Recently, I’ve been sucking down many of these A&W Sparkling Vanilla Cream Sodas.
I’ve been doing so much sucking that I feel like I’m either a baby sucking on a tit, a crack addict sucking on a crack pipe, or Paris Hilton making another sex tape.
I just have this “thing” for vanilla cream sodas, much like I have a thing for Rachael Ray, old school hip-hop, saying the word “incestuous,” and words that don’t start with “qu,” like Qatar, qanat, and qintar.
The A&W Sparkling Vanilla Cream Soda was very good, but it tasted just like their regular cream soda. Now I thought the “sparkling” would add something sparkling, much like how bubbles help champaign sparkle and glitter helps Sparkling Barbie look more like a stripper, but it didn’t.
The only thing different about this soda than the previous A&W Cream soda is the “Vintage Bottle,” which if you take off the label or stick in a small brown paper bag, looks like a beer bottle.
This means that with the amber-colored A&W Sparkling Vanilla Cream Soda and the “Vintage Bottle,” I can be a total poser at a party and pretend I’m cool with a “beer” in hand.
It’s much like when I was growing up and pretended apple juice was beer, bubble gum cigarettes were actual cigarettes, and my switchblade comb was an actual switchblade knife, which I used to try and recreate the fight/dance off scene from the Michael Jackson video for Beat It.
Just beat it, beat it, beat it, beat it
No one wants to be defeated
Showin’ how funky and strong is your fight
It doesn’t matter who’s wrong or right
Just beat it, beat it
Beat it, beat it, beat it
Maybe it’s better that I be a poser with my fake beer, because if I drank as many bottles of beer as I have with the delicious A&W Sparkling Vanilla Cream Soda, I might end up passed out on my bathroom floor, lying in my own vomit, with a Sharpie mustache drawn on my face, and two arrows pointing to my mouth also drawn on my face with the words, “Stick it in the hole for a prize,” written on my chin.
Plus, someone would probably take pictures of me in this position and post it all over the internet with the word “0wn3d!” on it.
Item: A&W Sparkling Vanilla Cream Soda
Purchase Price: 99 cents
Rating: 4 out of 5
Pros: Damn good. Refreshing. Kind of addictive. If I take off the label or stick the bottle in a brown paper bag, it looks like I’m drinking beer, which in turn, makes me looking cool. My switchblade comb. Michael Jackson before the sleepovers and plastic surgery.
Cons: Not different in taste than the previous A&W Cream soda. Possible passed out drunk pictures posted on the internet.