Tag: Chips Ahoy

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups

Marvo 15 Comments

Combining Chips Ahoy! chocolate chips cookies with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups sounds like the kind of trickery that only magical asexual elves living in the Hollow Tree Factory could come up with. But, of course, due to patents and trademarks owned by Nabisco, the magical asexual elves who get off on baking packaged treats, instead of woodland creatures, couldn’t have made the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups cookies.

Through my decades of eating Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, I know fusing peanut butter with chocolate makes an excellent combination, much like bringing together five crazy bitches from New Jersey makes for an entertaining train wreck on The Real Housewives of New Jersey. But merging that awesome combination of peanut butter and chocolate with the equally awesome Chips Ahoy! cookie has the potential to be mind-blowing and belt-busting.

But mostly belt-busting.

The merging of the two makes sense, much like a dinner between the women from The Real Housewives of New Jersey and the cast from The Real Housewives of Atlanta makes sense for the Bravo Network. It would be the Big Bang of Bitchiness, and I believe ratings would go through the roof because hair weaves would be pulled out left and right, police officers would get involved and profanity would be spewed out as verbs, nouns, adjectives and pronouns.

While the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups cookies don’t make me want to pull out someone’s hair extensions, they do make me want to spurt out profanity in the form of verbs, nouns, adjectives, and pronouns. However, I would be cursing with delight and a smile on my face, and not in anger with crazy eyes, because the Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the muthafuckin’ shit.

Actually, let me take that back. Not the profanity, but how much I enjoyed these cookies.

I’m downgrading how much of the shit it is because it’s hard to detect the unique flavor of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup’s peanut butter in the cookie. There’s definitely a pleasant peanut butter flavor, which is nicely balanced with the chocolate and the rest of the crunchy cookie, but it’s not what I expected. I can see chunks of peanut butter cups in each cookie, but it’s hard for me to believe they’re actual pieces of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.

Thankfully there’s an ingredients list, which tells me that there are actual Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces. But it’s near the bottom of the list, which tells me there isn’t much. However, there are other ingredients ahead of it on the list that relate to peanut butter cups: peanut butter baking cups, peanut flavored chips, and something called Reese’s Peanut Butter Drops. Since there are more of these ingredients, they might be the cause of the cookie’s unexpected flavor.

Although I’m disappointed Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups aren’t noticeable in the cookies, I do think they’re really good. They’ve got the same crunch as regular Chips Ahoy! cookies and are also hard to put down. While I don’t think they’re the muthafuckin’ shit, I do think they are the shit.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 160 calories, 9 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat*, 0.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 3 grams of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 85 milligrams of sodium, 35 milligrams of potassium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of dietary fiber, 9 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and 4% iron.)

*may contain less than 0.5 grams of trans fat due to use of partially hydrogenated oils

(NOTE: Thanks to TIB reader Alex for letting us know about these cookies.)

Item: Chips Ahoy! Made With Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups
Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Size: 9.5 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: It is the shit. Really good. Nice balance of chocolate and peanut butter. Crunchy like regular Chips Ahoy! Being able to use profanity as verbs, nouns, adjectives and pronouns.
Cons: The unique flavor of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup isn’t noticeable. Getting caught in the middle of a fight between the casts of Real Housewives shows. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup pieces is listed near the bottom of the ingredients list. Getting hair weaves pulled out. Not the muthafuckin’ shit.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites

Marvo 22 Comments

Limited Edition Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites

Seriously, the Limited Edition Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites was the best idea that came out of some brainstorming meeting at Nabisco to come up with new cookies. That must have been one short meeting because it looks like a product that took five seconds to come up with.

For a limited edition cookie, it’s really unimaginative, because it just looks like a Hershey’s Kiss fell on top of a small Chips Ahoy! cookie and melted. It also sort of looks like two frogs mating, but that might just be me. Heck, I thought the easy opening resealable packaging was more exciting than the cookie itself. I think a roomful of college-aged stoners with a bunch of cookies, candies and other snacks could’ve come up with at least ten good cookie ideas by the time the weed was gone, unless they got distracted by episodes of Wow! Wow! Wubbzy!

The cookie used for these Fudge Bites are significantly smaller than regular Chips Ahoy! and measure about 1.5 inches in diameter, but I guess if they were bigger, they couldn’t be called “bites.” The fudge is place smack dab in the middle of the cookie in an indentation. If you want to make a monster out of cookies, you would probably use these as its eyes. Or you can use them as its nipples.

I feel sorry for the chocolate chips in the cookie because they seem unnecessary thanks to the fudge, which overwhelms them. The fudge isn’t of a high quality, but it does give the crunchy cookie a really strong chocolate taste. With the fudge being as big as it is, it ensures there will be fudge in every bite. But then again they’re small enough that most of you could easily fit an entire cookie in your mouth without the need for opening your jaw like you’re deep throating a banana.

The Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites are good, but they should be for an easily conceived concept that combines two things people love and doesn’t take much risk. They’re limited edition and I’m fine with that, because I don’t think I’ll miss them when they’re gone. Although it will be hard to find a replacement for my cookie monster’s eyes and nipples.

(Nutrition Facts – 4 cookies – 170 calories, 8 grams of fat, 4 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 2 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 1 gram of monounsaturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 110 milligrams of sodium, 45 milligrams of potassium, 22 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 11 grams of sugar, 2 grams of protein and 6% iron.)

Item: Limited Edition Chips Ahoy! Fudge Bites
Price: $3.50 (on sale)
Size: 10.2 ounces
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: Good, but they should be! Fudge in every bite! Resealable packaging! Small enough to stick a whole cookie in my mouth! Making a monster out of cookies!
Cons: Not an imaginative idea! Chocolate chips were meaningless thanks to the fudge! Smaller than regular Chips Ahoy! Having to put an exclamation point after Chips Ahoy!

100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy!

Marvo 28 Comments

100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy!

Hey! Whole Grain! Yeah, I’m talking to you!

You don’t think I notice you invading our breakfast cereals with your whole graininess? Turning our sacred sugary cereals into semi-healthy sunrise suppers. And now you’re slowly creeping into our snacks, like with these new 100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy!

It’s not just me who’s noticing your sneaky acts. Impulsive Buy reader Allison let me know about you putting yourself into WHITE BREAD. WTF!?! You’ve created wheat white bread. It’s like frickin’ Frankenbread.

Is nothing sacred to you?

It’s like you’re the male town slut and you’re just going around town, dropping your seed into as many things as possible, leaving behind a bunch of illegitimate children, who aren’t very bright, attractive, or tasty, and will probably end up in prison.

Sure, you made the Chips Ahoy! slightly healthier, but I don’t eat cookies for dietary fiber, I eat them because I need to indulge or need to forget the new Ashlee Simpson song or need something to throw when the video of the new Ashlee Simpson song is being played on TV.

Because of you, junk food will lose its luster and I will need a new vice for those times when I’m sitting in front of the TV and watching G-String Divas or Taxicab Confessions on HBO. Maybe I’ll resort to drugs or alcohol or licking envelopes.

If there’s nothing wrong with you dropping your seed into Chips Ahoy!, then why does it say on the packaging, “Real Chocolate Chip Cookies”? Why do I need to be convinced that they’re real chocolate chip cookies?

To be honest, the 100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy! don’t look like chocolate chip cookies, they actually look like oatmeal raisin cookies. As for the taste, it’s okay, but regular Chips Ahoy! taste better. There’s also that whole grain texture. I think I actually felt whole grains in my mouth.

See, like I said, you’re producing children that aren’t attractive or tasty.

At least the cookies came in two individually wrapped packs, or as I like to call them, a double barrel of cookies. This made it easier to take cookies with me, just in case I need to feed a bum or Nicole Richie.

I don’t know what else you plan to put your whole grain member into, but let me tell you, if you drop your seed into an Oreo, I will find you and personally castrate you.

Item: 100% Whole Grain Chips Ahoy!
Purchase Price: $4.00 (slightly on sale)
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
Pros: All right tasting. Baked with 100% whole grain. Two grams of dietary fiber. Individually wrapped barrels of cookies.
Cons: Not attractive, looks like oatmeal raisin cookies. Weird whole grain texture. Healthier than regular Chips Ahoy! Not a good snack to indulge with. Nicole Richie’s weight.

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies

Marvo 29 Comments

I remember those days when I was soft and chunky. I would wear husky clothing, be called a geek or dork on a daily basis by girls who could beat me up, and cry when those girls took my lunch money.

Oh, but how I’ve grown.

I’m no longer soft and chunky, instead I’m now sensitive and slightly overweight. I don’t wear husky clothing anymore, it’s now baggy clothing. I’m no longer called a geek or dork on a daily basis by girls who can beat me up, instead I’m called weird or scary on a daily basis by girls who have cans of pepper spray and use them to take my lunch money.

Oh, if only I was a cookie during my soft and chunky days, then I would’ve been just like the Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookies, big cookies with big chocolate chunks.

Oh, I wish I were a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie.
That is what I’d truly like to be.
Cause if I were a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie,
everyone would be in love with me.

But then again, if I was a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie, I would be an ordinary prepackaged cookie, placed into plastic packaging with other cookies like me, and we would placed on top of each other, like we were prisoners posing for pictures at Abu Ghraib prison<. I guess being a Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookie would suck. Besides, they really weren't that big. They're only about three inches in diameter, which to me was still pretty small. Of course, my way of determining if a cookie is big is by seeing if I can stick the whole thing into my mouth. If the cookie fits into my mouth, it's not a big cookie. However, if I say the line, "If the cookie doesn't fit, you must split," then I consider the cookie to be big. The cookies may not have been big, but they were bigger than regular Chips Ahoy! and they also had lots of chocolate. Along with the usual chocolate chips, these cookies also had chocolate chunks. So dare I say it had an orgy of chocolate? I'm such a perv. Anyway, because of the orgy of chocolate, I liked these better than regular Chips Ahoy!, but despite the the bigger size and the orgy of chocolate, I didn't think there was anything special about the Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky cookies. I just think they're just plain and ordinary Chips Ahoy! cookies on steroids. Item: Chips Ahoy! Soft Baked Chunky Cookies
Purchase Price: $3.00 (on sale)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Bigger and better than normal Chips Ahoy! cookies. An orgy of chocolate.
Cons: Nothing really special about them. Chocolate chips and chunks looked alike. Is the exclamation point at the end of Chips Ahoy! really necessary?

REVIEW: Chips Ahoy Cremewiches

Marvo 24 Comments

Chips Ahoy Cremewiches

Once upon a time there was a chocolate chip cookie named Chips Ahoy, who wondered if there was someone special out there for him. He had dated a few other chocolate chip cookies, like Mrs. Fields, but he felt they were too similar to him. Chips Ahoy wanted someone different, maybe someone with M&M’s or white chocolate chips, instead of the regular chocolate chips he had.

While standing out on the edge of the shelf one evening, he noticed someone on the shelf below him. Chips Ahoy knew that it wasn’t a chocolate chip cookie and decided to take a closer look. He climbed down to the shelf below and hid behind a box of graham crackers.

Chips Ahoy slowly peeked out from behind the box to take a look at the stranger.

“Oh my goodness,” Chips Ahoy thought to himself. “She’s beautiful.”

He couldn’t stop looking at her big round dark colored cookies and her lovely white creamy center.

Attracted to her beauty, Chips Ahoy came out from behind the graham crackers and walked towards the beautiful stranger.

“Excuse me,” he said to get her attention.

The beautiful stranger turned around and was surprised by the sight of Chips Ahoy. She had never seen a cookie that big before.

“Who are you?” she said as she stared at his crunchy body.

“I’m Chips Ahoy and I think you’re the most delicious cookie I’ve ever seen,” he exclaimed. “What’s your name?”

“M-m-my name is Oreo,” she said excitingly.

Oreo had never heard any other cookie say such a thing to her. His flattery made her heart flutter and she began to fall in love with Chips Ahoy.

He came closer to Oreo and whispered to her, “I have fallen for you and it appears you have fallen for me.”

“But…” she said, as she turned away from him. “As much as we adore each other, we can’t be together.”

Oreo knew that they could never be together, because it was taboo in the cookie world to mix. They would be looked down upon by not only the other Chips Ahoy and Oreos, but also the Fig Newtons, Nutter Butters, Teddy Grahams, and all the others.

“I don’t care what anyone else thinks,” Chips Ahoy said as he turned Oreo back towards him.

He looked intensely at her and said, “All that matters is what you and I think.”

Taken by his strong statement, Oreo led Chips Ahoy to a secluded area on the shelf, behind the Pepperidge Farms Goldfish.

Once they were safely hidden, Chips Ahoy grabbed Oreo and began passionately licking her white creamy center. Oreo had never felt anything so good before.

After a few minutes, Oreo wanted to return the favor, so she began nibbling on Chips Ahoy’s chocolate chips. Then things got really hot and heavy between the two of them and crumbs began flying everywhere.

(Editor’s Note: I could be explicit here, but I REALLY don’t want an NC-17 rating for this post. Besides it’s more fun if you use your imagination.)

After that night of passion, Oreo soon learned that she was pregnant.

For nine months, Chips Ahoy and Oreo were afraid of what their child would look like. But when it was born, it turned out to be a beautiful combination of each cookie. It had the creamy white center of Oreo, sandwiched between two smaller Chips Ahoy.

They quickly decided to name their child Chips Ahoy Cremewich.

Then just like a scene from Nature on PBS, they began eating their child.

They were surprised how good Chips Ahoy Cremewich tasted. It was damn good. So good that they wished they hooked up sooner. After they were done eating, they had more hot cookie sex and made more Chips Ahoy Cremewiches.

And that’s how the Chips Ahoy Cremewiches were created.

Item: Chips Ahoy Cremewiches
Purchase Price: $4.99
Rating: 10 out of 10
Pros: Brings together the best of Oreos and Chips Ahoy. Damn good. Sometimes all you need is love.
Cons: Formed from intercookie breeding (It seemed so wrong, but yet seemed so right).