Category: Reviews

REVIEW: McDonald’s McCafé Strawberry Lemonade

Adam 7 Comments

McDonald’s McCafe? Strawberry Lemonade

Part of me feels guilty for buying McDonald’s new McCafé Strawberry Lemonade because I’m probably driving some little girl’s lemonade stand out of business and killing her budding entrepreneurial spirit.

But part of me doesn’t feel guilty because I’m probably teaching her valuable lessons of business innovation which will allow her to up her game and develop sound marketing and costing principles for future lemonade stand expansion. So you might say I have mixed feelings about my purchase. Just like I have mixed feelings about the taste of McDonald’s newest McCafé beverage.

The fast food chain says that their new take on lemonade is “hand shaken for a perfect balance of sweet and tart,” but neither of those points are actually correct. The woman making my lemonade didn’t shake it so much as she pushed a few buttons on a big machine with strawberry lemonade in it, which is a real bummer because everyone knows lemonade is a lot like martinis -— better shaken, not stirred.

Also, the strawberry lemonade is really only the “perfect balance” of sweet and tart if your definition of balance means tasting more tart than sweet, which for a lot of people isn’t the preferred ratio for fruit-flavored foods and drinks (thus, why we have Sweetarts and not Tartsweets.)

Still, the strawberry lemonade is definitely refreshing and unexpectedly sophisticated in its flavor. The tartness, while outweighing the sweetness, isn’t mind blowing like a Warhead, and actually tastes reminiscent of eating a Lemonhead and a Swedish Fish at the same time.

There’s definitely a nuanced strawberry flavor that rounds out the lemon’s acidity, while the three slices of strawberry I received in my lemonade made for a favorable presentation that I really doubt most little boys and girls setting up lemonade stands this time of year can match.

McDonald’s McCafe? Strawberry Lemonade 3

Still, I can’t get past the tartness, nor can I get past the big machine of lemonade that serves up one of the most quintessentially homemade beverages with what I can only describe as “questionable” freshness. The strawberries, while aesthetically very nice to stir around with your straw, are actually pretty insipid and obviously frozen, with a thawed-out sliminess that screams for added sugar. More than anything else, I thought that added sugar would have helped bring out the inherent fruitiness of the strawberries, and justified the $1.79 I paid for a small.

There’s been a lot of McDonald’s Secret Menu talk as of late and I’d like to add a little tip to the conversation. If you’re lucky to live in an area where McDonald’s soda dispensers come equipped with both Minute Maid Light Lemonade and Strawberry Fanta, you can get a sweeter, more strawberry-y lemonade drink for less money.

McDonald’s McCafe? Strawberry Lemonade 2

I like what McDonald’s is trying to get at with their McCafé Strawberry Lemonade, even if the execution is off and the tartness overpowering. Given my guilt over contributing to the decline of brother and sister lemonade stands, I can only hope that our country’s next generation of venture capitalists responds by correcting this imbalance and reclaiming the lemonade market through fresher strawberries and more sugar.

(Nutrition Facts – Small – 120 calories, 0 calories from fat, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 10 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 28 grams of sugar, and 1 gram of protein.)

Item: McDonald’s McCafé Strawberry Lemonade
Purchased Price: $1.79
Size: Small (12 oz.)
Purchased at: McDonald’s
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: More sophisticated flavor than usual takes on lemonade. Nuanced strawberry taste. Comes with real strawberry and lemon slices. Chilled and refreshing on a hot day.
Cons: Too tart for general lemonade drinking public. Strawberry flavor isn’t as concentrated as it should be. Pricey. Questionable freshness, including lack of discernible pulp. Supporting corporate giant over youthful small businesses.

REVIEW: Jack in the Box Portobello Mushroom Buttery Jack

Marvo 7 Comments

Jack in the Box Portobello Mushroom Buttery Jack

Jack in the Box’s Buttery Jack is much like an ice cream cone on a hot summer day, crab legs at an all you can eat buffet, and baby back ribs at a barbecue joint.

What do these have in common? Besides being foods you’ve seen on your friend’s Instagram that shows EVERYTHING he eats (STOP IT, BRANDON!), they’re also messy enough that you’ll need a few extra napkins if you’re eating them.

The Buttery Jack originally came in two varieties — Classic and Bacon & Swiss. But now there’s a third, the Portobello Mushroom, so get your napkins ready. The burger comes with a 1/4 lb beef patty topped with garlic herb butter, Portobello mushrooms, buttery grilled onions, Swiss cheese, and peppercorn mayo on a gourmet signature bun. So, yeah, it’s basically a mushroom and swiss burger with a fancy name.

If you’re thinking someone’s A-key isn’t working on their keyboard because you thought it was “portabella” not “portobello,” then let me do your Google search for you and say either one is acceptable. So if a Facebook friends corrects you, tell them that they’re wrong, play the instrumentals to Billy Ocean’s “Caribbean Queen,” and then sing the following lyrics:

Spelling bee queen.
Now we’re spelling the same thing.
There are more spellings than one.
No more confusion.

Jack in the Box Portobello Mushroom Buttery Jack 2

Like the plastic wrap Dexter uses to secure his prey, the melted Swiss cheese holds the mushrooms and onions down on the beef patty, preventing them from escaping. My burger came with a decent amount of fungi and aromatics, and they both provided a decent amount of flavor. But to be honest, they don’t taste any different than what’s been on other fast food mushroom and swiss burgers I’ve had.

Although the Portobello mushrooms are in the name, the real star of every Buttery Jack is really the garlic herb butter. As I mentioned in my review of the other varieties, it helps compensate for the patty’s dryness and gives your hands a slick coating that’ll make it easier to slide down fire poles and make Jenga a bit more exciting. The garlic flavor isn’t strong enough to prevent a vampire from invading your personal space, but it does enhance the patty’s flavor.

Jack in the Box Portobello Mushroom Buttery Jack 3

Besides allowing the top bun of the slightly sweet and sturdy gourmet bun to stick to the rest of the burger, I’m not sure about the inclusion of the peppercorn mayo. I didn’t get any pepperiness from the burger. Although, combined with the Swiss cheese, the two did give the burger an added creamy texture. As for the Swiss cheese itself, its mild flavor is hard to detect with the garlic herb butter also hitting my taste buds.

A mushroom and swiss version of Jack in the Box’s Buttery Jack was inevitable. Whenever fast food chains offer a new burger line, it seems mushroom and swiss is almost always one of the options or a later addition (See McDonald’s Sirloin Burger and Angus Third Pounder, Burger King’s Whopper and Big King, Carl’s Jr.’s All-Natural Burger). But the garlic herb butter does help this burger stand out among those others I’ve tried. It’s a good burger, although not as good as the Classic version. And it’s a good addition to the Buttery Jack line.

(Nutrition Facts – 807 calories, 462 calories from fat, 51 grams of fat, 23 grams of saturated fat, 2 grams of trans fat, 128 milligrams of cholesterol, 1081 milligrams of sodium, 51 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 38 grams of protein..)

Item: Jack in the Box Portobello Mushroom Buttery Jack
Purchased Price: $9.27* (large combo)
Size: N/A
Purchased at: Jack in the Box
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Garlic herb butter helps hide the dry patty and makes this burger stand out among other mushroom and swiss burgers I’ve had. Gourmet signature bun is still great. Swiss cheese helps prevent mushrooms and onions from falling out.
Cons: Messy. Hard to notice the Swiss cheese and peppercorn mayo. Predictable burger variety.

*Because I live on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, things are a bit pricier here. You’ll probably pay less than I did.

REVIEW: Trader Joe’s Uncured Bacon Ganache Bar

Kevin 3 Comments

Trader Joe's Uncured Bacon Ganache Bar

“Ganache” is such a French word. It’s so French that if you say it into a mirror three times, French Candyman appears. Instead of a hook hand he has half a baguette on his stump and he doesn’t murder you, he gives you cigarettes made of young cheese. Then you have to watch an entire Jerry Lewis movie and make small talk with his mistress while he looks for your bidet. And then you have to drive him to the airport to get back to France. It’s kind of a hassle, honestly.

The Trader Joe’s Uncured Bacon Ganache Bar tries to French gourmet up the grocery proceedings but also keeps it real down home by featuring USA’s favorite swine meats. It says what’s in it right there on the packaging: “A rich combination of dark chocolate ganache, pieces of uncured bacon, and a hint of smoked salt.”

Trader Joe's Uncured Bacon Ganache Bar 4

The ganache is tucked inside the bar in tiny pockets, along with the pieces of pig. The particular bar I had was very fragile and almost immediately featured a diagonal crack that allowed the insides to leak out and made it look like it was bleeding chocolate blood.

Fun fact: In old black and white films, Dracula would use chocolate syrup in place of blood. Another fun fact: In the commercials, Count Chocula drinks human blood in place of milk in his cereal.

The bar boasts a 70 percent cacao rating thing, and, yes, it’s bitter. It has a smooth cacao flavor which crescendos into an acrid bite when the pools of ganache touch the tongue. There’s maybe a facsimile of smokiness—which actually comes off as a bit sour—but the tenor changes with a subtle touch of saltiness. It’s a complex hit that might even include the sixth taste, umami, or the seventh taste, your mommy.

Trader Joe's Uncured Bacon Ganache Bar 2

The experience is a bit tough to describe because while it’s a combination of all these interesting things, I also found it not that pleasant. I imagine it is a little bit like what Coca-Cola tasted like when it was being sold as a cure-all tonic. There’s not much sweetness involved and it tastes a little bit like medicine.

Ironic, isn’t it, that this product has “uncured” bacon in it, because medicine “cures” diseases and this tastes like medicine and “uncured” is the opposite of “cured.” Haha. Good one, dude. Good one. … *cricket sounds for ten seconds* … “It’s like raaaaaaaain on your wedding day/ It’s the freeee riiiiiide….”

Where is the bacon? It’s in little torn up pieces in a sea of chocolate ganache, represented by the hints of salt. Catching them in my mouth here and there, texture-wise they sort of felt like balled up pieces of wet tissue paper rolled between my fingers to make wispy strands. Without it billboarded on the front, I would never have guessed bacon was involved in this product.

The chocolate is really a stronger flavor here and overpowers just about all the bacon qualities. It’s a fine, bold dark chocolate taste, but with the bar and the insides being all chocolate, all day it’s a bit overwhelming. Maybe if I say “ganache” three times backwards into a mirror it will dial back the intensity? “Ehcanag, ehcanag, ehcanag.” Nope, that just summoned Opposite French Candyman. He’s exactly the same as French Candyman but his skin is inside out and rides a bicycle backwards. Pretty cool.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/2 bar – 220 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 10 grams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 14 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Trader Joe’s Uncured Bacon Ganache Bar
Purchased Price: $1.99
Size: 3 oz.
Purchased at: Trader Joe’s
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Dark chocolate central. If you need that fix, it has it. Complex flavors.
Cons: Not very sweet at all. Bacon gets lost a bit, tastes like medicine.

REVIEW: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Southern Biscuits and Gravy Potato Chips

Vin 20 Comments

Lay's Do Us a Flavor Southern Biscuit and Gravy Potato Chips

I’m an Italian kid from the Northeast, so when I hear “gravy” I think of that brown stuff you put on turkey, not the white sausage based stuff popular in the South. I also never, I repeat, never think of red sauce you put on macaroni as gravy. Anyone who tells you that’s “gravy” is certifiable. Sauce with meat is not gravy. You are wrong. Stop being wrong. You’re probably right. Who the heck knows?

Lay's Do Us a Flavor Southern Biscuit and Gravy Potato Chips 2

Lay’s Southern Biscuits and Gravy Potato Chips are the brainchild of Hailey Green from Noblesville, IN. Her idea was based on her “Nonnie’s” homemade biscuits and gravy recipe. So if these stink, I’m putting full blame on Nonnie. Moment of truth, Nonnie. Here goes nothing.

The chips have a nice gravy scent. Is that a thing? A “nice” gravy scent? Has anyone ever said, “Mmmm, this gravy smells fantastic?” There’s a very distinct smell you get when you pop open a bottle of turkey/chicken gravy or open a pouch of dry gravy mix. I’m sure it smells that way when you make any variety of gravy from scratch but…look I’m no Nonnie, I’ve never made gravy from scratch. Pity me.

My first inclination when trying a new chip flavor is to immediately compare it to a flavor I’m familiar with. With these my immediate first impression was that they were a saltier, less potent sour cream and onion. As I munched on, the gravy flavor poked through. It’s definitely there but it takes a little while to build. The flavor really reminded me of something familiar and it took me about 10 more chips to realize what it was — Stove Top Stuffing. After reaching that conclusion, I couldn’t taste anything else.

Ya know what I don’t really like? Stove Top Stuffing. Ya know what I do like? Chips that taste like Stove Top Stuffing. Go figure. Go. I’ll wait.

We good?

I’m not sure what exactly stuffing and biscuits and gravy have in common, save for the starch element and some onion powder, but they are definitely in the same ballpark. I want to say gravy flavoring on potato chips is strange, but who doesn’t like gravy on mashed potatoes? It seems dumb, but once that thought crossed my mind, I really started to enjoy these more. “Thanksgiving Dinner” was one of my contest submissions, and this might be as close as I’ll get.

Lay's Do Us a Flavor Southern Biscuit and Gravy Potato Chips 4

I wouldn’t say these chips have a kick, but they are a bit peppery. Each chip is coated with little red, orange, and black specs of spice. You’ll come away feeling like you may have possibly eaten something spicy a while ago and your mouth is still recovering.

As for the biscuit element, there’s a hint of a creamy, buttery flavor, but it’s pretty understated. I kept trying to really separate a biscuit flavor but found it difficult. That seems authentic to me though as the gravy would overpower the biscuit flavor if you were eating the actual dish. Biscuits are delicious, but are also a textural food, so you lose that when converting that flavor to a chip.

Therein “Lay’s” the problem with most of the Do Us a Flavor chips. They don’t so much stand on their own as they just make me really want to eat the food they are copying. Like right now? I want a biscuit. I don’t want any more chips. I gotta have a biscuit. Where’s that little giggly Pillsbury Doughboy bastard when you need him?

Lay's Do Us a Flavor Southern Biscuit and Gravy Potato Chips 3

These are the traditional-style chip, which was a good call on their part. I don’t think they would have been as successful in Wavy form. As I said, I want the softest style chip possible for this flavor. The Greektown Gyro flavor really worked as a kettle chip, but there is almost no chance these would have. When thinking “biscuit,” you don’t want to be crunching down on something that could crack a molar at any given second.

I find the color of the bag aesthetically pleasing, but the image of the actual biscuits and gravy are unappetizing. This is admittedly a nitpick, but annoying people tell me that we “eat with our eyes first,” and that gloppy white stuff just doesn’t look tasty. I was pleasantly surprised these turned out a lot better than the picture led me to believe.

I enjoyed these slightly more than the Gyro chips and I ended up eating half the bag in one sitting. I probably could have kept going but my mouth started to feel like the Sahara and I needed to chug an entire bottle of water. So congrats to Lay’s, the Jelly Belly of potato chips, for another successful flavor foray.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 oz – 160 calories, 90 calories from fat, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 140 milligrams of sodium, 15 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 1 gram of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Lay’s Do Us a Flavor Southern Biscuits and Gravy Potato Chips
Purchased Price: $2.50
Size: 7.75 oz bag
Purchased at: Stop & Shop
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: They go down easy. Stuffing flavor. Not overpowering. Nice hint of spice. Nonnie finally getting her due. Bag color. Molars intact.
Cons: Masked biscuit flavor. Bag photo. Lay’s constantly denying my submissions. “Gravy” on macaroni. Actual biscuit cravings. Pillsbury Doughboy not being at my beck and call.

REVIEW: Nabisco Limited Edition Key Lime Pie Oreo Cookies

Marvo 8 Comments

Limited Edition Key Lime Pie Oreo Cookies

With all the s’mores-flavored products this time of year, I consider s’mores to be summer’s pumpkin spice. But because there are also a number of Key Lime Pie-flavored stuff, but not as much as s’mores, I like to think of Key Lime Pie as summer’s candy corn. So I guess it’s fitting that Nabisco released Limited Edition S’mores and Key Lime Pie Oreo Cookies during these warm months.

I’m no food scientist, but I assume it took oodles of money and bodies to create the graham flavored cookie that came with the S’mores Oreo. So I’m glad they were able to reuse that cookie for these Key Lime Pie Oreo and not let it sit unused like arenas and stadiums in many cities that have hosted the Summer Olympics, which also took oodles of money and bodies to create.

Limited Edition Key Lime Pie Oreo Cookies 3

Along with the wafers, these Oreo come with an artificially flavored and Hulk-colored Key Lime creme. If you’re wondering if it’s the exact same Hulk-colored creme from last summer’s Limeade Oreo, I don’t know. Even though I’ve had them, to continue my streak of Oreo varieties consumed (I’m coming for you Guinness Book of World Records), I can’t exactly remember what they taste like. But I do remember I liked them a lot.

And I enjoyed these Oreo cookies as well.

But…I’m not 100 percent sold on the graham cracker and whether it complements the creme. With the Limeade Oreo Cookies, the Golden wafers were able to cut through the tartness of the lime. But the graham cookies don’t do that with these.

The Key Lime creme does artificial lime really well, but the strong tart flavor makes it difficult to recognize the graham flavored cookies when eating them whole. But it shouldn’t be surprising to me since I thought it was hard to get a hint of graham with the S’mores Oreo. Oh, and while I’m lightly bashing the graham cookie, I’d like to add that they aren’t as crunchy as a Golden Oreo and they look like Golden Oreo wafers with bad spray tans.

My disappointment with the graham cookie was so strong that I felt compelled to buy graham crackers and transplant the Key Lime creme on to them.

Nabisco Limited Edition Key Lime Pie Oreo Cookies 3

Much better.

Graham crackers have a mild flavor, but they do a better job at tempering the creme than the graham flavored cookies and I can taste the honey and graham-ness. My creme surgery job is what these Key Lime Pie Oreo Cookies should’ve tasted like. Maybe it’s just me but shouldn’t they be good enough that one would want to use them as a pie crust like regular Oreo cookies.

Look, so far I believe there hasn’t been a bad Oreo, and these Key Lime Pie Oreo Cookies are far from being bad, but I really wish those graham flavored cookies stood out more. Maybe Nabisco should use oodles of money and bodies to improve them.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 150 calories, 60 calories from fat, 7 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 70 milligrams of sodium, 20 milligrams of potassium, 21 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Nabisco Limited Edition Key Lime Pie Oreo Cookies
Purchased Price: $5.99
Size: 10.7 oz.
Purchased at: eBay
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Far from being bad. Key Lime creme is pleasant. eBay sellers who don’t sell their limited edition Oreo cookies for $10 or more.
Cons: Hard to find. Graham flavored cookie need to be more graham-y because it’s hard to detect with the strong tart creme. Graham flavored cookie doesn’t seem to be as crunchy as original and Golden Oreo wafers.