REVIEW: Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink

Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink

Sure, Red Bull’s Summer Edition Energy Drink looks like a urine sample sitting in a drug testing lab. But, to be fair, regular Red Bull also looks like a urine sample sitting in a drug testing lab, but from someone who’s dehydrated because they’ve been hanging out for too long in the summer heat.

If you happen to find yourself parched from the summer heat, near a 7-Eleven, and with a couple of bucks, you can purchase a somewhat refreshing 12 ounces of this tropical flavored Red Bull in a can that will remind you of the sun that caused your current parched predicament. Or you could buy a more refreshing two liter bottled water that you can drink and, with the likely leftovers, use for an impromptu wet t-shirt contest, with you being the only contestant.

Red Bull Summer Edition is a 7-Eleven exclusive flavor. It joins a long list of exclusive beverages the convenience store chain has gotten this year, like Solar Flare Mountain Dew, Green Apple Gatorade Fierce, Raspberry Citrus Vitaminwater Energy, and Dale Jr. Sour Amp Energy Drink. Suck it, Circle K!

This yellow-colored energy drink has a generic tropical aroma. If you’re wondering what generic tropical smells like without having to buy anything, go to your local Walmart. Then mosey on over to the air freshener aisle, find a spray with the word “tropical” printed on it, spray some of it into the air, and inhale those chemicals. After all that, I think you’ll get an idea of what Red Bull Summer Edition smells like…and get dirty looks from Walmart employees.

Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink Closeupd

The beverage is lightly carbonated, which makes it easy to consume, but is less nose-tickling fun when poured into a glass. However, it’s taste bud-tickling fun when consumed. It has a delightful sweet flavor that wasn’t too syrupy. I could taste pineapple, orange, papaya, and maybe mango, but the pineapple stood out. It was almost like drinking pineapple juice, but there isn’t any pineapple, orange, papaya, or mango juice in the ingredients list. But there is “Artificial and Natural Flavors.” Vague? Yes. But not as vague as the last ingredient listed…

Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink Colors

…Colors.

I’m someone who likes the odd medicinal flavor of regular Red Bull and the odd medicinal artificial sweetener-laden flavor of Sugar Free Red Bull. I’m also a fan of the Red, Blue, and Silver Editions. But Red Bull’s Summer Edition is now my favorite flavor. It has a nice tropical flavor with a slight sour back end, it’s not too syrupy, and it comes in 12-ounce cans and not the smaller 8.4-ounce one.

I see myself urinating it out a lot this summer.

Disclosure: I received a free sample of Red Bull Summer Edition from Red Bull. I believe this satisfies the FTC requirement. If not, I shall add, I did not receive any monetary compensation for this review.

(Nutrition Facts – 160 calories, 0 grams of fat, 200 milligrams of sodium, 40 grams of carbohydrates, 39 grams of sugar, less than 1 gram of protein, 140% niacin, 120% vitamin B12, 360% vitamin B6, and 70% pantothenic acid.)

Item: Red Bull Summer Edition Energy Drink
Purchased Price: FREE
Size: 12 oz. can
Purchased at: Received from Red Bull
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Nice tropical flavor. Not in an 8.4-ounce can. 114 milligrams of sweet, sweet caffeine per can. Smooth. Passing drug tests.
Cons: “Colors” is an ingredient? 7-Eleven exclusive. Limited edition. No juice. Not passing drug tests.

REVIEW: Red Bull Editions (Red, Silver, and Blue)

Red Bull Editions
Call me old fashioned but if I need energy, I’ll drink a cup of hot coffee, snort some cocaine, or maybe do some meth like my grandpappy did in those sepia toned garage years.

The point is I’m not a fan of energy drinks because they’re either loaded with way too much sugar or taste like I’m guzzling Keebler elves piss. I also don’t like Red Bull because I once threw up from imbibing too many Red Bull & Vodkas back when they were chic and before frat boys made it their go-to cocktail. The strange “tang-taste” Red Bull has still makes me dry heave.

When I’m too lazy to make an espresso, I’ll head over to a convenience store and pick up one of those Starbucks Doubleshot Espresso drinks which come in tiny cans that make me feel sophisticated as I hold my tattered copy of Sylvia Plath that I never read. I don’t mind heading over to a convenience store because there’s something soothing about the glass doors and dim lighting of the refrigerated beverage shelves. While being comforted by the beverage shelves during a recent visit to 7-Eleven, I noticed new Red Bull flavors.

Red Bull Red (cranberry), Red Bull Silver (lime), and Red Bull Blue (blueberry) all come in the famous Red Bull skinny can, but with new graphics. I was intrigued. The other energy drink companies are introducing new flavors, why not Red Bull? I later found out they’re being sold exclusively at 7-Eleven until their national rollout March 2013.

The cashier gave me a sullen look as she rang up the buffalo chicken roller and Red Bulls. “It’s for a review!” I protested, but she just rolled her eyes and gave me my change. I don’t need to justify my purchases to her but I think I would give me the same look too. Oh well…

I was a bit cautious when I got home to try my new drinks because I knew if that familiar tangy flavor was prevalent, I was done and couldn’t review it. I pulled the tab. Is there no sound satisfying as the “pfffftttssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss” when you open a can? Not even the crackle of frying bacon or the screaming of a lobster when you dunk it into a hot bubbling pot can compare.

Red Bull Red Edition

Red Bull Red Edition
Red Bull Red tasted of cranberry juice with hints of an almost citrus nature. The infamous gag-reflex aftertaste Red Bull has was still present but pleasantly faint. The cranberry flavor was very forward. It had a great sweet and tart balance, like most good cranberry juices. I certainly enjoyed this one.

It won’t replace my cranberry juice in the morning or when I make a Cape Cod as I wear white cotton pants (similar to what Michael McDonald wears in music videos) sauntering on the hot sand. This was a surprise and very approachable for an energy drink that doesn’t taste like one. Plus, the name sounds like a twist on The Shining’s “REDRUM!!! REDRUM!!!”

Red Bull Silver Edition

Red Bull Silver Edition
This is the Red Bull that will probably garner the least amount of regular consumers. It tasted similar to Coca-Cola’s Italian offering, Beverly. I’m a big fan of the drink and before anyone scoffs, I’ll remind you that I also drink a healthy amount of Campari. Bitterness is a flavor, and an emotion, I savor intensely.

Red Bull Silver Edition immediately tasted like tonic water but then takes a sharp left into bitterness. I also enjoyed the faint lime flavor but wished there was a more pronounced citrus punch. You’d get more of a citrusy zing if you drank a citrus Alka-Seltzer or ate a dirty lemon wedge from the waiter’s stand.

I love bitter drinks but like the action movie Mortal Kombat, the public still isn’t jaded enough to appreciate it. It’s the boldest one of the three and I have to applaud Red Bull for it. I will hoard as many as possible before the execs realize they created a drink only 0.0003 percent of consumers will enjoy.

Red Bull Blue Edition

Red Bull Blue Edition
Blueberries are a strange flavor, like grape, because most blueberry and grape products don’t taste like their respective fruit. To be honest, I like the “candy” blueberry flavor better than actual blueberries, and Red Bull Blue Edition delivers it with a punch to the crotch and fisticuffs to your nagging granny as you lie there watching in pain.

The blueberry flavor is rich and not very sweet which is awesome. Also, like the other two, it’s bereft of that strong unpleasant tang. This one is, by far, my favorite of the three.

Red Bull Editions 2
I doubt anyone eats anything while they drink Red Bull but if you do, don’t (and that includes any food that calls itself “rollers”). The flavors are strong in a good way but like your pushy neighbor, it’s going to try to takeover and ruin everyone’s time. Also, I don’t know if I got an energy boost from them, since I didn’t feel any different. In fact, the only arduous thing I wanted to do was play some Borderlands 2 and eat some saltines.

These new Red Bull Edition offerings have changed my mind about Red Bull and I do hope all three survive, and not get discontinued like Red Bull Cola. Do yourself a favor, hunt for them. They’re well worth trying. Kudos to an energy drink that does not rely on its usual bags of tricks like overly syrupy flavors that cave your head in to let you know, “Hey, I’m a damn BLUEBERRY Potsie! RAAAAHHHHGHHHHAHHH!!!”

(Nutrition Facts – 110 calories, 0 grams of fat, 100 milligrams of sodium, 28 grams of carbohydrates, 27 grams of sugars, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Red Bull Editions (Red, Silver, and Blue)
Purchased Price: $2.99 each
Size: 8.4 ounces each
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 8 out of 10 (Red)
Rating: 7 out of 10 (Silver)
Rating: 9 out of 10 (Blue)
Pros: No Red Bull energy excruciating tang taste. The scene when Liu Kang meets his brother’s ghost with the song from Orbital playing…still brings me to tears. Cranberry tasted like cranberry juice. Not so sweet. Blueberry is present and plays nice. Michael McDonald.
Cons: The lime could be stronger. When the person at 7-Eleven dismisses you. These are limited right now. Energy levels are questionable. Mortal Kombat’s movie sequel. Chicken Rollers.

VIDEO REVIEW: Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink

I know what you’re yelling at your computer monitor.

“Hey! Didn’t you already review Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink?”

Yes, you’re absolutely correct, I did post a written review of it. But, while writing the review, I came up with an idea for a video version. So here it is.

I’m still a beginner when it comes to shooting video properly, so the video quality isn’t as good as it should be. But, each video review I do is another learning experience…and hopefully a step towards better looking video reviews.

You can subscribe to these video reviews via either YouTube or iTunes.

REVIEW: Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink

Red Bull Total Zero

The list of beverages that contain the word “zero” in their name is significantly larger than zero.

Here, I’ll let you count some of them: Coke Zero, Sprite Zero, VitaminWater Zero, Powerade Zero, Propel Zero, Monster Absolutely Zero Energy Drink, Rockstar Zero Carb Energy Drink, Fanta Zero, Dr Pepper Zero, Big Red Zero, Sodastream Zero Cola, Pibb Zero, Virgil’s Zero Root Beer, Diet Rite Pure Zero, Schweppes Zero Cream Soda, Mello Yello Zero, and now Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink.

Wow. That’s a lot of zeroes. I haven’t seen that many zeroes since Chicago White Sox pitcher Philip Humber’s perfect game. Or if you’re reading this in 2013 or beyond, or have no idea what a perfect game is…I haven’t seen that many zeroes since I stood in between two parallel mirrors and looked at an infinite reflection of myself.

Companies attach the word “zero” to their beverages for several reasons. They either contain zero grams of sugar, zero calories, zero grams of carbohydrates, or any combination of the three. Although with some beverages, I’d like to think the word “zero” equates to the zero creativity used to come up with a name, instead taking whatever another company used.

As for Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink, it has no calories, zero grams of sugar, and zero grams of carbohydrates. Although, if I wanted to be a total prick about it, I could say it’s not “total zero” because it has 60 milligrams of sodium and less than one gram of protein. Oh, I should note my head hurt trying to wrap my brain around the fact that for some strange reason the 12-ounce size has ten calories. That there is some crazy ass food math.

Wait, I just thought of something.

If Coca-Cola, who started this “zero” beverage trend, makes Dasani Zero bottled water, I swear I’m going to punch a polar bear in the face.

Red Bull Total Zero has a similar aroma and the same amber color as the other two Red Bull varieties (original and sugar free), and it has the same amounts of taurine and caffeine, both of which are supposed to give Red Bull drinkers wings. I estimate I’ve consumed almost 50 cans of Red Bull, but despite all that liquid and lots of bell ringing, I have yet to get my wings.

Red Bull Comparison Chart

As for Red Bull Total Zero’s flavor, it isn’t as syrupy as regular Red Bull and it’s slightly more artificial sweetener-y than Red Bull Sugar Free, but it has that distinct Red Bull flavor. In order to be calorie, carb, and sugar free, Red Bull Total Zero contains the Three Sweeteneers: Aspartame, Sucralose, and Acesulfame K. Red Bull Sugar Free contains just Aspartame and Acesulfame K.

Overall, I think Red Bull Total Zero is decent, but between it and Red Bull Sugar Free, I prefer the latter because it’s smoother. Sure, the sugar free version has ten calories and three grams of carbohydrates, but that’s an insignificant difference. I think I just burned ten calories and three grams of carbohydrates by typing this paragraph.

(Nutrition Facts – 8.4 ounces – 0 calories, 0 grams of fat, 60 milligrams of sodium, 0 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of sugar, and less than 1 gram of protein.)

Our video review:

Item: Red Bull Total Zero Energy Drink
Price: $2.29
Size: 8.4 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Has familiar Red Bull flavor. No calories, carbs, and sugar. It’s a Wonderful Life reference. Another option to mix with alcohol. Perfect games in baseball.
Cons: Not great if you hate aspartame and sucralose. Pricey when compared with other energy drinks. Slightly harsher than Red Bull Sugar Free. Excessive use of the word “zero” in the beverage industry. Dasani Zero.

REVIEW: Red Bull Cola

If Red Bull claims the original version of their product is supposed to gives you wings, I wonder what their Red Bull Cola is supposed to give you. I’ve consumed four cans and the only things they’ve given me was gas and the ability to burp the first six letters of the alphabet. I was hoping to get either a halo above my head, x-ray vision, or the patience to solve a Rubik’s Cube.

For years, there were only two types of Red Bull — original and sugar-free. But last year they decided to get a little kinky and introduced a cola version of their product. Besides probably being a good mixer, what’s interesting about Red Bull Cola is that it’s all-natural. It doesn’t contain artificial flavors, colors, and phosphoric acid like the mainstream colas — Coke and Pepsi.

If it doesn’t have artificial flavors, how does it get its flavor? It does it with an ingredients list that reads like the McCormick spices section at your local supermarket. Along with caramel, sugar, and lemon juice concentrate, Red Bull Cola also contains vanilla, mustard seed, lime, kola nut, cacao, licorice, cinnamon, lemon, ginger, coca leaf, orange, corn mint, pine, cardamom, mace, and clove.

Just like having sex for the first time, the first sip from the can is a little weird, but it gets better after that. Its flavor reminded me of a less sweet RC Cola with a bit of a citrus taste. It’s not bad, but I honestly prefer the taste of Coke or Pepsi, even with the high fructose corn syrup in them.

The most disappointing thing about Red Bull Cola was that it had only 45 milligrams of caffeine per can, which is more than Coke or Pepsi, but nowhere close to the 80 milligrams found in a regular Red Bull. If you’re a caffeine addict, you probably won’t notice the 45 milligrams, unless you count having a headache or becoming very cranky due to the lack of caffeine it provides as something noticeable.

If you’re not a regular caffeine consumer because you think your body is a temple and the caffeine might disrupt the inner peace of that temple, it will probably give you a nice boost to go along with the disruption of your temple. The coffee beans included in the beverage not only provided the caffeine, but they also seemed to be the source of some sediment in the Red Bull Cola, which I like to think of as the worm at the bottom of the tequila bottle.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 can – 130 calories, 0 grams of fat, 10 milligrams of sodium, 31 grams of carbohydrates, 31 grams of sugar, and 0 grams of protein.)

Item: Red Bull Cola
Price: $1.69
Size: 12 ounces
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Reminds me of RC Cola with a citrus twist. Easy to drink. Natural ingredients. No artificial flavors. Uses real sugar and not High Fructose Corn Syrup.
Cons: Sadly, I think Coke and Pepsi taste better. Not as much caffeine as regular Red Bull. Possible sediment from coffee beans. Might be hard to find.