Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash

The Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash is 98.50 percent all natural. I too am 98.50 percent all natural when I walk around my apartment. What is the non-natural 1.5 percent when I’m strut my stuff in my apartment?

It is a sheer polyester g-string with gold sequins…and I work it.

Burt’s Bees personal care products are known for being made with natural ingredients and the company engages in environmentally friendly business practices. Once the secret of hippies everywhere, it has been available to all the smug Toyota Prius drivers out there for several years. I’ve known about Burt’s Bees products for almost a decade, but avoided them at first because they were too pricey for my dried ramen-eating, college-aged ass. But now that I’m an employed 30-something, I guess it’s about time for me to lose my virginity and experience the hippie wonder that is Burt’s Bees products.

The idea of bathing with milk and shea butter may sound unappealing, but when compared to bathing with a cow in the middle of Shea Stadium, it is not so bad. According to the bottle, milk, along with coconut and sunflower oils, create a gentle and richly foaming cleanser. Also according to the bottle, the shea butter, which is rich in vitamins A, E, & F, deeply penetrates skin to nourish, soften, and replenish essential moisture. This combination is supposed to leave skin soft, smooth, and beautiful.

After taking several showers with the Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash, I have to say that it isn’t my favorite shower buddy. Honestly, in the bottle, it smells like a warm swimming pool filled with sunscreen-smothered swimmers and enough chlorine to bleach my pubic hairs. On my skin, it smells kind of like clay, which would make sense since I do have a body that should be memorialized in the form of a statue…and then pooped on by pigeons.

Compared with most body washes I’ve used, its consistency was watery, which caused me to squeeze out more product than I wanted to use. While using it, the body wash didn’t lather as much as most of the products I’ve used. This was due to the lack of sodium lauryl/laureth sulfate, which makes a mean lather, but can cause skin irritation to some. Rinsing it off was easy and it didn’t leave a slippery residue that many moisturizing body washes do.

The Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash did make my skin soft, but I don’t think it made it beautiful. But then again, the only thing that can make my skin beautiful are the tears of orphan Asian babies.

(Editor’s Note: Thanks to Impulsive Buy reader Cinby for suggestion a Burt’s Bees review.)

Item: Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash
Price: $7.99 (12-ounces)
Purchased at: Longs Drugs
Rating: 6 out of 10
Pros: Made me clean. Made my skin soft. 98.50% natural. Sodium lauryl/laureth sulfate free. Rinses off easily. Not tested on animals. Losing my Burt’s Bees virginity. My sheer polyester g-string with gold sequins.
Cons: Disappointing scent. Watery consistency. Doesn’t lather as much as other body washes. Bathing with a cow in the middle of Shea Stadium.

24 thoughts on “Burt’s Bees Milk & Shea Butter Body Wash

  1. You could just try rubbing yourself down with that g-string. I hear sequins are great for exfoliation.

  2. Can’t we get video of that 1.5%? Guess we’ll all have to imagine it.
    I agree about Burt’s Bees, by the way. Sometimes the bourgeoisie crap really is the best. Mmm. Artificial flower smell…

  3. Welcome to the world of bees baby! Sorry I can’t say “gee you smell terrific” but I am happy you are using more earth-friendly stuff.

    Orphan Asian babies’ tears = sustainable resource = Good

  4. Marvo, thanks for not including pictures of you in your sequined g-string. Although your female fans may demand some, please resist the urge.

    I usually like shea butter in moisturizers but this stuff sounds rather wimpy. I’ll stick with Dove moisturizing body wash when I need the extra softness, even if it’s more artificial.

  5. It makes me a sad panda to hear that the body wash sucks; I have some shampoo and I like it a lot; I also use their face cream and lip balm. Although, I am not a hippie nor do I drive a prius. Go figure.

    And ahem? Pictures?

  6. oh, burt. you and your bees. so often do they disappoint me, and it’s not just because i loathe bees with the fiery burning passion of a thousand imploding suns. but for real- aside from the original lip balm peppermint-in-a-tube stuff, i’ve found everything else in this line to be watery and waxy and generally meh.

    though i would take it over bathing with cows, so, there it is. that’s an advertising slogan they can take right to the bank.

  7. Bad smelling wash+no phosphates=hippie life-pot= no point.

    I still love the moisurizers and lip balm…

  8. Hippies Don’t actually bathe so they just make this stuff for the Prius crowd.
    Oh and I bet you do totally ROCK that G-string number… another trophy to hunt down for the collection….

  9. jdeuel – Drink it. Don’t rub.

    Karen – With my hairy arms the sequins will probably get tangled.

    Nevis – I believe gold sequin g-strings for men were never in style.

    lowderra – Thank you.

    SheRa – Even imagining it will make some people sick.

    Kylie – Family blog…if you mean dysfunctional family blog.

    Susu – Sustainable resources are good. If only I could reuse my waxed chest hair for a coat or something.

    Chuck – It’s hard to resist the urge. My mind says no, but my body says yes.

    Alisha – Once I get rid of my gut, there might be pictures.

  10. OMAR – I don’t think carrots and tofu would make a good body wash…oh wait, that actually might make a good body wash.

    liz – It could’ve been worse. It could’ve came with pictures of naked hippies.

    barred owl – Welcome to the world of blogging!

    Shannon – Maybe I enjoy smelling like a girl.

    betsy – Honestly, who likes bees, besides other bees and beekeepers? I once got stung by a bee and now I cower whenever I see or hear one. Even hearing a fly makes me scream for my mommy.

    demondoll – I should try the lip balm since that’s the product people keep raving about.

    Susu – I’m pretty sure demondoll was referring (pun intended) to another type of pot.

    Bikerbabee – Hippies bathe once in a while. Once every ten years or so.

  11. “Susu – Sustainable resources are good. If only I could reuse my waxed chest hair for a coat or something.”

    I am thinking it would make some make-up artist very happy. Could be used to create a werewolf or something furry.

  12. Brie – Oh, the number of people I’ve blinded that with.

    Susu – Maybe it can be used for making Ewoks.

    Aimee – People keep raving about their lip balms, maybe I should’ve review one of those instead.

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