REVIEW: Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog

Southern Comfort Egg Nog

The carton for this Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog may say that it’s “non-alcoholic,” but I don’t know about that, because I’ve got a total buzz going right now.

Actually, to be honest, I’m kind of wasted.

Why do I think there’s alcohol in it? Because earlier I chugged one down and I threw up, like I did when I chugged down a bottle of actual Southern Comfort a few years back.

Holy crap! Is that Kathy Griffin on TV? She looks TOTALLY hot! If I were into leprechauns, I would totally do her and then steal her pot of gold.

Hey, man! I just wanted to let you know that I love you, man! I love you like were a family member. Not like a mother, father, brother, or sister kind of love. More like a family pet kind of love, where you’ll eventually die or run away, and for a little while I’ll be sad, but a while after that, I’ll just get a new pet to replace you, and then forget about you. But I love you, man!

Hey, what’s a penguin doing in the middle my bedroom? It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around. I gotta send you back to the South Pole!

You know what? I got a great idea. I’m gonna prank call all my ex-girlfriends and I’m gonna waste all of their cell phone plan minutes. But I hope that they don’t have a cell phone plan with unlimited nights, because that would totally screw me up.

Did I tell you I love you, man?

So I totally thought that this Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog was gonna suck, because I thought vanilla and spice wouldn’t make a good combination. Because in my head, I was thinking, if combining Vanilla Ice and the Spice Girls was bad, just combining the vanilla and the spice would also be bad.

But you know what? This shit is pretty good. I kind of like it better than regular egg nog, because it tastes kind of like pumpkin pie. So if you have a pumpkin pie around, go stick it in a blender for a little while, then pour it into a tall glass and chug it. Then you would have an idea of what the Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog tastes like.

Hey! Hey! Let me tell you something. Incest with humans is not acceptable, but incest with cats is acceptable.

This egg nog is so good I wish it was available all year round, because I’m all out.

Oh wait, never mind. I’m looking at the carton right now and I see two of them. Oh wait, now there’s like three of them. No wait, now there’s four of them.

Now they’re spinning around my head. Two them are singing Ice Ice Baby and the other two are singing Wannabe.

Oh, man. I’m not feeling too good.

Hey, cartons STOP SPINNING AND SINGING!!!

That’s much better. Oh, wait a minute. The cartons say I gotta add the Southern Comfort to the egg nog?

What? No Southern Comfort in the egg nog? Then why am I so wasted?

Damn placebo effect!

Item: Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog
Purchase Price: $4.49
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Really good. Spicy. Vanilla-y. Kind of tastes like pumpkin pie. Cat incest. Combining vanilla and spice.
Cons: Non-alcoholic. Pricey. Human incest. Combining Vanilla Ice and the Spice Girls. Not available all year round.

36 thoughts on “REVIEW: Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog

  1. I can’t think of anything witty to say about egg nog… so i’ll just say that crank calling ex-significant others while boozled tends to have unsatisfying results. Especially if they have star-69. I don’t know this from personal experience of course… =)

  2. Oooh I knew a girl who would pretend she was drunk when she really wasn’t so guys would think she was an easy lay. I don’t know how that relates to eggnog or cat incest but there you have it.

  3. “I don’t think he’d like to meet me. After all, he is antisocial.”

    Hmm, good point! Um well, cat incest is still creepy!

  4. you should review some laundry detergents, like the ones for dark clothes or whatever. or does everything u review have to be edible

  5. dramastically – Oh, I’m sorry. That was your phone? For you, I meant to play YMCA mixed with actual farting.

    TG – Some people probably also have their Christmas trees and front yard Nativity scene still up.

    nat – I really need ngg eog with actual alcohol. Or more sugar.

    Bryan – That’s why I’m glad payphones still exist.

    Gia on Guam – Sadly I sometimes pretend I’m drunk, when I’m really not, just so women think I’m an easy lay. It hasn’t worked for me.

    Toni – Hey! It’s just nature, baby!

    Alex – I believe that anyone can be happy all the time without alcohol, but it’s a whole lot easier with it.

    Caroline – If you’re such a pro, how would you get a Super Sized drink into the theater, without the use of a bag?

    shoelover – Trailer trash trends are what’s hott. Yeah, I used two “t’s.”

    acanofwhoopass – Not everything I review is edible. Well technically, I could eat laundry detergent, but the foaming and stomach pump would get to me.

    Gia on Guam – Mmmm…Haiku review….

  6. jlo – Mmm…Gritty spicy bits.

    birdwoman – Egg nog and Kahlua sound really good. Mmm…Creamy drunken goodness.

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