QUICK REVIEW: Taco Bell Caramel Apple Freeze

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Taco Bell Caramel Apple Freeze

What is it?

According to Taco Bell’s website, it’s a less messy and just-as-delicious drinkable alternative to the overpriced caramel apples sold at county fairs nationwide. In reality, though, it’s just a cup of green apple-flavored slush with a couple of pumps of caramel syrup thrown in.

How is it?

Do you like Green Apple Jolly Ranchers? If so, this the freeze for you. Everything about this drink reminded me of them, and I felt the apple flavor’s slight tartness helped to keep the degree of sweetness from reaching tooth-aching levels. Better yet, I found the fruity flavor and ice to be refreshing on the hot and humid day I bought it.

Taco Bell Caramel Apple Freeze 2

In stark contrast to the fruity forwardness, the caramel syrup wasn’t nearly as potent here. Maybe it was the way my particular drink was made, but I only had a small puddle of barely-detectable caramel sauce at the bottom of my cup, and I found that stirring it around caused it to get lost in a sea of bright green slush.

Is there anything else I need to know?

If you do decide to order one on a hot day like I did, be prepared to guzzle it down fast, because mine started to melt before I had even walked halfway back to my car. By the time I got to work, I basically had a cup of neon green apple juice, which prompted one of my coworkers to quip smartly, “That’s not a green juice,” to which I ended up replying, “It is, but it’s not the sort that you’re used to.”

Conclusion:

Even though I would have appreciated a couple more pumps of caramel sauce, I still ended up liking this drink overall, and, considering it’s only a dollar during Happy Hour, I think it’s worth a try if you like green apple candy.

Purchased Price: $1.00 (purchased during Happy Hour, $2.39 regular price)
Size: 16 oz.
Rating: 8 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (16 oz.) 190 calories, 50 calories from fat, 0.5 grams of total fat, 0 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 80 milligrams of sodium, 47 grams of total carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 42 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch

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Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch

After months of waiting — those Nacho Fries can only take me so far, guys — our buenos amigos at Taco Bell are finally back with a new menu item that weighs blissfully heavy, both on the stomach and soul.

It’s called the Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch — not to be confused with the Cheesy Gordita Crunch or the Doritos Cheesy Gordita Crunch, natch — and it is, basically, a whole tasty crunchy taco with spicy ranch sauce, gently placed inside a hot Gordita, layered lovingly with their quintessential three-cheese blend and, get this, a whole ‘nother layer of that spicy ground beef.

Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch 2

I mean, c’mon: it’s always great to have a Taco Bell taco and a Taco Bell gordita separately on most trivial days, but to have both, combined, completely slathered with a whole heck of meat and cheese, it’s starting to look like we’ve entered a whole new realm of Border-based deliciousness in the fast food Tex-Mex market. I’m kinda surprised the Bell hasn’t come up with this winning concept sooner.

A glorious mix of startlingly crunchy and indefatigably soft, the Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch is a beautiful mix of the best of what the Bell has to offer, all in one treat. The cheesy portion is hot and gooey, the meat area is the right amount of spicy heat and the breads — both taco shell and Gordita tarp — are fresh and delicious, the perfect placeholders. The addition of a spritz of some unexpected spicy ranch only doubles down with the nice bonus of a slight kick, playing very well with the other flavors.

Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch 3

The Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch, besides being quite tasty is, additionally, packed with so much of that good stuff, that it actually creates one of TB’s thickest items in quite a while. Come hungry when you try one; once you get to the halfway point, you’ll start to question whether you can go any further but, like a true culinary warrior, you must go on, you must continue, you must finish that Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch, son.

You see, and this would be my one issue, the afternoon I ordered this item, I got the five dollar box, thinking it was no big deal, that I would finish it in mere minutes as I had done in the past, numerous times with numerous Taco Bell items. Boy, was I wrong.

Taco Bell Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch 4

So, I guess what I’m saying is skip the five dollar box, because unless you’re a competitive eater in training, it’s just way too much food for one person. Go for the single Double Cheesy Gordita Crunch and wallow in comparative élan. There’s always more tomorrow. Much more. Cómpralo ya!

(Nutrition Facts – 570 calories, 32 grams of fat, 12 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 70 milligrams of cholesterol, 1110 milligrams of sodium, 44 grams of carbohydrates, 7 grams of fiber, 5 grams of sugar, and 25 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $3.49
Size: N/A
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Combines the two best products on menu. Huge portions.
Cons: Have to eat fresh—do not refrigerate and microwave.

REVIEW: Burger King Jalapeno King and Spicy Crispy Jalapeno Chicken Sandwich

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Burger King Jalapeno King and Spicy Crispy Jalapeno Chicken Sandwich

As a huge fan of both authentic and inauthentic Tex-Mex cuisine, I’ve always had a penchant for jalapeno peppers. While a few chains add them as ingredients to their limited time only burgers, they nonetheless remain one of the less heralded toppings in the fast food cosmos. Needless to say, if I had it my way, jalapeno rings would be as ubiquitous as burger toppings as onion rings.

Thankfully, Burger King has come along with two newfangled, LTO sandwiches that seek to bring a little sweet heat to palates across America. First up in our dainty double feature of foodstuffs, it’s BK’s latest addition to the Big King family, the Jalapeno King.

Burger King Jalapeno King 1

As soon as you unwrap this monstrous burger, the powerful aroma of jalapeno hits your olfactory glands like a punching bag. The mammoth double-decker sandwich comes with half a pound of grilled beef, several strips of crispy bacon, a coating of pepper jack cheese, a green chile aioli (more on that in a bit) and, of course, a smattering of jalapeno rings.

If you’ve got a penchant for super filling, ultra-beefy burgers this one ought to satisfy you and then some. You get a TON of meat in this thing, and that aforementioned aioli is delicious (it’s basically a chipotle mayo dressing, with a subtle hint of lime thrown into the mix … I think.)

Burger King Jalapeno King 2

On the downside, though, the sandwich might be a bit too big for its own good. As much meat as they packed in this sucker, at least a quarter of the sandwich is just sesame seed bun on sesame seed bun action, and all that white (wheat?) space means some of the subtler flavors (like the bacon and the pepper jack cheese) get lost in the gustatory shuffle.

Burger King Spicy Crispy Jalapeno Chicken Sandwich 1

The considerably lighter Jalapeno Spicy Crispy Chicken Sandwich may not have the bulk of its beefy sibling, but overall I’d consider it the better one.

For starters, BK appears to have amped up their breading spices for this one, and for once, a fast food burger marketed as “spicy” actually TASTES respectably spicy. There’s a unique BBQ/Creole spice flavor I detected on the chicken rubbings, which makes it feel unlike anything you’ve probably tried at one of the major fast food chains before.

Burger King Spicy Crispy Jalapeno Chicken Sandwich 2

It has pretty much all of the same toppings and fill-ins as the Jalapeno King (save for the toasted potato bun), but the more condensed package allows the ingredients to meld quite a bit better than it does on the JK. You can feel the cheese and bacon gel together here, and the combination of pepper rings and BBQ spices might get your eyes to water a trickle or two. Of course, its smaller size also means it’s going to be a sloppier meal, so as always, we here at The Impulsive Buy encourage you to snack smart and ALWAYS opt for an extra napkin or two.

With both sandwiches costing north of $5 as standalone offerings, they’re probably not the best option for economically-minded diners. Still, you have to give BK props from at least trying to provide fast food consumers something outside the norm — as well as crafting two spicy LTOs that might get your nose running.

(Nutrition Facts – Jalapeno King – 990 calories, 65 grams of fat, 24 grams of saturated fat, 3 grams of trans fat, 205 milligrams of cholesterol, 1550 milligrams of sodium, 46 grams of carbohydrates, 2 grams of fiber, 7 grams of sugar, and 55 grams of protein. Spicy Crispy Jalapeno Sandwich – 760 calories, 45 grams of fat, 11 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 95 milligrams of cholesterol, 1720 milligrams of sodium, 58 grams of carbohydrates, 3 grams of fiber, 8 grams of sugar, and 32 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $6.29 (Jalapeno King)

Purchased Price: $5.49 (Spicy Crispy Jalapeno Chicken Sandwich)
Size: N/A
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Jalapeno King)
Rating: 8 ouf to 10 (Spicy Crispy Jalapeno Chicken Sandwich)
Pros: Both sandwiches are ridiculously filling; unlike most “spicy” fast food sandwiches. They’re genuinely spicy. The green chile aioli is superb.
Cons: The pepper jack cheese doesn’t taste that intense. Getting sauce and oil all over the place while you’re eating them. Trying to mathematically figure out how the chicken sandwich has more sodium than the Jalapeno King.

QUICK REVIEW: Starbucks Protein Blended Cold Brew

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Starbucks Almond Protein Blended Cold Brew

What is it?

Are you ready to get your caffeine and protein all in one?

The new Almond Protein Blended Cold Brew and Cacao Protein Blended Cold Brew from Starbucks kill two birds with one stone. The Almond version has almondmilk, cold brew coffee, a plant-based protein, almond butter and a banana date fruit blend. The Cacao is very similar – although with coconutmilk instead of almondmilk and cacao instead of almond butter.

How is it?

Let’s get to the point: I really enjoyed these. Going into it, I thought I would like the Almond more than the Cacao, but the Cacao beat it by one point in my ratings! Both drinks have a smoothie-like consistency – I’m surprised that “smoothie” isn’t in the official name.

Starbucks Almond Protein Blended Cold Brew 2

Here’s the low-down: Almond was not overly sweet, and the cold brew coffee flavor came in the aftertaste. I could definitely taste the banana date blend, which I enjoyed. It took me a while to finish this one, as it was more of a sipping beverage.

Starbucks Cacao Protein Blended Cold Brew 2

Cacao was more chocolate and less coffee, and a little bit smoother of a consistency. Almost tasted like a healthy dessert! (#notcomplaining) The cacao powder masked the banana date blend.

Is there anything else I need to know?

I tried each of these on separate mornings and replaced my typical oatmeal and coffee with this all-in-one drink. I thought it would be weird to essentially drink my breakfast, but I loved how I was getting both my breakfast and coffee together – so productive. And, even with running a couple of miles one of the days, the drinks still held me over until lunchtime. Yay protein! They also kept me properly caffeinated, thanks to the cold brew.

Conclusion:

Great move, Starbucks. In the future, I see this for me as either a breakfast on the go or an afternoon pick-up/snack to get me through the rest of the day. I wonder if Starbucks can come up with any more flavor options?

Purchased Price: $5.95 each
Size: Grande
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Almond)
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Cacao)
Nutrition Facts: (16 oz) Almond – 270 calories, 12 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 30 grams of carbohydrates, 22 grams of sugars, and 12 grams of protein. Cacao – 250 calories, 9 grams of fat, 6 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 170 milligrams of sodium, 36 grams of carbohydrates, 26 grams of sugars, and 10 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Arby’s Smokehouse Beef Short Rib Sandwich and Loaded Curly Fries

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Arby s Smokehouse Beef Short Rib Sandwich

America’s favorite fast food punching bag, Arby’s, should stick to the one thing they do best: roast beef sandwiches.

Think about it: have you ever, in your life, stopped what you’re doing and made a beeline for the joint because you simply had to nosh on its gyro or down a fish sandwich pronto? Has a day ever been made better by one of its ice coffee drinks? Ever sat at work daydreaming about a big bowl of those curly fries, well, okay, I’ll give you the curly fries. But, still, Arby’s meandering attempt to enter the barbeque game — one of many, I’m sure — by putting a beef short rib sandwich on the menu is mediocre at best.

Utilizing the mainly fatty beef parts of the aforementioned short rib, an admittedly nice big handful of that cheap cut is packed between two thick slices of mostly toasted Texas toast and topped with soggy fried onions, misplaced melted cheddar cheese and a little slight drizzle of barbeque sauce to give it more of that down-home back-country feel. It doesn’t work, but kudos for trying, Arby’s.

As I took as large a bite as my medium mouth could allow, I tasted more of the sauce than the meat which is never a good sign, especially when it Arby’s barbeque sauce. However, pulling a few pieces of the short rib out to taste by its lonesome, I can see why; the meat was a bit dry, and a good dollop of that sickly sauce gave it its much needed (but still pretty unwanted) flavor.

Additionally, that fraudulent smoky sauce seeped deep into the bread as well, so there’s that if you’re big into sticky, damp bread.

Arby s Smokehouse Beef Short Rib Loaded Curly Fries

Alongside the Short Rib Sandwich, Arby’s has a quasi-companion piece taking the form of Short Rib Loaded Fries which are exactly how they sound: a decent pile of their quintessential curly fries, bastardized with short rib meat, even more melted cheddar cheese, and a whole mess of that barbeque sauce to give them a sense of purpose and meaning.

It’s an unapologetically mishmash of flavors, none of which seemingly belong together in the slightest. The corporate entity barbeque sauce sweetens, almost to a fault, the mildly limp fries. Meanwhile, the short rib meat makes a pretty garnish but not a very useful tater topping, big clumps falling everywhere, just looking for that Texas toast.

For a nice size bowl of these loaded fries—loaded fries being my favorite of all fries, honestly, it’s kind of a wasted effort. Give me some plain curlies and few packs of Horsey Sauce and I’m gold, kid.

Arby’s, your bold experimentalism let me down again, but don’t worry: come Christmastime I promise I’ll be back in line for your five roast beef sandwiches for five bucks. You all still do that, right? Please tell me you do.

(Nutrition Facts – Sandwich – 590 calories, 28 grams of fat, 10 grams of saturated fat, 1 gram of trans fat, 75 milligrams of cholesterol, 1510 milligrams of sodium, 59 grams of carbohydrates, 14 grams of sugar, 4 grams of fiber, and 26 grams of protein. Loaded Curly Fries – 730 calories, 41 grams of fat, 9 grams of saturated fat, 0.5 grams of trans fat, 35 milligrams of cholesterol, 2300 milligrams of sodium, 75 grams of carbohydrates, 13 grams of sugar, 6 grams of fiber, and 15 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: $5.99 (sandwich)
Size: N/A
Rating: 3 out of 10 (Sandwich)
Rating: 2 out of 10 (Loaded Curly Fries)
Pros: Lots of meat. Good to see Texas toast on the menu. Chance to visit your local Arby’s.
Cons: Barbeque sauce too “fake sweet.” Soggy onions and bread. Cheese sauce not like I remember.

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