REVIEW: Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog

Southern Comfort Egg Nog

The carton for this Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog may say that it’s “non-alcoholic,” but I don’t know about that, because I’ve got a total buzz going right now.

Actually, to be honest, I’m kind of wasted.

Why do I think there’s alcohol in it? Because earlier I chugged one down and I threw up, like I did when I chugged down a bottle of actual Southern Comfort a few years back.

Holy crap! Is that Kathy Griffin on TV? She looks TOTALLY hot! If I were into leprechauns, I would totally do her and then steal her pot of gold.

Hey, man! I just wanted to let you know that I love you, man! I love you like were a family member. Not like a mother, father, brother, or sister kind of love. More like a family pet kind of love, where you’ll eventually die or run away, and for a little while I’ll be sad, but a while after that, I’ll just get a new pet to replace you, and then forget about you. But I love you, man!

Hey, what’s a penguin doing in the middle my bedroom? It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around. I gotta send you back to the South Pole!

You know what? I got a great idea. I’m gonna prank call all my ex-girlfriends and I’m gonna waste all of their cell phone plan minutes. But I hope that they don’t have a cell phone plan with unlimited nights, because that would totally screw me up.

Did I tell you I love you, man?

So I totally thought that this Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog was gonna suck, because I thought vanilla and spice wouldn’t make a good combination. Because in my head, I was thinking, if combining Vanilla Ice and the Spice Girls was bad, just combining the vanilla and the spice would also be bad.

But you know what? This shit is pretty good. I kind of like it better than regular egg nog, because it tastes kind of like pumpkin pie. So if you have a pumpkin pie around, go stick it in a blender for a little while, then pour it into a tall glass and chug it. Then you would have an idea of what the Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog tastes like.

Hey! Hey! Let me tell you something. Incest with humans is not acceptable, but incest with cats is acceptable.

This egg nog is so good I wish it was available all year round, because I’m all out.

Oh wait, never mind. I’m looking at the carton right now and I see two of them. Oh wait, now there’s like three of them. No wait, now there’s four of them.

Now they’re spinning around my head. Two them are singing Ice Ice Baby and the other two are singing Wannabe.

Oh, man. I’m not feeling too good.

Hey, cartons STOP SPINNING AND SINGING!!!

That’s much better. Oh, wait a minute. The cartons say I gotta add the Southern Comfort to the egg nog?

What? No Southern Comfort in the egg nog? Then why am I so wasted?

Damn placebo effect!

Item: Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog
Purchase Price: $4.49
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Really good. Spicy. Vanilla-y. Kind of tastes like pumpkin pie. Cat incest. Combining vanilla and spice.
Cons: Non-alcoholic. Pricey. Human incest. Combining Vanilla Ice and the Spice Girls. Not available all year round.

36 thoughts on “REVIEW: Southern Comfort Vanilla Spice Egg Nog

  1. As if Egg Nog wasn’t disgusting enough…let’s add some Southern Comfort to it. I could stomach Kathy Griffin longer than that stuff.

  2. I just have such bad memories of Southern Comfort associated with graduation many years ago that I don’t want to taste this, even if it’s non-alcoholic.

  3. Haha.. that was pretty funny….but you might wana put some SoCo in there the next time! I think thats the only way I would ever have some egg nog! Have you heard the Bud Light Real Men of Genius commercial for the Egg Nog Inventor? Its hilarious!

    “For years you toiled away, nog after nog; califlower nog, trout nog, the ill-advised Pork Nog
    Until one day, it hits you right in the face. Raw eggs, heavy cream, and a five pound bag of granulated sugar
    Mmmmmm. Now that’s refreshment, kind of like a protein shake; only disgusting.”

  4. Cat incest huh? I’ve got this creepy, antisocial neighbor who seems like he’s into that sort of thing. Perhaps you two should meet ;)

  5. Eggnog is nasty. And not in that good, prefat Janet Jackson kind of way.

    Also, on a completely different note, I heart you.

    Mir just doesn’t understand that McDonald’s + the dollar theater = crazy delicious dinner and a movie.

  6. Egg Nogger, Egg Nogger nog me some egg, egg me some nog, some nog me egg…

    :o)

    Who’s dat noggin’ at my door? You eggin’ me on?

    Southern CALIFORNIA Comfort is where it’s at, Marvo…

  7. Not that I’m a huge fan of egg nog, but it would be nice if it were available year-round, rather than just the holiday season.

  8. I guess it says non-alcoholic all over the carton for those not so bright people who think it doesn’t need to be added. Of course I am not implying that you fall into that category!!

  9. graceless – What if I told you I did the review naked with my underwear on my head? Would that count as a drunken review?

    josh – I haven’t tried Cpt Morgan. I can’t get my leg into that position because I’d probably pull a groin or something.

    Mia – Well it could be worse. Adding Milwaukee’s Best beer would probably make it pretty disgusting.

    Nyfeh – With any egg nog, I tend to add milk to it so it lasts longer. Like Chris Rock said, “Mo’ tussin'”

    Chuck – There isn’t any Southern Comfort in it, so it’s safe. “Safe” meaning it won’t bring back those bad memories.

    Mir – I’m a cheap AND easy date. I put out.

    Ultimate Best Vamp Ever – Hmm…I actually think protein shake are disgusting, but they both make me fart.

    Webmiztris – I’d say the chickenshit, unless the chicken was constipated, then I would say the egg nog.

  10. oh yeah — raw eggs and southern comfort. i’m sure nothing wrong could come of that combination.

  11. Amber LB – Thanks! I am in love with tea.

    Toni – I don’t think he’d like to meet me. After all, he is antisocial.

    Caroline – Even cheaper. McDonald’s double cheeseburger + dollar theater – no popcorn – no drink = crazy cheap ass.

    Mark Rogers – An even worse con…A foursome with humans and cats.

    Karen – Um…Have you been sipping on the Southern Comfort tonight, Karen?

    klew – Yes, I’d enjoy a tall glass of egg nog on a warm summer’s day. Perched out on the beach, watching the waves roll in, and the palm trees sway.

    Sasha_Kitty – I fall into the easily manipulated mind category.

    ultradave – So you’re saying it’s like having Michael Jackson run a child day care center?

  12. so happy that stodgy campbell’s soup container is out of sight. so glad it’s been replaced w/ a worthy product such as this. and so topical! sorta. some people still have their Xmas lights up, right? but best of all, this review was USEFUL. almost bought a carton myself and your report told me everything i wanted to know and, as always, much, much more

  13. I can’t think of anything witty to say about egg nog… so i’ll just say that crank calling ex-significant others while boozled tends to have unsatisfying results. Especially if they have star-69. I don’t know this from personal experience of course… =)

  14. Oooh I knew a girl who would pretend she was drunk when she really wasn’t so guys would think she was an easy lay. I don’t know how that relates to eggnog or cat incest but there you have it.

  15. “I don’t think he’d like to meet me. After all, he is antisocial.”

    Hmm, good point! Um well, cat incest is still creepy!

  16. you should review some laundry detergents, like the ones for dark clothes or whatever. or does everything u review have to be edible

  17. dramastically – Oh, I’m sorry. That was your phone? For you, I meant to play YMCA mixed with actual farting.

    TG – Some people probably also have their Christmas trees and front yard Nativity scene still up.

    nat – I really need ngg eog with actual alcohol. Or more sugar.

    Bryan – That’s why I’m glad payphones still exist.

    Gia on Guam – Sadly I sometimes pretend I’m drunk, when I’m really not, just so women think I’m an easy lay. It hasn’t worked for me.

    Toni – Hey! It’s just nature, baby!

    Alex – I believe that anyone can be happy all the time without alcohol, but it’s a whole lot easier with it.

    Caroline – If you’re such a pro, how would you get a Super Sized drink into the theater, without the use of a bag?

    shoelover – Trailer trash trends are what’s hott. Yeah, I used two “t’s.”

    acanofwhoopass – Not everything I review is edible. Well technically, I could eat laundry detergent, but the foaming and stomach pump would get to me.

    Gia on Guam – Mmmm…Haiku review….

  18. jlo – Mmm…Gritty spicy bits.

    birdwoman – Egg nog and Kahlua sound really good. Mmm…Creamy drunken goodness.

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