REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND (JAPANESE SNACK EDITION) – 1/29/2013

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Here are some quick reviews of weird Japanese snacks we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Calbee KFC Garlic Salt Potato Chips

Item: Calbee KFC Savory Salt Ginger Chicken Potato Chips
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 70 grams
Purchased at: Received from @Cheerios47
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Holy crap KFC-branded chips! Better than I thought they would be. If you enjoy ginger, the chips have a nice strong ginger flavor. Strong ginger aroma. Crunchy.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like chicken. No chips that taste like regular KFC chicken. The ginger flavor becomes subdued the more you eat.

Polar Bear Salt Ramen Bar

Item: Polar Bear Salt Ramen Bar
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Received from @melissa808
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: It looks like Cup Noodles in bar form. There’s corn! No flavor packet needed. Not too salty. Not made with polar bear. Can be eaten in snack bar form or prepared in hot water. Tasty as a snack bar.
Cons: It looks like Cup Noodles in bar form. Not sure if I’m supposed to eat it as a snack bar or prepare it in hot water because I can’t read the label. Can be messy to eat. Hard to eat as instant ramen. Threat number one: Bears!

Corn Chocolate

Item: Corn Candy Bar (I’m too lazy to translate the label)
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Received from @melissa808
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Decent. Sometimes it tastes like an ice cream cone. Sometimes it tastes like white chocolate covered popcorn.
Cons: Not shaped like corn. Doesn’t taste like corn corn. Does an awesome job of sticking to my teeth. Starts off sweet, but quickly turns bland. Fragile looking. Being too lazy to translate labels.

Genghis Khan Lamb Caramel

Item: Genghis Khan Lamb Caramel
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Received from @melissa808
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: I can eat them without spitting it out. Caramel flavor lingers in my mouth more than lamb flavor. Awesome to stick in office candy jar.
Cons: Meaty and greasy flavor will be off-putting to most people. 3 of 4 people I gave this to spit it out. Eating two in one sitting is my limit. Combining lamb flavor and caramel. Possible negative consequences from sticking it in office candy jar.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Frosted Apple Cinnamon Muffin Pop-Tarts

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Kellogg's Limited Edition Frosted Apple Cinnamon Muffin Pop-Tarts

If I were to list my top 20 favorite products of all time, there would be only one toaster pastry and it would be Frosted Dutch Apple Pop-Tarts.

Oh, you haven’t heard of them?

Well, they were around when Pop-Tarts options were much simpler, occupied very little shelf space, and almost all of them were actually tart. But, apparently, Frosted Dutch Apple Pop-Tarts didn’t sell well and were discontinued.

When they disappeared from shelves, I had to settle for the pigs slop known as Frosted Strawberry and Frosted Blueberry Pop-Tarts. And the more I stuffed down as part of my complete breakfast, the more upset and depressed I got about not having Dutch Apple Pop-Tarts in my life.

So I did what any middle school child with a penchant for writing would do. I wrote a letter to Kellogg’s, which went something like this:

Dear Kellogg’s,

Why did you kill the frosted apple pop tarts? After I wake up my mommy puts one in the toaster for me. I ask her if I can have two but she says no cause I’ll get fat. I told her I’m already fat, but she didn’t give me two. See I like them so much that I want to eat two. I like the jelly part of the pop tart, it doesn’t taste like the red apples my mommy feeds me to make me skinny, but it taste good. Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please make frosted apple pop tarts again. I said please a lot, so that means you have to give me what I want, because when I say please a lot to my mommy she gives me what I want except when I ask for two pop tarts.

Thank you.

Despite the excessive pleases in my letter, Kellogg’s didn’t bring back Dutch Apple Pop-Tarts. Although, now that I think about it, Kellogg’s probably didn’t get my letter because, if I remember correctly, I put an Easter Seal on the envelope, thinking it was a postage stamp and I didn’t put a return address. However, these new Limited Edition Frosted Apple Cinnamon Muffin Pop-Tarts come close to replacing my beloved toaster pastries from the 1980s.

Since the Dutch Apple Pop-Tarts’ demise, there have been several apple-flavored Pop-Tarts, like Apple Strudel Pop-Tarts, Apple Pie Pop-Tarts, Apple Cinnamon Pop-Tarts, but none of them have hit me with a wave of nostalgia that these Limited Edition Frosted Apple Cinnamon Muffin Pop-Tarts have.

Kellogg's Limited Edition Frosted Apple Cinnamon Muffin Pop-Tarts Closeup

Well, to be more precise, it’s the delicious apple pie-ish filling that takes me back to a time when I would look through the Sears Wish Book catalog, circle the toys I knew my parents couldn’t afford, and then laugh at the horrible Christmas sweaters being sold. Sure, the filling’s brown color reminds me of browning apples that have been exposed to oxygen for too long, but it’s so wonderfully sweet and tasty.

While these new Pop-Tarts may taste like Frosted Dutch Apple Pop-Tarts, there are a few major visual differences. The Pop-Tarts from my childhood were frosted almost completely from bow to stern (yes, I believe that is the proper way to address the front and rear of a Pop-Tart), but these Frosted Apple Cinnamon Muffin Pop-Tarts are only drizzled with frosting. Lame. But like the Oatmeal Delights Pop-Tarts we reviewed, they have wonderful sweet and crunchy crumbles on top which kind of make up for the lack of frosting.

If you do find yourself purchasing a box of these Pop-Tarts, don’t be lazy and eat them straight out of the shiny foil wrapper. Take the time to toast them and you’ll be rewarded with a much tastier experience.

And if you’re a child of the 80s who loved Frosted Dutch Apple Pop-Tarts as much as I did, the tasty apple, cinnamon, and sugar gloop in the Frosted Apple Cinnamon Muffin Pop-Tarts will be the flux capacitor that takes your taste buds back in time.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pastry – 200 calories, 50 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein, and a few vitamins and minerals.)

Item: Limited Edition Frosted Apple Cinnamon Muffin Pop-Tarts
Purchased Price: $1.98
Size: 8 toaster pastries
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Sooo good. Reminds me of Frosted Dutch Apple Pop-Tarts. Delicious apple pie-ish filling. Sugary crumbles on top were wonderful. Awesome when toasted. Good when not toasted. Sears Wish Book.
Cons: Only drizzles of frosting. Limited edition. Using Easter Seals as postage stamps. Not getting what I want with a lot of pleases.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 1/28/2013

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Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers.

Golden Grain Hidden Veggie Spaghetti

Golden Grain is trying to be as sneaky as the cafeteria ladies who snuck a serving of vegetables into my school lunches or as sneaky as the swap meet vendor who says the $100 Coach bag they’re selling is authentic. (Spotted by Marvo at Safeway.)

Keebler Pretzel BItes

I wish these Keebler Filled Pretzel Bites were filled with elf magic..or gold. Because with the elf magic I would’ve made gold. (Spotted by Stephen at Giant.)

Snyder's of Hanover Flavor Doubles

I don’t have a marketing degree, but I think Flavor Doubles is a boring name. Perhaps Snyder’s of Hanover should’ve named it Awesome Two Tastes Happy Happy Mouth Time. Once again, I do not have a marketing degree. (Spotted by Leah at Wegmans.)

Planters NUTrition Sustaining Energy Mix

Which is more effective? Mr. Peanut pushing Planters NUTrition Sustaining Energy Mix or a douchebag promoting 5 Hour Energy. Sorry, Mr. Peanut, I think the douchebag wins because to defeat the douchebag, I must be the douchbag. (Spotted by Charmi at Target.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf (or really unusual), snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

SPOTTED ON SHELVES – 1/25/2013

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Here are some interesting new and limited edition products found on store shelves by us and your fellow readers.

Ha?agen-Dazs Bourbon Pecan Praline

I bet Häagen-Dazs’ Bourbon Pecan Praline ice cream will make nut-loving alcoholics happy. What? There isn’t any alcohol in it. Well then, it’ll make nut-loving alcoholics angry. (Spotted by Marvo at Safeway.)

7-Up Ten

A&W Ten Root Beer

Sunkist Ten

If Dr Pepper Ten is not for women, then for the Dr Pepper Snapple Group’s sake 7Up Ten, A&W Ten, and Sunkist Ten better all be for women. Because I’m sure Dr Pepper Snapple Group doesn’t want to sleep on the couch again. (Spotted by Marvo at Safeway.)

Orville Redenbacher's Pop Crunch

If you ever play Morbid Trivial Pursuit (all the wedges are black), knowing Orville Redenbacher died while in a Jacuzzi might be helpful. You’re welcome. Besides the two flavors shown above, Orville Redenbacher’s Pop Crunch comes in two other flavors — Cheddar & Caramel Mix and Parmesan Herb Mix. (Spotted by Jamie at Target.)

Pepperidge Farm Dessert Shop Carrot Cake

Have you ever thought to yourself while eating carrot cake, “Hey, someone should make cookies that taste like carrot cake.” If so, Pepperidge Farm might have been reading your brain’s ridges. Junk Food Guy has a review. (Spotted by Jaclyn at Target.)

Thank you to all the photo contributors! If you’re out shopping and see an interesting new or limited edition product on the shelf (or really unusual), snap a picture of it, and send us an email ([email protected]) with where you found it and “Spotted” in the subject line. If you do so, you might see your picture in our next Spotted on Shelves post.

REVIEW LIGHTNING ROUND (ENERGY DRINK EDITION) – 1/24/2013

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Here are some quick reviews of new-ish energy drinks we’re too lazy to write full reviews for:

Rockstar Recovery Tea:Lemonade

Item: Rockstar Recovery Tea/Lemonade
Purchased Price: $1.67
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Decent tasting. Lack of carbonation makes it easy to drink. Contains tea. Only 20 calories and 2 grams of sugar per can. It’s got electrolytes! 240 mg of caffeine per can.
Cons: Not an equal balance of tea and lemonade; it’s significantly more artificial lemonadey. 240 mg of caffeine would, at best, keep Arnold Palmer up for 48 hours, at worst, kill him. When it gets slightly warm the artificial sweeteners stand out more.
Other reviews: Caffeine King, Energy Drink Heaven, Caffeine! The Energy Blog

Rockstar SuperSours Bubbleberry Energy Drink

Item: Rockstar SuperSours Bubbleberry
Purchased Price: $1.67
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 4 out of 10
Pros: Initial bubblegum flavor was somewhat pleasant. If the 120 mg of caffeine per 8-ounce serving doesn’t wake you up, the unpleasant sourness will.
Cons: Unpleasant sour flavor at the back end ruined this drink for me. SuperSour? More like SuperSoI’mNotGoingToDrinkThisAgain.
Other reviews: Energy Drink Heaven, Caffeine King, Caffeine! The Energy Blog

Monster Zero Ultra Energy Drink

Item: Monster Energy Zero Ultra
Purchased Price: $1.67
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Great mild citrus flavor. My new favorite zero calorie energy drink. Better tasting than Monster Absolute Zero. No sugar. Easy to drink. Pretty textured can.
Cons: It looks like the water in my sink after I wash my face. Very slight artificial sweetener aftertaste that got stronger as the beverage got warmer. Can doesn’t specifically list the amount of caffeine per serving.
Other reviews: ED Junkie, Possessed by Caffeine, Blonde and Thinner

Monster Cuba-Lima

Item: Monster Energy Cuba Lima
Purchased Price: $2.19
Size: 16 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice lime flavor with a generic cola flavor in the background. Smooth. Looks like a rum and cola. Doesn’t taste like an energy drink. As good as pitcher Jose Lima was in 1999 with the Houston Astros.
Cons: If you love alcohol, you might be disappointed it’s non-alcoholic even though it’s based on a Cuba Libre (rum, cola, and lime). Don’t know how much caffeine is in each can. Strong lime flavor might be off-putting to some.
Other reviews: Thirsty Dudes, Screaming Energy, Blonde and Thinner

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