The Impulsive Buy

REVIEW: KIND Cereal

Tiffany / August 29, 2020 / Reviews / 14 Comments

2020 is the year of many firsts, including what I’m calling “fancy cereal.” Starting with General Mills’ $13 Morning Summit cereal that made headlines earlier this year to KIND’s newest $6.98 box of cereal. We’re on a new level of bougie cereal, y’all.

Best known for its fruit and nut bars, KIND has quadrupled down with four new cereal flavors – Apple Cinnamon, Cranberry Almond, Dark Chocolate Almond, and Honey Almond.

These sound like standard, well-known flavors, but they’ve been amped with super grains (sorry Paleo-ers, they’re full of sorghum, quinoa, and amaranth). Two of the four flavors – Dark Chocolate Almond and Cranberry Almond – are also bar flavors, so there’s added familiarity.

The shiny, expensive-looking packaging helped a bit with my initial sticker shock. Perception is such a funny thing, but the cardboard’s heavier weight and beautiful food images were very appealing and helped me begin to rationalize the price.

After examining all four flavors, the concept seemed pretty formulaic: same base flake with fruit and nut inclusions. These base flakes looked like thicker, brown, and lumpy corn flakes. I guess that’s what happens when it’s made of super grains! They were generally plain tasting – lacking even the toasted fragrance found in usual cereal grains like corn and oat. But, it was a proper backdrop for all the added goodies as it has a non-intrusive, but unmistakable grain note.

But the Cranberry Almond and Dark Chocolate Almond included an accompanying colored flake – pink and brown, respectively. This plays an important role as you’ll read on later, but these did subtlety taste like their respective flavors.

But back to the formula. Inclusions aren’t game-changing as we’ve seen cereal jazzed up with marbits, two scoops of raisins, etc. for decades now. I find the fancy nut inclusions, like the pepitas in the Apple Cinnamon flavor, are more like something I’d find in muesli or granola.

But, what really stood out was the consistent delivery of each component with every pour. Usually, it’s a slim ratio of the expensive stuff to cereal bits, but there’s no skimping here. This is crucial because I found that the flavor comes from these inclusions — from the sweet pops of dried fruit to the rich, nutty almond notes.

With all the different textures from the dried fruit, nuts, and the super grain flakes themselves, it was quite crunchy. Even when I left it sitting just a bit longer, it didn’t turn immediately into mush. As an ice chewer, I personally enjoy texture over soggy cereal!

There was truly no bad egg of the four. However, the two that surprised and delighted me the most were Cranberry Almond and Dark Chocolate Almond.

As I mentioned earlier, each of these included a different color flake and the plain base flake. The natural coloring washed into the milk and produced millennial pink-colored and chocolate-colored milk. So fun!

The Cranberry Almond pink was purely visual as the subtle cranberry flavor was overpowered by the milk. The chocolate one seemed more indulgent as it did actually create chocolate cereal milk. The little, semi-sweet chocolate rectangles added a nice extra bit of choco-goodness as well.

Honey Almond, surprisingly, didn’t give me as much delight as the previous two. While it clearly listed toasted coconut as an ingredient on the box, I didn’t expect that to be the dominant flavor. I know they probably wanted to be consistent in saying that almonds are the number one ingredient across all four, but they should’ve at least named it Coconut Almond to reflect what it actually tastes like!

Apple Cinnamon was more middle of the road for me – not offensive but didn’t surprise and delight like the others. The base flake did slightly deviate from the rest as it was the cinnamon flavor source, but it was very lightly flavored. So, it reminded me of good ol’ cinnamon Cheerios.

I didn’t think that I would like dried apple pieces in cereal, but I was proven wrong. Also, unlike the other varieties, there were some red puffed rice pieces. I was unclear what purpose they served as they didn’t really add any additional flavor or visual interest.

If I’m going to gripe about anything, it’s the prominent touting of 5-6 grams of protein per serving. Is that supposed to be a lot?! My usual nowadays, Special K Protein, is three times that! So, the nutrition isn’t quite there to replace my go-to, but a Dark Chocolate Almond bowl as a regular treat sounds like a great plan to me.

Purchased Price: $6.98 each
Size: 15 oz boxes
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Apple Cinnamon), 8 out of 10 (Cranberry Almond), 9 out of 10 (Dark Chocolate Almond), 7 out of 10 (Honey Almond)
Nutrition Facts: (55 grams) Cranberry Almond – 230 calories, 8 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 4.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 37 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 12 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Dark Chocolate Almond – 240 calories, 10 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein. Apple Cinnamon – 220 calories, 3.5 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 1 gram of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 95 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of fiber, 13 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein. Honey Almond – 250 calories, 11 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 4 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 35 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 10 grams of sugar, and 6 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Brach’s Turkey Dinner Candy Corn

Mike / August 28, 2020 / Reviews / 11 Comments

What is Brach’s Turkey Dinner Candy Corn?

Somewhere in the world, a withered monkey’s paw has lowered a finger.

Okay, fess up.

Which one of you wished for new candy?

I can only assume that’s how this product came to be because Brach’s has introduced a product no one could have honestly wanted: Turkey Dinner Candy Corn.

How is it?

Green Beans

It took me a while to put my finger on what these taste like because it’s not like any green bean I’ve ever tasted. Yet, there’s a certain noxious quality that’s familiar. Then it hit me. These taste spoiled. My only explanation is that whoever is responsible for this grew up eating canned green beans that had been boiled to mush and then left on the stovetop for too long.

Roast Turkey

Oh, wow! This really tastes like turkey! That’s a terrible thing for candy to taste like! Everything about this is off-putting. Even the yellow top of the candy corn reminds of the scummy fat that rises to the top of turkey drippings. I applaud the food scientists for managing to nail the flavor of a turkey dinner’s centerpiece, but wish they would use their skills for good rather than evil.

Cranberry Sauce

These taste generically fruity, but lack specific cranberry flavor and tartness. They wouldn’t be out of place in any other assortment of fruity candy, but fail to add to the turkey dinner theme.

Ginger Glazed Carrots

These are delightfully accurate recreations of their namesake. There’s real sweet carrot flavor with a spicy ginger bite. If you don’t like carrots or ginger, you won’t like them, but they’ll be a favorite for glazed carrot fans.

Sweet Potato Pie

These don’t taste anything like sweet potato pie, but they taste exactly like maple syrup. Given some of the other flavors’ awfulness, I’m going to count my blessings, not ask too many questions, and quickly move on.

Stuffing

I had no idea how the folks at Brach’s would replicate a savory side dish in a candy form. And it turns out neither did they because this one just tastes weird. There’s perhaps a toasted bread and herb note, but the sugary sweetness overwhelms any savory characteristic and results in a muddled mess.

Anything else you need to know?

A common trope in old sci-fi is the notion of having an entire meal in pill form, which always seemed odd to me. Who would rather swallow a pill than eat real food? Then, Silicon Valley introduced Soylent to the world because eat was getting in the way of productivity.

So, here’s my theory: some techbro was annoyed at getting yanked out his coding flow state to have Thanksgiving with his family, found a monkey’s paw, and then wished for some festive way to fulfill familial obligations as efficiently as possible.

It’s candy, so it’s fun! It’s also possible to eat by the handful, so it’s also very efficient! All the better for getting back to coding that dystopian facial recognition algorithm as quickly as possible.

Conclusion:

Despite some truly horrific flavors, I must admit I come away impressed by Brach’s ability to offer the full cornucopia of Thanksgiving experiences in one bag. From the disgusting dish your younger cousin brings (Hush, everyone. He tried.) to the unexciting but crowd-pleasing favorites that Grandma faithfully delivers and the standout that everyone looks forward to every year, Brach’s Turkey Dinner Candy Corn replicates the highs and lows of a Thanksgiving with family.

Purchased Price: $2.99
Size: 12 oz bag
Purchased at: Walgreens
Rating: 4 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (15 pieces) 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 23 grams of sugar including 23 grams added sugar, and 0 gram of protein.

Brach's Candy Candy Corn

REVIEW: Totino’s Takis Fuego Mini Snack Bites

Marvo / August 27, 2020 / Reviews / 7 Comments

Totino’s Takis Fuego Mini Snack Bites’ ingredients list is CVS receipt-long. While coupons can make the drugstore’s receipts reach outstanding lengths, it’s ingredients that end with -ate that help the list take up more than one-fourth of the bag’s real estate on the back.

While I won’t type out verbatim the ingredients list, I will do so with the product’s description on the front of the bag. These mini snacks are hot chili pepper & lime seasoned bites with a cheezy imitation mozzarella filling.

If you’re familiar with Takis Fuego Rolled Tortilla Chips, you’d know they are entirely red, giving them a striking look. Unfortunately, these bites are partially coated in a red seasoning, making them look tame.

Their preparation can be done in the microwave or oven.

Depending on your microwave’s power, it takes between 1 minute 10 seconds to 1 minute 40 seconds to heat up a serving. The oven instructions involve preheating to 375 degrees, placing a layer on a baking sheet, and baking for 9 to 11 minutes for a half bag or 11 to 14 minutes for the whole bag.

Like most frozen foods with conventional and microwave oven instructions, doing it the long way creates an optimal product. However, there’s not a significant difference between the two preparations.

When microwaved, they’re kind of, well, squishy, which is the opposite of what Takis are. That’s sort of expected when microwaving without some sort of special crisping sleeve. From a conventional oven, they’re still squishy, but there’s some crispiness at the seams.

A lot of that squishiness comes from the cheezy imitation mozzarella filling. Thanks to every pizza commercial made, mozzarella is thought of as a stretchy cheese when a slice is pulled from a pizza. But what’s in these snack bites have a creamy not-quite-ready gelatin texture that I’ve never experienced before with any kind of mozzarella product.

Takis Fuego’s hot chili pepper and lime seasoning stands out on my taste buds and in the aroma that fills my nostrils as they come out of whatever oven I decide. A mild spiciness accompanies the peppery flavor, and the citrus enhances both.

The white filling, which has a slight cheesy tang, tempers the Fuego flavor. It’s also a tad sweet, which is a little weird. Somewhere in the ingredients list, there’s “dried cream cheese,” which might be the cause of everything odd about the filling. I also want to say its taste brings Laughing Cow cheese to mind.

Overall, I love the seasoning on Totino’s Takis Fuego Mini Snack Bites. However, I was expecting it to be a little spicier. I’m less sold on the cheezy filling. It tastes fine and sort of works with the peppery and citrus coating, but I don’t know if others will be as forgiving.

DISCLOSURE: I received a free sample of the product. (Thanks, Totino’s!) Doing so did not influence my review.

Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 13.9 oz bag
Purchased at: Received from Totino’s
Rating: 6 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (13 bites) 230 calories, 9 grams of fat, 3.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 640 milligrams of sodium, 32 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 2 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.