REVIEW: Taco Bell Stacker

Taco Bell Stacker

As a mostly professional writer who often works well into the wee hours of the morning, Taco Bell is oftentimes my culinary night light, that shining burrito in the 3 a.m. fog, ready to protect and serve my faux-Mex wiles without judgment.

The only downside to this is that, more than a few times, I have fallen asleep after only a few bites of a rigidly plump chili cheese burrito, which, when drowsily set on a keyboard makes a wholly insufficient meat and cheese pillow, squirting the contents like a tube of toothpaste across my desk as my head defiantly slumbers deep into said Fourth Meal, waking up to a nocturnal mess not seen since puberty.

There’s got to be a better way!

Enter the new Taco Bell $1 Stacker.

Comprised of the Bell’s beloved spicy ground beef, that stand-by three-cheese blend and a healthy dollop of nacho cheese folded numerous times inside a comically large tortilla and pressed completely flat, the Stacker enters the pantheon of TB’s famed flush foodstuffs like the Quesadilla, the Crunchwrap Supreme, and, if you wanna get extra nasty, the Mexican Pizza. The main difference here is the price point of only a buck and, truth be told, for your hundred pennies you sure do get a lot of food, as well as a comforting headrest.

Taco Bell Stacker 2

I was pleasantly surprised to see just how much the meaty and cheesy filling was willing to be compacted and compressed in the Stacker, making it perhaps the best deal on the current incarnation of the Dollar Menu.

Additionally, living up to its moniker perfectly, it was filling and fun to place three or four of these babies on top of one another, creating a mega Stacker of Voltron-esque proportions that without a doubt will be the most filling meal (or in my case, Fourth Meal) of the day.

Taco Bell Stacker 3

And best of all, while I was burning the Bell at both ends last night, the Stacker, with its pillow-like comfort and memory-foam demeanor, made for the perfect resting place between my head and the keyboard, all with no fuss or no muss and, if that weren’t enough, I have a warm breakfast waiting for me when I came to. You’ve done it again, Taco Bell. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(And, on that note, day-sleepers might want to pick up the A.M. Stacker wherein the staid ground beef is replaced with a generous portion of fluffy egg, presumably as part of a healthy, balanced breakfast. Also notable is the limited edition $5 Stacker Box, which includes the aforementioned Stacker, a crunchy taco, a Nacho Cheese Doritos Taco Loco, chips and nacho cheese sauce, and a medium drink.)

(Nutrition Facts – 390 calories, 170 calories from fat, 18 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 1050 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 18 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Flat, compact, stackable. Surprisingly packed with meat and cheese. Literal comfort food.
Cons: Too much tortilla. Unimaginative use of tortilla, meat, and cheese.

ANNOUNCEMENT: Hello, My Name is Louis Fowler. I’m Your New Impulsive Buy Reviewer

As far back as I can remember, I’ve always enjoyed eating food. From my time as a helpless baby to now as a less-helpless man, eating has always been an important daily goal of mine, aiming for at least three meals a day not only for the taste, mind you, but for the fact that it provides things like nutrients and whatnot that help to keep me alive which, at the current moment, is kind of important.

Over the past few years I have been able to parlay this necessitous hobby into a moneymaking scheme minor career as a food critic for various newspapers and magazines including most recently The Hungover Gourmet, Red Dirt Report, and The Lost Ogle, almost completely against doctor’s orders mind you. From tales of culinary nostalgia to reviews of places where even the hungriest angels fear to tread, I have earned my fair share of death threats from angry hipsters who have on more than one occasion referred to my palate as a “garbage can.”

I can’t argue with this because, yes, there have been various points in my life I have eaten from a garbage can. And I liked it.

If you’re ever in Oklahoma City, chances are you can find me hanging out on the Southside, downing milanesa tortas from El Chavo Supertorta, menudo from Berta’s or imbibing on virgin chuviduvis from Croodoolandia. If you’re paying, I’d be more than happy to take you on a fully guided edible diversion the tourists don’t often get to see unless they take a wrong turn.

If I’m paying, however, we’re doing the Taco Bell Dollar Menu, holmes. Thanks for reading. ¡Cómpralo ya!