical Mango flavor first, because it’s by far my favorite of the two.
Although it contains enough fruit varieties to qualify as a fruit stand (see paragraph before “BOOYAH!”), I mainly taste mango and orange. The mango, surprisingly, tastes fresh, while the orange tastes orangy. The Burger King Tropical Mango smoothie is quite tasty and a little toothachingly sweet, but I do think the McDonald’s Mango Pineapple Smoothie is slightly better and more tropical tasting.
As for the Burger King Strawberry Banana smoothie, the banana and strawberry flavors are equally balanced and I think it’s pleasant tasting, but it doesn’t make me yearn for another like the tropical mango does. Let me put it this way, the BK Tropical Mango Smoothie is fun, like chasing a rainbow after taking a few bong hits, while the BK Strawberry Banana Smoothie is adequate, like a Cup Noodles is for lunch.
To be honest, it’s nice to see a few more healthy-ish item in the sea of burgers and fried food otherwise known as the Burger King menu board. But will smoothies help Burger King retake second place in the fast food burger world?
(Nutrition Facts – small size/12 ounces – Strawberry Banana – 200 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 20 milligrams of sodium, 48 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 40 grams of sugar, and 1 grams of protein. Tropical Mango – 210 calories, 0.5 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 40 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of fiber, 41 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)
Item: Burger King Fruit Smoothies (Strawberry Banana and Tropical Mango)
Size: Small/12 ounces
Purchased at: Burger King
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Strawberry Banana)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Tropical Mango)
Pros: Cool. Tropical Mango is tasty. Made with low-fat yogurt and real fruit (puree and juice). Doesn’t have 1,000 milligrams of sodium like Burger King’s other new menu items. Chasing rainbows after smoking weed.
Cons: Strawberry Banana is adequate. Tropical Mango is toothachingly sweet. Tropical Mango isn’t as good as McDonald’s counterpart. Bladders that can’t handle drinking two smoothies in a row. Picking a favorite child. The lifeless eyes of The King.