REVIEW: Nestle Nesquik Protein Plus Vanilla Milk

Nestle Nesquik Protein Plus Vanilla Milk

Protein. We need it for body stuff.

Yeah, I don’t know what body stuff exactly. I have an English degree and got C’s in every class that ends with -ology or -ience.

What I do know is that protein is big. A big money maker. Everywhere you look in the grocery store, companies are putting the stuff into everything they possibly can. And I guess Nesquik Protein Plus Milk, is Nestle’s way to get a little bit of that sweet, sweet protein drink money.

Some of you might be thinking, regular Nesquik is milk so it already has protein. That’s true, but it just has more. According to the bottle, Nesquik Protein Plus has “10% more of the daily value for protein per 8 fl oz than regular Nesquik.” A cup of it has 13 grams of protein, while regular Nesquik has 8 grams.


I got C’s in every class that ends with -athematics, but I’m pretty sure the difference between 13 grams and 8 grams is more than 10 percent.

Anyway, this protein enhanced milk gets its protein from the milk and an ingredient called milk protein concentrate. What’s milk protein concentrate? Again, C’s in every class that ends with -ology or -ience.

Nesquik has always been a brand that targets kids. But Nesquik Protein Plus is for adults, or as the bottle says, “For Adults Young At Heart.” But from afar, it looks like any Nesquik bottle. So other adults are going to look at you and think to themselves, “Oh my God, how can you drink that? You’re not lactose intolerant?”

As for its flavor, well, if you’ve had regular vanilla Nesquik milk, you will know what this tastes like. It’s sweet, creamy, it’s better tasting than a vanilla protein powder shake, and I enjoyed drinking it. The added protein doesn’t affect its flavor.

Yes, it does have a good amount of sugar in it (22 grams per serving). But the bottle does say it has “28% less sugar than the leading Protein Enhanced Flavored Milk.” So, there’s that. Although, as we’ve learned earlier, this bottle isn’t good at stating accurate percentages.

But if you want to consume a lot of protein, be young at heart, and satisfy your sweet tooth, this milk is a tasty way to do it.

Purchased Price: $2.49
Size: 14 fl oz
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 7 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (8 ounces) 170 calories, 25 calories from fat, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 15 milligrams of cholesterol, 230 milligrams of sodium, 450 milligrams of potassium, 24 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of fiber, 22 grams of sugar, and 13 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Sandwich Cookies

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Cookies

Historians speak of a time when sandwich cookies didn’t exist. A time when T. rexes and carnivorous, boulder-sized iguanas scoured the land, all crazy-eyed and hungry to fill the five empty sugar chambers of their reptilian, soon-to-be-extinct hearts. I hypothesize the true reason for these animals’ disappearance was neither a comet nor a great flood, but the absence of a cookie and a cold glass of milk.

It is with this in mind that I become grateful to live in a time when cookie sandwiches not only exist, but seem to generate from some enchanted, dextrose-enhanced geyser in Yellowstone Park. With Oreo flinging Banana Split and Watermelon sandwiches all over the place, I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised that Nesquik’s taking the dive for the caboose of the cookie sandwich train, holding tight to the cabin car as it offers up these new double chocolate goods.

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Cookies Nesquik pack of generosity

Upon ripping open my first bag, I was astonished to find that this is not just a tray of cookies, but 12 individually wrapped packs of cookies (I should’ve read the package’s front first), and, while Ziplocs and overpriced FoodSavers have made individual wrapping seem like no big thang, I can’t help but appreciate the gesture.

I like to cram cookies in my maw at my leisure, not under the unspoken pressure to shove them down before they become stale, tragic discs, and, as many know, for every moment after you open that big Family Pack of Oreos, those cookies get just a little less fresh. Here, the task of stale-prevention has not only been done for me, but all the text on the packets have been printed in English and Spanish, so I have the freedom learn some Spanish while scarfing cookies down, which is exactly what I’m gonna do now.

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Cookies I shall eat you, Quiky

Hola, friendly, anthropomorphic bunny, Quiky! I am going to eat you!

One of the marks of a good sandwich cookie comes with the dynamic of The Twist. Do the cookies separate easily? Does one wafer come off clean? Or is it a wrestling match? Does it leave a slab of cream on one biscuit? Or does the cream just plunk off on to the floor? And these Nesquiks stood up to the test. While not performing the super smooth, Triple-Axel clean sweep that an Oreo might provide, the Nesquiks perform a fairly good separation, usually leaving a smidge of frosting on one biscuit while keeping a large chunk on the other. Some twists are more successful than others. Luckily, each pack, or “pacquet,” gives you four (yes, four) cookies to wrestle with, so, if one twist fails, you have the freedom to try, try again.

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Cookies Twist Test

But at the end of the journey, The Twist stands secondary to The Taste, and, while not an Oreo, this little packet of cremed-up discs holds its own. The crunchy wafer harkens back to some distant hot chocolate mixed with a touch malt, while the thin layer of creme serves as a gritty, sugary, milk-chocolate version of palm oil goodness, a bit more chalky than the Oreo middles, but still a respectable representation in its own right.

Taken as a whole, the cookies are straight-up sweet cocoa and perfect for those who enjoy a subtle milk chocolate and malt flavors. Would I have liked more taste contrasts between the creme and cookie? Sure, but they fulfill my craving for midday milk chocolate and that’s good enough for me.

Having swept through three packs now, I’ll admit: these surprised me. In the mess of evaporated milks and hot chocolates, Ovaltines and Alba powders, I’ve often pushed Nesquik aside, leaving it as the forgotten, distant, frumpy, and chalky cousin to Hershey’s syrup. I say it’s high time I amend this loss, resurrect the Forgotten One in all its mild cocoa regalia and declare my love for it through this new cookie form. These sandwiches have taken the qualities of Nesquik powder (a milky, malty cocoa) and smooshed it into a cookie sandwich, and that is a noble deed.

While they may not be made from imported, single-sourced, organic 73 percent cocoa picked from the tree this morning, they’re just chocolate-y enough, leaving behind a whiff of that dusty, cheap cocoa that I’ve come to love/hate, and that is enough to keep me trundling back with eager, empty hands, needing nothing more than a glass of milk and a cookie to fill my grumbly stomach.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 pack/4 cookies – 160 calories, 50 calories from fat, 6 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of potassium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 13 grams of sugars, and 2 grams of protein.)

Item: Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Sandwich Cookies
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 1 box/12 packs
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 7 out of 10
Pros: That distinct cheap cocoa taste. Crunchy biscuits. Good twist qualities. Generous gestures to prevent staleness. Learning Spanish and eating cookies at the same time. Reasons to eat anthropomorphic bunnies.
Cons: That distinct cheap cocoa taste. Chocolate flavor gets a bit one-note. Arguably thin creme layer. Grumbly stomachs. Carnivorous, boulder-sized iguanas.

Limited Edition Nestle Nesquik Cookies ‘n Milk Milkshake

Just like Bert and Ernie, cookies and milk are two things that are synonymous with the action of dipping one into the other.

This is why cookies and milk are two things that go great together, like peanut butter and chocolate, Penn and Teller, and Rosie O’Donnell or Donald Trump and a muzzle. Although, when you think about it, cookies and milk are two things that shouldn’t belong together. After all, “milk does a body good” and cookies does a body much like Star Jones before the gastric bypass surgery.

I don’t know when I learned to dip my cookies in milk or who taught it to me, but all I know is that it’s very delicious, unless you’re lactose intolerant, then it’s probably diarrheariffic. However, I didn’t always associate cookies with milk.

When I was a really young diaper-wearing poop machine, cookies were not the thing I associated milk with. Instead, the only thing my feeble, still developing mind could associate with milk were breasts. Then when I got a little older, but still was a diaper-wearing poop machine, breasts were replaced with plastic bottles that had rubber nipples I could chew on.

Then when I got even older and ate mostly solid foods, but now a bed wetting machine, plastic bottles were probably replaced with cookies. Then when I reached puberty and started growing hair in places I didn’t think it would, but now a nocturnal emission spewing machine, it was back to breasts and also cookies.

Today, thanks to my expanding waistline and my addiction to internet porn, I don’t eat cookies and milk very often. However, I did recently have cookies and milk, but in the form of the Limited Edition Nestle Nesquik Cookies ‘n Milk Milkshake.

Yes, it’s another limited edition product, which makes the number of limited edition products not so limited, but what’s worse is the promise I made to myself due to the insane number of limited edition products out there. I told myself that if Nesquik came out with a limited edition chocolate milk to add to the influx of limited edition products, I was going to punch an elderly man in the face. Now I have to find an elderly man and punch him in the face.

Thanks Nesquik!

Anyway, before I head off to the next AARP meeting, I have to tell you that the Limited Edition Nestle Nesquik Cookies ‘n Milk Milkshake doesn’t taste like cookies and milk… or cookies… or milk.. or a milkshake… or Cookie Monster’s puke after a cookie binge. Instead it tasted like a cold version of hot chocolate with tiny marshmallows, which isn’t bad, but isn’t good since “Cookies ‘n Milk” is prominently printed several times on the bottle.

Despite not tasting like cookies and milk, with 360 calories, six grams of saturated fat, two grams of dietary fiber, 48 grams of sugar, 16 grams of protein, and some vitamins and minerals in an entire bottle, its nutritional value is about the same as eating actual cookies and drinking milk.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I hear canes, walkers, and motorized wheelchairs calling me. If you happen to hear the words, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” that will probably be Nesquik’s fault.

Item: Limited Edition Nestle Nesquik Cookies ‘n Milk Milkshake
Price: $2.69 (13.5 ounces)
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: It’s limited edition. Tastes like hot chocolate and marshmallows. 16 grams of protein per bottle. Vitamins and minerals. No longer a diaper wearing poop machine, bed wetting machine, or a nocturnal emission spewing machine. Peanut butter and chocolate. Breasts.
Cons: Doesn’t taste like cookies and milk. It’s not a milkshake, because it doesn’t bring all the boys to the yard. And they’re like it’s not better than yours. Damn right, it’s not better than yours. Expensive when purchased from 7-Eleven. The number of limited edition products. My internet porn addiction. My expanding waistline. Having to punch a elderly man in the face.

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Milkshake

Nesquik Milkshake

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And they’re like, “It’s better than yours.”
Damn right it’s better than yours,
I can teach you…

Okay, I think this review is off to a bad start. Let’s try again…

Milkshakes make my mouth modulate mindlessly monthly.

Okay, the alliteration idea is lame. Let me try again…


Okay, this isn’t working out very well. Oh screw it!

Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Milkshake. It’s not a chocolate milkshake, it’s chocolate milk that supposed to taste like a chocolate milkshake. It’s not bad, but doesn’t really taste like a chocolate milkshake. A milkshake is waaaay better. I can make a better milkshake. Damn right it’s better than theirs. Contains calcium and vitamins A & D. Don’t forget to shake well. I can finally recycle that damn Nesquik Chocolate Milkshake bottle.

Now that the review is out of the way, it’s time to announce this month’s prize drawing.

Hmm…What shall I give away this month?

I could give away Gmail accounts, but who DOESN’T have a Gmail account by now. Google passes out invitations like they were Ecstasy at a rave.

Wait, I got it.

This month, the Impulsive Buy will be giving away three (3) boxes of Jello Oreo Instant Pudding, which we reviewed last month. There will be three winners, who will each receive one (1) box.

If you haven’t read the review, I basically say Jello Oreo Instant Pudding is perfect for licking off of most body parts.

To enter the drawing, just leave a comment for THIS review. Also, so that we don’t seem like comment whores, you can also enter by sending us an email with the phrase “Jello Oreo” in the subject field.

If you leave a comment, don’t forget to fill out the email field, because we will be emailing winners for their mailing addresses. Don’t worry about the shipping, we will take care of that.

We will start accepting entries for the drawing on December 15, 2004. We will stop accepting entries on December 19, 2004 at 11:59 pm (Hawaii Standard Time). Only one entry allowed per person. The drawing is only open to those in the United States and Canada.

Entries will be stuffed into…Um…Let’s see what containers we have.

Oh! They will be stuffed into the Nesquik Chocolate Milkshake bottle I just picked out from the recycle bin. Winning entries will be drawn from this bottle and will probably smell like…

(Opens bottle and takes a sniff)

Oooh, that’s nasty. It will probably smell like spoiled Nesquik Chocolate Milkshake.

For those of you who’ve never won anything before, here’s your chance to finally to win. There’s no need for performance enhancing drugs.

Fine Print: We promise your email address will not be used to send you spam about some drug that you don’t know how to pronounce the name of. We also promise your mailing address will not be used to send you offers for free issues of Business Week and Sports Illustrated. Bribes will not be accepted. We will not be responsible for lost mail.

Item: Nestle Nesquik Chocolate Milkshake
Purchase Price: $1.99 (on sale)
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Kind of good. Calcium. Vitamins A & D. I can finally get rid of the empty Nesquik Chocolate Milkshake bottle that’s been sitting on my desk for weeks (Okay, not until the drawing is over).
Cons: Doesn’t really taste like a chocolate milkshake.