Author: Vin

REVIEW: Hershey’s Milklicious Kisses

Vin 11 Comments

How would you respond if I asked, “Would you like a Milklicious Kiss?”

I imagine you’d recoil in disgust and scream, “No!”

What if I told you a “Milklicious Kiss” was the newest variety of Hershey’s Kisses? Would that change your mind?

Still “no?” For real?

I’m not gonna lie; I kinda expected you all to say “yes” to that. Why not? Is it me? Did I come across too creepy or something? Was I too… ya know what, whatever, I’m gonna review them anyway.

So, what exactly is “Milklicious,” besides something Michelangelo would refer to an extra cheesy pizza as? “Milklicious” basically means these Kisses have a “creamy chocolate milk filling.” They’re Chocolate Milk flavored Kisses.

I guess “Chocolate Milk” would get confused with “Milk Chocolate,” and thus folks would think these are just standard Kisses in a new bag. They’re not though. They’re a reinvention of Hershey’s Kisses, and they’re far superior.

These are creamier, milkier, melt-in-your-mouth Kisses. And yeah, that also sounds kinda gross out of context. I realize it’s tough to write about the milkiness of something called a “kiss.” I feel like a McPoyle sibling. There’s a reference for nobody.

Anyway, I think Hershey nails the taste of smooth chocolate milk here. They’re softer and more airy than regular Kisses. How would you like an airy kiss?! Aight, enough of that.

I feel like American chocolatiers don’t really provide many smooth and airy products, so I found that to be a pleasant surprise. Actually, I think the texture and mouthfeel of these lean towards European chocolate more than anything Hershey puts out. I could have been convinced this was Milka or even a non-Hershey-owned Cadbury if not for the shape.

That being said, the brand I landed on after popping a dozen or so was Dove. Dove is an American brand, but they make a much silkier chocolate than Hershey’s.

The package makes it seem like the middle is similar to a Lindt truffle ball, but it’s just a lighter hunk of tan chocolate. It might as well be soft though, because these melt like those little Dove squares and don’t last very long in your mouth.

Look, if someone from Switzerland tried these, I’m sure they’d laugh at my review, but for a dumb American such as myself, I think this is quality chocolate. The cow on the package tells us these are “Yummm,” and who could argue with that?

Like I said, these are a complete reinvention of the Hershey Kiss. I think Milklicious should be the standard and then sell the regular ones as “Classic” or something because these are just flat-out better. I’d love to somehow try this type of Hershey’s chocolate in bar form.

These are winners. In fact, I think Milklicious Kisses should win the prestigious “Best Kiss” Moonman at the MTV Whatever They Call Them These Days Awards. Tough break, The Kissing Booth 7, but there’s a new champion in town.

Purchased Price: $4.34
Size: 9 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (7 pieces) 160 calories, 10 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, <1 gram of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Peeps Pepsi

Vin 17 Comments

Let’s just get it outta the way – I don’t know why it wasn’t called “Peepsi” either, but I’m sure Pepsi has a rule against altering its iconic name no matter the reason.

That being said, it wouldn’t shock me if this bizarre collaboration was borne out of one “hip” PepsiCo executive saying, “Peepsi would make bank, no cap.” To which his colleagues would’ve probably replied, “Greg, we’ve gone over this, we don’t change our name, and please stop saying that, caps are essential to our product.”

I’ve tried to avoid Peeps Pepsi discourse because I imagine it’s absolutely dripping with hyperbole. People who don’t like Peeps DESPISE Peeps. I’m just imagining everyone acting like this soda is an affront to everything holy. I just know that’s how it is… but I probably shouldn’t try to create a straw man, I should just go and grab a straw, man.

This review is already an affront to everything holy.

Alright, here’s what I’ll say about Peeps Pepsi – it’s almost ok.

I like the scent. I wouldn’t exactly say it screams Peeps, but it makes for a nice unique twist on the usual cola smell. Once that smell translates into taste, it starts to get weird.

If this was a mystery flavor, I think a decent chunk of guessers would land on “marshmallow,” but not necessarily “Marshmallow Peeps.” Maybe as a total shot in the dark guess at some kind of snack brand synergy we’re used to at this point. You can twist my arm and get me to admit it kinda reminds me of Peeps, but I expected more of a match.

It’s obviously super sweet, but I don’t think it’s a pleasant sweetness. This soda is loaded with sugar, but it still tastes like it’s made with an artificial sugar substitute. The marshmallow flavor comes across as a really cheap attempt at a mutant vanilla cola.

There are stages of flavor in every sip that I’ll try my best to explain because I rode the same emotional roller coaster as that woman in the famous kombucha meme.

There’s a moment in the mouthfeel process – let’s just pause for a second and cringe at the fact I just wrote, “mouthfeel process.” – where it seems undrinkable. For a second, it tastes like the smell of an artificial “cake” scented candle or something.

There’s basically a film that materializes after the effervescent bubbles burn off and before the lingering “vanilla icing” aftertaste bursts in. It’s as if you momentarily ingested a buttery lotion. I felt like I was drinking a lesser brand’s attempt to clone a Pepsi Vanilla or something. I never really got to “Peeps,” even after literally comparing it to an actual Peep.

Ultimately, it’s pure novelty and Peeps-adjacent at best. Without the weirdness I attempted to articulate, I might even tell you to go for it. It’s not nearly as vile as I imagine some people will tell you it is, but it’s not even close to being really good either. Both of these products work better on their own.

I like Pepsi and I like (stale) Peeps, so I’m not mad I tried it. Seriously though, I like my Peeps marshmal dente. I want them to taste like a hard memory foam pillow covered in sand. That’s how I like my Peeps, but I definitely don’t need to have them in soda form ever again.

Purchased Price: $2.28
Size: 20 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Bottle) 260 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 55 milligrams of sodium, 69 grams of carbohydrates, 69 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition The Most Oreo Oreo Cookies

Vin 10 Comments

Weird Al once brilliantly parodied the New Kids on the Block song, “The Right Stuff,” with an ode to the crème in the middle of an Oreo cookie. I’ll give you a second to ponder what the title of Al’s tune could’ve been.

Did you guess, “The White Stuff,” or did you know that already? If you did, then you also know, it’s a bop. The reason I’m bringing this up is to manifest a Super Bowl commercial in which Al and the “Kids” (Jordan, Donnie, Joshy… uh, I wanna say Boris? and, Skippy) unite to promote the newest Oreo. The biggest Oreo. The Most Oreo!

So, if anyone at Mondelez (more of this later) is reading this, there’s a golden Oreo idea for ya.

The Most Oreo is kinda like that ancient Xzibit meme in cookie form. “Yo dawg, we heard you liked Oreo cookies so we crushed up some Oreo and shoved them between an Oreo.” This one is pretty simple. Your thoughts on the Most Oreo will be dependent on how much you like Double Stuf Oreo, because these are essentially double stuffed Double Stuf.

These babies are thick. They’re so thick, they’re thicc with 2 “c’s,” and each “c” stands for “crème.” What you’re looking at is an Oreo with an almost inch wide layer of crème. That doesn’t sound like a lot, but lemme tell ya, it’s a lot. The crème is cookies-n-crème flavored, which just means it tastes like they pureed an Oreo and spread that between the chocolate wafers.

They’re very good and they’re exactly what you think. Each isolated frisbee of crème does have a cookies-n-crème flavor, but as a whole, it just tastes like an obese Oreo. It’s the Most Oreo!

Joey! Joey was a New Kid, not Joshy! Joshy is the Hydrox to Joey’s Oreo.

What was I talking about?

Oh right, the Most Oreo. I like them, but they’re still a little too “extra.” That’s a pretty lame complaint, but you assumed that, right? They’re like that theater kid you knew growing up. By all means, she was delightful… if not just a little extra. She was better in small doses.

Also, let’s be real, there’s nothing “creamy” about Oreo crème, and you really get that distinctly gritty texture here in droves. I did enjoy teeth scraping it out like an artichoke leaf though.

While I’m “complaining,” I don’t like the name. It’s too final. What if the market demands more of the most? Where do you go from there? Oops All Crème? Do they break form and make the cookies double wide? Can they possibly top “Most?!”

I guess the only important things are they’re good and the world needs that Super Bowl commercial.

I address Mondelez again, because they’re the only brand name on the bag. No Nabisco. Nabisco is a subsidiary of Mondelez, but since when has the name “Nabisco” been left off an Oreo package?

It doesn’t matter – Mondelez, you have less than one week to unite Weird Al Yankovic, Jordan, Donnie, Joey, Boris and everyone’s favorite, Skippy. Let’s make this a Super Bowl to remember.

I included a pic of a QR code that takes you into the Oreoverse, if you are so inclined. It’s just some mindless AR stuff, but maybe you can win something or find inner peace in the digital cookie landscape.

Purchased Price: $4.99
Size: 13.4 oz package
Purchased at: Shop Rite
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 Cookie) 110 calories, 5 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 gram of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Chicken in a Biskit Ranch Crackers

Vin 11 Comments

What are they?

After decades of being the most underrated cracker on the shelf, Chicken in a Biskit has a new flavor.

How are they?

I just wanna double down here – I believe Chicken in a Biskit is arguably the most underrated salty snack in the entire supermarket.

Do people even know about Chicken in a Biskit? The incredible cracker that tastes like it’s seasoned with packets of powdered chicken soup mix?

It’s always one little blue column of boxes amidst a sea of red Cheez-It and yellow Wheat Thins. I walk by it on so many supermarket trips that it’s always like rediscovering them when they actually catch my eye. Needless to say, I was really excited when I saw the new Ranch flavor.

Unfortunately, these are nowhere near as good as the OGs.

I’ll be fair, they’re still pretty solid, but the flavor is a little jarring. It tastes like standard Ranch if heavy with dill, which I’m pretty sure isn’t a standard ingredient. The buttermilk essence is strong, and you can taste the garlic and onion combo to a fault.

The finish has a pronounced, almost sour garlic flavor that will make you want to avoid people for a few hours. My brain kept flip-flopping between sour Ranch and slightly off Tzatziki the whole time.

They’re closer to authentic Ranch dressing in smell and flavor than a Cool Ranch Dorito, but I guess I like inauthentic Ranch. That Hidden Valley can stay hidden for all I care!

Anything else you need to know?

These still retain enough of the “chicken” flavor that it isn’t a total loss. Ranch is probably 8th on my chicken dipping sauces, so if it’s one of your favorites, you might like these a lot more.

I do love the texture of these crackers, though. They’re more of a Ritz crunch than a crispy Cheez-it.

I also have to mention that the odd finish does slowly fade the more you eat, but I still desperately wanted to chase these with gum.

Conclusion:

I’m maybe a bit disappointed in these, seeing as they are the first brand expansion of one of my favorite sodium-bomb crackers, but in the end, they’re still worth picking up, if you actually notice them.

As far as misspellings of “Biscuit” go, here are my rankings:

  1. Chicken in a Biskit
  2. Ranch Chicken in a Biskit
  3. Limp Bizkit

Purchased Price: $4.28
Size: 12 oz. (which is apparently a “Family Size” these days)
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (12 Crackers) 160 calories, 8 grams of fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 mg of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 19 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of total sugars, 0 grams of fiber, and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Dunkin’ Stuffed Biscuit Bites

Vin 5 Comments

Dunkin’ has a new bite-sized breakfast snack, so naturally I had to review it.

I’m not sure why, but this has basically become my Bat Signal. If the folks there “Munchkinify” something new, I have to try it as soon as possible and share my dopey opinion with you fine folks online.

Stuffed Bagel Balls? Check.

Mini Pancakes? Got ’em.

Snack-sized Wake-up Wraps? Reviewed ’em.

Shot glasses full of cappuccino? Actually, they haven’t done this, and rightfully so. That would be a terrible idea.

Eh, who am I kidding? I’d be there in the first week ready and willing to give my review, just like I was for Dunkin’s new Stuffed Biscuit Bites.

As much as I wanna sit here and give a glowing review of these tasty little discs, I don’t know if I should because I’ve been bamboozled!

Dunkin’s Biscuit Bites are almost identical to the Omelet Bites I reviewed last year. When I took my first bite, I immediately knew I’d had these before. They’re almost literally a repackaging of the same product in a slightly different casing. I’ll be fair, though, and actually review the Biscuit Bites because, after all, I liked the Omelet Bites.

I would say these are a slight step down, mostly due to the dry and bready shell coating. They still have a nice texture, but I was hoping there would be a buttery Southern-style biscuit base. Instead, it’s more of a soft stuffed bread with a light biscuit flavor.

If you’ve ever had one of those giant crusty knishes from a Jewish deli, the exterior really reminded me of one of those. I prefer square fried knishes myself, but I also like those, so this isn’t a knock in terms of the flavor. It was just a little too dry for such a small presentation.

If an “egg knish” was a thing, this is it. Whereas I would douse my knish in mustard, the egg, cheese, and bacon interior of the Biscuit Bites wasn’t enough to fully overcome the dryness.

Like the Omelet Bites, the stuffed portion here tasted exactly like the inside of a Pillsbury Toaster Scramble. While the bacon isn’t really noticeable by the eye, the slightly artificial flavor is there in droves, and the cheesy eggs act as a nice glue to keep everything intact. Despite harping on the dryness, I was still pleasantly surprised these weren’t in any way mushy.

So, these are new, but not really?

Ultimately, I liked them, but these are just a carbed-up repackaging of an old idea. I’m still a sucker for the small bites, and these held me over for a few hours, as I expected.

There’s an offer all month in the app where you can get these for free with a drink order, so you might as well try them out.

If you liked the Omelet Bites and think the idea of an “egg knish” sounds fun, you’ll have a good time. I’d probably ask for some syrup or, forgive me, ketchup the next time I get these to moisten them up a bit.

Purchased Price: $3.29
Size: 2 Bites
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: 260 calories, 13 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 85 milligrams of cholesterol, 690 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of total carbohydrates, 2 grams of total sugars, and 10 grams of protein.