Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets

Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets

Oh, hello there. Benjamin Franklin here, but please feel free to call me “Benji.”

Being a founding father of America and having my signature on both the United States Constitution and The Declaration of Independence, I get some perks here in heaven. For example, because I loved doing experiments with lightning when I was alive, I sometimes get to create lightning storms.

Although, I haven’t recently because I accidently struck a few people on a golf course in Utah. I kind of find it ironic that I, the inventor of the lightning rod, struck a couple of people holding lightning rods in the form of golf clubs.

Anyway, another perk I get here up in heaven is getting to enjoy delightful food from my beloved colony…Um, I mean…state of Pennsylvania, like the Philly Cheesesteak, stromboli, and lots of Hershey’s chocolate.

The Pennsylvanian food product that I’m most intrigued with is the Tastykake. I’m intrigued by it because it’s the only snack-sized, pre-packaged, and mass-produced pastry that has a name that gives me a clear picture of what I’m about to eat…A tasty cake.

It’s also one of the few snack-sized, pre-packaged, and mass-produced pastries that has a name that doesn’t sound like something I would be offered in sexual explicit spam emails, like HoHos, Ding Dongs, and Twinkies.

Plus, by eating Tastykakes, it doesn’t give Thomas Jefferson the opportunity to quip, “You know, Benji. You are what you eat.” He always says that whenever I eat a HoHo, a Ding Dong, or a Twinkie.

Jefferson is a dear friend, but he’s such a crazy guy.

Did you know that he’s to blame for the crack in the Liberty Bell? There are all kinds of theories behind it, but the truth is that Jefferson wanted to turn the Liberty Bell into a beer funnel, or what the young people of today call a “beer bong.”

So he grabbed Samuel Adams, who supplied the beer, and myself, who held the bell upside down while he tried to bore a hole into the Liberty Bell. Unfortunately, the hole caused a crack and all the beer spilled onto Jefferson. Oh, it was a sight to behold. Good times. Good times.

Anyway, recently I tried the Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets, which are Twinkie-sized pieces of sponge cake with butterscotch icing on top. It sounded wonderful, it had a nice moist texture, it wasn’t too sweet, and it tasted all right, but I was slightly disappointed with them because they didn’t seem to have a butterscotch taste at all. However, for some reason, I did detect a slight beef jerky aftertaste.

Besides the beef jerky aftertaste, another thing that disturbed me about the Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets happened when I placed one on top of two sheets of paper for about 30 seconds. When I lifted it off of the paper it left an oily mark on it. I wouldn’t have noticed this if I had a plate, but heaven has no plates thanks to Jefferson’s attempts to balance spinning plates on sticks.

As I said previously, that Jefferson is a crazy guy.

Item: Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets
Price: FREE
Purchased at: Received free from co-worker Lia
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Yum…Icing. Moist texture. Not insanely sweet. Decent tasting. Benjamin Franklin. Thomas Jefferson. The Declaration of Independence. The United States Constitution.
Cons: No butterscotch taste. Beef jerky aftertaste. Leaves oily mark when placed on paper. Being called a HoHo, Ding Dong, or Twinkie by Thomas Jefferson.

39 thoughts to “Tastykake Butterscotch Krimpets”

  1. I’ve missed those so much since I’ve moved down south! I don’t remember any aftertaste though; did you check the date on the package?

  2. Oooh, those are good! My husband went crazy on them when we went back to Philly a few years ago (where he grew up). I don’t know how you can say not too sweet, though, they are teeth-hurting sweet! You must be eating straight white sugar on a regular basis! LOL

  3. Love that they’re O-U certified, Benji! Strange to be called “Krimpets” – almost IKEA-ish there with the uber-name…

    Though we can be sure there’s only vegetable shortening used in these kirmpets, the beefy aftertaste concerns me, Marvo, and the oil it left behind also makes me crinkle my nose.

    However, i’ve had my share of Tastykakes over the years and oh, are they ever tasty cakes!

  4. Ah, tastykakes. One of the few foods that I must have when I visit my grandparents in PA. There are no tastykakes to be found around here in TX. I’m a little amazed that they found their way to Hawaii.

    I prefer the Kandy Kakes to the Krimpets. It’s been awhile since I had one, but aren’t the Krimpets kinda crimped? I remember them having a weird shape.

  5. Is that like the bbq beef at anasias that has a very strange nail polish remover taste to it?

  6. Weird thing is I actually heard Bejamin Franklin’s voice in my head as I read this!! Must lay off the vodka.

  7. So, rather then inviting me up to your flat, you decided to write a review instead?! If you played your cards right, the words “Ho Ho”, “Ding Dong” and “Twinkie” would have been used, but not by Jefferson to describe you.

  8. skibs – My co-worker has a box of them and she lives down the street, but she doesn’t like them. So yeah, I’m probably the only person for miles around eating a Krimpet.

    Chuck – Thank goodness there are other varieties.

    Lisa – Mmm…Chocolate Juniors.

    Bryan Irrera – Mmm…Chocolate cupcakes.

    notricecakesandjelly – I hope that friend of yours choked on the cellophane. No wait, that’s kind of cruel. I hope she’s eating raisins and apples.

    Domokun – Oily…Good for french fries. Bad for face skin and pre-packaged pastries.

    TG – My co-worker told me I should note the triple Ks in Tastykake Krimpets.

    Wednesday – I like products that gratuitously use the letter X. Especially when there’s three.

    Barb – Kool. Tastykake karnage. Killer.

    cybele – I have no idea what Dolly Madison is. Mmm…Wikipedia. Mmm…Billy Madison. WHERE’S MY SNACK PACK!?!

    B-rad – The founding fathers not only wasted beer, they wasted quills.

    nat – I may try them, if I ever end up in PA. Or when my co-worker’s parents come to visit again and brings some.

    EnergyGuru – “TastyKakes are no Hostess” Oh, dems probably fighting words in PA.

    Melis – Having an English degree, I would like to be called a “tasty cake.” Or perhaps “beef cake.”

  9. You missed my ODB reference. For all your hip hop references in your reviews, I thought you’d be down with the team. You FAIL

  10. Sarcasmom – Strangely, the icing didn’t stick to the wrapping when I took it out. Too bad, because I enjoy licking icing off of things, whether its on a nipple or a wrapper.

    Brie – Sure Washington chopped down a cherry tree and had slaves, but he wasn’t as fun as Jefferson.

    Webmiztris – Oh, I haven’t used bukkake in a review for awhile. I shall find a way to sneak it in.

    ultradave – When I was a little kid, I used to eat ice. That really hurt.

    Angel H. – I don’t remember an expiration date, but I’m wondering if the black letters and numbers on the front of the packaging in the picture above signify anything. It says D0705C. If it’s an expiration date, it hope the 0705 part doesn’t mean it’s July 2005. As for regional snacks, if I can get my hands on them, I’ll try to review them.

    Chocoholic – You’re welcome, chocolate selling website.

    Melanie – I brush my teeth with straight white sugar. 😉

    klew – I’ve got nothing funny to say in return. 🙂

    K – I think the IKEA name for Krimpets would be…Ekristur or something like that.

    Random – Yeah, the Krimpets have curves and look like giant pie edges or the coolest sex toy EVER.

    dramastically – I don’t think I’ve ever had the bbq beef at Anasias, but then again, I’ve only been there twice. Although I could go more, after all it’s two blocks down the street.

    Stuporstar – I don’t know about you, but in my head, I imagine Benji’s voice to sound like Rupaul. That’s probably just me though.

    Gia on Oahu – Let me tell you, if I played my cards right, you would’ve been DEEPLY disappointed after.

    thedvs01 – Honestly, I didn’t catch the ODB reference, but I think the Wu-Tang Clan’s Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers) is one of my top ten favorite hip-hop albums of all time. After that album, I really didn’t follow their solo careers. I think that’s when I started getting into emo rock. 🙁

  11. Dude! Dolly Madison … the snack cakes that were endlessly promoted in the Charlie Brown specials on TV? Dolly Madison was the first lady, married to James Madison … a contemporary of Ben Franklin … sheeze!

  12. cybele – I remember the Charlie Brown specials, but I don’t remember Dolly Madison. Dolly Parton…Yes. Dolly the Sheep…Yes. Dolly Madison…No.

  13. I lived of tastykakes as a child, specifically the choc. cupcakes w/ white buttercream which kick a** despite my health freakishness now. And about that aftertaste…I noticed it too but always ignored it cause I love the icing and the texture of the krimpets. I cannot imagine a world w/out the tasty kake.

  14. Have you read Jerry Spinelli’s “Maniac Magee”? Maniac’s favorite food is — you guessed it – Butterscotch Krimpets!

  15. The Owl – Hmm…You’re the second person to mention the chocolate cupcakes with white buttercream. I should try to get those.

    Daisy – I know Mr. Magoo, but not a Magee. Sorry.

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