REVIEW: Oreo Cakesters

Oreo Cakesters

Whoever was the marketing guru responsible for naming the Oreo Cakesters must’ve been inspired by their hours spent watching professional wrestler Hulk Hogan, who went by the self-given nickname, “The Hulkster.”

I don’t know if they realized it, but it’s an appropriate name, since the Oreo Cakesters look like they’re regular Oreos on steroids, much like “The Hulkster” was in the 1980s.

I’m surprised the swollen-looking Oreo Cakesters didn’t have an enlarged forehead, shrunken testicles, ‘roid rage, or hit 74 home runs in a season.

Oreos are one of my weaknesses, just like female asian classical instrument musicians, especially those who like to put a cello in between their legs. I don’t know what it is about those black and white discs of sugary comfort that warms my heart and spikes my sugar levels, but whenever they’re around I’ll eat one or two or however many I can stuff in my mouth during an episode of The Daily Show.

The Oreo Cakesters are significantly different than their older, harder brethren. First off, they’re soft, like cake or anything by Metallica after 1990. This means you can’t crush these to make an awesome Oreo cookie crust for a pie, an ice cream topping, or something snortable through a rolled up hundred dollar bill.

Instead of coming packaged on a tray with three rows of ebony and ivory goodness, Cakesters come in a box with six twin-wrapped packs. These packs make it easier to take some on the go, but make it hard when you want to pelt someone with Oreos. The amount of time spent opening each pack means more time for your target to run away, unless your target is Britney Spears, because she does everything lethargically now, like putting on clothes, parenting, and MTV VMA performances.

The biggest difference between these new fattening Oreo Cakesters and regular fattening Oreos is that they don’t taste like Oreos. If you enjoy ho hos and ding dongs from hostess bars, I suggest you get checked for sexually transmitted diseases regularly, but if you like Ho Hos and Ding Dongs from Hostess, you will probably like the Oreo Cakesters because they taste like those wonderful chocolate cake products.

Not having the Oreo flavor is disappointing, but I do think they taste delicious and if I wanted to look like Rosie O’Donnell for Halloween, I might just use the Oreo Cakesters to help build body mass. Sure, steroids would probably give me faster results, but I want tastier results without the ‘roid rage, and I think the Oreo Cakesters would be able to provide that.

Besides, I already have a enlarged forehead from my huge brain filled with worthless information and Metallica song lyrics.

(Nutritional Facts – 2 cakes – 12 grams of fat, 3 grams of saturated fat, 2.5 grams of polyunsaturated fat, 6 grams of monounsaturated fat, 5 milligrams of cholesterol, 260 milligrams of sodium, 125 milligrams of potassium, 36 grams of carbs, 1 gram of dietary fiber, 23 grams of sugars, 2 grams of protein, a measly 2% RDA of calcium, and 8% RDA of iron)

Item: Oreo Cakesters
Price: $3.50
Purchased at: Safeway
Rating: 8 out of 10
Pros: Tastes like Hostess Ho-Hos and Ding Dongs. Soft and cakey. Tastes good. Zero trans fat. The Hulkster.
Cons: They look like Oreos on steroids. Don’t taste like Oreos. Unhealthier than regular Oreos. Shrunken testicles. Can’t make Oreo cookie crust with them. Twin-wrapped packs makes it hard to pelt people with Oreos. Britney Spears’ VMA performance.

22 thoughts on “REVIEW: Oreo Cakesters

  1. Is the filling different as well? Kind of soft and marshmallow-y? I never really liked the regular Oreo sugar frosting filling, something about a snack item being waterproof doesn’t sit well with me.

  2. They look mighty tasty, but they look like they’d fall apart faster if you like to split ’em and eat from the inside out. No satisfying scraping for the teeth…

  3. demondoll – Yeah, there’s no satisfying scraping for the teeth, but there is squishing it into a ball, throwing it into the air, and catching it with your mouth.

  4. kevin – For some reason your post was in my spam box. Sorry about that. Anyhoo, yes, the filling is soft and marshmallow-y, but not fluffy as the filling in those Hostess Cupcakes.

  5. Oooh, no, I like your review much better than that woman’s. I’m sure she’s nice and all, but I don’t need to hear about Oreos and her monthly visitor in one place.

    Thanks for the update on the filling as I did miss that in your review and was wondering if it was vanilla-y and gooey as opposed to sticky and gummy, but no, they’re marshmallow-y but not fluffy. Got it!

  6. Why don’t they just make really big Oreos?

    I mean, that’d be cool right?

    I guess the name wouldn’t fit, and I suppose you could just eat a bunch of oreos instead…but

    I dunno, I still think it’d be cool.

  7. We tried these and they were very shoe leathery on the inside and hostess soggy on the outside. But they tasted really gross, so that was a bonus.

  8. They look tasty – not a huge fan of Oreos or ho hos or ding dongs from hostess bars, but I do like Ho Hos and Ding Dongs from Hostess, so maybe I’ll like these.

    And is it just asian female cellists that you like? Because non-asian female cellists but the cello between their legs, too. And so do asian men. So I’m thinking it isn’t the cello that is what turns you on. =)

  9. Domokun – Marshmallow-y but not too fluffy.

    Natalia – I just want to try the Dominos Oreo Pizza. No, really, it does exist.

    Webmiztris – Gob. You mean the Will Arnett character from Arrested Development? If not, I have not had a Gob.

    Mia – I’m sorry you didn’t like them, but I liked them because I like getting fat off of Hostess cakes.

    Clevegal42 – Yeah, I like Asian female violinists too. Oooh, also Asian female harpists.

  10. We love these things at our house, and I think they’re kind of like whoopie pies! (I think those are an east-coast thing, though.)

    But..hahahaha….” if I wanted to look like Rosie O’Donnell for Halloween”. OH GOD NO!

  11. Hey Marvo, glad you like the name “Cakesters” ;-)… because I sure hate it. I had an Internship at Kraft’s this summer and I’ve had to translate sell sheets for the Cakesters. Do you have any idea how ridiculous that name sounds in French? Well we had to keep it the same. Darn product name developing people! Anyways, I’m not too worried, this particular product probably won’t last long on the Quebec market since it’s approximately the same as Jos Louis and those have been around for much longer. So the infamous name won’t haunt me for too long, I hope.
    By the by, Jos Louis are also chocolate covered. Messier but tastier 😉

  12. Chuck – Several of them in a mouth would make a good muzzle, as well.

    nat – Now that I think about it, if I dressed up as Rosie for Halloween and went trick or treating, I probably wouldn’t get much candy.

    Aldebrana – Chocolate covered? Mmm…I could totally go Rosie on those.

  13. cybele – What!?! You threw the rest away! If you shipped it to me, I would’ve eaten it or mailed it to Ace. Think of the starving young product review bloggers. 🙂

  14. I saw this at the store and was going to get it to review, but I figured you would probably have a review up – sure enough… =) I’m surprised you didn’t make a “friendster” joke or something. These marketing guys need to get with the 2.0, “-ster” is so 2003. I haven’t been here in awhile, when did you get Ace on the payroll?

  15. bryan – I didn’t think I was going to review it, but it went on sale at Safeway, so I said what the hell. Ace has been at TIB for about three months. It’s nice having someone eat crap I can’t eat as much of since I’m getting older.

  16. It doesn’t seem right to me for them to be associated with Oreos, because they aren’t Oreos. But I’d like to try them anyway.

    Did you know regular Oreos come with 3 rows per package because one row is a serving? The “nutritional info” on the side is just a joke. 🙂

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