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Over the years, there have been many movies that have been as entertaining as a monkey juggling its own poop while peddling a tricycle through hoops of fire.
But the sequels to those movies have burned me and my wallet, because they were as entertaining as watching water boil, watching grass grow, or listening to Madonna speak about a noble cause.
For example, there’s Caddyshack and Caddyshack 2. Caddyshack is probably the greatest movie about golf ever, while Caddyshack 2 is probably the worst movie about golf ever.
Then there was Speed and Speed 2: Cruise Control.
How bad was Speed 2?
Let me put it this way, Speed 2 was so bad that I actually uttered the eleven words that I never thought would come out of my mouth, “I think Keanu Reeves’ crappy acting would’ve made this movie better.”
Finally, there’s Sweatin’ To The Oldies
What was so bad about Sweatin’ To The Oldies 2?
Well, besides more songs that were made waaay before I was born, I think Richard Simmons’ shorts in the sequel were shorter than usual, and if you know how short they usually are, then you know that if they got any shorter, it wouldn’t be a pretty sight.
Because I can only take so much glittery and shimmery manliness.
So with all of these crappy experiences with sequels, I was hesitant to try the new limited edition Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2, which is the sequel to last year’s original Mountain Dew Pitch Black.
If you aren’t familiar with the original Mountain Dew Pitch Black, you can read the Impulsive Buy’s review of it here or if your carpal tunnel is acting up and isn’t allowing you to click anything, I’ll just tell you that it has the same caffeine goodness as regular Mountain Dew, except with a blast of grape flavor.
Also it’s not really pitch black, it’s more like goth purple.
The only difference between Pitch Black 2 and the original Pitch Black is the sour bite, which the original lacked. Personally, I kind of like it better without the bite, but Pitch Black 2 is still good.
However, just like all Mountain Dew variations, Pitch Black 2 doesn’t make me want to do anything extreme, like jump out of a plane, do a backflip on a motorcycle, or jump over the Great Wall of China with a skateboard.
Also, just like last year, Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2 will only be around for a limited time. But thank goodness it will be around longer than the number of days Baby Geniuses 2 spent in theaters.
Item: Mountain Dew Pitch Black 2
Purchase Price: $1.39 (20-ounce)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Good grape taste. Same amount of caffeine as regular Mountain Dew. A monkey juggling its own poop while peddling a tricycle through hoops of fire.
Cons: Limited Edition. I prefer the original version, without the sour bite. Caddyshack 2, Speed 2, Baby Geniuses 2, and both Sweatin’ To The Oldies. Listening to Madonna speak about a noble cause.
That is some scary looking soda, and I believe the first soda with a sequel!
Wow. Are we so creatively bankrupt as a country that even our sodas have sequels now?
If it was called Mountain Dew Goth Purple I would try it.
Sweatin to the Oldies 2? *shudder*
and to think my day was going so well…
I never understood the fascination with sour things. Why do people purposely ingest sour candy/drinks? candy is SUPPOSED to be sweet.
$1.39 for a 20oz?? Damn, that’s expensive. But I’ll still have to try it.
I really liked version 1.0, so I will try this when I see it. I remember hoarding LiveWire two years ago when it was a summer limited edition, then they brought it back the next summer anyway. The stuff still tasted good after one year in my garage. If I like this, I may have to stock up again as the Originial Pitch Black was so limited I couldn’t find it after two weeks. One must always “be prepared.”
I Will Have To Try This.
I Love Mountain Dew!
Here in South africa we only have the original Mountain Dew.
I hope this comes to us.
OH MAN!!!!
I have a review and everything for this one all made up but was saving it for next week.
You win this time.
are sequels ever any good ?
oh wait, i forgot the godfather :)
however, i think the monkeys line is a great advertising concept :P
You described Richard Simmons perfectly – glittery and shimmery manliness.
Noooooooooo! They messed with the Pitch Black! That stuff was so original and good, and now they have to go and make it sour. I really hope they bring back the original PB someday so that I can have it again.
Yeah, once the name of a beverage exceeds about a fifteen letters, it’s just time to be afraid….
Can’t wait for your reviews of Ghostbusters 3, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 3, and Pitch Black III next year. :)
blech. I don’t do the Dew.
nat – They made Pitch Black especially for the Halloween season. It looks scary at first, but once you drink it, it’s not that scary anymore.
Joseph – If it was called Mountain Dew Goth Purple, it would be the number one seller at Hot Topic.
megan – Sorry to put that image in your head. Here’s one you can use to replace it…Imagine sitting on a secluded beach, under a clear blue sky, with a cool lemon iced tea in one hand and a magnifying glass in the other hand. Below you is a carpet of Tom Cruise movie posters. With your magnifying glass and the sun’s rays, you set the carpet of Tom Cruise movie posters on fire, and you dance around the fire.
caitlin – Masochistic people like sour things. I like sour things after a shot of tequila.
Rev Dubya – That’s the convenience store on a rock in the middle of the Pacific Ocean price, if I went to the super gigantic low employee morale superstore, I’m sure it would be 99 cents.
klew – You know, Livewire is no longer a summer limited edition. Yeah, yeah, keep rubbing it in that I was a crappy Boy Scout. At least I was the best crappiest Boy Scout in my troop.
Damon – DAMON LIKES TO DO THE DEW!!!
paul – You don’t even have Mountain Dew Livewire or Mountain Dew Red Code? That’s just wrong!
Lord Jezo – So the score is: 78west – 5 and The Impulsive Buy – 1
SEV – The Empire Strikes Back was a great sequel to Star Wars…Then Lucas had to mess things up with frickin’ prequels. You know, I could probably watch a monkey juggling its own poop while riding a tricycle through hoops of fire all day.
Sasha_Kitty – Richard Simmons can turn any surface into a Slip n Slide.
rfduck – If only someone invented something called a “Sour-outer” which would have the ability to take the sour out of anything. I would use it on the Pitch Black 2 and on people who bitch about everything.
Mir – You could call it MDPB2. Or DewPB2. Or just PB2.
Laurie – As long as I don’t have to do a review for Anaconda 3.
Webmiztris – I do do the Dew. Heh, heh. I said, “doodoo.” :-)
Thanks so much Marvo! That image made my day! Totally makes up for it. If we can switch out the iced tea for a mai tai or something along those lines, I think we have a perfect way to spend the afternoon. :)
I never had the urge to try the soda.. maybe because I hate dark colors and moutain dew,,,
HURRAY, THEY BROUGHT THE BEST DRINK EVER BACK! Wait…. they made it sour? What? F*cking Pepsi Co.
I hate your supposed #1 fan, i hope she dies. I AM your #1 fan, i just have carpal tunnel so i can’t write you as much. (unless she is your mom or something, then that would be ok) and why does she have to announce it to everyone one? like we care.
sorry about that last post, i think was a side effect of pitch black II. all apologies (except to #1 fan)
Missy: I’m sorry.. it was just a joke… Geezz. That was mean.
When do you find out if you got the job that the drug test was for?
I LOVED THE FIRST PITCH BLACK MT DEW, I MISSED IT TODAY I WENT TO TARGET AND COULD NOT BELIEVE MY EYES! ITS BACK! WEE
I WISH THEYD KEEP IT THIS TIME!.
never drinking pitch black again ever! sorry
Megan – Or a strawberry daiquiri with a paper umbrella.
Lucy – Well I don’t drink MD for the taste or look. I do it for the sweet, sweet caffeine. Precious caffeine.
Brandon – Yup, I’m disappointed too. I liked the original Pitch Black. Man, only if I were influential.
missy – You know, I don’t want to say this, but I have to say that I am my own #1 fan and no one else can be, because I’m really vain like that. :-)
Lucy – Maybe you could be “Lucy: President of the Marvo Fan Club.” See, I am vain. ;-)
Muneer – Actually, my first day was on Friday.
darkcoal – I wish they change it back to original Pitch Black and then make it a regular Mountain Dew.
missy – That’s okay, I’m never watching the Vin Diesel movie “Pitch Black” ever again.
now your talking. I could be treasurer of the Marvo Fan Club. Lucy can be pres cause i’m not a good leader. but i like money
missy – Don’t you mean you’re good with money? ;-)
Fuck all of u i actually loved mountain dew pitch black and now thats theres a sour version i love it more u guys dont have taste buds. PS fuck your couch
FUCK you all i love pitch black it reminds me of a big black cock, bc i cant wait till it hits my tounge
likis – Why would I need to fuck my couch when I’m already fucking your mamma?
Marvo – I thought I was the only Marvo with bad grammar, but yours sucks even more. But it doesn’t suck as much as your mamma.
Here I thought you was gonna go ripping on Vin Diesel, or however you spell his name, and his pitch black movie…
Though I can understand if you got that genre covered with keanu…
(*)>
birdwoman – I would’ve. but Vin Diesel can kick my ass. Keanu…Not so much.