Kellogg’s Eggo Waffle Cereal has returned from the Kellogg’s vault where Smorz and the old recipe for Rice Krispies Treats Cereal wait for their sweet release someday.
It made its debut back in 2006 and it was brought back thanks to something else that was born in 2006 — Twitter.
It took 10,000 retweets to free Kellogg’s Eggo Waffle Cereal. But to be honest, even if 10k didn’t happen, we still would’ve gotten it on shelves because there’s also a new blueberry flavor. Because why would Kellogg’s go through the trouble of making a Blueberry Eggo Waffle Cereal, if the company wasn’t planning on bringing back the original version. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you!
Now let me take off my tin foil hat to tell you if these are worth your time.
Speaking of time, I’m going to go back 13 years to copy a paragraph I wrote about the original Eggo cereal and paste it in this review. My lazy butt will be right back.
“Eggo Cereal was supposed to taste like waffles with maple syrup and it sort of did. However, it tasted more like a less-sweet Cap’n Crunch with a strong fake maple syrup scent. Since I’m a fan of Cap’n Crunch, I liked the taste of it.”
All those words still are correct with this version. At this point in my life, I’ve had hundreds of Eggo waffles hit my taste buds, so their flavor will forever be cemented on my tongue. Because of that, I confident in saying this cereal doesn’t taste like anything like Eggo Homestyle waffles.
Blueberry is one of the O.G. Eggo waffle flavors, so it’s nice it has its own cereal, and it took 0 retweets to make it a reality. Much like the maple one, this flavor doesn’t remind me of Eggo Blueberry waffles, which I’ve had far fewer times than Homestyle ones, but still know it when I taste it.
But the blueberry flavor tastes similar to what’s on the waffles (and other blueberry-flavored products), so it kind of tricks me into thinking that I might be eating a miniaturized version of blueberry waffles.
Unlike the uniformity of frozen waffles, the cereal varies in shape. Some look like melted smiley faces, while others look like broken honeycombs. And all the blueberry ones appear to have been around a bank robber when the dye pack went off among the stolen money.
In milk, both varieties do well at maintaining their crunch. But the dairy doesn’t enhance or diminish their flavors.
Overall, if you’ve gone overboard with your holiday shopping and can only afford one Eggo cereal variety, go with the blueberry.
DISCLOSURE: I received free samples of the product. Doing so did not influence my review in any way. Thanks Kellogg’s for sending these my way.
Purchased Price: FREE Size: 8.8 oz. boxes Purchased at: Received from Kellogg’s Rating: 6 out of 10 (Homestyle), 7 out of 10 (Blueberry) Nutrition Facts: (1 1/4 cup without milk) Homestyle – 160 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein. Blueberry – 160 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 34 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 15 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.
The bread I buy has enough fiber to give me 15% of my recommended daily intake with two slices and has enough seeds in the crust to make a bird caw with excitement. It’s a practical bread I eat for the whole grains and the ability to say I’m eating healthy to my doctor. But it’s not one that makes a decent French toast.
Thankfully, Kellogg’s has its Eggo Thick & Fluffy Classic French Toast that doesn’t require me to whisk eggs, dip UPS driver uniform-colored bread in an egg mixture, and cook it in a skillet. It’s currently available in three varieties — Classic, Blueberry, and Cinnamon Brown Sugar. My local Target only had the Classic one made with Madagascar vanilla.
Using Madagascar vanilla is nice, but this could’ve had New Jersey vanilla and I wouldn’t know the difference between what comes from the coast of Africa or the shores of Jersey. But the vanilla itself is not enough to eat this topping-less.
It needs butter and something gooey on it, whether it be honey, cheap store brand pancake syrup (which is what I used), or pure maple syrup from a small farm in Vermont that costs $25 for 4 ounces. Okay, it’s not as if it tastes like plain bread slices, but pre-lightly sweetened or flavored it is not. It looks like a nice piece of French toast with the appropriate char and eggy color, and it has a nice soft and fluffy texture, but it lacks a flavor that makes it taste as if it’s gone through an egg mixture of any kind. That’s weird to me.
But who eats French toast without any toppings? Certainly not the French. And, as IHOP and Denny’s can attest, most certainly not Americans. When store brand syrup and cinnamon is added, it’s a tasty part of a complete breakfast.
The only issue that truly irked me was the recommended toasting instructions that say to heat it at the lowest setting and two cycles may be necessary. But whether I was toasting one or two, I needed to light up the heating elements more than twice to get the pieces all warmed up. Of course, toasters differ so your results may vary.
Even with that problem and the lack of flavor when plain, Kellogg’s Eggo Thick & Fluffy Classic French Toast is still a fine product. Think of it as an easy to prepare canvas for your sane and insane French toast ideas.
Purchased Price: $4.49 Size: 6 slices/box Purchased at: Target Rating: 6 out of 10 Nutrition Facts: (1 slice) 140 calories, 2 grams of fat, 0.5 grams of saturated fat, 40 milligrams of cholesterol, 220 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 5 grams of protein.
Let me take you back to a warm summer night in 1962. In a sturdy tree house overlooking the backyard of the Mean Old Mr. Myrtle’s house, a portly adolescent named Hamilton Porter sticks a marshmallow on a stick and proceeds to shove it into a campfire. When the mallow is flaming with enough heat to fog up the glasses of his friend Squints Palledorous, the freckled-faced ginger removes the ‘mallow, sticks it between a square of Hershey’s chocolate and two graham crackers, and proceeds to “stuff it.”
Hence the s’more was born, and America was bequeathed one of its most iconic flavor combinations.
If the British their Spotted Dick pudding (what is that stuff anyway?) and the German have their Black Forest cake, we Americans have our s’mores. An engrained element of our efforts to eat seasonally, the s’more flavor profile has made its way into Pop-Tarts, cereal, ice cream, and, yes, the ubiquitous and completely worthless Quaker Chewy Granola bar.
Perhaps feeling moved by the same spirit of summer which seized Buzz Lightyear, Eggo has decided to release a seasonal s’more frozen waffle. Available only at Target, the waffles come in the familiar eight count box which basically forces you to eat all eight waffles in one sitting, lest you chance freezer burn with the non-resealable packaging.
After proceeding to follow the very specific instructions of my Eggo box and toasting the waffles on a low setting for two rotations, I took my slightly crispy but still chewy waffles and applied a liberal pat of butter and maple syrup. It then occurred to me that putting butter and maple syrup on anything would likely skew results to the “wow, this is great” rating, and recalling no evidence of butter or maple syrup in the entire history of my s’more eating, I decided to test out one of the waffles plain.
Unlike the first bite of an actual s’more, my waffle did not tempt my taste buds with layers of crunchy and creamy, smooth and coarse. There was no milky chocolate, nor was there toasted marshmallow goo, and there definitely was no fire to puff out from said flaming ‘mallow. To be short, my first bite of the new Eggo S’mores waffle tasted decidedly like a toasted Eggo waffle, albeit with an interesting if not underrepresented chew of malted barley sweetness and some kind of exotic multigrain element. It didn’t scream graham in the traditional sense of a Nabisco graham cracker, but instead gave off hints of buckwheat and whole wheat.
If it sounds enticing, don’t get too excited. I can buy frozen multigrain waffles from any hippie megastore, but I only trust Eggo to give me the proper nutritionally worthless convenience of chocolate chips and marshmallow built into my frozen waffle. And when it comes to those two key features – chocolate chips and ‘mallows – there just aren’t enough.
It’s a real shame because the chocolate chips are actually composed of real chocolate and take on a nice melty smoothness in the toaster, while the marshmallows strikes a balance of creamy and gooey that puts them somewhere between cereal ‘mallows and Twinkie cream. On the rare bites when you’re able to pair both the chocolate and ‘mallows with the slightly crispy waffle, well, you’ll find yourself fully appreciating the words of Hamilton Porter.
In that case, go ahead and “stuff it” for all they’re worth, my friends.
The new Eggo S’more waffles aren’t bad. They just need s’more of the stuff that makes s’mores so damn good. Speaking of which, forget the butter and maple syrup and go ahead and skewer these puppies on a twig. Fire up the grill, grab some Hershey’s bars and Jet-Puffs, and then we’ll talk. Or, should I say, we’ll stuff.
(Nutrition Facts – 2 waffles – 200 calories, 6 grams of fat, 1.5 grams saturated fat, 0 grams trans fat, 0 milligrams cholesterol, 360 milligrams of sodium, 95 mg potassium, 33 grams of carbohydrates, 8grams of sugar, 2 grams of fiber, and 5 grams of protein.)
Item: Limited Edition Eggo Seasons S’mores Waffles Price: $2.39 Size: 8 waffles per box Purchased at: Target Rating: 6 out of 10 Pros: Real chocolate chips and marshmallow goo. Fancy multigrain-ey flavor. Eating seasonally. Not actually horrible for you at 100 calories per waffle. No hydrogenated fats. Cons: Needs s’more marshmallows and chocolate chips per waffle. Frequent repetition of juvenile puns. Inconsistent toasting instructions. Freezer burn. THE BEAST.
The Kellogg’s Eggo Real Fruit Pizza Mixed Berry Granola was inevitable, which is unfortunate. If you break it down, you’ve got two food innovations (I use the term semi-sarcastically) that came together in a perfect storm of potential horror.
On the one hand, you’ve got the gourmet pizza movement, which cropped up a few decades ago. Based entirely on shit someone told me with no empirical evidence, Wolfgang Puck made the first gourmet pizza, so you can blame him for shit like cream cheese smoked salmon pizza and foie gras pizza and god knows what else. I also blame, again, with very little evidence, California Pizza Kitchen for bringing gourmet pizza to the masses, with creations like cheeseburger pizza and Pear & Gorgonzola pizza. Don’t get me wrong, I love me some gourmet pizza and non-traditional toppings. One of the little local pizza joints in my town has a $10 large unlimited topping offer that I abuse on a regular basis to create my own monstrosities. White pizza with a butter parmesan crust with double green olives, feta, onion, tomatoes and artichoke hearts, anyone? I wouldn’t be surprised if they take that deal off the table because I’m single-handedly putting them out of business.
The other part of this equation is the recent explosion of breakfast frozen food products. I don’t know when this started – maybe it’s been around for quite a while and I just never noticed – but I seem to remember a time when, if you wanted a breakfast frozen food, you grabbed yourself a box of Eggo waffles and shut the fuck up about it. Now you’ve got crazy options, from sausage Mcmuffins to bowls with all your shit thrown together to…whatever in God’s name this is.
My point, quite obviously by now, is that Eggo took these two concepts, herded them into a small pen, watched them do the nasty, and what came out a couple minutes later (food gestates quickly) was the Eggo Real Fruit Pizza. They wiped off the amniotic maple syrup and disgusting globs of strawberry jam and said, “I think we’ve got something here.” Kind of like how my friends think their newborn babies are cute, and I think they look like horrible aliens.
I hadn’t noticed this before, but there’s a strange purple sauce-like substance underneath the toppings. Ugh, is that supposed to be yogurt? I am not looking forward to having hot yogurt in my mouth. I’m also not comfortable with that sentence.
The instructions are simple: unwrap the pizza, flip the box over that it was resting in, set it on the silver circle on the back of the container, and throw it in the microwave for a minute to 1 1/2 minutes. I split the difference, and stuck it in there for 1 1/4 minutes. It was still a little cold in the middle, so I stuck it in for the extra 15, but my microwave is also a piece of shit, so bare that in mind. Waiting a minute and a half for a quick breakfast when you’re on the go is a little impressive. It takes me longer to smear cream cheese on a bagel. I have some pretty strict rules about cream cheese.
It actually smells pretty good coming out of the microwave. It smells like a bowl of oatmeal that has berries and granola in it – warm and inviting, something you’d want to eat on a cold, snowy day. Unfortunately it’s 106 and humid right now where I live, but I’ll close my eyes and use my imagination.
There’s obviously blueberries going on, scattered about the top of the pizza, shriveled up as they tend to do when cooked. They’re distributed nicely, but I would have liked to have seen a few more of them.
I don’t see any other recognizable berries, but there’s some red glop haphazardly strewn over the top. I took some off and tasted it by itself, and it tastes like they took some raspberries and turned them into a puree. It’s definitely real raspberries; it’s got that delicious tartness of the berry and I even got some seeds stuck in my teeth, which is the one thing that annoys me about raspberries. But I welcome them here, since they offer proof of real berry, unless Eggo spent millions of dollars attempting to create a facsimile of raspberry seeds to fool consumers. Probably a lot easier just to throw some berries in a blender and hold true to their claims of “real fruit.”
The dreaded yogurt sauce was nothing to fear after all. It’s very thin, and when I tasted it on its own, it had the faint flavor of mixed berry yogurt, but it was very mild and inoffensive. The granola is spread generously on one side of the pizza, but tapers out until there’s barely any on the other side.
I was truly surprised to see that the crust wasn’t actually a waffle. If I’d look more closely at the box, I might have figured it out, but my mind associates “Eggo” with “waffles” so decisively that I just assumed that would be the case. Instead, the dough of this “pizza” seems to be made out of wheat. It looks like a thin crust pizza crust, except darker. Unfortunately, it’s tasteless, soggy and way too chewy. I’m not even really sure what to call it. Wheat…pizza crust…thing. Except it tastes more like a bland PowerBar than a pizza crust.
There seem to be two fundamental problems with the Eggo Real Fruit Pizza Mixed Berry Granola: sogginess and poor topping distribution. The crust and the granola were both way too soggy. Perhaps it would have turned out better if I’d cooked it in the oven, but if you’re eating fruit pizza for breakfast, you either don’t have time to wait for the oven to preheat, you’re a college student who doesn’t even own an oven or you’re young enough that you’re not allowed to use the oven.
As far as the toppings go, the mysterious purple sauce was thin to the point where in some places, you could see bare patches of crust. The raspberry puree, which I think is the best part of this item, is strewn halfheartedly across the pizza, globbed up in some places and simply nonexistent in others. The granola is piled high on one half the pizza, but peters out into scattered flakes.
I have to say, I expected this whole “fruit pizza” thing to be a horror show. Instead, it just left me disappointed. If done correctly, it would have been quite tasty. A less chewy, less soggy, more flavorful crust, coated thickly with the delicious raspberry puree, a generous layer of crispy granola, and piled high with blueberries, would have actually been something that I’d consider spending 1 1/2 minutes nuking in the morning for a quick breakfast. Unfortunately, that’s not what the Eggo Real Fruit Pizza Mixed Berry Granola really is, so I think I’ll just stick with real pizza for breakfast. That box of double green olives, feta, and everything else pizza that’s been sitting out on the counter all night looks pretty good right now.
(Nutrition Facts – 1 individual-size pizza (5.3 ounces) — 390 calories, 110 calories from fat, 13 grams of total fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 3 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 2.5 grams of monounsaturated fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 390 milligrams of sodium, , 62 grams of total carbohydrates, 4 grams of dietary fiber, 17 grams of sugars, 10 grams of protein, 0% vitamin A, 6% calcium, 0% vitamin C and 8% iron.)
Item: Kellogg’s Eggo Real Fruit Pizza Mixed Berry Granola Price: $1.67 (on sale; normally $3.29) Size: 1 individual-size pizza (5.3 ounces) Purchased at: Albertson’s Rating: 4 out of 10 Pros: Raspberry puree was delicious. Taking advantage of unlimited topping deals. Quick and easy to make. Purple sauce was not scary. Cons: Soggy, tasteless crust and soggy granola. “Hot yogurt in my mouth” making me uneasy. Uneven and sloppily applied toppings. Just the idea of fruit pizza making me shudder. 46 percent of total fat was saturated fat on what appears on the surface to be a healthy food item.
Maple syrup is great for pancakes, French toast, and embarrassing your family name for participating in a maple syrup chugging contest
They are also great on waffles, especially frozen waffles. Actually they’re even better on burnt frozen waffles that were in the toaster for too long because a certain someone was distracted by a Girls Gone Wild DVD commercial on television.
Did you know the Canadian province of Quebec is the world’s largest producer of maple syrup?
Did you know that written things in Canada have to come in both English AND French?
Many of the pancake syrups you see on your store shelves contain little or no maple syrup at all. So it didn’t surprise me that the new maple syrup-flavored Eggo Cereal didn’t contain any maple syrup.
The only syrup it contained was high fructose corn syrup, which disappointed me like those black censored bars used in the Girls Gone Wild commercials.
Eggo Cereal was supposed to taste like waffles with maple syrup and it sort of did. However, it tasted more like a less-sweet Cap’n Crunch with a strong fake maple syrup scent. Since I’m a fan of Cap’n Crunch, I liked the taste of it.
So with the Eggo Cereal you get the goodness of Cap’n Crunch without the shredded upper palate. It’s like with a Girls Gone Wild DVD, you get the flashing goodness that happens during a New Orleans Mardi Gras on Bourbon Street without the need for beads.
Eggo Cereal was also supposed to look like waffles, but on the box they look like Chex cereal and in reality they look nothing like waffles or Chex cereal.
It’s sort of like when I’m drunk and I’m at the video store and I accidently pick up a Guys Gone Wild DVD. The first three letters of the title make it look like a Girls Gone Wild video, but when you get through the first three minutes of it, it looks nothing like a Girls Gone Wild video because there’s more sausage it in than a New York City hot dog stand.
Oooh, a Girls Gone Wild commercial!!!
Item: Eggo Cereal Purchase Price: $5.79 (13.5-ounces) Purchased At: Safeway Rating: 3 out of 5 Pros: Nice fake maple syrup smell. Tasted like Cap’n Crunch, but didn’t hurt like Cap’n Crunch. Full of vitamins and minerals. Cons: Cereal didn’t look like waffles and didn’t really taste like waffles. Hard puzzles on the back of the box. Black censored bars in the Girls Gone Wild commercial. Accidently picking up Guys Gone Wild while drunk.