(Editorâ€™s Note: Itâ€™s Day Four of Energy Week here at The Impulsive Buy and today Iâ€™ll be focusing my attention on energy breath mints. Yes, energy breath mints, which look like smaller Vivarin, except without near illegal amounts of caffeine, withdrawals, and trembling of hands. Enjoy.)
Hey baby doll! How ya doinâ€™?
Yo girl, why you backinâ€™ up? I knows Iâ€™m smellinâ€™ good cuz I gots my Tag Body Spray on. I put a spray here. Bam. Put a spray there. Bam. Put a spray down there. Bam. I knows you wanna jump me, like in the commercials. Donâ€™t be shy.
Poser? So thatâ€™s how it is now, Iâ€™m a poser. Well Iâ€™m a poser that can rock your world.
Why you backinâ€™ up some more, baby? I knows my breath donâ€™t smell cuz I gots these X-It Strong Mints in my mouth. Theyâ€™re powerful mints so theyâ€™re gonna make my mouth so minty fresh that youâ€™re gonna wanna faint and let me give you some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Let me pop a few more mints in my mouth right now, cuz I gots wine cooler breath.
So whut if I likes wine coolers? Theyâ€™re fruity and easy to drink, girl!
Anâ€™ you know whut? These mints gots guarana in them to help give me energy, just in case I gots to do it ALL NIGHT. Yeah, you know whut Iâ€™m sayinâ€™.
Of course, one tiny mint ainâ€™t gonna do it for this prize of a man. Maybe if I take five or ten mints and Iâ€™ll have enough energy to rock your world all night and all day, baby!
Whut you talkinâ€™, girl? I donâ€™t needs to take no Enzyte wit these mints. Itâ€™s just that my leather pants are too tight and itâ€™s squashing my huge Johnson.
Another thang about these mints are that theyâ€™re sugarfree, so I donâ€™t gots worry about messinâ€™ up my pearly white grill wit cavities.
Yo, why you trippinâ€™ on my braces? Theyâ€™re cominâ€™ out in a few weeks.
Now that I think about it, I donâ€™t know if I should be hanginâ€™ wit you, girl. Cuz youâ€™re sugar sweet, baby! But on second thought, I wouldnâ€™t mind gettinâ€™ a few cavities cuz of you.
Try some of these mints, baby! If you like it, maybe later you can pop more in your mouth and then give some mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to my friend Mr. Happy, cuz heâ€™s getting squashed in my leather pants.
Aw girl, why’d you slap me for?
Where you goinâ€™?
Item: X-It Strong Mints with Guarana
Purchase Price: $1.99
Rating: 3 out of 5
Pros: Strong mints. Clears nasal passages. Sugarfree. Guarana. Freshens breath.
Cons: Takes many mints for the guarana to have an effect. My ability to talk to women. Tight leather pants.