REVIEW: Cookies & Creme Twix (2019)

Twix Cookies  Creme  2019

What is Cookies & Creme Twix?

Even ‘90s kids may not remember Cookies-N-Crème Twix, released for a short time in 1990. While not as cheeky as Oreo releasing a cookies and crème flavored Oreo a few years back, I have to wonder if Mars R&D had some real inside-the-box thinkers working there back in the 90s. Can a cookies and crème flavored cookie bar distinguish itself in the crowded modern candy market?

How is it?

Twix Cookies  Creme  2019 Out

These mini Twix are the perfect size for popping whole into your mouth, and but I restrain myself and bite one in half. There’s a nice crunch from the chocolate cookie and chocolate flavor from the coating, but the crème doesn’t make much of an impact.

Twix Cookies  Creme  2019 Innards

There are little cookie bits inside it, and that seems wrong. There’s already a cookie base! It may seem I’m making a sharing-sized issue out of a bite-sized matter, but it seems representative of the problem with this bar. Instead of making a great creme filling, Mars threw a typical cookie-and-crème filling in and called it a day.

Is there anything else you need to know?

I may razz Mars for its conservative approach to the Twix brand, but in truth I appreciate it. At a time when many manufacturers are in a race to wow consumers with more and more outlandish offerings (did anyone really want Swedish Fish Oreo cookies or Pecan Pie Pringles?), I like that Twix can be counted on to keep it with simple with various combinations of chocolate, cookie, caramel, and maybe peanut butter if we’re feeling frisky.

The problem with Cookies & Crème Twix is that the crème is unremarkable. If it had been able to distinguish itself in some way, this candy bar might work. As it stands, I’d rather have some caramel or peanut butter.

Conclusion:

Cookies & Crème Twix are unexceptional and actually offer a lesser taste experience than the brand’s more typical offerings.

Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 9.7 oz. Sharing size bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 3 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (3 cookies) 150 calories, 8 grams of fat, 4.5 grams of saturated fat, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 65 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 gram of fiber, 13 grams of sugar (including 12 grams added sugar, and 1 gram of protein.

REVIEW: Snickers and Twix Chocolate Lowfat Milk

Snickers and Twix Chocolate Lowfat Milk

What are Snickers and Twix Chocolate Lowfat Milk?

Everyone loves the chocolate-based goodness of the well-known candy bars Snickers and Twix, right? Well, now the flavors of those beloved confections are mixed with low-fat milk to form a chocolate drink of sorts, because why not, this is America.

How are they?

With a wonderfully sweet smell and a surprisingly thick consistency, the stomach growls for these dessert-like beverages as both are poured slowly into the cups of my choice.

Snickers Chocolate Lowfat Milk

The Snickers low-fat milk is undeniably sugary, with a taste very reminiscent of what you’d expect: chocolate, peanuts, and nougat. The slight difference here is the faint coffee-like aftertaste that sits in the back of your throat for minutes after drinking. That doesn’t make it a bad thing.

Twix Chocolate Lowfat Milk

The Twix low-fat milk, on the other hand, is far more subtle, almost like drinking non-dairy creamer straight from the bottle. As a rich river of chocolate and cookie flavoring bunch up in your stomach after each gulp, the remaining caramel surprising overpowers every taste bud you have left. To be honest, I felt a little woozy after polishing off my bottle.

Is there anything else you need to know?

Thinking about the coffee-friendly aftertaste, I poured a little remaining Snickers milk into my morning coffee over the past couple of days and, I gotta say, this low-fat treat works far better as an additive than a snack to drink all by its lonesome.

Conclusion:

The Snickers and Twix low-fat milks are novelty drinks that are worth trying at least once.

Purchased Price: $2.49 each
Size: 14 fl. oz.
Purchased at: 7-Eleven
Rating: 5 out of 10 (both)
Nutrition Facts: (per bottle) Snickers – 270 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 210 milligrams of sodium, 27 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein. Twix – 270 calories, 2.5 grams of fat, 1.5 grams of saturated fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 200 milligrams of sodium, 26 grams of carbohydrates, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 24 grams of sugar, and 8 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Twix Triple Chocolate Ice Cream Bars

Twix Triple Chocolate Ice Cream Bars

What is the Twix Triple Chocolate Ice Cream Bar?

Depending on how you choose to see it, these are either a new twixt (get it?) on the existing Twix ice cream bars or a meltable version of the Twix Triple Chocolate candy bar. The chocolate shell remains the same as the original ice cream bar, but the vanilla ice cream and cookie bits are now chocolate. The filling is not the chocolate caramel of the candy bar, but the same gooey caramel of the O.G. ice cream bar.

Twix Triple Chocolate Ice Cream Bars 2

How is it?

I was a tiny bit disappointed that neither iteration of the Twix ice cream bar maintains the classic Twix cookie-on-the-bottom construction. It’s what makes a Twix a Twix. But I didn’t linger long on this because I was won over by its taste on the first bite.

Twix Triple Chocolate Ice Cream Bars 3

These were straight up delicious, and the experience was more than the sum of its parts. The fluffy ice cream had a strong hot cocoa essence, which was unexpected in a cold item. The cookie bits brought a nice crunch and a darker chocolate. The coating, while a standard milk chocolate, brought us to three different chocolate profiles, which I loved. The caramel filling wasn’t anything special but was tasty and a little on the thin side, which works well with ice cream.

Twix Triple Chocolate Ice Cream Bars 4

Is there anything else you need to know?

Whatever you do, do not peel off the top layer of chocolate coating. The visual of these bars naked is something out of an HR Giger nightmare. I’m pretty sure those cookie balls are hatching in my belly right now…

Twix Triple Chocolate Ice Cream Bars 5

Yeesh.

Conclusion:

Do not wait for sunburn season to find these. Chocolate fans, Twix fans, Alien fans – they’re well worth a try. They might be my go-to summer treat. Just don’t look under the hood.

Purchased Price: $4.29
Size: 11 oz. box / 6 bars
Purchased at: ShopRite
Rating: 9 out of 10
Nutrition Facts: (1 bar) 160 calories, 9 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 10 milligrams of cholesterol, 50 milligrams of sodium, 18 grams of carbohydrates, less than 1 grams of fiber, 15 grams of total sugars, 13 grams of added sugars and 2 grams of protein.

REVIEW: Limited Edition Twix White

Limited Edition Twix White

I think the Walmart cashier was flirting with me when I bought this new Twix White. She smiled and made a little joke that I’m “not supposed to eat white after Labor Day.”

That’s actually what she said.

While I applaud her for not being a total mope, and while I did give her a courtesy laugh, that didn’t stop me from gazing at the self-service registers longingly.

I’d made my first blunder of the day; hopefully Twix White wouldn’t be the second.

Twix, which everyone knows stands for “Twiggy Sticks” have been available in the U.S. since 1969. Outside of a previous limited run in 2005, the white chocolate variety hasn’t been available until now. Just don’t get too attached, because these are also labeled “Limited Edition.”

The latest Twix commercials have informed me I’m supposed to pick a winner between the Right Twix bar and the Left Twix bar, so I ate them with that in mind.

Upon opening the package and taking a big whiff that basically smelled like nothing, I opted to go with the Left Twix cookie first. Yes, Twix insists on referring to itself as a “cookie” instead of a “candy bar,” which for some reason bugs me to no end. You’re a candy bar, Twix. Own it.

The texture of the Left Twix was exactly as I expected — perfect. Twix is one of my favorite candies texture wise, because of the delicious and easy to chew layer of caramel. I never have to worry about it getting stuck to my teeth because it immediately mixes with the crunchy cookie center and the outer chocolate so well.

Limited Edition Twix White 2

The White Chocolate coating had a standard white chocolate flavor I’d tasted in the past, but it was actually milder than I expected. Without that instant punch of chocolate, I feel like I definitely tasted the cookie and caramel a lot more here than with a normal Twix.

This might sound crazy, but between the caramel, the cookie, and the mild white chocolate, there was a slight saltiness in each bite. The white chocolate’s sweetness didn’t really shine through until the very end, and the aftertaste was still pretty weak.

Limited Edition Twix White 3

I’m not sure white chocolate, especially the kind used here, has enough flavor to carry a Twix bar. I guess I like my white chocolate to be overly sweet. I’m talking “have two bites then take a break” sweet. There isn’t as perfect a marriage of flavors here like there is in a regular Twix. Overall, I found the Left Twix to be pretty boring.

The Right Twix however was in-cred-ible! Wow! I don’t know what they’re doing over at Right Twix, but good lord was this “cookie” fantastic!

I’m just kidding. Those commercial are dumb. They tasted exactly the same — boring.

It’s a shame too, because this was one of the freshest Twix I’d had in a long time. Not since Mo, Sol, or Lem stole George Costanza’s Twix from that car dealership vending machine have I had a Twix this fresh, and I eat a lot of em. I already bought a bag of Mini Twix to give out to trick or treaters on Halloween. The bag won’t survive beyond October 25th. Believe me.

While these weren’t a huge hit for me, I do appreciate this slow burning trend of white chocolate-izing our favorite candy bars, and I really hope it continues until there are none left.

In the end, Twix White pales in comparison to regular Twix.

I’d appreciate a courtesy laugh for that one.

(Nutrition Facts – 2 cookies – 230 calories, 110 calories from fat, 12 grams of fat, 7 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 75 milligrams of sodium, 29 grams of carbohydrates, 0 grams of dietary fiber, 22 grams of sugar, and 3 grams of protein.)

Purchased Price: 78 cents
Size: 1.62 oz
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 5 out of 10
Pros: Great texture. The never failing Twix caramel. White chocolate-izing our favorite candy bars. The underrated Seinfeld episode I referenced. Well meaning cashiers. Great price.
Cons: Mild white chocolate. Twix not actually standing for “Twiggy Sticks.” Stupid ads. Twix shunning its candy bar heritage. Finishing the Halloween candy before Halloween. Courtesy laughs.

REVIEW: Gingerbread Twix Cookie Bars

Gingerbread Twix

I have mixed feelings when it comes to holiday food items. On one hand, I detest peppermint with the kind of passion Buffalo Bills fans usually reserve for anything New York Jets related. By the same token, I can’t get behind this trend of covering everything in chocolate and somehow proclaiming it to have something to do with Plymouth Rock, Santa Claus, the Baby Jesus, a dreidel, or even some damn Festivus pole. Yes, Santa is fat, and eating everything covered in chocolate will probably make you fat, but if that’s the only connection you’re making, then you’ve lost me.

On the other hand, the months of November and December mean gingerbread. Warm and slightly spicy, with a distinctive honey-molasses flavor and usually a smiling face that gets bitten off first, gingerbread people make peppermint and fruitcake and all that other trite holiday crap I usually feed to my uncle’s dog completely worth it.

But what happens when simple, traditional, and thank-God-it-never-changes gingerbread is suddenly subjected to one of my biggest pet peeves of holiday food merchandising and covered in milk chocolate? That was the question at stake when I beheld the Limited Edition Gingerbread Twix on the shelves of Walmart.

At first, I was offended. How could I not be? It struck me as a bastardization of a candy I had only fond memories of as a child. Vague and clouded as those memories are from what surely was a sugar-induced Halloween experience, Twix always made it into my “keeper” pile. Dare I say, I think an 11-year-old Adam, dressed up in a horribly oversized Admiral Ackbar mask, may have actually proclaimed Twix to be the most underrated candy of all time.

However, recent samplings of leftover Halloween candy from the office candy bowl do not corroborate these memories. Don’t get me wrong, Twix is far from offensive, but as one of the 74.3%* of candy bars that combine caramel, chocolate, and something crunchy, it hardly stands out. So you might say I passed from offended to intrigued, and having no self-discipline whatsoever, bought a bag of Gingerbread Twix.

*Completely unscientific number based on RFG (Random Fucking Guess) sampling. Should you actually try to confirm this number, I believe you’d come remarkably close.

Gingerbread Twix 2

An initial crunch of the fun size wafer reveals everything good about the classic Twix and more. With a sturdy cookie base and some really excellent Stretch Armstrong action from the above caramel, it’s crunchy in a way that doesn’t fragment into a zillion tiny candy pieces. The initial flavor is milk chocolate—-and not, mind you, Hershey’s cheap kind of milk chocolate—-with sweet caramel, and a hint of buttery sugar cookie.

After the initial taste of chocolate and caramel, there emerges a certain je ne sais quoi flavor element. Like a symphony, it increases gradually in its volume and intensity. A slightly spicy-sweet note that tastes just like a gingerbread cookie serves as this candy’s crescendo. There’s also a s’mores element, and, as odd as it sounds, it makes sense given the notes of cinnamon and honey that both graham crackers and gingerbread share (at least, any of the graham crackers worth eating if you ask me.)

After carefully extracting the chocolate, cookie, and caramel elements and sampling them independently, it tastes as if the gingerbread flavor rests within the chocolate coating, and not, as the package indicates, in the caramel. Not overpowering, the gingerbread flavor nevertheless is the defining taste of the singular bite, and for some strange reason it just works wonderfully with the chocolate.

Gingerbread Twix 3

What I like about the use of gingerbread in Twix as opposed to other candy bars is that there’s a default contrast in textures offered from the crunchy and moist interplay of the cookie and caramel elements, respectively. Seeing as though gingerbread is sometimes served as a moist cake or cookie and other times served as a harder biscuit-like cookie, this appeal to both kinds of textures is optimal. As for why gingerbread suddenly seems to work with the combination of chocolate and caramel, you’ve got me. Perhaps it’s that Christmas magic that powers Santa’s sleigh and allows reindeer to fly, or maybe it’s just that Twix was always very good and just needed a little extra oomph, but this candy bar is what I like to call sneaky awesome.

Frankly, it’s good enough to make me admit I might need to rethink this chocolate-covered everything holiday boycott I’ve had going on. Just don’t make me try anything peppermint flavored, because that’s one holiday food aversion I’m never going to give up.

(Nutrition Facts – 1 cookie – 80 calories, 35 calories from fat, 4 grams of fat, 2 grams of saturated fat, 0 grams of trans fat, 30 milligrams of sodium, 0 milligrams of cholesterol, 11 grams of carbohydrates, 0 gram of dietary fiber, 8 grams of sugars, and 1 gram of protein.)

Item: Gingerbread Twix Cookie Bars
Purchased Price: $2.98
Size: 10 oz. bag
Purchased at: Walmart
Rating: 9 out of 10
Pros: Actually tastes like a gingerbread cookie. Covered in real milk chocolate. And it works! Textural contrast. Gives the usual Twix flavor the kind of oomph that also makes reindeer fly and Santa fit down chimneys. No remorse or guilt for decapitating gingerbread people with one swift bite. Portion control.
Cons: Rethinking holiday food aversions. Buying Christmas candy before Halloween. No royal icing. Not getting to decapitate a gingerbread person in some misguided Godzilla-type fantasy.