REVIEW: Mrs. Butterworth’s Little Drinkers

Mrs. Butterworth's Little Dunkers

Oh Mrs. Butterworth, you’re such a genius.

You’ve created the PERFECT way to drink syrup.

With your Mrs. Butterworth’s Little Drinkers, I can drink your original syrup whenever, wherever, and with whoever I want.

Say! I like Little Drinkers, you know. I like them, me the Marvo. I will drink them in the snow. I will drink them with the ghost of Marilyn Monroe. I will drink them on New Year’s Eve 2004. I will drink them with a French whore. I will drink them while I shave. I will drink them on Dr. Atkins’ grave. I do so like Little Drinkers, you know! Thank you! Thank you, me the Marvo!

So no more carrying around a syrup bottle and women asking me, “Is that a syrup bottle in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Um…It’s a syrup bottle. You aren’t THAT pretty.

Another problem I had with carrying around a whole bottle was that it’s hard to keep track of how much syrup I drank. Take one swig, then take another, and before you know it, I’ve consumed half the bottle and I’m bouncing off the walls like Andy Dick on cocaine.

With these Little Drinkers, I can have controlled two-ounce doses of syrup. It’s like taking a shot of syrup.

Quarters anyone?

Also, with these Little Drinkers, it’s easier to get every last drop of syrup. All I have to do is just lick the cup. With a bottle it’s hard to lick anything, unless you enjoy getting your tongue stuck in the bottle.

Oh, crap! I just looked at the packaging again.

It’s Little Dunkers.

All this time I thought it was Little Drinkers.

Holy crap! I guess I really have been consuming waaay too much High Fructose Corn Syrup.

Item: Mrs. Butterworth’s Little Dunkers
Purchase Price: $2.50 (Six-Pack)
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Convenient. Easier to drink and to dunk. Easier than a bottle to carry.
Cons: You pay for portability. I need to cut back on the High Fructose Corn Syrup.

18 thoughts on “REVIEW: Mrs. Butterworth’s Little Drinkers

  1. Hmmmm…how about adding those little “drinkers” straight into your coffee each morning….killing two birds with one stone…but of course, you’re probably gonna kill yourself eventually. Oh well…you only live ONCE!

  2. Hey, not a day goes by where my son doesn’t try to actually lick the extra Vermont Maid off of his breakfast plate. Too bad, he thinks Mrs. Butterworth is too buttery. I didn’t know there was such a thing.

  3. Here’s the deal, I’ve read like three entries, and you make me giggle. Also, we have the following things to discuss amongst ourselves: Pomegranate, Grimace, and the fact that I DO weigh 300 pounds. Well, almost. (Thankfully, I’m also devastatingly cute.) I’ll be back!

  4. Andy Dick on cocaine… Hmmmmm I always took Andy Dick to be a speed kinda guy. At any rate, Andy Dick needs to lay off the stimulants and try some qualudes.

  5. My kids would love that with their French toast sticks. They have no quantity control with the big bottle and they NEVER wait for me to pour it for them. (Imagine a pint of syrup for 4 sticks.)

    5 out of 5 for convenience!

  6. Suzanne – No amount of High Fructose Corn Syrup will help you forget it’s Monday. Bleh.

    Aymie’s Mom – How about also adding the sweet, sweet Russian nectar, Vodka?

    rj – Don’t knock it ’till you try it.

    jenny – Yeah, I lick my plate too. Except when I’m in a fancy restaurant with cloth napkins and candles.

    Stacey – Well I’ve been told that I’m devastatingly homely. (tear)

    Aymie – Or better yet, elephant tranquilizers.

    UncleHornHead – I’m speaking from experience when I say this. I think your kids have the makings of future syrup drinkers.

    Heather – Your welcome. We’re here to entertain AND inform, because if we didn’t entertain we would be boring just like Consumer Reports. (Yeah, I called you out Consumer Reports)

  7. I actually ate at a resturaunt that had maple syrup covered chicken strips. Kind of killed my taste for syrup. Blaggh still makes me gag thinking about it.

  8. Princess Wild Cow – What about your hips? I think they look fine.

    Ryan Maynard – I read it four times and it didn’t sound dirty at all. Man, I thought I had a dirty mind. I guess I was wrong.

    Janet – Does the Bratz Easy Bake Oven come with the Bratz MTV Crib with small bottles of Cristal.

    Belthasar – Syrup is good, as long as it’s in small doses.

    Matt – Ooh, that definitely doesn’t sound good.

  9. Drinking syrup can lead to bad heart health. In fact, your arteries will eventually just pack up their things and go home to mother.
    Then again, I love Mrs. Butterworths. …screw it! Every man and body part for themselves!

  10. Flirt – Come on Flirt, if you want something you gotta flirt for it.

    Anne – I don’t got a problem. I drink in moderation.

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