NEWS: McDonald’s Testing English Pub Burger, But Pickled Eggs Not Included

Marvo 18 Comments

IMG_0118-WM

McDonald’s is testing another variation of their Angus Third Pounder and they’re calling it the English Pub Burger.

I was surprised by this burger because I didn’t know English pubs were known for their burgers. I thought they were known for fish and chips, bangers and mash, shepherd’s pies, pickled eggs, and ploughman’s lunches.

The English Pub Burger is made up of a 1/3 pound Angus beef patty, hickory-smoked bacon, white Cheddar cheese, American cheese, grilled onions, steak sauce, and Dijon mustard in between an artisan roll. Grub Grade reader James from Illinois tried the burger and was impressed.

Right now, they appear to only be available at select locations in Illinois and there’s no word about a Snack Wrap version. I hope it makes it to all McDonald’s restaurants because it sounds damn tasty. However, you know what would go great with a McDonald’s English Pub Burger? A McDonald’s Shamrock Guinness Milkshake. I hope they start testing that soon.

Sources: Burger Business and Grub Grade

REVIEW: SoBe Pure Water (Watermelon, Black Cherry & Golden Pineapple)

Marvo 11 Comments

Sobe Pure Water (Watermelon, Black Cherry & Golden PIneapple)

According to my computer’s built-in dictionary, the word “pure” is defined as:

1. Not mixed or adulterated with any other substance or material.
2. Without any extraneous and unnecessary elements.

If we were to go by those definitions, SoBe Pure Water isn’t at all pure, since it’s not only made with water, but also erythritol, citric acid, natural flavor, calcium lactate, potassium citrate, sea salt, purified stevia extract, tartaric acid, and lactic acid. With that many ingredients, it’s as if SoBe’s benchmark for pure was a rock band groupie.

Perhaps there’s a third definition in the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary that goes something like this:

3. A BS term marketing folks use for products that have no calories, no colors, no preservatives, and no artificial sweeteners.

SoBe Pure comes in three flavors: Watermelon, Golden Pineapple, and Black Cherry. And they’re available exclusively at Target. If you don’t have a Target nearby, you’re S.O.L., which I believe the unabridged Oxford English Dictionary defines as: Settling for Other Liquids.

Each SoBe Pure is enhanced with “a drop of flavor.” But if my math is correct, which it always isn’t because I’m not a stereotypical Asian, a drop shouldn’t be able to create a level of flavor that these SoBe Pure waters have. Their flavors aren’t as strong as SoBe Lifewater, but the difference between the two varieties of flavored SoBe water isn’t much.

SoBe Pure Watermelon is one of those flavors I’m not sure if I truly enjoy. It doesn’t taste like watermelon, but then again, everything “watermelon-flavored” doesn’t taste like watermelon. However, it tastes as if I was making out with a girl who just finished sucking on a Watermelon Jolly Rancher.

SoBe Pure Golden Pineapple is my favorite of the three flavors. Although its aroma is a bit flowery and artificial, it really tastes like someone grabbed a chunk of fresh pineapple, squeezed it over a 20-ounce bottle of water to extract a couple of drops of pineapple juice, recapped the water bottle, and then shook it to mix.

SoBe Pure Black Cherry smells decent, but it tastes vile. Imagine trying to get mo’ ‘tussin by putting some water in a bottle of cough syrup, shaking it, and then drinking it. That’s what SoBe Pure Black Cherry tastes like. I’ve gone through a fourth of the bottle and I won’t finish the rest because it’s quite disgusting.

Overall, SoBe Pure may be “natural with zero calories” and it may have electrolytes, but it doesn’t electrify me. If you’re looking for a lightly flavored water with no calories, no colors, no preservatives, and no artificial sweeteners that isn’t available everywhere, might I recommend Hint Water. They’re definitely a lot more natural tasting than SoBe Pure.

(Nutrition Facts – 8 ounces – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 4 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Other SoBe Pure reviews:
Thirsty Dudes: Watermelon & Black Cherry
Drink What

Item: SoBe Pure Water (Watermelon, Black Cherry & Golden PIneapple)
Price: $1.00 (on sale)
Size: 20 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 6 out of 10 (Watermelon)
Rating: 2 out of 10 (Black Cherry)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Golden Pineapple)
Pros: No calories, no colors, no preservatives, and no artificial sweeteners. Has electrolytes. Golden Pineapple was good. Watermelon was decent.
Cons: Black Cherry was vile. Target exclusive. Watermelon doesn’t taste like real watermelons. Scent of Golden Pineapple was flowery and artificial. Not really pure. Carrying an unabridged Oxford English Dictionary.

NEWS: Make Your Upper Palate Raw With Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch

Marvo 9 Comments

Despite its possible mouth shredding abilities, I’m a fan of Cap’n Crunch. There’s something about that sweetened golden cereal that makes my tongue set sail for Yum Island. I’m also a fan of chocolate, despite its waist expanding abilities. So I’m excited about the two of them combining to form the new Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch.

It’s not the first time the Cap’n has sailed the ocean blue and came back with a chocolatey treasure. There was Cap’n Crunch’s Choco Donuts, a peanut butter and chocolate Cap’n Crunch, and two different cereals called Cap’n Crunch’s Choco Crunch, one with regular yellow Cap’n Crunch with chocolate puff cereal and another with chocolate flavored Cap’n Crunch, which is what this new cereal looks like.

So Cap’n Crunch’s Chocolatey Crunch is pretty much a renamed Cap’n Crunch’s Choco Crunch. It’s as if Cap’n Crunch sailed to India, brought back fine silk, went back to India, came back from India, and when asked what new items he’s returned with, he shows everyone silk.

The naturally and artificially flavored sweetened corn and oat cereal is made with real cocoa. A 3/4 cup serving has 110 calories, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 125 milligrams of sodium, and 11 grams of sugar. It’s available in 14-ounce boxes.

REVIEW: Freschetta Simply… Inspired Southern BBQ Recipe Chicken Pizza

Nichol 7 Comments

Freschetta Simply Inspired Southern BBQ Recipe Chicken Pizza

Often it’s the little things that provide the greatest inspiration: the first autumn leaves swirling in the breeze, the laughter of children, the ethereal glow of crashing waves in the full moonlight, etc. And now, Freschetta hopes you’ll add BBQ chicken pizza to that list, along with the seven other new varieties not found at my local Target as of last week. That’s right folks – branch-clinging kitten poster levels of inspiration can be yours, instantly, for the low, low price of five dollars.

With it you’ll also get inordinate levels of pretension, free of charge. In my head, I’m pronouncing Target as Tar-zjay. That’s how pretentious I’ve become just a few hours after my discovery of the Simply… Inspired Pizzas, which supposedly feature larger and more prevalent toppings, a crispier crust and come in a more form-fitting box. This makes me instantly better than you by association. I feel like scoffing at the Red Baron and flippantly ignoring Wolfgang Puck as he calls to me from down the way. Digiorno? California Pizza Kitchen? Tombstone? Amateurs, the lot of them.

If I had to peg one element that truly elevates this pizza above those with cookies, dips, budget-rate price tags, and garlic crusts, I’d say… it’s the ellipses in the title. Hands down. As far as I can tell, nobody else in frozen food section has yet taken advantage of the grandeur and enticement of this rare bit of punctuation. In a world of keyboard bashing neurotics, the ellipses falls dangerously close to becoming the snootier, desperately more boring cousin of the interrobang. It hangs there mid-sentence as if to say, “Oh, sorry there. Didn’t mean to start off too overwhelmingly fast (for idiots like yourself). Let’s take a pause, shall we. And you know what? It might be time to skim over the really dull, academic bits. It’s the least I can do, really, without adding footnotes and visual aids.”

Inspired? Really? By all the other previously existing BBQ chicken pizzas you mean? What’s that? Oh, of course: you’re different. This apparently isn’t the California-born taste revolution you’ve naively fallen for. Oh no. This one’s a unique blend of “classic flavors of the south”, meaning the cilantro is almost non-existent and the “sweet and tangy” sauce pretty much tastes like KC Masterpiece.

Freschetta Simply Inspired Southern BBQ Recipe Chicken Pizza Frozen

Peeling open the package initially reveals large white meat chicken chunks and thick cut onions, true to the pompous package promises. This gives me tragically high hopes, which immediately began to droop and melt away along with the pizza as soon as I toss it in the oven.

I sit on my kitchen floor in denial for the first few minutes, staring vacantly as the crust buckles and cheese drips into the abyss.

I followed directions! I normally don’t abandon the tray unless the particular line of pizzas has proven its structural integrity to me on numerous occasions in the past, but this time I threw caution to the wind and went by the book on my first go-round. This will certainly even out. Everything will be okay. It just has to. It’s such a pretty pizza!

I snap back to reality as the first beautiful chicken chunk tumbles to its crispy death between the grates. A rescue is in order. Preparing for battle, I grab two metal spatulas, a cookie sheet, an oven mitt, and a potholder. Brazenly and triumphantly flinging open the oven door yields a first good look at my apparent wax replica of a classic southern pizza. With one hand, I press the cookie sheet up against the bottom of the rack. With the other, I begin coaxing the pizza forward. At first the pizza merely responds with a resounding “fuck you” and refuses to budge. I burn my hand and retreat hastily, leaving the cookie sheet on the rack below the pizza to catch falling toppings.

Time to regroup.

For round two, I reinforce my tender digits using a larger, thicker potholder and the second, non-slotted spatula. This time the game plan is to pry as I coax. Pliability will be its downfall.

I ease the pizza forward ever so slowly, bending it to my will… and my spatula. Eventually it oozes over to the cookie sheet, like the creature in The Blob, only with crust.

Freschetta Simply Inspired Southern BBQ Recipe Chicken Pizza Baked

Hot, sweaty, and battle scarred, I nonetheless emerge victorious. Once on the tray, the pizza magically loses its malleability and holds its abhorrent mutant shape. Amazingly nothing appears too burnt, aside from the scattered casualties on the floor of my oven.

With the dearth of cilantro, a hidden Midwestern side takes over, reminding me of mom’s grilled BBQ chicken, minus the frantic race to light the grill and complete cooking in 50 mile per hour gusting winds ahead of the weekly oncoming thunderstorm. What this thing really needs is a side of potato salad.

For all the hype, it’s a let down, but without all that it wouldn’t actually be too bad. The sauce is never too rich or overwhelming. The topping distribution is generally above par. For all the drama, the crust is surprisingly crisp and chewy. My only qualm is the cheese, which starts out decent then disintegrates and slides around a bit, nearing vegan cheese texture as it cools. This is most noticeable in places where the cheese is thickest. It was just weird. Not terrible, but a bit fake.

If you’re a BBQ chicken fan, you’ll find this difficult to hate, unless you burn yourself horribly as I did. But if you’re a tried and true BBQ Chicken pizza addict of the CPK ilk, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment by getting Inspired. Sorry.

(Nutrition Facts – 1/3 pizza – 360 calories, 140 calories from fat, 16 grams of fat, 8 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 820 milligrams of sodium, 200 milligrams of potassium, 39 grams of carbohydrates, 1 grams of fiber, 31 grams of sugar, 17 grams of protein, 4% vitamin A, 2% vitamin C, 25% calcium, and 10% iron)

Item: Freschetta Simply… Inspired Southern BBQ Recipe Chicken Pizza
Price: 2 for $10
Size: 14.84 ounces
Purchased at: Target
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like the Midwest. Gaining pretension like a super power. Thick, juicy chicken chunks. Interrobangs. Chewy, crispy thin crust. Footnotes. Visual aids. Inspiring kitten posters.
Cons: Undersized potholders. Cheese cools to oily faux-cheese texture. Screamingly pretentious, yet oh so unrefined. Similar to a crusty blob monster while cooking. Thunderstorm battle almost unwinnable with charcoal grill. Condescending ellipses.

FLAVORS OF THE MONTH: July 2011

Marvo 2 Comments

E3 2011 - Captain America's shield from Captain America: the First Avenger (Sega)

Here are this month’s limited time offers.

When summer rolls around you can expect summer blockbuster movies. And, with those summer movies you can expect companies to release tie-ins, like Baskin Robbins’ Flavor of the Month, Super Soldier Swirl Ice Cream, which promotes the upcoming Captain America: The First Avenger movie. Just like Captain America’s shield and uniform, the ice cream comes in red, white, and blue. It consists of vanilla ice cream swirled with blue candy chips and a cherry flavored ribbon. A 4-ounce scoop has 260 calories, 13 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 45 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 31 grams of sugar, 4 grams of protein.

Slurpee is also releasing a movie tie-in flavor — Alienade. The flavor, which sounds like a sports drink for aliens, is a promotional tie-in for the sci-fi flick Cowboys & Aliens. Alienade is a combination of strawberry, raspberry, and lemonade. An 8-ounce serving has 65 calories, 0 grams of fat, 5 milligrams of sodium, 17 grams of carbohydrates, and 17 grams of sugar.

Cold Stone Creamery’s Gold Cone Collection Flavor for July — Strawberry Basil — makes me wonder if the folks at Cold Stone Creamery are smoking something way better than what the flavor gurus at Ben & Jerry’s are smoking. Basically, Ben & Jerry’s got out Ben & Jerry-ed by Cold Stone Creamery because combining fruit with herbs in an ice cream is quite creative. If you do decided to take the plunge and grab yourself some Strawberry Basil ice cream, the largest serving size has 770 calories, 43 grams of fat, 28 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 92 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 80 grams of sugar, 9 grams of protein, 25% vitamin A, 440% vitamin C, and 40% calcium.

Triple Chocoholic Blizzard is July’s Blizzard of the Month at Dairy Queen. It’s made using the trifecta of truffles, choco chunks, and fudge blended with vanilla soft serve. A small serving has 710 calories, 32 grams of fat, 18 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 97 grams of carbohydrates, 4 grams of fiber, 77 grams of sugar, and 14 grams of protein. But if you’re a true chocoholic, a large size has 1400 calories, 68 grams of fat, 40 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 183 grams of carbohydrates, 10 grams of fiber, 146 grams of sugar, and 25 grams of protein.

Finally, Subway’s July $5 Featured Footlong is the Italian B.M.T. (Biggest, Meatiest, Tastiest). The sandwich is made up of Genoa salami, pepperoni, Black Forest Ham, and cheese. Personally, any sandwich that needs to tell people it’s big and meaty probably has self-esteem issues. A footlong has 900 caloires, 40 grams of fat, 16 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 110 milligrams of cholesterol, 3000 milligrams of sodium, 93 grams of carbohydrates, 11 grams of fiber, 17 grams of sugar, 44 grams of protein, 20% vitamin A, 40% vitamin C, 80% calcium, and 30% iron.