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Tohato Ninja Snacks
(Editor’s Note: I’m pretty sure they’re not called “Ninja Snacks,” but because there’s a frickin’ ninja on the packaging I’m calling them that.) I’m not sure what ninjas like to snack on, but I can only assume it’s the blood and souls of their victims…and possibly Doritos, because the pointy chips are not only awesomely [...]
Continue reading...Jack in the Box Caramel Iced Coffee
26 August 2008
Coffee superpower Starbucks has made a significant impact in the world. For some, it’s hard to imagine a world without Starbucks, so for those people I’ll use my imagination to give them an idea of it would be like. Without Starbucks, people wouldn’t spend days of their lives waiting in line for something [...]
Continue reading...Jack in the Box Nacho Cheese Burger
26 August 2008
Dear Jack, I’ll get straight to the point with this letter. Please stop making new menu items, because I believe Death by Jack in the Box is no way to go. Your big white head that speaks telepathically might say that I have the option to choose between eating and not eating your food, [...]
Continue reading...Caramel Honey Bunches of Oats Just Bunches!
24 August 2008
When Post introduced the new Caramel Honey Bunches of Oats Just Bunches! cereal, I realized I no longer had a use for Sally (not her actual name, because I can’t pronounce her real name), the 8-year-old illegal immigrant Chinese girl I paid $1 a month to separate the bunches from my Honey Bunches of [...]
Continue reading...Kellogg’s Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tarts
21 August 2008
Vanilla is a synonym for boring and boring can best describe how I feel about the Kellogg’s Vanilla Milkshake Pop-Tarts. I guess vanilla had to be the next natural progression for Pop-Tarts flavors since the Pop-Tartologists at Kellogg’s have pretty much squeezed out every single chocolate flavor from the cow’s udder of toaster pastry [...]
Continue reading...Burger King Fresh Apple Fries
20 August 2008
When I first heard that Burger King sold apple fries, I naturally assumed that they were deep-fried like their potato brethren’s namesake. I recall that when chicken fries first hit the market, my brain engulfed itself like a neutron star in a defensive state of shock, panic, and excitement. They didn’t live up to the [...]
Continue reading...Best Foods Mayonnaise with Extra Virgin Olive Oil
19 August 2008
By itself, the smell and taste of mayonnaise is kind of disgusting, but when placed in between two slices of bread with cold cuts, cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes or mixed with potatoes, spices, hard-boiled eggs, and mustard, it tastes pretty good. This Jekyll and Hyde condiment also has a reputation for being a bitch [...]
Continue reading...Terracycle Natural Bathroom Cleaner
18 August 2008
I don’t know about you, but whenever I’m in my shower I have to be completely naked, because just like I believe a bed is meant for sleeping and sex, a shower is meant for nudity. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing, whether it’s showering, cleaning the shower, or butchering the Cyndi Lauper song [...]
Continue reading...Oops! Disposable Panties
15 August 2008
Whenever I want to get my kink on at home, I put on a nice tight dress, a pair of black stockings, a brunette wig, six-inch heels, and my favorite shade of lipstick, which is Sexy Fire Red #5. The problem with doing all of this is that I can only wear it indoors [...]
Continue reading...Ken’s Steak House Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette
14 August 2008
The Ken’s Steak House Lite Accents Honey Mustard Vinaigrette spray bottle takes me back to my youth. Back then, I had to find ways to entertain myself because I eventually got tired of my toys. Lego got boring after I made a F-15 fighter out of it. Playing with my Star Wars [...]
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28 August 2008
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