Cap’n Crunch’s Cotton Candy Crunch Cereal is a mystery to me, and a tongue twister.
After peeling open the box, my nostrils got a whiff of cotton candy that made me curse the bag in my way I had to open to get to that sweet cotton candy flavor in cereal form. But when I opened the bag and tried to Hoover a stronger scent up my nose, all I got was a dull sweet smell that doesn’t make me think of carnivals, fairs, and birthday parties for kids whose parents were richer than mine.
What’s even more disappointing is, when I eat it dry or wet, cotton candy flavor isn’t something I get. Instead, I taste something I’d consider to be Diet Crunchberries, which is a very light berry-like flavor that doesn’t make me think of Ferris wheels, games designed to be almost impossible to win, or rides that aren’t as scary as the natural disasters they’re named after, like Typhoon, Hurricane, and Tornado.
It’s not entirely devoid of anything that tastes like those sugary clouds. There are moments, after finishing a bowl, that my taste buds will register something they consider to be “cotton candy.” But it’s fleeting and several minutes past when the flavor should’ve been there.
I expected it to be as if someone bigger and stronger than me used my body as a cotton candy stick and twirled me around the cotton candy maker, wrapping the sugar treat around my head. And when I’m pulled out, I look like a troll doll eating its hair. Sure, it’s a lofty ideal, but I’ve eaten half the box and I’ve experienced nothing that’s even a fraction of that.
Cap’n Crunch’s Cotton Candy Crunch Cereal confuses me. It also taunts me. Every time I pass by the box sitting on my kitchen counter, I can smell that familiar aroma of spun sugar. It’s as if the smell is the cereal’s way of saying to me, “I promise I’ll taste like cotton candy this time.”
But when I give in by opening the bag, it’s a different smell, and when I give in some more by crunching my way through another bowl, I don’t get any cotton candy flavor. Am I imagining the aroma? Am I going crazy? Am I in the Twilight Zone?
Purchased Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 11.4 oz. box
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 1/4 cup – cereal only) 150 calories, 1.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 1 gram of sugar alcohol, and 2 grams of protein.