REVIEW: Phillips Norelco Bodygroom

Just like Austin Powers, I am a sexy, hairy beast.

Although, the two Impulsive Buy readers who have seen me completely naked would probably disagree with the sexy part.

There are parts of my body that has hair that I need to manage once in awhile. (1) The hair on top of my head. (2) The hair on my face. (3) The hair around my scroll wheel and left and right mouse buttons. Out of the three, the hardest to manage is definitely the hair around my faucet and hot and cold knobs.

I like to clear the brush around my Norfolk fir tree and pine cones for the same reason why some women make their hair shorter during the summer months — to cool themselves down. There’s also less chance of someone hacking up a hairball when I maintain my black carpet.

When I first started trimming the hedges around my Washington Monument, I would use a scissors, comb, and a steady hand. Then I upgraded to a hair trimmer with attachments to tame the hair around my sausage and sunny-side up eggs. Recently, I upgraded even further with the Phillips Norelco Bodygroom and I consider it the Lexus of cutting the hair around my Harry Potter and Goblets of Fire.

Its design, dual-sided trimmer, and three length attachment combs make it ergonomically easy to trim the outfield grass at my Busch Stadium and it does a good job. If I wanted to go pornstar and totally destroy the rainforest, I could do so by not using any of the attachments and using the shaving blades under the Bodygroom’s hypoallergenic shaving foil.

Also, creating designs in my front yard lawn was not possible to do with the Bodygroom due to its big shaving and trimming head, so I couldn’t create any hearts, strips, arrows, baseball team logos, or any works from Vincent van Gogh.

The Bodygroom can be used for a dry shave, but its design also allows it to be used in the shower and with shaving cream/gel, and because it’s water resistant, cleaning it is as simple as running it under water. The cordless Bodygroom’s claim that you can get 50 minutes of use before the need to recharge its battery is fairly accurate, although charging it takes eight hours.

Many of you with testicles maybe wondering if it hurts or if having cutting blades near your Humpty Dumptys make them have a great fall and crawl back into you. If you’re using the attachments, it’s painless but may takes several strokes to trim a lone rogue pubic hair.

Without an attachment it doesn’t hurt either, but every time I trim the trees along my main street and cul-de-sac I keep thinking of a possible scrambled eggs mess, so I’m surgeon-like careful when I cut down the Christmas trees on my snow globe.

The Bodygroom does a great job with the hair around your banana and strawberry milkshake, but it can also be used for the hair on your chest, shoulders, back, taint, fingers, toes, palms, underarms, abs, legs, and pretty much everything else below the neck, making it the perfect gift for the Sasquatch in your life, or Robin Williams. According to the instructions, the Bodygroom wasn’t made for the hair on your face or on your head, but I do use it with an attachment comb to tame my long, sexy, and hairy sideburns.

Overall, the Phillips Norelco Bodygroom is a sexy piece of equipment that does good work around the groin area.

I wish I could say the same about myself.

Item: Phillips Norelco Bodygroom
Price: $39.99
Purchased at: Amazon.com
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Does a good job of trimming and shaving lower body parts. No irritation. Rechargeable. Cordless. Easy to clean. Can use it in the shower. Comes with three different trimming attachments. 50 minutes of use before recharging is needed. The Lexus of trimming the hair around your crescent wrench and two nuts.
Cons: Destroying the rainforest. Not able to make shapes with it. Finding replacement blades. Not meant for hair above the neck. Long battery charging time.

36 thoughts on “REVIEW: Phillips Norelco Bodygroom

  1. When it comes to the hair on my cherry tomatoes, I prefer using a traditional razor (with fresh blades) and going for the denuded rainforest look. For the briar patch above my cucumber, though, this might come in handy.

    Norelco probably says it’s not meant to be used on hair above your neck in an attempt to sell more of their electric razors.

  2. See, now, you almost lost me at “the two Impulsive Buy readers who’ve seen me completely naked” because I have been asking to see you naked for like a year, now, and just assumed you were shy. (Of course, I’m thinking my boyfriend may have an issue with this, so I should shut up. You shoulda put out while I was still single!)

    But then I kept reading and was lost in a maelstrom of euphemisms and now I can’t remember WHAT I wanted to say. Other than, um, huhhuhuhhuh… you said “taint.”

  3. Yes, yes, yes! I swear by this product, but I don’t have the same “destroying the rainforest” issue you have. There’s nothing productive being grown down there so, like any good, unscrupulous urban planner, I raze it routinely.

    Careful with the above the neck–that hair’s a little different and can wear harder on the blade which would only make for surprises later.

    Sweet Jebus bless Norelco and the Bodygroomer!

  4. I’m a little disturbed at the moment. It’s probably nothing a good shower and a viewing of The Crying Game can’t fix.

    Buzz, buzz, ouch!

  5. After reading your euphamisms, I’m glad that I haven’t had lunch yet.

    At the same time, my bf is also a fuzzy, Wolverine-like dude (though not buffed, and he doesn’t look like Hugh Jackman…sigh), so maybe this would be good for him.

  6. Terrifying, and yet mildly intriguing. Very, creative in wordage too. If I ever decide to shave large amounts of unwanted body hair, I’ll make sure to pick it up.

  7. Umm… can I ask who the lucky 2 readers are? Because I’m just really curious. I love the various euphemisms, I think you could create a popular weblist or maybe even a best-selling book containing all of them. I myself am always looking for a more interesting way to say “cock’n’balls”. 😉

  8. Add these euphamism to the list…
    Santa and the two elves.
    Tonto and the guardians of the assfort.
    Bankroll and coinpurse.

    Oh, yours are good too. Several I’ve never heard before. Washington monument, while hyperbolic, did make me chuckle.

  9. This was the scariest review ever. That picture you painted will never be erased from my mind. Please stick to edibles. Oh gawd. I think I’m going to puke thinging about edibles + you shaving your pubes. Please excuse me, I have to use the toilet.

  10. OH. MY. GOD. your wordsmithery is the stuff of legend. the entire blogosphere should be bowing to you right now. we should be on our KNEES. i’m practically speechless. i don’t know if i can blog anymore. why even try after an entry like this? i have climbed the mountain and seen the messiah and his name is MARVO!

  11. Nothing like a straight razor for a shave and nice wahl trimmer for the nether regions..lol. Waterproof of course. Also love to make sure the apple fritters and Lou Holtz are save from a bad schlacking…so I will review in closer your words of wisdom…Cheers

  12. Chuck – I thought about photos, then thought about the therapy I would put everybody through.

    jenn – Be glad there weren’t pictures, because if there were, I would probably have to provide you with a pail.

    Mir – He donts gots to know. 😉 Only kidding, Otto!

    Domokun – There really is nothing productive being grown down there, but during winter seasons, it might come in handy.

    Eryn – I am pleased with the results of mine as well, but no one to show the results to. 🙁

    govtdrone – Thanks. I’ve got another…the olive oil drizzler and my salt and pepper shakers. No wait, that was lame.

    Gman – You know what would be even more disturbing, if I were shaving your balls.

    Toni – I’m no Dr. Ruth, but I think you shaving him might be fun.

  13. Muneer – Haven’t tried it on my face and I’m too scared to. I really don’t need to make myself homelier than I already am.

    cybele – If people keep appreciating the lack of photographs, I just might flip the script and post photographs, and then see how long it takes to get me Dooced.

    Andy – If you have large amounts of body hair to remove, I’d suggest something more powerful. 😉

    taikog – You know what, I’ve got a better idea…Stripping video 2!!!

    Melanie – I’d hate to out the two readers, so to distract you I’m going to give you another euphemism…my ironing board and two irons.

    Hismikeness – Here’s another euphemism…My Atari joystick and two Atari paddles.

    calvin – Jessica Alba in Into the Blue. Jessica Alba in Honey. Jessica Alba in Sin City. Just helping you forget.

    TG – But my grammar and excessive use of commas, sucks ass.

    Sir Ay – Lou Holtz and Golden Domes?

    Gia in the City by the Bay – I’m sure women could use it. Take off the trimmer and it vibrates pretty nicely. Oh, you’re talking about trimming hair. My bad.

    KT – Yes, euphemisms of genitals come in handy at parties where Jenga is no longer fun.

  14. Oh, the euphemisms. God, I’m so aroused. The line “If I wanted to go pornstar and totally destroy the rainforest” had me cracking up at me desk. It sounds like something you would hear in Clueless.

    I agree with Mir, who are these 2 people that have seen you in the buff? All we see is your armpit and your sexy shaven legs, but no full frontal? You tease.

  15. Yes, gotta make sure Lou Holtz is safe as a bad nick and it’s brass monkeys my friend. I have noticed that they have a fine selection at Macy’s and I have seen a trimmer very similiar to the one you have highlighted.

  16. Hm. I thought I’d just about read it all when “sunny-side up eggs” came along, but then you had to go and blaphspheme Harry Potter. For shame, Marvo, for shame.

    So only 2 readers have seen you naked? That’s actually a pretty respectable ratio.

  17. Yes!!! I was actually going to send you the link that Zinger did and suggest you review this product and you did it already! My friend purchased this from Amazon.com and is very pleased with it. He claims he doesn’t need it for the “optical inch”. According to the website, you can make a beautiful swan.
    Lane

  18. Brie – I’m sure the two people who have seen me naked probably regret it.

    Sir Ay – Hmm…Are they more expensive? Maybe I should take a trip to Macy’s.

    dramastically – I could’ve of blasphemed WoW, but chose not to. As for the two readers who’ve seen me naked, I think both of them will deny it.

    Webmiztris – I don’t think I want to say anything because I don’t want those two people to relive through the horror.

    Zinger – I don’t need an optical inch…I’m lying. 🙁

    Josie – Sadly, I could’ve added even more information…AND PICTURES!!! But did not.

    K – Once I show a picture of my balls, there’s no where to go except down.

    LaneO – I’d like to see a picture of someone doing a beautiful swan with it. Whoever can do that has talented hands, because I’ve been trying to make a triangle, but I can’t even do that.

    grins – If you take off the blades, it vibrates pretty nicely, giving you more reason to fan yourself.

    Glitterati – Sorry about that… 🙁

  19. Marvo,

    Are you a member of the Pubic Hair Club for Men? Just wondering. Now I may need hairapy for even slightly imagining those descriptive visuals of your genitals stuck in my head. Thanks Marvo. Ugh.

    -dave

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