Heat & Enjoy Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup

You’ve really let yourself go, Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup.

It’s like you’re Elvis. You’re going from young, skinny Elvis to older, overweight, too big to fit on his own postage stamp Elvis. Maybe you have to cut back on the peanut butter and banana sandwiches.

Seriously, you look like Eric Cartman on Weight Gain 4000. Also, you are not big boned.

Well maybe I should be glad that you’re an icon and idol that didn’t take the drug overdose route, child molester route, the Kabbalah route, or the Clay Aiken route.

It’s hard to look at you now because I remember the way you looked in those Andy Warhol paintings, looking slim and cylindrical. But now, if Andy Warhol was still alive and wanted to paint you again, let me just say that he would need a lot more paint.

Look at the pictures below. On the left, you look like how a Campbell’s Soup Can should look on the Red Carpet at some swanky charity function. But on the right, it’s a whole different story at some MTV Xbox shindig you went to, just so you could get free swag.

Sure, Courtney Love comes either drunk, high, or drunk and high to every event she attends or crashes, but at least she’s consistent.

I’m surprised the National Enquirer didn’t run some bogus story about how your weight gain was due to eating nothing but potato chips and soda for several days straight, while watching a Laguna Beach marathon, after your Italian lover left you for a younger, heartier soup, like Progresso.

I guess since you were condensed soup in that older picture, you should’ve been slim. You now maybe a little more roly-poly, but at least you come in a microwaveable bowl, I don’t need to add water, and it takes only 90 seconds for you to be heated up.

Also, you maybe different on the outside, but inside, you still have the same good tasting Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup that I’ve loved during those times when I was sick, when I was poor, when I was too lazy to cook, or when I decided to steal from the company canned food drive box.

Item: Heat & Enjoy Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup
Purchase Price: $1.75 (on sale)
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
Pros: Tastes just like the Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup that we’ve all learned to love. Microwaveable bowl. No need to add water. Andy Warhol’s paintings. More cushion for the pushin’. Young, slim Elvis.
Cons: Not as slim, cylindrical, and condensed as the younger can version. A high, drunk, or high and drunk Courtney Love. Not looking good on the Red Carpet. Older, heavy Elvis.

21 thoughts on “Heat & Enjoy Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup

  1. So since this soup has gotten fat (new microwavable container) and easy (no more pouring it into a bowl before microwaving) is this new soup similar to Anna Nicole Smith?

  2. oh man, and no labels on it to save for your school to earn free shit? did you have that in elementary school over there? I remember we were supposed to save Campbell’s labels and bring them into school. What I can’t remember is what the point of it was!

  3. Marvo, I must say that I love the angles you take when making comparisons. I guess it just goes to show that size matters, eh?

  4. Brilliant reveiw. As always.

    So how do you manage to beg & grovel enough to get a free wordpress site? Whom do I email? Where do I send the chocolates? Or are they health concious, and should I go with a fancy salad bowl? Pita chips? Organic? Glenlevit?

  5. Thats my problem with all of these single serve soups. They are really expensive. I mean, how much does a can of condensed soup cost? $.75 for Campbell’s, and $.33 for the store brand. Could buy over 5 cans of soup for this price. $1.75 is how much PDQ (massive gas station, could go grocery shopping here) charges for a hot cup of soup.

    Damnit, now i’m hungry.

    Best south park episode ever: Die Hippie, Die ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Die_Hippie,_Die )

  6. I cheat and buy only one of these with the microwavable bowl soups. I then wash it out and save it for the next time I have canned soup. I pour my soup into the microwavable bowl and viola! it’s like I paid $ 2.45 all over again!

  7. But it has curves in all the right places (the better to grip it). And the plastic is more environmentally unsound than the previous recyclable can. I wonder which proofreader missed the “just heat & enjoy” printed twice right next to each other.

  8. Oh man. You used to steal those cans out of the food drive box too? I swear though… I only took what I needed. Or that which I had a particular hankering for. Which means that no needy folk ever got any oysters or canned clams…

    I haven’t had campbell’s chicken noodle soup in a long time. Maybe it’s time to go back to basics. Except the cans aren’t a quarter any more…

  9. Megan – Hmm…Sounds like it has an eating disorder.

    Chuck – I guess they are alike, However, oddly, I can understand what the Heat & Enjoy Campbell’s Chicken Noodle Soup is saying better than I can Anna Nicole.

    Webmiztris – We didn’t have Campbell’s labels, but we did have milk carton tops and soda can tabs. I still don’t understand how schools made money from milk carton tops. I don’t think it’s possible to recycle milk carton tops, unless it’s what they put in the cafeteria food. Then that would explain a lot.

    nat – I believe that the ONLY situation when size really matters is when deciding whether I should get the six-inch or foot-long sandwich from Quiznos.

    ~Moi~ – It’s easy to get a free WordPress blog. Just sign up at http://www.wordpress.com. Man, I totally sound like an ad for wordpress.com. WordPress.com where dreams come true and everybody can learn about your psycho ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.

    Muneer – I guess convenience does cost more. Plus, I’ve got money to burn. Okay, I don’t have any money to burn. But if I did, I would start would those damn pennies. “hippies can’t stand death metal”

    Gia on Guam – Hmm…You’ve got me thinking. I don’t frickin’ need microwaveable Tupperwear. I just need to get me more microwaveable soup bowls.

    klew – I believe “heat & enjoy” was also somewhere on that Trojan heating lubrication I reviewed a few months ago.

    Karen – Chickens must lose their lives, or else they’ll take over the world. They reproduce like crazy.

    Bryan – That’s REALLY cheap eats! However, I did leave the creamed corn.

  10. Welcome back Marvo! You took a little christmas vacation, and you get back here and review soup!!! I expected to see some reviews of cheap champagne, velcro underwear, altoids, thongs (for men) – something more sexy than curvy condensed soup :0)

  11. I still think the “Just Heat And Enjoy” logo makes this soup sound slutty, whether it’s similar to Anna Nicole or not.

  12. AWE – That’s a hot AND cheap AND gassy date.

    Tanya – Actually, wearing a men’s thong for a review…Ideas…Ideas.

    Chuck – I would agree. “Heat and enjoy” sounds like something that should cost a little more.

    lightpinksheep – Yup, I’ve been Slashfood-ed. Actually it’s the third time I’ve been mentioned on Slashfood. It’s a blog I read on a daily basis.

  13. Man, that Campbells soup on the right sure is a tubby little bastard, isn’t it? Seriously!

    Oh, and you forgot the bulimia route (i.e., every starlet who ever existed).

  14. That picture frightened me when the page opened, it’s so Crazy-HUGE! Yikes!

    As for the Campbell’s and other assorted lables, our schools discontinued them because it was such a big pain in the ass to count and submit them for relatively little payback. Those General Mills thingies, on the other hand, are worth $.10 apiece, which has bought thousands of $$ worth of gym equipment over the years.

    Thus ends my Public Service Announcement as a former PTA Mom.

  15. BTW, if you should consider buying this tubby tub of M-M-Goodness, don’t, DON’T, DO NOT try the Italian-Style Wedding Soup. The spinach is a gloppy mess, the meatballs are tasteless and there is not enough pasta to make it the least bit satisfying. If they really serve this at weddings, it’s another reason for me to stay single.

  16. Toni – I think a lot of it might be water retention.

    Peggasus – 10 cents a piece!?! Holy crap! If I collected those General Mills things over the years and given them away to a school or something, I probably could’ve given them enough to build a building.

    Gia on Guam – I saw that in the store. I wondered what it tastes like and I was going to buy it, but decided on the safe bet and picked up the chicken noodle soup and New England Clam Chowder.

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