REVIEW: Snickers and Twix Chocolate Lowfat Milk

Snickers and Twix Chocolate Lowfat Milk

What are Snickers and Twix Chocolate Lowfat Milk?

Everyone loves the chocolate-based goodness of the well-known candy bars Snickers and Twix, right? Well, now the flavors of those beloved confections are mixed with low-fat milk to form a chocolate drink of sorts, because why not, this is America.

How are they?

With a wonderfully sweet smell and a surprisingly thick consistency, the stomach growls for these dessert-like beverages as both are poured slowly into the cups of my choice.

Snickers Chocolate Lowfat Milk

The Snickers low-fat milk is undeniably sugary, with a taste very reminiscent of what you’d expect: chocolate, peanuts, and nougat. The slight difference here is the faint coffee-like aftertaste that sits in the back of your throat for minutes after drinking. That doesn’t make it a bad thing.

Twix Chocolate Lowfat Milk

The Twix low-fat milk, on the other hand, is far more subtle, almost like drinking non-dairy creamer straight from the bottle. As a rich river of chocolate and cookie flavoring bunch up in your stomach after each gulp, the remaining caramel surprising overpowers every taste bud you have left. To be honest, I felt a little woozy after polishing off my bottle.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Thinking about the coffee-friendly aftertaste, I poured a little remaining Snickers milk into my morning coffee over the past couple of days and, I gotta say, this low-fat treat works far better as an additive than a snack to drink all by its lonesome.


The Snickers and Twix low-fat milks are novelty drinks that are worth trying at least once.

Purchased Price: $2.49 each
Size: 14 fl. oz.
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10 (both)
Nutrition Facts: (per bottle) Snickers – 270 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein. Twix – 270 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Toasted Cheddar Chalupa

Taco Bell Toasted Cheddar Chalupa

Like the bright shimmer of hidden gold from the lost city of El Dorado, Taco Bell’s newest menu item is a shining beacon of simple ingenuity filtered through pure borderland knowhow. The Toasted Cheddar Chalupa is a revelation of fried bread and cheese, combined the way Quetzalcoatl intended.

When unwrapped from its thin paper sheath, the grease stains catching the light allows the chalupa shell to portray a certain kind of inalienable beauty. Taco Bell has turned this thick carb-heavy casing into a surprising work of edible art that feels right at home in my quivering hands.

Taco Bell Toasted Cheddar Chalupa 3

The basis of the Toasted Cheddar Chalupa is the chalupa shell itself: an amazing feat of Tex-Mex handcraftiness. It’s a fried centerpiece that, now with the yellow bits of cheddar cheese clinging for additional flavor, is a treasured piece of corporate frybread that one could eat all day if they ever decided to stop living by the laws of common decency.

Seriously, if Taco Bell were to ever offer these chalupa shells by themselves, I would order a slick dozen fresh from the fryer, no problem. Call it sacrilege if you must, but I actually prefer them to the lauded Doritos Locos taco shells.

Taco Bell Toasted Cheddar Chalupa 2

The typical Taco Bell fillings are all present and accounted for — temperate ground beef, cool lettuce, chopped tomatoes, stringy cheese, and reduced fat sour cream. They all seem to be spiritually created simply to mate graphically with this chalupa shell.

It was still crunchy even after an hour or two of sitting by itself on my dining room table. Even the best tacos the Bell has to offer can’t live up to that scrutiny.

More of this please, Taco Bell.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: N/A
Rating: 10 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 450 calories, 30 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 550 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 16 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Reaper Ranch Tortilla Chips

Taco Bell Reaper Ranch Tortilla Chips

What are Taco Bell Reaper Ranch Tortilla Chips?

Based on the popular (I’m guessing) supreme fries and not-so-supreme burritos that were featured on the Taco Bell menu a short time ago, this is the home-game version of the Reaper Ranch flavor of the famed sauce, now in the form of a heavily-dusted tortilla chip.

How are they?

As I sat there, my mouth burning in a Carolina-based pepper-fueled ecstasy of sorts, I have to admit that I did like these Reaper Ranch spin-offs more than their Taco Bell menu board counterparts. On a tortilla chip, while the Reaper peppers are hotter than ever and the Ranch is also far more prominent, the notable flavoring beautifully covers the light and airy triangles of corn to great effect.

Taco Bell Reaper Ranch Tortilla Chips 2

Munching these considerately and carefully, I realized that years of sampling different Doritos concoctions have trained me to graciously accept the surprisingly different flavors of these Taco Bell tortilla chips. Remember those Wasabi Doritos? I loved those and, if I may, I love these as well.

Is there anything else you need to know?

After handling the Reaper Ranch chips, remember to immediately wash your hands thoroughly before touching or rubbing your eyes. It took me almost twenty minutes to get the mace-like burning to become somewhat manageable.


The Taco Bell Reaper Ranch Tortilla Chips can really do no wrong, finding the niche that the fries and burrito never could. Too bad, though, that Taco Bell hasn’t made the Reaper Ranch sauce available as a kicky party dip. Imagine the meta-dining dipping these chips into that sauce. The fiery mind reels.

Purchased Price: $1.29
Size: 3.5 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 oz.) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 120 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: KFC Mac & Cheese Bowl

KFC Mac  Cheese Bowl

Ask any small child and they’ll tell you that KFC has not only always had mac and cheese on the menu, but has always had mac and cheese with bits of chicken cut up and tossed around in the bowl. It’s a hand-mixed taste sensation that’s usually left half-eaten and thrown away by a mom tired of fighting with a child that won’t cooperate with a lunchtime meal.

From these literal mouths of children comes Kentucky Fried Chicken’s latest bowl du jour, the Mac & Cheese Bowl, an easy-enough concoction that brings the famous side to the forefront and makes it a blessed entrée for any adult that needs their food in a somewhat compact form, available in both original and, of course, spicy.

KFC Mac  Cheese Bowl Top

Despite the trouble ordering just the bowl at my area franchise — my server told me it’s only available as a “fill up” and I did not feel like arguing — when it arrived quickly on my tray, I immediately noticed it looked far less plump than the advertisements hung all around the store made it seem. While the pictures depict the bowl as a heightened foodscape of chicken and cheese dreams, in real life, it is just a low-lying valley of flat nuggets and buried cheddar.

Popping the plastic top and letting the scented heat waft upwards though, the smell was a peppy delight of warm Nashville hot sauce and melty cheddar cheese. There was a decent enough ratio of chicken to macaroni, always a plus. The spicy chicken popcorn nuggets seemed to cover the top, my fork gently stirring the mac and cheese from the bottom, like a perverted variation of yogurt.

KFC Mac  Cheese Bowl Mixed

While the spicy Nashville flavor of the chicken overpowered the well-meaning mac and cheese, it still worked here. The underlying cheesy taste is a heavenly layer of yellow deliciousness that manages to break through the thick wall of clucky goodness. It’s a taste that combines very well and, honestly, probably something that many of us already did before this even came out.

KFC Mac  Cheese Bowl Closeup

Sadly, as tasty as this is, I don’t think it makes a better combination than the typically perfect chicken and mashed potato Famous Bowl, which seems like more of a natural dish, one that has a sprinkling of cheese on it already, along with a few bits of corn. Still, if you’re ordering a Mac & Cheese Bowl, you know what you’re getting and, in that case, you’re going be mighty happy.

But, you know, if this meal doesn’t make you happy, chances are you’re just a fussy four-year-old with great reading skills.

Purchased Price: $5.00 (Fill Up Meal)
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: Unavailable at post time.

REVIEW: Mtn Dew VooDEW Mystery Flavor

Mtn Dew VooDEW

What is Mtn Dew VooDEW?

With traditions that date to back to classical New Orleans and their love of that old religious practice of Vodou, the cursed folks at Mtn Dew have supposedly captured the sugar-filled gris-gris and poured it carefully into their recyclable bottles and shipped it to modern stores just in time for Halloween.

How is it?

It’s described as a “mystery flavor,” probably to add to the pulse-pounding fear when guzzling the brew. Upon the first swallow, I’m picking up a hint of not the decrepit walking dead that has so very often been in tales of voodoo, but instead the taste of a decidedly non-spooky fall carnival, in liquidic form: swirls of cotton candy and candy corn and sticky creamsicles abound about.

Mtn Dew VooDEW 2

Sadly, a little goes as looong way. Sweeter than Marie Laveau on an October night, after about one-third of the bottle, I could feel those sugary jitters crawl up my spine as I wrote this with only a mere five minutes to midnight. I could already tell I’ll be roused for a few coming hours now, so I capped the bottle and stored it away for a sleepy mid-day treat. The mixture of high fructose corn syrup, ester of rosin, and sucrose acetate isobutyrate is a wakeful mix.

Is there anything else you need to know?

While we may find out just what the mystery flavor of VooDEW is in a few of weeks, the true mysteries of Louisiana voodoo are not be trifled with, despite what the tourism banners in the French Quarter might tempt you with.


Albeit a tad early for the autumn festivities that it was obviously designed for, the VooDEW moniker is a tad misleading, delivering a sugary soda that, like a diabolical voodoo doll, hits all the main sweet spots and then a few of the not-so-sweet ones. Down a bottle at your own risk!

Purchased Price: $1.89
Size: 20 oz. bottle
Purchased at: Crest Supermarkets
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (20 oz.) 270 calories, 0 grams of fat, 90 milligrams of sodium, 73 grams of carbohydrates, 73 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Cherry Sunset Freeze

Taco Bell Cherry Sunset Freeze

What is the Taco Bell Cherry Sunset Freeze?

Taco Bell’s frozen drinks are quite popular, especially in the searing sun of the summertime. This latest flavor, Cherry Sunset Freeze, totally exploits that burning need to cool down with a bit of cherry syrup layered in with the pineapple slush to make a beautifully scenic drink.

How is it?

Taco Bell Cherry Sunset Freeze 2

Like a positively primo Don Henley tune, this smooth elixir is the perfect taste for an evening of, perhaps, eating tacos on the Taco Bell patio, if there is one. Or, most likely, hanging in the backyard with the dog and a couple of bean burritos, which is more my speed in the summertime.

Taco Bell Cherry Sunset Freeze 3

The thirst-quenching cherry syrup hits my first like a wave of dusk washing over the evening sky, with the clever pineapple slush refreshing my insides like the last peeks of sunlight on a sultry day. Both flavors are very present and complement each other graciously, providing cool relief without the horrid cough syrup aftertaste that so many of these novelty freezes seem to have.

Is there anything else you need to know?

If I was a drinking man, which, sadly, I’m not, a couple of jiggers of rum really would have been tropically lovely in this, making for a festive fiesta of one.


Holding tight to my cup, even as my Cherry Sunset Freeze melted in the 103 degree Oklahoma evening, it maintained a decidedly winterish feel to my summery surroundings. With an absolutely inventive taste that keeps going after the drink has long melted into a cup of syrup, this is the flavor sensation to truly beat the freakish heat.

Purchased Price: $1.00 (Happy Hour)
Size: 16 oz.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 190 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 55 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 49 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.