As a mostly professional writer who often works well into the wee hours of the morning, Taco Bell is oftentimes my culinary night light, that shining burrito in the 3 a.m. fog, ready to protect and serve my faux-Mex wiles without judgment.

The only downside to this is that, more than a few times, I have fallen asleep after only a few bites of a rigidly plump chili cheese burrito, which, when drowsily set on a keyboard makes a wholly insufficient meat and cheese pillow, squirting the contents like a tube of toothpaste across my desk as my head defiantly slumbers deep into said Fourth Meal, waking up to a nocturnal mess not seen since puberty.

There’s got to be a better way!

Enter the new Taco Bell $1 Stacker.

Comprised of the Bell’s beloved spicy ground beef, that stand-by three-cheese blend and a healthy dollop of nacho cheese folded numerous times inside a comically large tortilla and pressed completely flat, the Stacker enters the pantheon of TB’s famed flush foodstuffs like the Quesadilla, the Crunchwrap Supreme, and, if you wanna get extra nasty, the Mexican Pizza. The main difference here is the price point of only a buck and, truth be told, for your hundred pennies you sure do get a lot of food, as well as a comforting headrest.

I was pleasantly surprised to see just how much the meaty and cheesy filling was willing to be compacted and compressed in the Stacker, making it perhaps the best deal on the current incarnation of the Dollar Menu.

Additionally, living up to its moniker perfectly, it was filling and fun to place three or four of these babies on top of one another, creating a mega Stacker of Voltron-esque proportions that without a doubt will be the most filling meal (or in my case, Fourth Meal) of the day.

And best of all, while I was burning the Bell at both ends last night, the Stacker, with its pillow-like comfort and memory-foam demeanor, made for the perfect resting place between my head and the keyboard, all with no fuss or no muss and, if that weren’t enough, I have a warm breakfast waiting for me when I came to. You’ve done it again, Taco Bell. ¡Cómpralo ya!

(And, on that note, day-sleepers might want to pick up the A.M. Stacker wherein the staid ground beef is replaced with a generous portion of fluffy egg, presumably as part of a healthy, balanced breakfast. Also notable is the limited edition $5 Stacker Box, which includes the aforementioned Stacker, a crunchy taco, a Nacho Cheese Doritos Taco Loco, chips and nacho cheese sauce, and a medium drink.)

(Nutrition Facts – 390 calories, 170 calories from fat, 18 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 1050 milligrams of sodium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 3 grams of sugar, and 18 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $1.00
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Flat, compact, stackable. Surprisingly packed with meat and cheese. Literal comfort food.
Cons: Too much tortilla. Unimaginative use of tortilla, meat, and cheese.

When I hear the word “shred” I think of a sick guitar solo, or some gnarly snowboarder carving up a mountain. Ya know, epic things like that.

One thing I don’t think of is Shredded Wheat. There’s NOTHING epic about Shredded Wheat.

Until now.

Folks, General Mills made Shredded Wheat epic!

First thing I noticed when I picked up a box of new Peanut Butter Chocolate Blasted Shreds, besides the long name, was how heavy the box was. At 1 pound, 7.2 ounces, this might be the heftiest cereal I’ve ever bought.

After doing a set of thirty hammer curls, I cracked it open and was met with a smell reminiscent of peanut butter cookies. Epic, indeed.

I popped a few of the cereal pieces dry, which I don’t normally do, and instantly came down from my high. The flavors were solid, and I could imagine these being a decent Chex substitute in a snack mix, but it just reminded me how boring Shredded Wheat is.

Thankfully cereal is nothing without milk. Once that milk hit, guitar solos rang out, and “shred” started to mean something new in my mind. To quote the back of the box – Whoa!

This ain’t your daddy’s Shredded Wheat.

Each cereal piece has a powdery Reese’s Puffs-like flavor coating that was magically activated by the milk. The dry blocks of straw now had a slick flavorful sheen and a slightly softer texture that married together perfectly.

The peanut butter was more prevalent than the chocolate, but that was exactly what I wanted. I can’t stress enough how much better the flavor was with milk, especially the peanut butter.

The flavor held as the cereal sogged but still managed to hold an outer crisp that was less harsh than I expected. A cereal like Frosted Mini Wheats “shred” my mouth, these went down smooth. I’d say they hit their peak after about a minute in the milk. They were still crispity, still crunchity, still peanut…I better stop before I get sued.

The silky cereal milk was also elite. It put me in mind of another product I reviewed and loved –- International Delights Reese’s Coffee Creamer.

I gotta also give it credit for feeling like a hearty meal, unlike other cereals. That clearly has to do with its weight and the fact the calorie count on these puppies dwarf your standard fare. You’re not gonna get “shredded” if you eat these daily, but you will get a nice dose of whole grain.

So, as you can tell, I kinda loved this cereal. I picked up a box of Nutter Butter cereal as well, and while those were excellent, Shreds still edged ‘em out. These are also better than the Jif Cereal and Chocolate Peanut Butter Cheerios, in my opinion.

I’m not ready to boost them over Cap’n Crunch or Reese’s just yet, but those are 10’s to me, and also have a lifetime of nostalgia on their side.

(Nutrition Facts – 2/3 cup – 230 calories, 50 calories from fat, 5 grams of fat, 1 gram of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 45 milligrams of sodium, 210 milligrams of potassium, 41 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 23.1 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Delicious when activated with milk. Some of the best peanut butter flavor I’ve had in a cereal. Substantial breakfast. Good source of whole grain and fiber. Creamy flavorful cereal milk. Rejuvenating the Shredded Wheat brand.
Cons: Nothing special when eaten dry. Some may crave more chocolate flavor. Calorie count is pretty high. Not good for the low-carb in 2018 resolution crowd. Butterfinger took their potential slogan. Pretty lame back of box.

On the back of the Kellogg’s Chocolate Frosted Flakes box, it says, “It’s the gr-r-eatest thing to happen to chocolate!”

I’m going to say being the SECOND attempt at fusing chocolate and corn flakes together in a breakfast cereal that’s part of a complete breakfast is NOT the gr-r-reatest thing to happen to chocolate.

THIS is the greatest thing to happen to chocolate.

Yes, for those of you who don’t follow cereal history, there was previous Frosted Flakes with chocolate, which was also not the gr-r-reatest thing to happen to chocolate. If it was, it would still be around. It debuted in 2011 and was called Frosted Flakes Chocolate or Choco Zucaritas and there was a version with marshmallow, which also wasn’t the gr-r-eatest thing to happen to chocolate.

This cereal’s creation involves a process similar to last year’s Cinnamon Frosted Flakes. The chocolate is mixed in with the frosting and then applied to the flakes using hard work and determination! I assume hard work and determination because all the cereal pieces look like they participated in a Spartan Race.

It smells like Cocoa Pebbles, which is one of my favorite cereals, so it’s off to a gr-r-reat start. While its aroma reminds me of Cocoa Pebbles, it’s not as sweet or as strongly flavored as the rice crisp cereal, which is due to not being completely coated with the cocoa frosting. But the semisweet chocolate used gives the cereal a natural cocoa flavor.

Because much of the underlying corn flake is exposed, it somewhat affects the cereal’s flavor. With the first few spoonfuls, the chocolate doesn’t instantly hit my tongue. Instead, it takes a few chews before it kicks in. Milk helps with this issue after it turns chocolatey because it’s as potent as what you get with Cocoa Pebbles and Cocoa Puffs.

While not as good as Cocoa Pebbles, I have to say Kellogg’s Chocolate Frosted Flakes is as good as or better than Cocoa Puffs. It’s also way better than the previous incarnation of chocolate-flavored Frosted Flakes, which had a weak cocoa punch.

But it still isn’t the gr-r-reatest thing to happen to chocolate, and I’m pretty sure chocolate thinks so too.

(Nutrition Facts – 3/4 cup without milk – 110 calories, 10 calories from fat, 1 gram of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 160 milligrams of sodium, 60 milligrams of potassium, 25 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 2 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $4.57
Size: 24.7 oz. box
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Better than the previous chocolate Frosted Flakes. Natural chocolatey flavor. Makes a strong chocolate milk in the bowl. Second tries.
Cons: It takes awhile for the cocoa flavor to kick in during the first few spoonfuls. Flakes could’ve been coated more throughly. Not the gr-r-reatest thing to happen to chocolate.